#parading hate

I felt nothing.

Like a rock at the

Bottom of the ocean

As far away from the

Sun possible.

I dreamt nothing.

Looked at the

Darkest night

Just hearing a voice

That I hoped was

My mind.

I was nothing.

—

But when I saw you,

I felt something.

A lightning bolt

Pierce through

My thick abyss.

I dreamt something.

Us walking with red

Sea of leaves at our

Feet playing our tunes

Till we get tired of

Dancing.

I was something.

—

And after

I stopped seeing you,

I felt everything.

And beyond.

Over and over again.

Died and returned.

A thousand times for

A thousand nights.

I dreamt everything.

Keeping my eyes closed

Trying to catch it,

To capture it,

With tears flowing

Down my face

And just like that —

It's gone.

Everything...

But then

I was nothing

Again.

where she continues to write about me 

and use names that sound like mine 

only when they are lost on the wind.

It is this world and I hate it. 

I can’t stand to see myself bastardized 

in love poems that are not full of love,

but of envy, of misguided narcissism-

she only thought she loved me 

because I saw her for what she was

 and it was not beautiful

but I was strong enough to look on anyway.

Dealing with toxic people is so exhausting for me. I really don’t want to do it anymore. I feel as if they literally suck the life force out of me. My levels of frustration and anxiety go through the roof through no fault of my own. I hate it. I literally want to cry. Its emotionally draining, mentally exhausting and the worst part is that there is no end in sight because some people are a permanent feature in your life and sometimes you have to deal with them even if you don’t want to. 

I was nothing to you, now you are nothing to me.

This story we wrote, I tore the pages up and threw them in the garbage bin

You are

Tastless salt,

Unwet rain,

Silent wind,

Broken kisses;

Of no use to me.

You are gone, vanished forever by me.

The door is closed. No use knocking on it anymore.

Its irreversible, this loss of me.