#mindfulexistence

“Imo, that whole commercial is a gross generalization of male behavior, and mischaracterizes bullying as a strictly male trait. ‘ “I've never seen a group of men sit and watch 4 year olds punch the shit out of each other. Practically none of the behavior in that video is universally condoned by men. I'd be curious to see everyone's reaction if that commercial was made perpetuating Black, Asian or Spanish stereotypes in an attempt to sell razors. “

“Perhaps some people don't like to be moralized at about masculinity by a company that buys palm oil harvested by 8 year old boys in Indonesia. Also, they demonize consensual rough play in boys with is completely healthy developmentally. A clumsy, tacky, uninformed moral play that tells men to not even speak to women on the street from a corporation that's churning through orangutan habitat at an alarming rate with child labor and who people of your similar politic were probably mad at a year ago for selling pink versions of the same razors for more money suddenly find them to be virtuous enough to bring you to the point of tears? No thanks.”

“Gillette lost our household. This is the most ridiculous thing ever.”

These were just a FEW comments in the landfill of garbage that is called the internet since the Gillette commercial on “Toxic Masculinity” was released.

First off…. Lets all remember that PERCEPTION is your reality.  Did you perceive this commercial to mean EVERY MAN is TOXIC?  That they’re implying every single man is displaying these extreme forms of behavior shown in this video?  If so, you have some penance to do b/c that reeks of a guilty conscience on some level for you to feel so OFFENDED.  But listen, who among us isn’t guilty of believing some kind of ridiculous double standard that society invented- REALLY (it’s almost impossible not to). So, get off you high horse and just buckle up butter cup- this isn’t all about you.

Most females and well-adjusted men viewed this video and saw a GENERALIZATION of poor behavior that’s been historically TOLERATED by people for AGES! That’s all…. nothing more, nothing less. To most of its viewers that “enjoyed” the commercial it was refreshing to see this compilation of nonsense put into a short clip/summary for all the world to see. Personally, it made me very emotional the first time b/c I’ve dealt with much of the stuff that was shown.  Does that mean YOU do it?  No.  Does that mean I believe Gillette razors truly care about women/females and the general public? Hell no.  Gillette has about as much interest in “improving males” as Nike is an activist for civil rights. No one is blind to the fact it was a blatant marketing ploy, and it worked fabulous.  I can’t remember the last time I even said the words “Gillette Razors” until this controversy (who even spends that kind of money when there is dollar shave club anyway?! It’s awesome.) 

Then you had people (esp males) trying put that shoe on the other foot.  Make that size 12 fit comfortably on a size 7 saying “well, if this commercial was about females…you guys would be up in arms!”.  Really?! Try us. Females can be some of the most vicious, nasty, disingenuous, judgmental creatures you can encounter. The level of bullying (at any age), coercion, manipulating and outright lying that can occur is astounding.  The behavior is damaging and hurtful (even leading to fatalities in some cases).  If a company came out with a short video/commercial showing examples of females bullying, socially manipulating, lying or supporting toxic double standards- KUDOS!  Am I going to ban using that product because they have something (or everything) in an ad that “I don’t do”?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!  Instead, I’m going to be pretty damn appreciative that a company is bringing attention to these things on a national level…Even if it is an irrelevant product like Bacon bits, or Enema’s, SO WHAT.    

When you see an “All State” commercial on the crazy accidents (or Mayhem) do you become offended because that company is implying or TELLING YOU that you are a bad driver? PUUULLLLEASE.  Get over yourself.  

I could careless if you use Gillette….but to act like you can’t stand this commercial because this doesn’t represent all men?  Be real. What does?  What shows us a depiction of ALL men that makes a profound statement (and gets this amount of buzz)?  Should the commercial have been 10 minutes demonstrating males of all behaviors and roles?  What would the point have been to that? Confuse people?  

 I’m going to end with this...I in NO WAY think any ad campaign or education can “change” a truly toxic (bad person).  Period. It has nothing to do with masculinity. But what these little nuggets of knowledge can do is start to bring to light these horrible stereotypes that have been perpetuated and cultivated over decades…things that males and females have “tolerated” or watched thinking “well…that’s ok because I’ve seen it happen before”.  No, It’s not okay. It’s time for “good people” to step in and stop bad things from happening.  The mentally and physically stronger people to be a guide or protector in some cases.  To give the people who aren’t so strong a opportunity to build up their courage to fight their fight. It can be done and it will be done.

As I’ve said before. I was bullied horribly in school (grade school through college)…but in turn when I could, I was the bully...I eventually transitioned into being what I hope to be an upstanding person.  Bullies in our society aren’t going away.  Get that out of your head.  Make your kids stronger in every way possible…this can only be done by making yourself stronger (emotionally, mentally and physically). Lead by example. I get frustrated when I see “Bullying needs to stop!”.  Here is the reality- It’s not going to.  Create a REALISTIC SOLUTION.  

Happy 2019!  

With the New Year comes a “New slate” with mass resolutions pouring out of the virtual woodwork.....But these “resolutions” always say a lot about what is making someone unhappy.  They border on being complaints that scream “I want to be more successful” in a multitude of ways.  I mean what’s wrong with being “average”? Those who live very hum drum lives can be very productive, happy and healthy people.....Sometimes what appears “boring” is only because it’s balanced and not a life full of drama or constant unattainable expectations.  Just think of how unappealing a ride at Dorney Park would be if it had no bumps, hills, whips, sharp turns and was going slow at one speed the entire time.  It’s still a ride, but it would be more fun to go on the ROLLER COASTER if you are a thrill seeking person.

I guess this is why people don’t want to work on actual “relationships” as a goal or emotional intelligence as a resolution. It’s a slow train to the coal region and they’re only serving stale peanuts :( .  Many resolutions tend to be monetary or physical in nature and people are able to quantify the “results” (which they so desperately need to feel successful). So who will actually benefit and who will suffer from the attempts to meet these “goals”?  Why do most people fail? 

It’s my opinion that people see the New Year as a chance to “set the bar high”.  Conjuring up expectations for themselves that might not be realistic or achievable. When “resolutions” are not implemented with a well thought out plan that is broken down into incremental short term goals (with actual strategies), and they go at it “balls to the wall” immediately, this can be a remedy for failure.  A big general goal with no game plan causes burn out and everything can deteriorate.   FYI-When you post a meme saying you’re going to weed out all the negative people from your life for the year...believe it or not, that’s not a real strategy.  

How many people choose to not prioritize what’s important on the road to accomplishing their goals?  Chances are that the truly “essential” things in life that you “assume” will always be there (for you) will take a backseat because you feel “achieving your objective” should supersede everything else. Or that your “goal” is inevitably going to benefit the people that mean the most to you, so they can “hang in there” and wait for the fruits of your hard work b/c “it’ll all be worth it”.  Some examples of these goals are- making more money (to have the means for a “better” house, car, vacations and material nonsense), of course getting in better PHYSICAL shape (for your health...which is many times more a vanity issue), going back to college, and achieve more authority/recognition at work.  Lets be realistic here....That “time” is not ever guaranteed.  You making more money, your prettiness and your rank in society, work or sports is meaningless in the grand scheme of your “relationships” and life.  Accidental death, disease and just kids “growing up” HAPPEN bc LIFE HAPPENS....and you can’t get time back.  I encourage you to rethink your goals, prioritize and come up with strategies and a “game plan” to keep a “balance”.   I believe in self improvement....trying to better yourself....but as I get older I have a healthier understanding that we can’t turn back the clocks.  You miss your kids growing up now b/c of recreational activities, additional schooling, recreational sports or work? You wont get that back.  You aren’t making that emotional connection that is SO important (and so many people think they can make up for it with “condensed time” or buying them “stuff”).  Making money for that beautiful house, car, fancy phone or exotic vacations- Meaningless!  Busting you butt and missing time all year long for the materialistic bullcrap and the fancy vacations isn’t going to give you back what you’ve missed out on....and it certainly isn’t going to give it back to the people you ignored 75% of the year.....

“Stuff” is expendable (nonsense).  Time with the people we love=priceless. 

Live so you have no regrets. 

Who knew in 2018 that censorship would be such a hot topic.  Even Tumblr is announcing as of Dec 17th they will be monitoring all content for anything considered “sexual” in hopes of making it a safe place for all users (insert vomit emoji). 

In the mid 80′s Tipper Gore was taking a stroll near her 11-year-old daughter’s room. Without warning, she caught an earful of her tween’s tape deck (or turntable), as someone sang about “masturbating with a magazine” and how …my body will never be the same. (Prince-Nikki)

Sex talk?!  (OMG :/)

Tipper was completely freaked out that any words implying “sex” could make it into her ears without giving her “permission”.... and she would not take this lying down! Tipper and three other women formed the Parents Music Resource Center (PMRC) in 1985, which would establish guidelines for regulating music deemed sexual, violent, or all-around uncouth, slapping warning labels on anything that fit the bill. 

The best part of the story is that warning labels actually HELPED SELL more records —Censorship even in it’s finest hour was a joke and actually ended up being the best marketing tool they could have asked for... 

So how is it any different today?  

This nonsense about getting offended at “words” has been going on for a LONG TIME.... Do we really think taking songs out of circulation or “banning” media of any sort will STOP ANYONE from listening to (or looking) at it?????  PUUUULLLLEASE.  Realistically It just drives up the demand(and sales)!  I mean until all this crap came up...who even cared about “Baby It’s Cold Outside”?  Now with the recent controversy we’re all listening and analyzing the lyrics, trying to figure out where the subliminal message is....And don’t even think about making this a conservative/liberal issue.  You both suck.  Conservatives can barely see a naked body part or hear about sex without going into convulsions bc “God says it’s wrong”....Liberals are quick to convulse if they perceive any inequality or perceive non-consensual sexual innuendos....You both get offended at the drop of a hat. 

It’s my opinion that it’s dangerous for a culture to perpetuate “intolerance” (it’s bad enough they do it in schools with books).  We are becoming so thinned skinned that we are creating a society of people who have the mental fortitude that is equivalent to the strength of imitation crystal from the dollar store. The minute something irritates them....The glass breaks....So this small squeaky group of people who are “offended” complain and expect whatever it is that bothered them to be removed from the airwaves. Right?  Bad idea.  The irony will be when this current trend completely backfires and artists decide to push back TEN FOLD!  You thought lyrics and media sources were racy before???? You haven’t seen anything yet.  People will be BEGGING to have back Rudolph and Baby It’s Cold Outside....

I’m personally inspired mentally, emotionally, creatively and even physically when I have an adverse reaction to media content I don’t agree with. It “gets me thinking”.  How boring would life be if we agreed with everything we saw and heard?  As I pondered this topic last night,  the first song that came to mind was Patti Smith’s 1978 Rock N’Roll Nigger..a song I really enjoy *but it’s totally politically incorrect. Lyrically it’s written about oppression but uses a word that purposely caught everyone’s attention. It’s art.  Art isn’t suppose to be about “conforming”.  After I heard Kurt Cobain sing “Rape Me...”, Jimi Hendrix “...I’m going down to shoot my old lady, I caught her messing around with another man”, NIN “...You let me penetrate you, You let me desecrate you”, GNR “....I use to love her, but I had to kill her”, Ozzy’s “... Where to hide, suicide is the only way out, Don't you know what it's really about” or NWA’s “F*ck The Police”- I survived and I enjoyed the story in their music.  Every type of art is going to have it’s critics.  It’s about taste.  Creativity shouldn’t have political/social boundaries. Period.

Now.....The racist statues many support “as history”.....Is a whole different deal.  That’s not “art”...  If they want them in a building titled “Southern History Museum”, for people to view, that’s fine.  But having these out in common area’s, in communities is ridiculous. What if a person that abused your family member had a statue...would you want it on your front lawn? or at your local school (as people praised what a wonderful person they were)?  Hell no.  

My 1/2 cent. 

http://afropunk.com/2011/02/patti-smith-instigates-the-weight-of-the-rock-n-roll-nigger/

You don’t need to be a sports fan (or adopted) to appreciate the ESPN E:60 piece on football’s running back coach Deeland McCullough. My husband Ron spoke to me in great detail about this story he saw on TV and couldn’t believe the “coincidences” that occurred in this man’s life.  What made it so interesting for Ron was the concept that Deeland was adopted (just as Ron was).  

It’s a heartwarming story of a young football player who came up living a hard luck life and not knowing who his biological parents ever were...until he was in his mid 40′s (when Tom Wolf passed the legislation that would allow adopted children to retrieve their un-certified birth certificates, which contain their birth parents names).  That’s when Deeland’s story unfolds.  I’m telling you that it’s worth taking the 20mins from your busy day to watch this segment.  It made me cry.....

The undeniable realization that life isn’t just about “choices”....that A leads to B and C...that there is more than just what we want and “making IT happen”.  That many things are very much out of our control, that inturn unfold and present themselves- b/c the universe or “God” has decided it to be that way. Not necessarily b/c we want it to be that way (both good and bad) and sometimes it’s our job to decipher what’s being presented and why.  

This link is for ESPN E:60.  You’ll just need to click on your cable provider to watch the full segment. Copy and paste if it doesn’t come up when you click on it.  http://www.espn.com/watch/player?id=3432145

This is the full written story...see the link below

http://www.espn.com/espn/feature/story/_/id/24505521/the-jaw-dropping-story-nfl-coach-search-family

When do we start teaching our boys to “Man up”?  It’s an aspect to our culture that is inevitable....”Stop acting like a girl”...”Suck it up”....Don’t be a pussy”....:”Big boys don’t cry”.  So, even if you aren’t parenting in this manner, I can guarantee you that most of society is.  Males are judged by- strength, size, lack of sensitivity, aggression, the ability to “endure or persevere” over others, NOT to be like a “girl” or have any feminine attributes, virility, athletic ability, and just being “better” than the males around them.  Challenge that paradox.....and there might be trouble in paradise (so most don’t). 

I was extremely appreciative when Sam Yothers (a Pennridge Alumni and former team football manager) sent me her college paper on “Hypermasculinity In Male Athletes” that she wrote for her Psychosocial Perspectives of Sports Injury class at West Chester University.  I was totally wow’d at how well written, easy to understand and just how freakin’ RELEVANT and UNSPOKEN all of this information continues to be in our sports culture and society! I’m very thankful she allowed me to publish her essay for everyone to read.... She truly loves to assist athletes in all sports but has an especially deep admiration and dedication to football players.  As Sam continues to work towards a Masters Degree (accelerated program) to become an Athletic trainer, she notes having a genuine interest in sports psychology....

It is an impressive piece of writing with some VERY valuable information that society CHOOSES to ignore.  So wake up.

A football player is lying on the ground, screaming and grasping at the back of his knee. Something is obviously wrong. The opposing coaches are pacing and talking loudly. The opposing team is telling him to “suck it up”. Parents are yelling from the stands, “get that boy off the field!” This is hypermasculinity. Many will say this is just how football is. If so, it needs to change. Hypermasculinity as a critical theory, is often misunderstood. It does not entertain the idea that men are bad or evil; it is simply an exaggeration or extreme of typical masculine

behavior.  In other words, it is when typical male gender roles are taken to an unnecessary and often unhealthy level. The hypermasculinity typically seen within male-dominated sports, specifically all levels of American football, has serious negative effects on male athletes (MA) mentally, emotionally and physically. 

There is a stigma that surrounds the mental health of men, especially MA. They are, based on a general societal expectation, supposed to be tough. This leads to a degradation of mental health for those men, because, to be tough, they feel as though they need to keep their emotions or mental health struggles to themselves. Unfortunately, the American sports world does not give attention to the mental health crisis until it is too late. Tyler Hilinski, a football

player at Washington State University, is a tragic example of the sports world not paying enough attention to mental health. Tyler shot and killed himself on January 16, 2018 at the age of 20, following what was a stand-out season for the young quarterback. In a Sports Illustrated interview with Tyler’s family, his parents said that a suicide note revealed that he had struggled for quite some time. He felt as though people would look at him differently or that he would be a

bother if he told someone about his depression.  He did not understand that he was not alone; more and more football players, retired and active, are being diagnosed with depression.  In a sport where head injuries are prevalent, there needs to be an open dialog about depression and other mental health issues. In a study of 269 retired NFL players found that, 11.1% reported being clinically depressed since retirement. This number directly correlated with recurrent concussions; those who reported three or more concussions were three times more likely to be diagnosed with depression compared to those who had no history of concussion.  The mental health of athletes is important and if they could be vulnerable and have real conversations without fear of being ridiculed, lives could be saved. 

Hypermasculine ideals support society’s flawed idea that MA are more equipped to overcome body image issues than female athletes. This could not be further from the truth. Like female athletes, MA face pressure to better their performance by changing their bodies. However, due to societal norms, they themselves do not view their own hurried attempts to change their weight as being detrimental.  On top of this, MA often feel awkward when discussing body issues or may even be written off by authority figures whom they find the

courage to confide in. This is where disordered eating and alcohol abuse can arise. MA are more likely to struggle with alcohol abuse than their female counterparts. The pressure to conform to group norms in terms of appearance is the same pressure that applies when it comes to binge drinking.  Team dynamics are a huge part of body issues and binge drinking. MA fit into the category of high alcohol intake alongside surprisingly low levels of body satisfaction. These MA are encouraged to outdrink each other at parties and often told they are weak if they cannot drink as much as their friends. While this affects the MA emotionally, it also harms them physically. 

Perhaps the most visible way that MA are affected by hypermasculine culture is physically. The tragic story of Jordan McNair illustrates what can happen when a culture of masculinity turns toxic. He was a nineteen-year old offensive lineman at University of Maryland. On May 29, 2018 he collapsed at a workout, went into a coma, never woke up and passed away six weeks later. McNair was very lethargic throughout the workout and when he began to slow even more, rather than tell him to go see the medical personnel, his coaches told him to “suck it

up.” Sadly, there are numerous stories just like McNair’s. Many high school athletes play through pain, not because they want to, or their teammates or parents encourage them to, but because their coach tells them to.  Playing through mild pain or discomfort can make an athlete stronger, however playing through injury or extreme discomfort (for example: having difficulty breathing) only hurts athletes. MA who experiences success in sports are given acceptance and attention from peers as well as coaches, fans, and even family. They become aware at a young age that this acceptance can often be conditional based on winning. Their perception of success narrows to the point where they will play through anything to impress continue receiving this attention.  

MA are not only more inclined to push themselves past a healthy limit, they are also more likely to push another MA past their breaking point. A study that asked the high school football players a variety of questions regarding their motivations, found some interesting results. They included things like, “Would you injure an opponent purposefully? Would you intimidate an opponent following a big play? Would you risk injury to an opponent?” They found that about 27% of the 204 MA said they would at least sometimes do these things.

When questioned what motivated them to do so, many indicated thinking it was necessary to be good at football. Therefore, coaches need to teach young MA that it is good to be aggressive but that being overly aggressive does not make them “more of a man.”  

The desire to fit in is what makes MA neglect to report mental health struggles or feel as though suicide is the only way out of a situation that seems unending. This same aspiration makes them want to cut weight quickly, bulk up in a week or drink themselves into a blackout simply to prove they are tougher than their friends. It makes a nineteen-year old push himself to death to prove himself to his coach. It is not hard to see the ways in which a hypermasculine culture of men’s sports has a negative effect on those playing them. Mental health issues are something that should become a common dialog throughout the nation, especially in a sport where head injuries are common. Emotional health is often overlooked for men and hard to discuss, but things like body image issues and alcohol abuse are direct results of MA wanting to fit in with teammates. Physical health is perhaps the one that most people think of - a coach yelling “suck it up” and can be the most detrimental, as demonstrated by the death of Jordan McNair. The hypermasculine attitudes and ideals faced by MA, especially American football players, has serious negative effects on athletes mentally, emotionally and physically. They are affected not only while playing but long after they have ended their careers.