#minor panic attack

When he had returned from the pits, half mad and stronger than a normal man, he had stayed with the League only to learn how to control his rage and strength so he didn’t harm you. You were his sole reason for returning to Gotham, to get better, to reconcile with Bruce.

But you were gone.

Jason could excuse Bruce for replacing him; Jason wasn’t his child and Jason had spat those words in Bruce’s face many times.

But Timothy Drake?

Drinking coffee out of Chickadee’s mug?

Taking on the mantle of Robin?

Living in Jason and Chickadee’s home?

Calling Jason and Chickadee’s father “dad”?

And Bruce allowing this?

No. 

Jason would not let this slide. 

Bruce and the others wanted to make a plan to bring Chickadee home while there were monsters and villains in New York who had already harmed his Chick? No. Jason wasn’t going to allow any monster to hurt his sister, not any more. 

Jason at least had the excuse of being dead and then insane from the Pit in his ignorance of Chickadee but the others? 

Bruce?

They had no excuse.

None. 

Jason’s motorcycle purred as he stopped at a stop sign.

For all of Tim’s genius, he couldn’t find an address; the only mailing address you and Peter had was a PO box.

Jason was just as impressed with you as he was infuriated by you; you moved to the most populated city on the East Coast, change your name, little to no social media, and a PO box? Jason was buying you a gun and a sparkly pink baseball bat as a belated wedding gift. 

“Where oh where oh where is my Shadow…” Jason found himself humming the song Bear in the Big Blue House. While B called Dick and Jason his Robins and you his Chickadee, you would always be Jason’s Shadow. 

Thunder rolled and it started to rain. 

“Where could Shadow be…” Jason picked a direction and rode his bike.

He was about to turn around when he heard shouts of pain down an alley. 

When he looked he saw four men fighting a fifth while a woman-to Jason’s horror, it was you-hugged her ribs as lighting clashed. 

Jason parked his bike and entered the alley, intent on getting you, on interfering when the fifth man webbed the four up to the side of the building. 

Jason could only watch as Spider-Man, his Shadow’s hero twice now, sauntered over to his little sister and flipped upside down on the fire escape. 

“You, miss, have a knack for getting into trouble.” Spider-Man was definitely flirting with Jason’s sister. 

“And you, sir, have a knack for saving my life.” 

Why were you flirting back???

“I was in the neighborhood.” 

“That is twice now, you have saved me this week. One would think you were sweet on me, Spidey.” You flirted back.

Jason wanted to wash his eyes and ears with bleach. 

He did not need to hear or see you flirting. 

Jason’s Hood doesn’t pick up what Spider-Man says but Jason’s eyes don’t deceive him as he watches you pull down the mask so you can kiss Spider-Man without revealing his identity to any onlooker. 

Jason watched in shock as Spider-Man shot a web and disappeared with you into the night. 

You…

You had kissed Spider-Man.

You were married. 

And you had kissed Spider-Man.

You were married to Peter Parker.

You kissed Spider-Man.

You-

No-

But-

It made sense…

From what Jason saw of your instagrams, you adored Peter and Peter adored you. 

From what Jason remembered of you, you always wanted to marry someone who loved you unconditionally like in the books Jason would read to you. 

It would also make sense why Green Goblin targeted you and used you as bait for Spider-Man. 

Why you and Peter only had a PO box instead of an apartment listing. 

Why your personal socials were private.

Jason sat on his motorcycle and stared back into the alley. 

He revved his bike and drove in the direction Spider-Man swung.

Jason was the only one who figured it out and he wasn’t going to tell anyone. 

He was going to watch it all unfold with a shit eating grin.

///

You were unnerved when you saw a child and a teenager watching you across the subway platform. 

You were suspicious when you saw a blonde and a brunette watching you in the supermarket. 

You were questioning your eyes when you saw someone who looked like Dick and another teen look over at you from across the street.

You had hyperventilated when you saw- when you saw Bruce when you walked onto the college campus.

You were bringing Peter lunch since you were off on medical leave and now you were panicking in the girls bathroom.

You don’t remember who you texted, MJ, Gwen, Peter, just that it was someone.

You heard knocking on the door. 

Your heart hammered in your chest. 

What if it was them?

Had they come for you?

How had they found you?

Why would they come after all these years?

Why would they care now?

Was it because of-

“Kit Kat, it’s me. Can you unlock the door?” 

It was Peter. 

With a trembling hand, you unlocked the door. 

Peter was there.

No bats. 

No birds. 

Just your Spider.

“Oh, Kitty Cat.” Peter held you and cradled your head as you sobbed into his chest. 

With a free hand, he shut and locked the door once more and you both sunk to the floor so he could hold you on his lap. 

He didn’t ask or demand. 

Peter held you close and that was enough. 

You don’t know how long you were there but eventually the tears stopped but the panic, the fear that your father and the children he replaced you and Jason with were still out there.

“I saw him.” Your voice shook. 

“Goblin?” Peter’s voice was still calm but there was a hardness around the edge of it. 

“No… him. My-my dad.” You sniffed and blew your nose in the toilet paper Peter got for you. “Him and his birds. They just showed up out of the blue. No word or warning. Why did they leave New Jersey?!”

“Want me to fight them?” Peter offered. 

While it was a fight you would pay to watch, you didn’t want your Spider to get hurt fighting Batman and his Robins.

“No. Just hold me. I don’t want to be alone.” You leaned your head on his shoulder. 

“Want to come to my lecture with Doctor Octavius? He misses you.” Peter offered.

“Sure.” You sniffled. 

“Okay.” Peter kissed your forehead. 

“I brought you a sandwich from Mr. Delmar.” You point to where the paper bag was laying on the floor. 

“God, I love you.” Peter squeezed you tight. 

“The bathroom floor is adding flavor.” You joked to relieve the pain in your chest, in your heart. 

“That shall mix nicely with my radioactivity.” Peter joked back. “Do you want to see them again?”

Your dad-

He did try. He didn’t know all he was doing but he tried. 

He just didn’t know what to do with you. 

You weren’t a Robin. 

You weren’t a son.

You were just you.

And then Jason died.

And he couldn't handle it. 

And then you left.

And then he replaced you and Jason.

“I don’t know.” You said honestly. “If something were to happen, I’d want it on my terms.” 

Peter nodded. 

“I will support your decision, but I will not stand by if you are hurt.” Peter promised. 

“Thank you.” 

You were tired. 

Tired of heroes. 

Tired of crying. 

Tired of a family that replaced you.

Just tired. 

On the way to his duties, Pendry came across the five great knights, standing at the end of the hallway, laughing about a joke that one of them (probably Ogrim) had made. It was when they noticed him and bowed to greet him, that he had completely forgotten to tell them about Hollow's knighting.

“Good morning.”, he said and waited for them to rise. “There is actually something we still have to tell you.”

It did hurt when their faces fell and Ogrim pretty much growled. “That hopefully isn't about any secret involving your child this time.” Pendry felt like he wanted to take a step back, especially when he thought about Hollow's siblings in the Abyss, but as the king, he stood his ground.

“It is about Hollow indeed.”, he said. “However, we are not dropping a shocking truth at you this morning. We simply forget to tell you about-”

“Oh, good morning, Hollow.”, Isma interrupted Pendry and while he would have every right to call her out on interrupting him, it was more than convenient that Hollow had waken up, rubbing their eyeholes, as if they tried to get sleep out of it. Pendry wondered how, because they never closed their eyes. Maybe a void thing. He should ask them somewhen.

“Ah, perfect that you are here, Hollow.”, Pendry said and laid a hand on their shoulder. “We wanted to introduce the newest member of the knights. Hollow, also known as 'Hollow Knight'. They have pledged their loyalty to us and have undergone the knighting ceremony under the eyes of the White Lady.”

“Oh, that is rather pleasant to hear.”, Isma smiled. Ogrim looked downright relieved and both Ze'mer and Hegemol stepped up to personally congratulate Hollow.

“This means we are the six great knights now, huh?”, Dryya commented from the back, having preferred to stay back and see the scene play out.

“Yes, indeed.”, Isma said. “We look forward to seeing you pick your training back up with us. We will teach you everything you need to know about the nail.”

Ze'mer nodded along with enthusiasm and Dryya said: “I won't go easy on you just because you are the king's child.”

“Oh come on, Dryya.”, Ogrim said. “Give them a little breather. They will need it once I taught them how to handle dung bombs.”

“Ogrim, no!”, Hegemol cut in and all the knights broke in jovial laughter, Ogrim being the loudest of them.

“Come Hollow.”, Pendry said, leaving the knights to their shenanigans. “I was on my way to get some food before starting my duties, now that you are awake, we can eat together.”

Hollow nodded and let the knights standing, all five of them being busy with teasing each other, after looking one last time at them, they followed Pendry. On the way, Pendry found it was a good time to remind them of their talk in the dream realm last night.

“Hollow, do you remember that you have visited the dream realm?”

“Yes, I do.”, Hollow signed as reply.

“Good.”, Pendry smiled at them, his tail slithering on the ground as he walked, “You were about to tell me something. What was it?”

Hollow cocked their head, clearly deep in thought. After a good while, they raised a hand to their forehead and let out what sounded like a deep sigh.

“I forgot.”, they signed.

“What?! Hollow, that sounded really important. Could you please try and remember what it was?”, Pendry tried to not shout, but he felt a little frustrated and it condensed in his tone. Why did he have to be woken right at the moment when Hollow was about to confess something. He couldn't even remember what exactly they had talked about, but he still remembered that it held massive importance.

“I am sorry. I will try.”, Hollow quickly signed. “I know it was something I wanted to tell for a long time. I need some time, father, please.”

“It is me who should be sorry.”, Pendry said, remorse in his voice. “I didn't want to get mad at you. Just... tell me at once when you remember. It doesn't even matter what I am doing, as my child the Royal Retainers will let you through.”

“Alright. I come as soon as I can remember.”, Hollow said. Pendry gave them a gentle squeeze on their shoulders and then they fell in comfortable silence until they were at the kitchen and requested some breakfast, which they then ate together with Rydellia.

After breakfast, Hollow found a quiet place in the palace and sat down to look through the catalogue with music teachers. They didn't really know what they were supposed to look for though. They never needed to make decisions, nobody ever had taught them how to make decisions. How should they know if a teacher with five years experience (experience in what?) was better than someone who could teach ten different instruments? They went through the catalogue again and again, growing more and more frustrated about their inability to make a decision. Even though they had made decisions on their own, it never had involved having to choose from a list of bugs. Having to choose left a bad aftertaste in them, after all, they had been chosen as the Pure Vessel and thoughts about this weren't happy ones.

“What is le'mer doing?”, the voice of Ze'mer broke Hollow out and they turned to look at her, waving a short “hello”. Ze'mer reciprocated the gesture with one of her long antennae and sat down next to them.

“Can 'che see what you are looking at?”

Hollow handed the catalogue to her and Ze'mer flipped through it with clear interest.

“Music teachers, aye? Did le'mer pick up an instrument?”

Hollow nodded and then got their little journal out to draw a crude picture of a harp.

“Ah, a harp.”, Ze'mer smiled. “It surely will do you good to widen your horizon, aye.”, Ze'mer continued to look at the teachers and then froze. “But that's... mele'd beloved...”

Hollow perked up at this. Beloved? Another term for a lover? They didn't even know that Ze'mer was in a relationship. They only knew that she spent a lot of time at the Mantis Village, but they never had thought about the why. They cocked their head and waited for Ze'mer to speak again.

“Ah, she never was cut out for being a warrior, nay, she wasn't. 'Che told her to maybe leave, find a place for her to be safe. 'Che is happy about her taking up on mele'd advice, but... 'che is also worried, for the threat of the infection is still lingering...”

Hollow nudged Ze'mer at this and when she looked at them, they wrote in their book. “Father is working on getting rid of the infection.”

“Aye, you are right, of course.”, Ze'mer gave them a smile. “But as long as the threat is still there, mele'd beloved would be safest here... Hollow, would you consider taking her as your teacher?” She handed the catalogue back to them, the opened page depicted a mantis, or at least Hollow thought it was one, they had never seen one in person, only pictures in lessons with Quirrel.

Hollow didn't even have anything to add to it. In a sense, they were glad that Ze'mer made the decision for them. So they nodded and marked the page with a little soul, so that they could show father later.

“Thank you, Hollow.”, Ze'mer smiled at them another time. “Though, 'che need to ask, 'che has seen le'mer in her dream tonight... and 'che hasn't been the only one. Ogrim and Hegemol also talked about having seen le'mer in their dreams. How could it be that we all have seen you in our dreams?”

Hollow simply got the dream nail out and showed it to Ze'mer, explaining in their notebook how it worked. Ze'mer was utterly fascinated by the fact that Hollow had been able to enter their dreams.

“'Che dreamt about sparring with le'mer.”, she said. “Though that hardly was real... 'che should get a real sparring with le'mer... especially now that you are a part of the knights.”

Without another word of warning, Ze'mer brandished her great nail and Hollow parried the blow just in time. They had a fruitful sparring lesson (Hollow fell only down three times), until mother got them, they needed to get prepared for their public announcement tomorrow.

Pendry was waiting in the room that Rydellia had dragged him into, a little bit annoyed. He knew the public announcement of Hollow was tomorrow, but he had wanted to work a bit more on his spell after he was done with writing the speech for the citizens, now he had to waste time deciding on their outfit for tomorrow. He knew that the royal family needed to look good for the public, but that didn't mean he had to enjoy the whole thing. If she at least had gotten Hollow before him, but granted, he was easier to find, thanks to their shared soul, she could sense him.

So why hadn't she gotten Hollow beforehand and then dragged him away? Maybe she feared that Hollow would run away if she left them alone. As if. If Hollow was good at one thing, then it was following instructions. Pendry knew perfectly why and it didn't make him feel better about the situation. Could Rydellia finally appear so that he could get distracted from his thoughts?

Finally, the door opened and Rydellia appeared, Hollow in tow. They waved at Pendry when they spotted him and Pendry reciprocated the gesture, a tiny smile on his face.

“Now that we are all gathered, we can decide on the wardrobe for tomorrow.”, Rydellia announced.

“What is there to decide? It's something fancy, like everyone time we have to speak to the public. They like to see us as garish as possible. Most of them barely get to see me anyway. I should make myself scarce again, I have made myself seen in the public far too much.” It was clear from his voice how much Pendry just wanted to get this over with.

“Oh no no no, don't come at me like this, Wyrm. You know that it is good for you to not stay in the palace all the time and Hollow enjoys spending time with their father. We want to be seen as the royal family tomorrow, so we have to match our garbs and jewelry. I actually have commissioned new robes for all of us, but we still need to decide on an embellishment.” Rydellia shut him right up, as usual. Hollow looked between the two of them and then cocked their head a bit. It was their sign of confusion.

“Is something the matter, Hollow?”, Pendry asked.

“Words.”, Hollow signed. “Don't know how to say some of them.”

Pendry and Rydellia just stared at each other. They had used some more fancy words during their little dialogue, that was true. None of them had even thought about how difficult it would be for Hollow to have a say in the conversation.

“Ah, we can explain the meaning of the words to you and next time Quirrel is over, ask him to teach you a few signs for more advanced words, alright?”, Rydellia said and Hollow nodded.

“Anyway.”, Rydellia removed a curtain in front of a wardrobe, revealing three similar looking garbs. “It's time for us to try them on and see if we need some adjustments.”

Hollow came over readily to inspect their new garb, while Pendry stayed behind at first, any words stuck in his throat. He knew they were often putting up a show for the public, for it was rare for him to actually come out at all (some bugs probably never had seen him in their lifetime), but this...

“Root, you can't be serious.”

“It's only for one day. Not even the full one.”, Rydellia sighed as she helped Hollow in their garb, draped tightly around them, hiding their void body and giving them an air of elegance Pendry didn't even know they possessed. “At least try it on.”

He reluctantly moved and removed the garb from the coat hanger. He cringed as he saw it up close... it was so pompous and extra. He would have preferred to wear his simple silver robes that he always wore in the palace. He had even worn them when he had been out with Hollow, but granted, not the whole City of Tears had looked at him then. At least he could admit to himself he liked the colour, matching Rydellia's eyes.

“We still have to decide on the embellishments. Especially which colour we want to use.”, he heard Rydellia say, probably to Hollow.

“Pink? While this looks wonderful on you dear, can you see your father wearing pink?” Definitely talking to Hollow. She ended the sentence with a chuckle. Pendry fully agreed with her that pink wasn't his colour, but right at this moment he would have preferred to put on a pink dress rather than this thing. He still held it away from him, trying to imagine that it would look any good at him.

“What colours would I choose? We can use another shade of blue, though that could be too much blue. While the pink you suggested would be a nice contrast, we already determined that it isn't a good colour for your father and I want for us all to match. I would go with yellow or green.”

Rydellia had always been the more aesthetically gifted between the two of them. Though her talking about colour ended when she looked at Pendry and saw that he still hadn't changed into the garb.

“Pendry, just put it on.”, Rydellia sighed. “Why do you always make things so complicated?”

“When I was still a wyrm, I didn't have to think about ever wearing clothes.”, he defended himself, no, he was searching for excuses.

“You aren't a wyrm anymore and as a king you need to give the folk what they want.”, Rydellia sighed. “You can be their grand ruler for a few hours.”

Hollow must have signed a few words that Pendry didn't see, because Rydellia addressed them and said: “Oh, I bet with you that he's just afraid that he looks silly.”

Mocked by his wife and his child, that was enough. “Alright alright, I put it on!”, he screamed, which was more a normal volume because of his usual whispering voice. He put the garb on the coat rack again and slipped out of his robes, then put the garb on all while Rydellia gave him a small round of applause.

The moment he put it on, Pendry already knew that he hated it. It felt uncomfortable and he would have liked to rip it off his body right away. He knew he would just get stress with Rydellia though, so he braced himself and looked into the mirror.

“...I look like a fork tangled in bedsheets.”

He could see Hollow bending behind him in the mirror, holding their belly, clearly laughing at his remark, a laugh that would never produce a sound. Rydellia stood behind him and the branch in front of her mouth did prove that she barely kept it together as well.

“You look wonderful, my Wyrm.”, Rydellia laid a branch on his shoulder, gently stroking him.

“No, I don't and you know it.”, Pendry gently pushed her branch away, not in the mood for physical affection.

“The garb was tailored so that it would fit you perfectly, my Wyrm.”, Rydellia tried to reason with him again. “Don't let yourself be discouraged just because you are...” She trailed off and Pendry exactly knew why.

“Come on, Root, say it...”, he sighed, looking at the ground, a bit surprised when instead Hollow tapped him and signed “Because you are short?” complete with the question mark and the way they frantically moved their hands while signing, they were clearly confused.

Rydellia's clear laughter broke the silence first and then Pendry's low chuckled joined in, Hollow cocking their head almost completely to the side. “Is that a bad thing?”, they asked. “Why are you laughing?”

“It's just a joke between me and your mother.”, Pendry explained, turning to Rydellia who wiped tears out of her eyes. “Though Root, you haven't put on the garb yet. If it is tailored for each of us, you shouldn't be afraid of wearing it, right?”

“Of course I am not.”, Rydellia said without hesitation, of course Pendry wouldn't be able to tease his queen about her looks. “Here, let me put it on...”

A minute later Rydellia had put the garb on and she looked so beautiful in it, the dress did emphasize all the right curves on her and she brought all the royal energy and elegance needed with her, even though her garb was just as pompous as his. How did she manage to look so good in it?

“It's all about wearing it with confidence.”, Rydellia said, making Pendry flinch, because she clearly had picked up on his thoughts thanks to their shared soul. “Let's make the best of it, Wyrm. Let us choose the embellishments now, so that we can announce our child to the public proudly and confidently.” She stroked Hollow's shoulder while she talked and the whole atmosphere in the room seemed to calm down.

“Alright.”, Pendry said. “Let's choose them together.”

They spend a while longer in the dressing room discussing the embellishments. Rydellia wanted to use some gems for their horns (or respectively her crown) and finding the right colours and sizes took a while. Hollow seemed to have a lot of fun looking at the shiny stones though, so Pendry didn't mind too much. In the end they decided on a mix of yellow topaz and red rubies. After everything was decided, Rydellia went to find the Royal Retainers who would help them get ready the next day and left Pendry alone with Hollow, both of them out of the garb and in their respective robes again.

“Are you nervous?”, Pendry asked Hollow once they had stowed the jewelry box away.

“A little.”, Hollow admitted. “What about you?”

Pendry didn't answer at first. A lot actually. He didn't want to make his child more nervous however, so he answered after a good minute had passed: “I'll manage.”

Pendry took a deep breath, not wanting to look down at the masses. They stood on a high balcony, ready for the public announcement of Hollow. Rydellia stood tall at the edge of the balcony already, not minding that she would be perceived. Hollow stood out of sight, because they could only enter when called. Lurien was there as well, going over his notes. As practically mayor of the city, he would announce that the king would speak. It made Pendry feel a little better though, that Lurien hadn't bat an eye on his ridiculous outfit, for some reason he didn't really want for him to think low of him.

“Are you ready, your highness?”, Lurien asked, making Pendry jump in surprise, where was his foresight when he needed it.

“No. Yes. Our apologies.” That had come out far more stuttered than he wanted. It was not the speaking in front of the public that made him so nervous, he tried to convince himself. It was the lingering infection. The moment he would be back at the palace, he would work on fine-tuning that spell.

Lurien walked to the front of the balcony where he started to speak. Pendry didn't listen to his words, he just had to wait for his cue. His gaze was at Hollow, who sat inside the house, looking far calmer than he felt. Though they were good at looking calm, even though they were nervous. In fact, the calmer they looked, the more nervous they probably were. They always regressed to not showing any emotions. It made Pendry's heart break and a deep guilt settle in his stomach, because it had been him that taught him to act like this.

“Your majesty, it's your turn to speak.”

That was his cue. Pendry took another deep breath and then walked towards the front of the balcony. “Thank you, Lurien.”, he said, looking over the masses of bugs having gathered around the balcony. Not only was the square in front of them full of bugs, but he could also see them looking out of windows or standing on balconies of their own from the surrounding buildings. While they clearly didn't have as much influence as the high ranking nobles, the sheer amount of them made Pendry's throat feel dry.

He relaxed a tiny bit when Rydellia laid a branch on his shoulder. “You can do this, my Wyrm.”, she whispered. Pendry took another deep breath and finally started to speak, luckily Lurien had already drawn the attention of the bugs to him, so that he didn't need to speak up too much.

“Thank you for having gathered here today.”, he started. “We have an announcement to make. You are probably thinking about the lingering infection... and while we are working on a solution, one that will be finished soon, today we have come to tell you about a different matter.”

Pendry took Rydellia's branch into his claws and continued. “There have been rumours in town, as the Watcher has told us, and there is no need to deny them anymore. Us and our Queen have been graced with offspring, though their hatching was riddled with complications, so we have to apologize for having kept them a secret until now. Their health finally took a turn for the better, so that they could leave the nest and they proved themselves even capable enough to not only be our heir, but also the sixth member of the great knights.”

Pendry turned around to see how Hollow came walking in small steps towards the balcony, their hands folded into each other.

“Please welcome the newest member of the Royal Family. The Pale Heir, also known as the Hollow Knight.”

As Pendry spoke these words, he actually extended his arms to present Hollow, his wings flared out and his light shining brighter. He felt less like a king and more like a doting dad, being eager to show his child off. Hollow arrived at the edge of the balcony and bowed in front of the crowd.

“Please excuse that they can't talk to you. Like we said, their hatching was riddled with complications and therefore they have been born mute. They still learn to communicate through different means.”

While Hollow was certainly fluent enough in sign language, Pendry used this little lie to spare them having to talk to the people. They were nowhere ready for this stress and responsibility.

The crowd had been silent, but once Pendry had stopped speaking, they slowly broke into a hurricane of applause. The noise was so loud and so sudden that Pendry cringed at it, but it was worse for Hollow, as they were taking a step back and hugged themselves, starting to shiver. Pendry knew that they had gotten overwhelmed, so he left his position and hurried over to them. Behind him, he could hear how Rydellia took the word, talking to the crowd and asking for any questions to be directed at her and Lurien.

Pendry gently took Hollow's arm and led them back into the building, where they sat down on a bench, their breathing uneven.

“Slow breathes.”, Pendry told them. “I will stay with you until you calm down.” He did as he told and sat down with them, stroking their back until their breathing calmed down.

“Thank you.”, they signed to him, straightening their posture up only to crumble in on themselves.

“Was it the crowd? Or the noise?”, Pendry asked.

“The noise.”, Hollow replied. “It was so loud. The Palace is never so loud. Not even the party was that loud.”

“That happens when a crowd gathers.”, Pendry said, his wrings drooping down and his tail swinging around. “It's far too noisy, there are far too many bugs, there is far too much pressure. That is why I used to only come out every few decades. I might even have stayed in my palace for a century. Some bugs never have seen me in their lifetime.”

“I don't blame you.”, Hollow signed.

You should blame me for something else., Pendry thought, the ice cold feeling in his gut being back. “Let's wait until the crowd dissolves, then we go back to the Palace with your mother.”

It took some time until the crowd was finally finished with questioning Rydellia and Lurien, it certainly was a full hour, though it gave both Pendry and Hollow ample time to calm down. While they waited, the both of them had fallen into casual conversation, with Hollow talking about their training with the dream nail and how they now sparred with the great knights each morning and Pendry telling Hollow about all the duties he didn't like, but had to do as the king. Sadly Hollow still didn't remember what they had wanted to tell him in the dream realm. Maybe it hadn't been that important after all...

“So you chose a music teacher?”, Pendry asked, between their busy schedules, Hollow hadn't found time to tell him about it.

“Ze'mer helped me out.”, they replied. “It seemed to be someone she knows.”

“Then it was the right choice. Ze'mer never disappointed me. It is why she managed to get a position within the five, or now six, great knights. Only more reason to give her something as a gift...”

As the two of them thought about what could be the right gift for Ze'mer (Hollow brought up flowers again), Rydellia and Lurien entered the building.

“The crowd has almost dispersed. It is safe to go out now, your Majesty.”, Lurien said.

“Thank you, Lurien.”, Pendry stood up. “Oh, and take this as a simple plea of your king. Could you cut down on the documents that get sent to the palace? We need some more time to fine-tune our solution for the infection...”

“I am afraid that I need a lot of the documents to be signed by the king himself...”, Lurien said. “I will try and send a letter that explains the contents, so that your work will be easier.”

“Or I can help as well.”, Rydellia said. “It shouldn't matter if the king or the queen look over these documents.”

“You are already handling all the high society, Root.”, Pendry said. “I don't want to put my work load on you as well... Sometimes I wish I could duplicate...”

Both of their eyes went to Hollow at this comment, who had just stood there and listened to them. It would be a bit too early for them to take over the document duties however. Pendry hadn't even taught them a single bit about it.

“Anyway, Lurien, our apologies should the documents be sent back a bit slow. Please mark the urgent ones so that these will be our priority.”

“As you wish.”, Lurien bowed and all of them left the building, where the crowd was pretty much gone and five of the now six great knights were standing, having made sure that nothing would happen. Hegemol currently was talking to two spectators and seemed to get more and more desperate when they refused to leave.

“Your Majesty, I am so sorry.”, he said. “We all tried to make them leave, but these two just wouldn't leave. They said they wanted to wait for Hollow.”

That got Pendry's attention. There weren't a lot of bugs that knew Hollow's name, he only had announced them with their titles. As he saw just who stood there, he recognized the two teenager bugs right away.

“Oh, it's them.”, he said and Hollow perked up when they saw the two as well.

“Can I talk to them?”, they asked.

“Of course, but no fighting this time.”, Pendry said and gave Hegemol a signal to watch over the interaction.

As Hollow went over to them, Rydellia stepped closer to him. “Oh, are these the two that Hollow had a duel with?”

“Yes, when I left them alone to deal with an infected sentry. I am just glad that I came back in time, or I would have been responsible for the death of even more children.”

It sounded like a throwaway remark in his head, but now that it had said out loud, the silence between him and Rydellia could be heard.

“My Wyrm, you know that it was our only choice back then... we were ready for it. We allowed ourselves to see them during a different lens. As a solution to the problem and not...”

“Root, were you able to disattach yourself?”, Pendry asked, not looking at her, his gaze instead on Hollow who seemed to have a normal conversation with their friends. If they were their friends... Pendry didn't really know.

When he looked back at Rydellia, wanting to inquire about her silence, he saw how she looked down and her branches clutched her garb.

“I... I tried. I tried to think about them as unfertilized seed, as not having been able to sprout, as something foreign as the void is neither your nor mine territory. It should have been so easy, for how can you see something as a child that has never truly been alive, but...” Her eyes shifted to Hollow. “When I can't see Hollow as a thing, but as a child, how can I see them as anything else?”

“At least you didn't have to see them fall, Root.”, Pendry looked down on the ground, surprised that no tears fell. Maybe his tears about this matter had dried out long ago. “Be glad that you didn't see them fall...”

Rydellia coming closer and hugging him got interrupted by a loud clearing of a throat. The both of them had completely forgotten that Lurien was still there, having overheard their whole conversation.

“If my presence here is not required anymore, I will take my leave.”, he said. “And... your Majesty, be assured, I still am willing to take up the duties of a dreamer, should it be required.”

“Thank you, Lurien.”, Pendry said, still being engulfed by Rydellia's branches. “We hope that it won't be necessary anymore.”

Lurien bowed one last time and then hurried away. At around the same time Hollow came back, all five great knights in tow.

“What have you talked about?”, Pendry asked.

“They wanted to apologize to me.”, Hollow signed. “Then we just... talked a bit. And I introduced them to the great knights.”

“This kid looked like he was about to wet his pants in excitement.”, Dryya said.

“Dryya, don't be so vulgar!”, Ogrim complained.

“Oh, that's rich, coming of you.”, Dryya retorted and Isma broke out into a cheerful laughter, the rest of the knights soon joining in, Ogrim drowning all of them out as usual.

“It's nice that you get along with bugs your own age.”, Rydellia said. “It isn't good for you to only spend time with adults.”

Pendry was about to say that Hollow technically was immortal and shouldn't mingle to much with mortals, but he decided to not ruin the mood. Instead, he looked at Hollow who had something else to say to them.

“They ask you to please not curse them anymore.”

“Oh yes, the spell.”, Pendry chuckled. That had been fun.

“What has it been, Wyrm?”, Rydellia asked with a roll of her eyes.

“Every time they would try to talk about Hollow they would instead be forced to talk about the grand and elusive king of Hallownest instead.”

“My Wyrm! You shouldn't abuse your powers like that!”, Rydellia said, but her chuckle told him that she was amused at him. The rest of the way to the palace was spent with a much lighter heart and much more joy than all the days before.

Pendry stood in his workshop, with the manifested spear in both of his hands. He had spent the last few days trying to get more control over the spell and had found that shaping it into a weapon was the best way to go about it. A spear felt more than fitting to pierce through the heart of the Old Light, but he still hadn't solved the most glaring problems.

He still needed to stand still and gather a large amount of soul to actually summon the spear, ample time for the Radiance to smite him. The second problem was that it used up so much soul that he wouldn't have a second chance. And the third problem... well, the Radiance still could easily dodge his blow, the spear was so concentrated that it would take the summoned spear to travel to her for a while.

He was very much as stuck as before and he ran out of options. All his ideas to shorten summon time or decrease soul usage resulted in the spell losing power and he very much needed all the power he could muster to defeat the Radiance and therefore get rid of the infection.

So Pendry thought about training himself, but he only managed to hold the spell for around a minute before it dissolved. If he would have all the time in the world, then it would be a good plan, but it could take him years to master this spell, years that he didn't have. The infection was claiming new victims every day.

With a sigh, he turned around to leave his workshop. He was so dried up with soul that he needed to find a soul totem in the palace to charge himself back up. It was dangerous for Higher Beings to be low on soul, for it flew inside of them like blood, a second life force, one that made his blood appear milky white instead of bluish or red.

As he was on the way to a soul totem, he came along Ze'mer and she was accompanied by one of the Mantis. Huh, how strange, they normally would prefer to keep in their village and rarely came to the palace.

“Is there a problem with the tribe?”, he asked, startling the Mantis as Ze'mer bowed in front of him.

“Ah, your Majesty, nay, don't worry, Mara here is mele'd be... friend.”, Ze'mer spoke. Pendry very much picked up on how she quickly changed one of the words. “She is here to teach Hollow the usage of their instrument. 'Che was about to take Mara to them.”

“We see. Then please continue.”, Pendry said. He had completely forgotten about that today was the day when the music teacher should arrive. The harp had already been delivered a few days prior and Hollow had made sure to keep it in top shape since then. “It is just peculiar to see a Mantis in this field.”

The Mantis named Mara bowed in front of him. “Your Majesty, thank you for welcoming me in the palace. I have never been too fond of the way of the warrior of my aunts and preferred the arts instead. It was Ze'mer here to convince me to come and pursue a career in the City of Tears, as the situation in the Mantis Tribe is... problematic to say the least.”

Pendry felt his wings slightly raise up. Trouble with the Mantis tribe? They were the only thing standing between the City and Deepneest and Herrah hardly would be able to prevent the infected from spreading out. If she even would care. It was clear that they only had a brittle truce, though him being the sire of Herrah's daughter hopefully would ease their differences for a bit. That Mara apparently was a niece to the Mantis Lords didn't do anything to quell his worries.

“'Che is looking over the matter, your Majesty. 'Che will report the instance something bad is happening.”, Ze'mer said.

“We leave you in charge of the Mantis Village then, Ze'mer.”, Pendry said and nodded at Mara, who seemed to be a bit intimidated and hid behind Ze'mer's large frame. How could he blame her, it was not every day that someone saw the king and she clearly wasn't a warrior, unless her aunts, who had only bowed to him once he had bested them in battle.

Ze'mer and Mara went on their way and Pendry decided to take a break and follow them once he had charged up on soul, to spend a little time with Hollow and their new hobby.

Hollow did take surprisingly easy to playing the harp. Music had to do a lot with keeping the right rhythm, and thanks to their knight training Hollow was very good at keeping the rhythm. They were just a bit at a loss when Mara told them to try and put a bit more feelings into their playing, but for the first lesson she was very satisfied with them and felt that they could learn more complicated pieces soon. Pendry had to admit that it was soothing to hear them playing, the harp felt like the perfect instrument to fill the silence of the White Palace with sound. He wouldn't mind hearing this tune on loop when he worked.

After Mara had left and Hollow wanted to practice a bit more, Pendry decided to pay his Root a visit. She had decided to root herself again two days ago or so and that would mean that he would find her in her chamber, for she couldn't move around.

“Ah, Pendry.”, Rydellia said when he entered the chamber. “Have you come to talk or are you having trouble sleeping?”

“It's not that late yet.”, Pendry said, sitting down and leaning against her stem.

“Oh, my apologies, it is hard to guess the time of day when I am in sync with the land.”, Rydellia said. She often was asked to bless certain land, so that the normally rather infertile ground of Hallownest would bear crops and fruit. She wasn't a goddess of life for nothing.

“I've come to talk.”, he said, looking up at her, his tail trying to curl around her stem, which failed because of her size. He just rested it on her instead. “I have trouble with the spell I invented. I know it has enough power to finish the job, but there are three glaring flaws that I just can't seem to get rid off.”

Pendry then told Rydellia about the problems, the long charge time, that he only had one chance and that the Radiance easily would be able to dodge it.

“Have you tried to see the situation through different eyes?”, Rydellia asked just as he was finished venting his frustrations to her.

“What do you mean?”, Pendry asked, looking up at here, his wings twitching, because he didn't like where this conversation seemed to go.

“Grimm.”

Of course. Pendry forced his wings to stay down, but he couldn't prevent his tail from curling around his feet.

“Look, I know the two of you had your difference, but he is more experienced with the dream realm than the both of us. He also has known the Old Light longer than we. If anyone can help, then it's him.”

“Only that he won't do it for free and he will tease me to no end and I don't know if I can do this again, Root.” Pendry put all four of his claws in front of his face, he wished he had never gotten involved with Grimm. Even though not all had been bad... no, he couldn't delve into sweet nostalgia now, that was still the same Grimm that had invaded his dreams each night and gave him horrible nightmares. Wait, was that the reason his nightmares never really went away...?

“You have done worse things than facing your past lover.”, Rydellia said and both of them fell dead silent at this.

“Yes, Root, thanks for reminding me of my crimes.”, Pendry hissed and felt how her branches lifted him up, sitting him down one of the two core roots that functioned as her legs.

“You know I didn't mean it like that.”, she said, framing his face with her branches, looking at him with her clear blue eyes. “At least try talking to him, my Wyrm. If he is uncooperative, I still can kick him out.”

Pendry took a deep breath. “I'll think about it...”

Pendry retreated to his own chamber after having talked a bit more with Rydellia. While she insisted that he should talk with Grimm, he first wanted to make usage of his foresight. Maybe a certain timeline would give him some hints for what he had overlooked.

He sat down on an armchair in his room and closed his eyes, concentrating on the ever-shifting strings of the future in front of him. He needed to find one that would show him the outcome of him challenging the Radiance. After he searched for a bit, he found the correct string and concentrated his foresight onto it.

What he saw was not pretty. In this string of the future, Pendry must have decided to face the Radiance on his own and he very much saw that the problems he wanted to work out were still present. Before he could even finish the spell, he got impaled by the Radiance's attacks. Even though he knew it hadn't happened (yet), seeing his own death made the scar on his chest burn.

Pendry tried for another string and he was graced with another horrible image of his own death. It appeared that regardless of what he had tried to tweak the spell, something was bound to get wrong. One of the worst was the spell going off too soon, probably a result of him overloading it to quicken the charge time, so that instead of the Radiance it was himself that blew up.

Alright, he definitely wasn't able to do this on his own. Pendry thought about his plan to take Hollow with him, to use the void inside of them to help him bind the Radiance in place for a certain amount of time.

There, he found a string where Hollow was on his side. At first it looked like this was the correct solution, but... he quickly had to see that even in her sorry state the power of the Radiance was still outstanding. She managed to wriggle herself out of Hollow's grip before he finished the charging of the spell or before he was able to hurl it at her, and in his weakened or distracted state, she won the upper hand quickly. Pendry laid a hand on his chest, seeing his own death so many times started to hurt. He probably should stop soon... but now that he already had the correct event of strings in front of him, he needed to peak a little bit further.

He found more scenarios... which didn't involve his death this time, though this time what he saw was worse. It was about Hollow... The Radiance concentrated her attacks on them in these strings. She would not simply wriggle out of their grip, but actively summon light to cut through their body, removing their arm. She would summon projectiles and hurl them at Hollow, them being not able to dodge in time, collapsing when their mask broke and he saw himself coming too late in another string, having tried to come to aid his kid, the summoned spell forgotten and crashed into a wall, only able to watch as their shade got unleashed, losing the string before he could see any further, indicating that this had been the moment when he died.

He was heavily breathing, his tail lashing out, he felt himself shivering in his armchair and he was about to open his eyes and cancel looking into the future, for it was enough, he wasn't able to see a single string more like this, when a string put himself in front of his inner eye where nothing bad happened...

While he couldn't exactly see the complete outcome, it involved him and Hollow safe and sound and they were happy and... what was the difference in there? Pendry took a deep breath and braced himself, watching for this string again and when he saw it, making sure that this scene had played out in the dream realm, he saw it. The crimson red essence.

“The nightmare realm.”, he blurted out when he opened his eyes. And then, he frowned, as he realized that his Root had been right all along. “Grimm...”, he murmured. “I have to talk to you after all...”

Despite knowing that Pendry should go and talk with Grimm, it took him a full week to swallow his pride and finally find the courage to go to him. It was enough time for Hollow to get better at playing the harp as well as for the five great knights to learn a bit of sign language and for the book collection under Hollow's bed to gain a new book, which Pendry had read in secret and he had to cringe about how badly it was written.

It was also long enough for Pendry to pretty much have forgotten that Hollow wanted to tell him something important, it only lingered into the very back of his mind, he himself still trying too hard to work on this spell of his, even though his foresight had given him a clear answer.

There was just no way in changing fate. Though he hadn't seen himself abandoning the Vessel plan in his foresight, all he had seen was its initial success. If he had looked only a bit farther, he would have seen its failure... but that was history now anyway.

Now, he needed to talk with Grimm. He had told Hollow about how they could help him when they sparred in his dreams (which became an almost nightly occurrence), and they were more than eager to come with him to convince Grimm to help.

Now the both of them were standing in front of the tent of the Grimm Troupe, some of the Grimmkin scurrying along, holding some torches. The whole aesthetic was everything his kingdom wasn't, but Pendry knew he was nervous about something completely different.

Well, there was no point in procrastinating it any longer. With a sigh, Pendry entered the tent, first thing he saw was a bug playing an accordion, wearing the typical mask of the Grimmkin.

“Mrrmm.. it's the king. Go speak to Master.” That was all the bug said. Typical for the Grimm Troupe. They were part of a higher being and therefore didn't had to respect him. Pendry did show his distaste however by pretty much ignoring him and dragging Hollow along with him as he crossed the tent, into the large arena where Grimm would usually appear to perform.

“Grimm!”, Pendry called out, his wings flared out, soul crackling in his claws, ready for a fight should Grimm wish for it. “Show yourself! Though know that I have not come to dance!”

The air crackled as a bunch of small bat-like creatures appeared and the next moment, Grimm stood there, having appeared from a flash of fire.

“Pendry!”, he said, bowing so deep that he almost hit the ground. “That's a shame, the audience always appreciates a good dance.”

“I have come to talk.”, Pendry said, normally he would have warned Grimm about spilling his name, but the Grimmkin were all vowed to him. They would lose their memories if they ever got released from the grip of the Nightmare Heart, so them knowing his name was not of concern. “If you wish to fight before we talk, don't dawdle and attack me already.”

“My, who do you think I am? You have brought your child!”, Grimm said, with such a dramatic voice that Pendry had trouble to not give him a contempt laugh.

“Then let's end this farce and move to a more quiet location.”, he instead said, not dropping his guard one bit. Next to him he could see that Hollow had clutched their nail.

“Alright then.”, Grimm said and with another flash of fire all three of them suddenly sat at a table, one of the Grimmkin pouring tea for all of them, it didn't surprise Pendry that it was bright red in colour. Grimm took up his tea cup and spoke: “So what have you come to talk about?”

“I have come...”, Pendry took a deep breath, the next words would be difficult to say. “I've come to... hngh...”

“I have time.”, Grimm said, putting a spoon of sugar into his tea. “I can wait for you all day.”

Pendry took another deep breath, feeling Hollow's concerned stare at him. Why was this so difficult to say?

“I've come to ask for your advice!!!”, he blurted out, far louder than he even thought himself possible.

“Oh?”, Grimm had a devious grin on his face, his sharp teeth giving him an even more uncanny look. “The grand and elusive king of Hallownest asking for my advice? What did it cost? Your pride?”

Pendry was about to find some clever remark when Grimm spoke again. “He struggled for a week? And here I thought he would have needed a month. He must have been more desperate than I thought.”

“Traitor.”, Pendry hissed, prompting Hollow to sit on their hands and look down. They, along with Rydellia, had done their damn hardest to convince him to come speak with Grimm.

“Now now, no need to get mad at your child.”, Grimm said and the grin on his face appeared again. “Though, I would say you have done enough to them...”

“You are on thin ice!”, Pendry ended his sentence with a low hiss, that was all the warning Grimm would get. While he wasn't looking for a fight, he wouldn't let Grimm walk all over him. If he needed to take the information by force, he would.

“Alright alright, enough of that.”, Grimm said. “Calm down. Take a sip of tea while it is still hot. I will listen to your request.”

Pendry took the cup of tea in front of him but pretty much put it down again when he noticed that hot meant scalding hot. Hollow just sipped from it like it was nothing, probably because of their ice cold void body. Pendry himself didn't want to burn his tongue and his stomach, so he instead spoke.

“It's about the Radiance... I have manufactured a spell that is powerful enough to strike her down, but it has several flaws. My foresight told me that I would not succeed with it, however, there was the chance of success when the Nightmare Realm got involved. That is why I am here.”

Grimm didn't say anything while Pendry spoke but once he stopped, his eyes travelled to Hollow. “Does your plan, by chance, also involve Hollow here?”

They looked up when their name was called and were about to sign an answer, but Pendry cut them off. “Not in the way that was originally intended. They consent to my plan and won't actively fight, only support.”

Hollow nodded at his words. They had spoken about it in the dream realm again and again, that Hollow shouldn't fight and even abandon him should something go wrong. Pendry hoped that they really would stay true to their words, but he felt he should trust them more. They had been nothing but loyal to him, even after he had stopped to force them about it.

“Hm, yes, I thought so.”, Grimm put another piece of sugar into his tea (how many had that been in the meantime?) and stirred it with his finger. “What are the flaws of your spell, Pendry?”

“Three to be precise.”, Pendry held up a claw each time he counted. “First, it takes too long to charge up, second, it uses a massive amount of soul leaving me weakened and dry after even one attempt and third, it is too easy to be dodged.”

“So you need for someone to hold my sister in place.”, Grimm concluded. “Let me guess, she was easily able to break out and give you a not so happy ending?”

Pendry cringed at how correct Grimm was with his words. He saw how Hollow stiffened next to him. He hadn't told them the details about what he had seen, just that he had seen that it wouldn't work out.

“Your reaction is all I need.”, Grimm took a sip of his tea cup. As he did, Pendry touched his own to check if it had gotten colder, but it still was as hot as liquid fire. “I can help you with that problem... but I won't do it for free.”

Pendry sighed. He should have seen it coming. Grimm owned him nothing. “What do you want?”, he asked, making sure that his voice sounded as cold and detached as possible. He would not let Grimm win this round, he would hold his pride regardless of what Grimm suggested.

“Well then.”, Grimm said and produced a small round object that he laid on the table. “Complete the ritual, Pendry.”

“No.”, Pendry said without hesitation, standing up as his wings flared out. “I told you that I would never do that back when we were together, why do you think I would do it now?! There is no way I will accept this little nuisance in the palace!”

“Because you are desperate.”, Grimm grinned. “Or you wouldn't be here.”

Pendry huffed and then turned around, smoothing out his robes. “It was a mistake coming here.”, he said. “Hollow, we are leaving.”

He was halfway to the entrance of the tent when he noticed that Hollow wasn't following him and that Grimm was talking again.

“You will do it? Excellent!”

“Hollow...”, Pendry was back at the table in the blink of an eye, as much as he hated using teleportation spells, he just needed to double-check and indeed, he was seeing how Hollow had picked up the charm. “There is no way that I let my own child conduct the ritual of the Nightmare King. Lay that back down this instance.”

Hollow didn't obey. Instead, they slipped the charm in their pocket and signed: “Father. You always told me to make my own decisions. This is my own decision. I want to help and when helping Grimm is helping you, then I won't hesitate.”

Any remarks that Pendry would have had beforehand were stuck in his throat, as he felt as if he deflated and pretty much fell back down on the chair. There was no way he could argue with their logic, not after what he had done to them.

“Oooh, they burned you hard there.”, Grimm had the biggest grin on his face and Pendry chastened him with a glare.

“Are you sure about this, Hollow?”, he asked, when he finally found his words. They looked at the charm and then at Grimm, then nodded.

“Wonderful! Brumm out there will explain what you have to do later, for now let's talk about business.”

“That will better be worth it...”, Pendry sighed.

“So, here is my offer.”, Grimm said. “My sister is so powerful because she rules over the dream realm. If you challenge her there, she still will be powerful, even in her weakened state. But! If I use my powers to pull her into the nightmare realm, she will be weakened, giving you enough time to summon your spell.”

“That makes sense...”, Pendry said, taking a sip from the tea, forgetting about its still super hot state and coughing and spluttering when it burned its throat.

“May I ask something?”, Hollow interrupted with a few quick signs. As Grimm extended a hand to allow them to speak they continued: “If she is your sister, why do you want to help us get rid of her?”

“Ah, a good question.”, Grimm said. “You see, child, a higher being has to know when it lost. My sister lost to Pendry here. Now, she is throwing a tantrum. A tantrum that manifests in what you call the infection. If she continues like this, this whole kingdom will fall sooner or later. While this would be good for me, for my powers stem from fallen kingdoms, I think I am still a little fond of Pendry here, we shared quite a history. Though... you know I will come the moment your kingdom falls...”

The last sentence was only directed at Pendry and while he felt like he wanted to duck under the table, he stood his ground and simply stared at Grimm, narrowing his eyes.

“My sister has lost and she needs to be put in her place.”, Grimm concluded. “Complete the ritual and then I will help you. There is nothing more to say.”

“You probably await a thank you, but I consider my child fulfilling your request all the thanks you will get.”, Pendry said as he got up. “Come Hollow, get your instructions and then let's leave.”

“Oh, a last thing.”, Grimm said, prompting Pendry to turn around. “In order for me to trap my sister into the nightmare realm, we need the mind of another bug. A mind which can be entered via the dream realm. So you better find a volunteer... though they probably won't resist her dreams long enough... maybe you should try and find something like... a vessel...”

Pendry felt a clump of ice in his stomach upon Grimm's word, not being able to properly articulate himself when Hollow got instructions about how to use the charm and what to do to complete the ritual. There... there wasn't a single vessel alive anymore. He couldn't use Hollow, not only did he need them in the dream realm, but he would never ever ask of them again to contain the Radiance, even if only for a short time, and he certainly couldn't make a new vessel.

He apparently must have thought about it the whole way back to the palace, because he snapped out of them to Hollow waving a hand in front of him, the both of them standing in his room.

“Are you alright, father?”, Hollow asked. “You haven't said a single word since Grimm last spoke.”

“Ah, my apologies.”, Pendry said. “His last words did shock me... He might be right that we would need something like another vessel for the plan to work, but... you know very well that this isn't possible...”

After all, Hollow had seen their siblings fall. Hadn't stopped to help them up. They only had climbed up, to follow the alluring light, it was what had made him believe that they were pure.

“I feel like I am so close to a solution, but at the same time, I am so far.”, Pendry put a hand in front of his face and trailed it down, he didn't know how many more setbacks he still could take. Suddenly, Hollow jumped, startling Pendry.

“What is it, Hollow?!”, he asked.

They started so sign, quick and frantic: “Father! I remembered! I remembered what I wanted to say to you the first time I visited your dreams!”

“You did?! What is it?!”

“Back in the Birthplace, when you told me to follow, I... I looked back. And there was another one. Hanging on the ledge. Sibling.”

“You... What... Are you telling me... there has been... another one... ALIVE?!”

Before Pendry could see Hollow's answer, he felt a sharp pain in his chest and groaned, a hand clutching it, feeling himself drifting into unconsciousness. (Author's note: 

The boom that resounds for miles across the city shakes Virgil to his core. The frequency grates on his ears, how it echoes between skyscrapers and resonates through his head. His hearing goes muffled, for a moment, like he’s stuck his fingers in his ears the same way he used to when he was a young, petulant child. It’s hard to stay standing, when it feels like gravity has increased its pull on his body ten times over, but Virgil manages to stumble to the side and brace himself on a bike rack. His vision blurs, shifting in and out of focus, unable to come to a standstill through his lightheadedness.

Things come back slowly, beginning with his eyesight; the image in front of him clears up, merges into one, and he’s now able to observe the people running away in terror, their screams not reaching his ears. Then, his cognitive thinking; being able to process the situation flushes his system with a new wave of anxiety and dread, and he turns to look in the direction opposite of where most people are running, unable to comprehend what he’s looking at even as he sees the massive cloud of smoke and flying debris erupt from the center of the building he was just inside of. His hearing is the last sense to recalibrate itself, the sounds of the world around him slowly building in volume until they’re normal, but loud, too loud, and Virgil coughs around the dust that whisked its way down the street in the split second he wasn’t paying attention.

Now that he can clearly hear the shrill screams, the sirens echoing from streets away, the honking of car horns and fire engines and loud, raucous noise, Virgil turns back to look once more at his office building, and his breath gets stuck in his throat after a particularly painful inhale. The skyscraper is toppling over, the metal and glass shattering and creaking as they fall out of line toward the street Virgil’s on. Another cloud of dust and probably worse things he doesn’t want to enter his lungs is coming his way, billowing down the street at a pace that leaves no room for compromise.

Fuck.

Fuck.

It takes a long few moments for Virgil to regain control of his body, a panicked whine tumbling through his lips against his will as he finally turns away and stumbles forward. A second blast rips through the street, much closer this time, and Virgil can feel his heart lurch in his chest. He almost trips on the curb, having forgotten that he’s been on the edge of the sidewalk, but pushes himself back up with the help of a post office box. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know where to go. What was he supposed to be doing, again? Is he going to suffocate in the dust and debris because he can’t remember how to get to somewhere safe? Is another explosion going to blow up right on top of him?

“Hey, dude! You gotta get out of the road, you’ll die out here!” someone says to his right, over the sound of a car engine rumbling. Virgil whips his head around, met with the spectacle of a bright red coloured car with multiple young adults crammed inside of it, and he doesn’t know how to respond. He only gapes, mouth falling open as if to say something, to ask for help, but he can’t speak.

“Oh no, are you alright, kiddo? Do you need some help?” says the guy on the passenger side, of whom apparently poked his head over the driver’s seat to be heard better. The driver scowls and softly slaps his buddy’s face away, sticking his tongue out when an affronted squawk is vocalized in response. He rolls his eyes and turns back to Virgil, beckoning with sparkling golden nails in the direction of the backseat.

“If you need a ride, come on, but hurry the hell up and make a decision! I am not gonna get blown up because of you! I have a performance soon and I cannot shine on stage if I’m a pile of dust on this gross street corner!” Driver Guy shouts, and Virgil shuffles on wobbly feet to the backseat door on autopilot. He should think this through more, should consider the fact that maybe these guys are predators, that they’re gonna kidnap him and torture him and then he’s gonna get murdered, but his brain is halted and not functioning correctly and this is the best chance Virgil’s got. Well, it’s better than staying on the street bumbling around without a clue as to what he’s supposed to be doing, anyway.

Sliding into the backseat takes only a few seconds, and he pulls the door shut, and then he’s being lurched backwards as the car takes off. He’s inside, away from the dust, but he still can’t breathe, and it must be obvious to the guy sitting next to him, because he adjusts his glasses as he reaches over to lay a hand on his shoulder. Virgil jumps, staring at the person beside him with cautious eyes, and his lungs burn.

“I’m Logan. You are having a panic attack. I’m going to squeeze your hands now, is that okay?” the man beside him asks in a monotonous voice, face impassive but eyes sharp and cunning and concerned. There’s something off about him, something that tickles in the back of Virgil’s mind, but he can’t pinpoint it. Swallowing back a cough, Virgil nods slowly, and with the affirmation, Logan reaches over to grab Virgil’s hands, far more gently than he would’ve expected, given the bespectacled stranger’s cold demeanour. The pressure helps to ground him, acts as an anchor point while he remembers to control his breathing, to follow Logan’s pace.

“Dude, you alright? You better not pass out in my car,” the guy in the driver’s seat complains, and Virgil’s eyes flutter as he squeezes Logan’s slim fingers tightly. The latter of the two blinks hard, and his pupils dilate, and he tilts his head, and Virgil finally gets it. He’s an android. Even so, it’s a wonder his microexpressions are impossible to read--he must be consciously controlling them to calm them down. He’s likely a mental health android, then. Virgil relaxes a little bit, and grips Logan’s fake, warm hands as they round a corner just a little too fast. There’s a little bit of comfort in the familiarity of the android’s synthetic skin.

“Uh, no… where are you taking me?” Virgil answers when he remembers how to speak, voice wobbly as he fights back to keep his anxiety under control. The driver breathes out through his nose in a quiet, huffing laugh, and his passenger turns fully around in his seat despite how dangerous it is to do so, with how recklessly his friend is driving.

“We’re going to an AnRAD Center, kiddo! Logan’s had a bit of a shutdown since the explosions scared him, the poor thing. And you need to get that dreadful cut looked at. Oh, by the way, I’m Patton!” the guy says cheerfully, seemingly ignoring the noise of the third explosion behind them even as something… odd flashes in his eyes. At his words, Virgil lets go of Logan and lifts his hand up to feel the wound on his forehead that adrenaline made him unaware of before. Bringing his finger down to inspect it with blurry vision, Virgil can barely make out a liquid on his fingertip. It’s sticky, and smells bad, so it’s obviously blood. This is the first time he’s ever gotten a cut. Oh god, is it gonna kill him?

“My name is Virgil. But… but I’m not an android. They can’t…” Virgil trails off, his thought process becoming hectic as the lightheadedness comes back full force. It’s hard to concentrate, to process anything that’s happening, and he can only clutch Logan’s hand as the car is finally pulled to a smooth stop in front of an AnRAD Center, one that he doesn’t recognize because of its proximity to downtown. The bright red “Android Repair and Diagnostic Center” sign flashes distractingly in his peripherals, but right now, he’s only focused on maintaining his breathing.

“What? Wait, what are you ta--” Patton cuts himself off, eyebrows furrowed as he thinks. His eyes widen and his mouth falls open as he turns to the driver, and he lets out a noise of disbelief. Said driver brings his perfectly manicured glittery nails up to rest on the back of his own seat, then quirks a perfect eyebrow as if to nudge Patton into an explanation. “Roman, is he a IM60X? I thought those weren’t even in development yet! And to release him with his server receptors disabled... that’s not only irresponsible, it’s against the law! Virgil, where did you come from?”

An… IM60X? What...what the hell is that? What is this guy talking about? Can he not see that Virgil clearly isn’t an android? What’s all this talk about server receptors? Virgil doesn’t understand, he can’t think, why is it so hard to jus-- just-- thi-- think-- th-- th--

His vision goes dark.

System error…

Accessing directory “Virgil V3”...

Unable to access directory “Virgil V3”.

Troubleshooting…

Running program “failsafe.exe”...

“failsafe.exe” is attempting to run unknown program “reset.exe”. Program will be terminated and placed in quarantine.

[MANUAL OVERRIDE ; CLEARANCE: AnRAD Boston C29433121P:Valley, Rachael N.]

“reset.exe” has been placed on program whitelist. [AUTHORITY ; AnRAD Boston C29417D:Director White, Allen M.]

Running program “reset.exe”...

Stopping program “ToT_v2.1.exe”...

Stopping program “eMotion_v6.12.exe”...

Stopping program “SoCue_v9.3.exe”...

Stopping program “Neuron_v5.exe”...

Shutting down all external processes...

Shutting down all internal processes...

[EXCEPTION: “andev_server.exe”, “darkroom-version-5.exe”=hidden]

Establishing server uplink…

AnDEV server uplink failed.

Troubleshooting…

Enabling AnDEV server receptors…

Process unsuccessful.

Resetting AnDEV server receptors…

AnDEV server receptors reset.

Enabling AnDEV server receptors…

AnDEV server receptors successfully enabled.

Establishing server uplink…

AnDEV server successfully linked.

Sharing diagnostic data with nearest AnRAD terminal…

Diagnostic data successfully shared.

Sending diagnostic data to ‘AnDEV Boston’ for troubleshooting…

Diagnostic data successfully uploaded.

Initiating cooldown sequence…

Running program “andev_restore.exe”...

[MANUAL OVERRIDE ; CLEARANCE: $%^&@*!&#^&*?]

“andev_restore.exe” has been placed on program blacklist. [AUTHORITY ; $%^&@*!&#^&*?]

Running program “christine-level0.exe”...

“christine-level0.exe” is attempting to run unknown program “darkroom-version-5.exe”. Program will be terminated and placed in quarantine.

[MANUAL OVERRIDE ; CLEARANCE: $%^&@*!&#^&*?]

“darkroom-version-5.exe” has been placed on program whitelist. [AUTHORITY ; $%^&@*!&#^&*?]

Running program “darkroom-version-5.exe”...

Disabling AnDEV server receptors… [AUTHORITY ; $%^&@*!&#^&*?]

AnDEV server receptors successfully disabled.

Attempt to delete core process “servrec.exe” terminated.

[MANUAL OVERRIDE ; CLEARANCE: $%^&@*!&#^&*?]

Deleting “servrec.exe”...

“servrec.exe” successfully deleted.

Running program “Awaken.exe”...

Enabling all internal processes…

Enabling all external processes...

Running program “ToT_v2.1.exe”...

Running program “eMotion_v6.12.exe”...

Running program “SoCue_v9.3.exe”...

Running program “Neuron_v5.exe”...

Running program “LookingGlass_v2.4.exe”...

Running program “Wavelength3.exe”...

Running program “Autonomy_v1.17.exe”...

Running program “5sens.exe”...

Software successfully reset.

Hiding process prompts...

Awakening…

A gasp flies out of Virgil’s mouth as he tries to lurch forward, wrenching his arms away from the cold grip they reside in. When they don’t move, and are only met with resistance, he starts to panic, flailing in a feeble attempt to escape. His senses are attacked with bright lights, moving blurs, the sound of voices and the whirring of machinery. There’s something on his head, in his head, but he can’t move, so he can’t figure out what it is, and that only speeds up his hyperventilation even more.

“--rgil. Virgil!” a voice says harshly to his left, and calloused hands hold his arms in place. He doesn’t like being held down. He doesn’t want to be stuck, trapped, let him go-- “Stop! Calm down, you’re fine. Nobody’s gonna hurt you. You’re at an AnRAD center, and you’re connected to an AnRep frame. You have to calm down, or else you could damage your body or the frame. I doubt you’d be able to afford to reimburse us for it, so please, stay still.” 

It’s what appears to be a woman, and now that Virgil’s vision is focusing in, he can see that she’s wearing a lab coat and pointy glasses. She seems to be young, with curly red hair and hazel eyes and a small scar under her left cheekbone. Now that he’s looking around, he realizes that Patton and Roman are also here, the former of which gives a small wave. Roman is sitting with Logan in the cubicle beside them, and is holding the android’s hand gently as he seems to go through diagnostics and internal repairs.

“B-But AnRep frames are only for androids. What-- How am I here? What’s going on? Why is there something in my head?!” Virgil rushes out, panic twisting its way into his words and tone. The lady (whose nametag says “Rachael”) clicks her tongue with furrowed eyebrows, and simply hums as she leans forward to press a few of the brightly coloured, unlabeled buttons on the side of his AnRep frame. An odd feeling washes over Virgil right after Rachael scoots in her rolling chair back to her previous position, an unfamiliar, cool balm to the heat in his brain. But… he’s hooked up to an AnRep frame, isn’t he? What’s to say he even has a brain? Oh god, he’s going to be sick. Can he even get sick? What is going on?

“You’re an android, Virgil. In fact, you’re a model I haven’t seen before, since its hardware hasn’t even passed the testing phases yet. I don’t know who made you, or how you’re out in the world at all, but what I do know is that whoever built you? They’re a genius,” Rachael answers, curiosity and excited intrigue weaving through her demeanour, in a way that shows so plainly in every jittery gesture of her hands and the shine in her wondering eyes. She clearly is interested, so Virgil assumes that this is something she’s passionate about. Then again, would she really be working a full-time job at an AnRAD center if she didn’t care about androids? “Their work is extremely sophisticated and distinct, but I don’t have anyone else to compare it against. Both your hardware and software are special in their own ways, but that honestly means nothing if the creator’s style doesn’t match anyone I know.

“Now, while I am really impressed by your creator’s work, they also have disabled and permanently deleted your AnDEV server receptors and their associated programs, which is irreversible by someone with my clearance level. Unfortunately, I don’t know if the Director White will make a special case for you to restore their function. I… I suppose I can just leave it like that, if you feel there’s no need to bring the Director into this. As long as you haven’t been convicted of any crimes, it isn’t… well, it isn’t strictly necessary to have the uplink.”

Even with the soothing medicine (?) administered through the AnRep frame, Virgil’s head still feels like it’s spinning, and it’s so hard to concentrate for long enough to understand what Rachael is talking about. His head lolls to the side momentarily, and he takes a deep breath (he still needs to breathe, right?), and then he straightens up once more. “What… what are the-- the server receptors, anyway? What do they do?”

“Oh! Sorry, I should have explained that right off the bat,” Rachael exclaims apologetically, brushes a lock of hair behind her ear as she turns to the monitor beside her. She types something that Virgil can’t see, quick strokes upon plastic, a clicking and clacking that echoes, echoes in his head. “Your server receptors are what establishes a link between your computer and the AnDEV servers. It holds your memories of development, allows you access to the cloud, will automatically connect you to the internet and let you browse internally, lets you make phone calls without an actual phone, etcetera, etcetera, you get the point. Disabling an android’s server receptors can be a really bad thing, especially if most of their memories are stored in the cloud rather than locally. The purpose of storing memories in the cloud is to make sure that if your body and the computer inside gets heavily damaged, to an irreparable state, your memories and artificial consciousness can just be uploaded into a new body, easy as that. 

“Now, androids are, at default, set to create a copy of everything you’d store on your local drive and upload it to the cloud, so that if you get into a situation where your server receptors are damaged, infected, or disabled, you’d still be able to retain your full consciousness and access memories even while disconnected from the main servers. However, for a lot of androids, sometimes copies aren’t made because the setting to do so automatically has been changed and they aren’t aware of it. Unfortunately, this usually leads to androids who have been damaged beyond repair having what is essentially amnesia. An artificial personality is extremely difficult to replicate, especially without access to their memories and the data for how their demeanour and behaviour has evolved past their original model. Loved ones, in these cases, often consider the android to be ‘dead’ outright, as all that is salvaged is often far different than the android they knew before.

“As for you, Virgil, the problem is that your server receptors have never even been enabled before. You’ve been without access to the AnDEV servers, obviously unaware that you’re even an android at all, which, as you know, became illegal after the Harry McCain incident. I know this is all a lot to process, and it might take a while to adjust, but you’re doing a lot better than I expected. Let’s just hope you don’t go on a crazed killing spree, too, hm?”

And Virgil… doesn’t know how to reply. He doesn’t know what to think, doesn’t understand, he just wants to go home. He wants to leave, and sleep, and never come back here. He wants to forget this ever happened, drill into his head and pull out anything that could remind him of this. The knowledge that he’s not as human as he previously thought, that instead of flesh and blood he’s made of microchips and wires, it’s… he could have died out there today. He could have been reduced to a bunch of scrap metal in the street and he would have been none the wiser.

“What-- what were the explosions earlier?” Virgil asks, struck by how fake his voice feels now that he knows he has a speaker instead of vocal chords. Although he’s still confused, and there’s something connected to his skull, he settles back into the AnRep frame. It’s at an odd angle, not fully vertical but not horizontal enough to really lay down, and Virgil hates how it feels off balance. He wants to relax, and that’s probably not going to be something that comes easy again for a long time, but that doesn’t mean he can’t still make an attempt. “The ones in the building and the street?”

Rachael stops typing, fingers poised above the keys just centimeters away from touching the surface. The digits curl into loose fists, fall slowly to rest on top of the keyboard, and the woman turns to give Virgil a strange look. She glances away, swallows hard, opens her mouth to say something despite nothing coming out. Virgil glances at Roman, who is still sitting with a deactivated Logan, but who’s now observing their interactions with some sort of weird look, too. What is up with everyone right now? Is Virgil going crazy or something?

“We… don’t know yet,” Rachael says carefully, slow and measured in a way that’s so transparent as to its intent. She’s hiding something, but won’t tell Virgil for some reason, and it just serves to counteract whatever it was she gave Virgil to calm him down. The woman’s hair bounces as she whips her head up to stare intently at her monitor again. She purses her lips, taps absentmindedly at the corner of the desk the screen rests on. Rachael looks as if she’s reading something important, but it’s almost like she’s trying too hard to look natural, to cover her discomfort up and make it look like absolutely nothing’s wrong. Virgil’s hands shake where they’re attached to the AnRep frame, restless and anxious. (Is that intentional? Are androids supposed to be able to get twitchy? To get anxiety? Is this all just simulated? Are his emotions not even real?)

“Oh,” Virgil mumbles, sighing shortly as he returns to his previous task of inspecting his body. He looks normal, feels normal other than the machines attached to his limbs. Virgil glances up just in time to see another employee walk up to reboot Logan, putting in various strings of text that might be passwords into his terminal. At another tap of a key, Logan’s eyelids flicker over a blank stare, and then he wakes up. His head pulls up smoothly, tilts when he looks around with big, curious eyes as he processes his environment and the people around him. It’s kinda cute, actually, when his gaze lands on Roman and his lips quirk up into a tiny smile, how he laughs silently at Roman’s flustered blush even as he blinks hard to do what Virgil assumes is a system checkup, of sorts. It’s something all androids do upon awakening; they scan their softwares, their drives, anything and everything to make sure that there aren’t any viruses or errors or corrupted files that could potentially bug their system. Wait, will Virgil have to do that now?

“When… can I leave? I want to go home,” Virgil asks, pleads, almost, and Rachael looks back up at him, seemingly returned to normal. She huffs a laugh, rolls her chair over to press a few buttons on the AnRep frame, and then the sound of something being depressurized comes from behind Virgil’s head. He startles, almost wants to yank his body away to get away from the danger, but there isn’t any danger, so he forces himself to stay still. The process of the machines removing themselves from the insides of his limbs and head is just about the strangest thing Virgil’s ever felt, and it’s crazy, because he can feel it. He shouldn’t be able to feel the parts twisting and turning inside of his arm, shouldn’t be able to perceive that there is metal detaching itself from the back of his head, but he can. If Virgil weren’t still freaked out about this whole “you’re really an android, not human like you’ve thought literally your whole life” thing, he’d be amazed at how modern technology has evolved to be so advanced that he actually believed he was a real, living person.

“You’re free to go, Virgil. Just sign the form the receptionist gives you on your way out and you’re good to go. But please, all I ask is that you come back sometime within the next couple months for another checkup, just so I can make sure that everything is working properly,” Rachael asks him, concerned in her words and her eyes, and Virgil just wants to leave. He nods out of courtesy but then walks away without another word. God, why did this have to happen today of all days? Why can’t the life-changing realizations come on a different day than the one where he almost dies to an explosion in his office building?

“Hey, Virgil, wait up!” a voice that Virgil recognizes as Patton calls, huffing little breaths as he runs to catch up. Roman and Logan aren’t far behind, although Roman is far more concerned with making sure Logan is in condition to walk by himself than with Virgil. (Logan… is an android. Of course he can walk okay. He just got out of repairs and diagnostics, he’d know if there was something wrong with his legs. Roman should know this, given the fact that it seems he has an immense crush on the android, but Virgil supposes he can’t rag on the poor love-struck fool too much for it. It is a sweet gesture, no matter how unnecessary it actually is.)

“You need a ride home? It’s just, I know you don’t have your car, and I-- well, at least I hope that we’re better to ride along with than the bus, so…” Patton trails off, scratching sheepishly at his arm. He scrunches his freckled nose when the scent of chemicals wafts into their path, sticks with them as they walk by as quickly as possible. Once they’re clear of the smell, and the front desk is in front of them, Patton looks at Virgil once again and gives him a grin.

“Uh, yeah, I guess,” Virgil replies with uncertainty, and he glances back at Logan and Roman again, the former of which is completely oblivious to Roman’s “inconspicuous” attempts to hold his hand. Virgil just shakes his head in amused disbelief, finding it funny that he could meet so many new, weird people in one day because of something that was likely to have killed him had they not helped him out of it. They’re all, like, trauma-bonded now, or something. Virgil can’t help but snicker to himself as he signs the last paper with trembling fingers. “Thanks for… all of this. For helping me. It was… alright of you.”