#mixed relationship

Hello, anon!

Yes, it can work, but it's different for everyone, of course. What works for one couple might not work for others, but it's certainly possible for a mixed relationship to work without sex or an open relationship!

I made a damn good lime honey whiskey tea (think hot toddy on steroids), have procured ginger ale (Canada Dry, Vernon's is annoyingly difficult to find outside of Michigan), and found kettle cooked potato chips to cure and soothe my partner's sore throat.

There are two questions to be answered here. First, what do you want to do with him? Do you want to experiment sexually with him? Do you just want to tell him, or talk to him about it? Do you want to do nothing, or just want to figure out what this means for your sexuality? Decide what you want to do and then figure out a plan to talk to him about it or otherwise do it.

I mean, it is normal to only have relationships with friends. A lot of people prefer to only date their friends, or develop a friendship first. But if you’re finding your interest in sex is tied to the emotional connection you have with your partner, it’s a sign you could be demisexual. 

There’s nothing wrong with “looking for a reason” you don’t want sex. If you don’t want sex, then it’s natural that you might try to figure out why. Maybe you’ll find that the reason is that you’re ace spectrum, or maybe you’ll find out it’s something else. 

If you used to have a high libido, and it’s suddenly disappeared, it’s worth looking into medical reasons first as a sudden change of pattern can indicate a problem. Have you taken any new medications that cause a drop in libido? Could there be a hormonal explanation? Do you have a mental or physical illness that might explain it? Could there be an emotional reason? 

Whatever the case is, remember to take care of yourself first. You don’t owe your partner sex. Explain what’s going on (as much as you’re comfortable with) to your partner, and if they’re not supportive, consider taking a break. They might have their own feelings about it, which you can discuss if that feels right, but you shouldn’t try to force yourself to feel sexual.