this can go here but its not exactly a vent, but not exactly suited for main
found some posts about demisexuality with people's experiences being similar to mine,, it's nice, not feeling so alone for something i don't control or can't exactly change that i've always felt like i was wrong for,, i'm glad i'm not the only one who finds sex with someone you're not close to and don't have a deep, strong emotional bond to off-putting, not saying it's wrong, by the way. I will always advocate for sex workers rights. Just, felt nice being seen, not being the only one, not being a freak for it,, especially in today's age where polysexuality is, so so so very common,,, i've also seen people describing demisexuality as being on the acespec umbrella? I dunno, i'd need to do more research,,
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Hello! So long long ago, there was a fic called Getting Sacked. The last thing the author said was that they were turning it into a novel, and it was deleted from AO3. But I don't remember the author's username (started with an L maybe?), and I don't even imagine they'd connect that to the book. It would likely have been M or E rated, if I remember correctly, and it turned into a spy thriller sort of thing?
Anyway, is there any chance you or the collective would know how I could possibly track down the book? It was a really good fic, and I would love to read the full version.
Hi there! As far as we're aware, it has not (yet) come out as an original work, but you're in luck - the WIP wasn't actually deleted from ao3:
Getting Sacked by vgersix (E)
They're just two humans working in a big corporate office in downtown London.
Crowley is a hard working designer and marketer at an international conglomerate with clients all over the world. It's a great job on paper, but he's unappreciated and it's really time to move on. Still, he needs this job, and after getting a little too drunkenly candid with his new boss at a company party, he's pretty sure he's about to be fired.
Yaknow, normally I'm not the one to make think pieces on Tumblr, but to the guy on tiktok that I just blocked, who (right after pride month, mind you), posted a video saying that demisexuality is just the default, and that it only exists for people who are "straight, heterosexual, cigender" as a way to make them feel special and to be a part of the queer community, I hope you have a very bad day. Like, asexuality just got criminalized in Nigeria, and refusing to take any explanations of the situation in good faith is such a horrible thing. But what can we expect from a guy who also made fun of polyamorous people and women who read smutty romance books? Absolutely nothing. I hate it here.
I'm going to attempt in explaining DEMIROMANCE/SEXUALITY the best I can 💜🖤🩶🤍
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Most fav tropes: slow burn // enemies to friend ( then to lovers) // friends to lovers
Least liked : strangers to lovers (again not for all demisexuals, you like what you like✌️)
It's rare to get that "love at first sight" , we don't usually get attracted to someone at 1st sight
the most attractive thing is trust & connection with the person
and with trust & connection , it takes times to build, hence why we don't just DIVE RIGHT IN
most impatient people look down at it, because it takes "too long" for them
Especially when the sexual part is optional and not guaranteed. And that's 100% okay to not want that 👍
pointless makeouts and one stands doesn't feel right to us, cause it still feels like being strangers with them
it's more the hangouts and small engagements that we look forward too
"isn't that just everyone// normal?" at first I thought that too. But we live in a world that normalize the need to be in relationships quickly & encourage getting hooked up for it. They consider it a "flex" if you do so many or really early. - and when setting our boundaries to not rush, we're immediately shot down or pressured to still go right into it. That's it very rare to find someone patient for that.
Hi, I saw your post about people being disrespectful to aspec identities in the aftg fandom. This intrigues me as a aspec person within the fandom, and not really recognizing this from the fandom.
Im really interested in what you’d say is bad representation and how the fandom engages in it? Again I’m just really curious to know what to look out for within the fandom space^^
hi! thank you for asking, i’m glad you want to be on the lookout for it! this got kinda long so i’m going to put it under a read more
the majority of it can be seen in fic. people will write aus where neil meets andrew differently and pretty much speedrun their relationship. they’ll write neil being interested in andrew from the beginning, ignoring the fact that in canon, he hated andrew at first. or they’ll write neil being interested in andrew sexually but still dislike and distrust him as a person. even if you don’t ship andreil, other ships involving neil will do similar things. i know some of this is people wanting to write shorter fics and skip to the relationship parts, but its really not difficult to extend it even just a little bit to better represent how neil needs trust and connection to fall for someone. do a timeskip if you must. just put in the effort
another example is people joking that neil’s stalker binder is an example of neil having a crush on kevin. first off, if you’re going to say this, then you have to say that he had a crush on riko too. riko was ALSO a subject of the binder. the reason neil made the binder was because until he learned the truth of why he was there, playing exy with kevin and riko was one of his happiest memories even despite having to watch nathan kill a man. he had thought he was going to be allowed to have friends for the first time and he grew up watching them in the public eye. to him, they represented everything he could never have, so he followed their careers with his binder because he couldn’t have what they have. an added bonus of it is that it’s so clearly obsessive that most people would be freaked out and not look further and find what else he’s hiding. none of this is because of a crush, and he didn’t even like kevin at first. hell, it takes ages just for him to respect kevin
more things fans do is talk about neil’s attraction to andrew (or whoever they ship him with) in ways that misrepresent how demisexuality works. i tend to immediately scroll the second a post does this, so i don’t remember many specific examples off the top of my head because my brain thankfully deletes them from my memory so i don’t have to dwell on it and get mad, but a fairly egregious one i do remember is someone saying neil only got with andrew because he didn’t want to die a virgin. still makes me beyond angry
on the other end of the spectrum that is aphobia, another point that @andrewminyard-josten made in this post is that people often write neil as embarrassed about his inexperience (a lot like the person who said he didn’t want to die a virgin) because they view sex as this important milestone of adulthood. sex is just a thing people do and neil doesn’t care about it until andrew. he also catches on quickly once andrew starts leading the way in that regard, so he’s not shy about it either. in trying to portray his demisexuality like this, you are dehumanizing and infantilizing aspec identities by acting like sex is more important than it is
lastly, you see this in more than just fanfic and text posts. there’s a piece of fanart going around right now of neil and andrew with pride flags where the flag on neil is for bisexuality instead of demisexuality. even if you want to argue that neil could easily fall for a woman in the same way he fell for andrew if the circumstances were right and he grew to trust her like he does andrew - and for the record i don’t even disagree on that front, especially since we know when he was trying to figure out his sexuality as a teen he looked at girls and not boys - that doesn’t mean he’s not demisexual. only putting the bi flag on him is blatantly erasing that he’s demi in favor of another sexuality
neil is canonically demisexual but it is often misrepresented or blatantly ignored, and that’s a problem that is rampant in this fandom. hopefully you’ll be able to spot it going forward
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wait ok since i cant stop thinking about this and making myself mad, i need to say something. can the aftg fandom learn how to respect aspec identities? you need to remember that the aspec fans existing alongside you can see the way you interact with neil’s CANON demisexuality, and trust me. we take note when you erase it. it happens way too much and i’m so fucking tired. we get so little representation and all i’m asking is that everyone put in effort to respect it and do it justice. you can respect that andrew is gay, why can’t you respect that neil is demi? it’s 2026, it’s time we leave aphobia in the past. grow up and learn how to respect others
So, I am demisexual, demiromantic. I just want to say a Hot Take:
Developing feelings and sexual attraction to a friend isn't evil, manipulative, and problematic. This is literally the only way I develop any attraction okay? You can be the hottest person on the planet, and it would mean NOTHING if I don't know you.
I can't do it the way Allos do where they just find a person hot, they approach, they hit it off, and then they date. It doesn't work for me, and I'm so frustrated it doesn't. I'm trying to not be a problem and I just end up sad and irritated when I do it the "right" way.
This is the reason why I'm fully Asexual and Aromantic for 3 years. I feel so stuck in between not being a problem and this being genuinely the only way I develop attraction to people.
