#mini bots

”Okay, so, once upon a time there were three goats, and they were going to… uh… their favourite udon joint, so they could grow fat.”

”What did they look like?!”

”Oh, you know, there was the tiny one, very cute and with spiky hair, and there was the middle one who had blond bangs, and then there was the big goat who had-”

”No horns!” a first little voice squeaked up.

”No hair!” A second added. ”Bald goat!”

”Hey! I’ll have you know the big goat had very impressive horns! The middle goat was in awe of them! Isn’t that right Genos? Back me up here!”

”It’s not the size of the horns, Sensei, it’s how you use them.”

With an indignated huff the storyteller crossed his arms and went quiet, until his listeners begged him to please continue the story. Nine pairs of pierced ears listened eagerly, sitting in a range of poses that varied from rigid seiza to sprawled out in a manner near identical to the storyteller himself.

”Okay, so, the three goats were going to get udon, but they had to cross a bridge over this river first, but they couldn’t, because-”

”Couldn’t they jump over the water?”

”No, the river was too wide. They weren’t super goats, they-”

”Could they swim?”

”No, the water was too wild-”

”Call doctor Kuseno! Send a drone!”

”No, listen, alright? They had to walk over the bridge, but there was a scary troll that lived there, right? It looked like… uh…”

”If I may, Sensei?”

”Sure?”

”The troll had greasy black hair, and dressed in purple and sequins, and it had the most disturbing smile anyone had ever seen.”

”Oooh,” eight little voices said in unison, spellbound by this latest development.

”Okay,” Saitama continued. ”So first the littlest goat went on the bridge, and it went trip-trap, trip-trap, until the sequin troll stopped it. ’Who’s there, tripping on my bridge?!’ the troll said, and the little goat said, ’it’s just me, the itty bitty goat!’”

”Incinerate the troll!”

”No, Pow - and no demonstrations, stop that! - he said ’hey dude, don’t eat me, take the middle goat instead, I’m so stringy’ and the troll said ’alright, fine’ and the little goat crossed the bridge.”

”Then it was the Genos-goat’s turn!”

”Right, so the middle goat stepped on the bridge, going trip-trap again, and the troll shouted, ’who’s that, stomping all over my bridge huh?!”

”I too will incinerate you, you useless scum,” Genos snarled.

”No! Goats don’t incinerate trolls!” Saitama replied. ”He said ’don’t eat me either, you big ol’ troll, just wait for the biggest goat, he’s super tender!’ and the troll let him go, as well.”

”It was goat-sensei’s turn now!”

”Right, yes. So the biiig goat stepped onto the bridge, and he was so big and heavy, the whole bridge creaked under his weight. And the troll was like ’who’s that, making all that ruckus?’ And the goat was just like ’it’s me, the big goat, you got a problem with that?’”

”Scary…” one little robot whispered, climbing onto Genos’ lap, hiding its face behind little metal hands.

”Hey, it’s okay, don’t worry! So the troll said ’Imma eat you!’ and the goat was just like ’come at me bro, I got these kickass horns and I ain’t scared of you!”

The frightened robot carefully peeked between stubby fingers as the other seven cheered their storyteller on.

”And then what happened, Sensei?”

”Then the troll came onto the bridge, and he was super mad, and-”

”Sensei, if I may help paint the picture?”

”Knock yourself out, dude.”

Genos cleared his throat before speaking up, his voice clear and loud throughout the apartment - he was made for storytelling, Saitama thought to himself, as he listened to him.

”The troll clambered onto the rickety bridge, clumsy despite his supposed skills in ninjutsu. His hair was cropped short and standing on end after a previous encounter with a cyb- a goat, and his clothes were far too tight on him, looking ridiculous. He was sporting his unnerving smile, showing far too many teeth, but for all that, the big goat felt not an ounce of fear in himself, sure-footed, standing tall, muscles bulging under surprisingly short yet well-groomed fur, his eyes showing their rare serious side-”

”Okay, I think that’s enough… So the troll ran straight at the goat (and upon hearing this, the frightened minibot burrowed itself as deep as it could into Genos’ hoodie pocket, receiving gentle pats to help it calm down) and the goat just - POW!” He curled his hands into fists and punched the air before him, just hard enough to ruffle the hair of the collection of blond heads in the room.

”One punch!” seven bots shouted in unison, clapping their hands excitedly.

”He headbutted that stinky old troll, right into the river, where it… floated off, I guess? Found someone else to bother, maybe. But the big goat crossed the bridge and joined up the others and they found the udon place and ate all the noodles they could.”

”The Genos-goat ate the most,” one bot assured the others, speaking from experience.

”Yeah, he would,” Saitama agreed.

”Troll gone?” the scared bot asked, peeling out through the hoodie pocket.

”Yup, all the goats were safe, now.”

”Yay!” all the bots cheered in unison. ”Goat-sensei is the best!”

”He sure is,” Genos agreed. ”Shall we get udon for dinner today?”

”Sure, why not. Maybe we’ll run into the troll, haha.”

All eight bots looked hopeful, at that. ”We’ll kick his butt!”

-

Sonic did not often run into those eight little robo-brats, and when he did, they were always closely guarded by that robo-hen mother of theirs, so he didn’t usually even get close to them.

It’s not surprising in the least that those little robots have been indoctrinated by Demon Dork’s own dumb ideas, of course, but still, he does sometimes still wonder about that one time, when all he wanted was to get some god damned dinner only to suddenly be met by eight tiny robots shrieking ”troll! Troll!” at him and attempting to headbutt him into next Wednesday.

If anyone is a troll here, surely it’s Genos himself, spamming about Saitama on the HA forums?!

Those guys are, without any sort of doubt, the downright weirdest family he’s ever met.