#mnlowery

I am not oblivious

I can feel you

Roaming and wallowing

Dancing around my soul

Splitting my oceans of sorrow

Lighting fires from my ashes

Opening my cursed chests

Trying to enter

Poking me to see if I'm

Still whole.

-

But I do not want to

Let you in

Entirely

I am scared of what you

Might find

And you should be too

Because it won't be my

Scarred heart

Wanting to be touched

For one more time

On the contrary

You'll just find

Heavy

Exhausted

Drunk mind.

I felt nothing.

Like a rock at the

Bottom of the ocean

As far away from the

Sun possible.

I dreamt nothing.

Looked at the

Darkest night

Just hearing a voice

That I hoped was

My mind.

I was nothing.

—

But when I saw you,

I felt something.

A lightning bolt

Pierce through

My thick abyss.

I dreamt something.

Us walking with red

Sea of leaves at our

Feet playing our tunes

Till we get tired of

Dancing.

I was something.

—

And after

I stopped seeing you,

I felt everything.

And beyond.

Over and over again.

Died and returned.

A thousand times for

A thousand nights.

I dreamt everything.

Keeping my eyes closed

Trying to catch it,

To capture it,

With tears flowing

Down my face

And just like that —

It's gone.

Everything...

But then

I was nothing

Again.

There was a dog

Old and deserted

That nowhere

Belonged.

The dog

Approached

A sick man

And

The sick man

Moved away

Seeing the state

In which was

That dog.

The dog

Approached

A lonely man

And

The lonely man

Pushed him away,

Didn't want the

Company of

That dog.

The dog

Approached

A hurt man

And

The hurt man

Couldn't stand to

Imagine the

Pain of

That dog.

He was about to die,

To give up on

Friendship and love

When he

Ran into an

Uncorrupted heart.

The dog looked up

Lights sparked in

His black mild eyes

The moment he saw

That child.

They were brown

To those who

Couldn't care to

See

Deep enough.

They were innocent

To those who

Didn't look hard enough

To see the sharp edges

Of her mind in her

Pupils.

They were hidden

In the night

Unseen by most

Dancing under

The starry galaxies

Of her brown universe.

They were so pure

They could banish

My demons with

Just a look.

They were so heavy

You could feel the

Weight of them watching

At the side of

Your head

And how forcefully

They would drop

Out of shame if

You caught

Them watching.

They were...

The only eyes

I've seen as such

And now

I hope

That one day

They'll see

Again

The mirror of

Their beauty

In mine.

And I laugh

And make others laugh

And we all laugh together

In our little parts of

What seems to be

Heaven.

They look at me

And think

I am so happy

I can

Make rainbows

Without rain

So charming

I can

Make myself laugh

When I feel sad.

But they do not know

That I feel awful

Beyond all.

That I feel so deeply

When I'm alone

With my thoughts.

That there are such

Things that are not

Worthy of letting go

No matter

The pain

The hurt

The sacrifice

They mean so much

That without them

I am not the person you

Love and hate.

And of course

They do not know.

They do not know me.

Because

For there to be rainbows

There has to be rain.

For there to be light

There has to be darkness.

And for there to master the

Gift of laughter

You need to get to know the

Gift of loneliness.

Trying to keep

Your head

Above the

Water

You're unable

To swim up

The stream

No matter how

Much you

Miss the past

Wanting it back

So badly —

It's gone.

You just can't

Hold on to it

But once you

Decide

To let it go

And go with

The flow

You will realise

That the green

Leaves of grass

On sunny shores

You so long for

Are waiting for you

Down the road

Because your

Journey doesn't

End until

Your dying

Breath.

Forgive me

For being lonesome,

My friends,

Perhaps I'm selfish

But I think that

I'm a better person

When I'm alone

Even though

It doesn't always

Feel like it.

When I'm alone

I feel the good,

The uncorrupted,

Parts of me

Take control

To try and make a

Better person

Out of me

Than that

Socially twisted

Version of me —

The version that

Hurt others and

Himself

That broke others and

Himself

That said things which

Should never be

Heard and said

Ever again.

But then

We meet again,

My friends,

And I hear

How you missed me

You show me love

I don't feel like

I deserve

Talk to me about

Holes

That I've left in you

Due to our

Seperation

And it just

Breaks my heart

So much

I just want to be

Alone again.

Whether you want it or not, the cage made of mirrors surrounds your soul

People see what they want to see

Projections of their own eyes

Tricks of their own mind

Lust, desire, passion

They see themselves

Break the mirror and they will hate you for it

Because it will finally reveal what lies inside you

The terrifying

Unknown.