#mirisia

Throughout the history, royal marriages were arranged for political reasons more often than for love. But this doesn't mean those politically arranged couples could never find true love and affection in each other. That's the OdyPen dynamic I like. Marrying for a deal and discovering love.

Mirisiverse!Odysseus is a calculative man. He was the only male heir to the throne of Ithaca and had Athena as his mentor during his boyhood. Naturally he grew up into a man who seeks for his kingdom's benefits rather than romance and playing house in his own marriage. He courts Helen not for her beauty, but for the things the Spartan princess can bring into her marriage. Then he realizes that he's no match for Helen's other suitors from more wealthy and powerful kingdoms and houses. He's just a king/prince (Idk whether he married before or after his enthronement) of a small rocky island, not an appealing option as a son-in-law for the king of Sparta. Especially when the king is looking for a son-in-law who shall be the heir to his throne. So this clever man quickly accepts that he isn't very likely to be chosen as Helen's husband and searches for another option. Then he finds Penelope. Not as beautiful as Helen, many people may say, but she is still another Spartan princess. She may not bring the throne of Sparta as her dowry like Helen would, but that makes courting her easier. << I want this to be Penelope's first impression to Odysseus.

Meanwhile, Mirisiverse!Penelope has some family issues. This doesn't mean she doesn't love her family, but living as a cousin of the most beautiful woman in the world in that era when a woman's value was decided by how much of a wife & mother material she was wouldn't have been an easy task to do. Plus, if we are accepting the version of story which says Icarius threw her in water when she was a newborn and took her back only after a bunch of ducks saved her, and we're going to assume the Penelope later somehow found out about that incident, I think it will certainly stay in her heart like a thorn, whether or not she eventually became her father's favorite child. Anyways, what I'm gonna say is that Mirisiverse!Penelope is used to expecting that she won't be someone most significant as long as she is no more than just 'another Spartan princess'. She has already been long since she accepted that her future husband will not be someone as grandiose as Helen's, probably just a mediocre royalty or nobleman. Then Odysseus approaches her. Indeed a mediocre king/prince from a small island, not the most handsome, nor the richest, nor the most powerful among Helen's suitors or hers. << I want this to be Odysseus's first impression to Penelope.

Now Odysseus tries to court Penelope. It will be Penelope's intelligence that will captivate him. Maybe Odysseus acts like he's deeply enamored with her, and clever as she is, Penelope sees through his act. Maybe she'll comment that nobody chooses her over Helen as wife. Odysseus thinks Penelope is quick-witted and worth courting, Penelope thinks Odysseus needs more practice to be a good actor but he's somewhat cute. The two of them have a casual conversation that day. Then again maybe a couple days later. Then again. Now Odysseus stops judging Penelope as 'another Spartan princess' or 'someone worth courting' and starts seeing her as someone more than that, someone smart and witty and charming in many ways. Penelope is thinking Odysseus is a fun conversation partner and he looks cuter when his 'hyacinth curls' are slightly messy.

Finally Odysseus proposes. He is a cunning man who can easily trick and manipulate others if needed, but he doesn't feel like doing such a thing to Penelope, he at least wants to be honest and faithful to Penelope if he is about to spend the rest of his life with her. So he confesses everything to her: yes, he indeed courted Helen first, he only gave up her because he realized there was no chance that he would be chosen among all those kings and princes from greater, wealthier kingdoms. He courted Penelope because he still wanted a bride from a powerful kingdom like Sparta. But if she gives her hand to him, he will consider it as a great honor and be a worthy husband. At this point, Penelope is like "Well, he's cool and fun, and he's gonna make me a queen, so not a bad deal after all". She agrees to marry him under his promise of honesty and fidelity.

They marry like this and Odysseus takes his newlywed bride back to his homeland. There they begin adjusting to a married life and learning about each other. Then they begin to realize how they share the similar sense of humor, how they finish each other's sentences, how they feel comfortable with each other and don't need forced conversation to fill the silence between them. Before they even knew they grew fond of each other and now are enjoying each other's presence. That's how they permeated each other and fell in love.

I'm not even a Menelaus fan. I've never really cared about or been interested in him. And even I think depicting him as an abusive husband is unfair. Of course he isn't an angel, he's done his share of terrible things, I don't think he and Helen were in some ideal heavenly love (not saying they didn't love each other, I do think they were in love when they married, just not in the everlasting, match-made-in-heaven type of love that only exists in romance novels and instead the kind of love with ups and downs, the kind that people fall in and out and back in) or he started the war purely out of his love for Helen (he did it also to get his right as Helen's husband back, to save his face after being a cuckolded husband and to gain the wealth of Troy, which is realistic, I would have despised him if he decided to start a war entirely based on his emotions). But that doesn't directly mean he is an evil and cruel abuser. There are many forms of relationships else than the ideal heavenly love and the outright abuse.

Plus I also doubt that Agamemnon would have been physically violent to Clytemnestra during their marriage. I'm not saying this because I'm fond of him, I'm absolutely not, I fucking hate him and he deserved to be butchered by his wife's axe. But still. I don't think he was a wife beater. He is a man who can actually be decent when needed. Of course I don't think he was a good husband either. I do think their relationship must have been problematic or toxic beneath the surface. He did start their 'relationship' by murdering her husband and baby and then raping her. He does disrespect her openly in the Iliad by saying that he prefers Chryseis to his wife for the girl is superior to his wife in many aspects. A husband who doesn't see it problematic to insult his wife in front of everyone is never a good husband. But it doesn't always mean there is physical violence. Not all toxic relationships include beating in it.

At the same time I believe people have full rights to say why they hate certain characters and/or ships without censoring themselves to cater the feelings of enjoyers of those characters/ships.

Expressing negative opinions is not bullying. There are certain ships and characters I absolutely despise, and I don't bully people who like them. I don't chase them to picj a fight or track them down in order to leave hostile messages or target certain people specifically in public to shame them. That's where my politeness ends. I will not censor and tone down my words more then necessary to keep it decent just to avoid hurting the feelings of someone who might or might not happen to visit my blog and read my posts.

Of course arranged marriages can still produce deep, sincere love, and I do enjoy stories about that kind of relationship, but I prefer the stories when make it clear that romance wasn't the primary purpose of those 'arranged couples to lovers' marriages. I prefer them even more when the stories show me those arranged couple loving each other not as romantic partners but as friends and companions and people whom they trust deeply.

I don't like love at first sight tropes cause I don't believe in it. This is what I believe: What you have at first sight is called a crush. A feeling based on fantasy and not reality. You can grow to genuinely love your crush but that's after you get to actually know them. You can't love someone whom you don't even know. So, if I am to read a romantic story, I prefer one with a couple that has known each other for a long time and one party shares a deep connection and understanding with the other, or a couple that grows their love as they get to know each other more and more throughout the story. It's fine if the 'crush at first sight' serves as a trigger of the story. But 'destined love of life at first sight'? Not my cup of tea.

I get disgusted by many tropes which are romanticized too often but I consider harmful. Like, the Hades and Persephone situation (yeah I despise that ship, sorry not sorry), relationships under power dynamics, petty power moves disguised as attractive, man making woman bear a dozen kids and calling it the fruits of their love, etc. In short all of them can be summarized as 'violating woman's autonomy in any form and romanticizing it'. I despise such tropes. I find them gross and revolting. Violating someone's autonomy isn't romantic or sexy. Objectifying her and not respecting her is not sexy. If you think something a male character does to a female character is romantic and attractive and sexy, switch the sexes of the characters and think again. If you don't find it as appealing, then it's not fucking romantic. I've seen so many cases of people calling it sexy when a male character wrongs a female character, and then calling it disgusting when a female character does to a male character something not even half as bad as the previous action, they're all fucking hypocrites.

Now that I'm thinking, my brain was running on a survival mode, not on a enjoy your life mode. I didn't find my college life enjoyable. There were stress, anxiety, depression, not joy and delight. I hated my major and the things I had to study. I studied them anyway because I had to pass each exam, but they were more difficult than anything I'd ever studied. I didn't have many friends — I've never had, I've always been happier with friends fewer in number and deeper and more sincere in emotions — and most college activities demand you to be a social butterfly dripping with extroversion. Every single social interaction with people whom I don't even know very well kept draining my energy, which I didn't even have enough already. After classes, I used to return to a tiny studio apartment my parents rented for me near the university, which was smaller than my childhood bedroom. It barely functioned as a living place and I spent 6 years there, studying things I didn't like and worrying about my unclear future. It really messed up with my mental health which was already not that good since my high school years.

After graduating, I spent more than half a year finding a job. My first workplace was bearable. My boss was a big old asshole but most of my colleagues were nice and the payment was decent. Best of all, my generous parents let me stay with them so that I could save most of my income. After leaving this place, I went through anxiety once more but managed to find my second job 3 months later. The workplace environment was mostly reasonable and the boss was way better than the last. Also I finally moved out of my parents' place and rented a very nice apartment and began to really figure out my life as an independent adult. I'd never done this much of adulting before, but I managed anyway. Adulting sucks, in fact, but still, I think I've actually found my life enjoyable here for the first time in a decade.

Now I'm about to leave this lovely place behind and move to a completely new place, farther from my family and everything I've known. I began a new session of job hunting at the beginning of this month, and since then I've been under massive stress once again. After weeks of this I finally got a job offer and accepted it recently, but it just means the first stage done. I still have to deal with other tasks like finding a new place and moving and adjusting to the new environment. I feel my brain running on its survival mode again.

And below this is what I need to write down before my mental health goes spiral yet again:

It's still no worse than my college years.

My anxiety doesn't go away. It never will. I will constantly worry about things that are ridiculously trivial, that are better to be dealt with right away than to be worried, that are not my business to worry, etc. But I'll manage it one way or another, cause even my younger and less experienced self did. My high school years didn't kill me. My college years didn't kill me. My terrible workplace, my first adulting experience, and everything else I've ever gone through didn't. I'm still nervous and overstressed, but there must be ways to figure out what to do and how to do it.