#missmyex

Missing your ex usually means your attachment system is still adjusting to loss. It does not automatically mean the breakup was wrong, that your ex is “the one,” or that you should reach out. Longing can be a normal part of emotional withdrawal after a meaningful bond ends.

This shit took me mad hours! You’re usually the one that helps me clean up around here and I don’t think I’ve properly cleaned up around here since you left. I took your quick cleaning skills for granted. You were amazing LOL you would clean around me if I got distracted and get pissed if I wasn’t doing anything. I was a fucking goofball and now you’re gone and I can’t stop thinking about the way that you vacuum every hour on the hour like an obsessive weirdo. I even texted you cause you left some things at my place. Nothing important, I just needed to get that text back. You keep it few and far between with me and I hate it so much but I have to settle for it. I can’t believe there was ever a time that I thought being with you and treating you right was ever settling for less than what I deserve. I deserve nothing. I was never worthy of you. 

I was fine. I was doing good. Wasn't thinking about you much, wasn't worrying about how you were doing... I was focused on me. Suddenly... I turned the tv on after the gym today and The Simpsons were on. It was one of our favorite episodes. The one where homer stays in the tree house and gets all ragged looking. I caught it perfectly at the scene where he starts to walk out. He gets caught on the coffee table. Marge helps get him loose. He tells her how much he loves her. How much she means to him. How without her, he's nothing. Why the fuck did I have to turn on the tv? Why, at the same time, did I have to read an article on thought catalog about a girl breaking up with a guy who is great to her, but that she just can't be with him? Why the fuck does this still fucking hurt? I go back and forth with myself sometimes. Good boyfriend. Bad boyfriend. What was I? I tell myself bad, because then it justifies you leaving. I tell myself it's because didn't do enough, because I got fat, because I lost my hair. I tell myself anything to justify you leaving. Because as good as I thought I was to you. It wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. I doubt I will ever be enough. It doesn't matter that I'm getting in shape. It doesn't matter that I graduate this summer (kept that one a secret). It doesn't matter that I'll own a company, that I'm willing to lay down while you walk on me so that you don't step in a puddle. It doesn't matter that I would give anything to make you smile. To make you happy. None of that matters, because from me, it will never be enough. All the love I was able to give, I have to you. All the hugs, the kisses, the comforting when you're sad. I gave it all to you. It still isn't enough. Some day... Some guy will make you happy. Some day... You'll be comfortable with someone sexually again... Some day... You'll love again... More than with me. Happier than with me. Some day... And yet... Some day, I'll still think of you. Some day, I'll come across a memory of your smile. Some day, I'll remember how amazing you were, but today, I'll just sit here on the floor. I'll cry. I'll break down. I'll wish you would walk through the door just to hug me. You won't. I'm pathetic just writing this out. I'm a loser, just for feeling this way. But oh well. At least I know it...