#metamours

The other day it was one of my partners' birthday party (all pronouns) and I ended up holed up in a corner with my metamour just going through our respective folders of photos of them and sharing pictures.

-"Oh, you gotta send me that one, they look HOT"

-"You probably have this one, right?" "No, she sent me only one of those at the time, can I have the series?"

-"AWWWWW That's so cute, where was that??"

-"Oh, yeah, of course I know that one, I took it"

We haven't always gotten along (me starting to date their partner was.... complicated at first, emotionally), and it was still a bit awkward at times, but god. I knew polyamory was good because multiple partners is good, but the joy I felt at being able to gush about my love with someone who not only doesn't mind but also gets it. Unparalleled.

awwwwww, I love this!! 🥰

I totally feel the same way. It makes me downright giddy to get to discuss my partner with someone who gets to experience them the same way I do😁 All their little ticks stand out, and it makes loving them even sweeter, you know? And its not like most other people want to discuss why the person they're not dating is objectively the best person for whatever reason 😅

Hi everyone! I published my first contribution to polyship week:

I used prompt suggestions "metamour" and "only one bed"!

Can't wait to hear what you think.

To just compare in-general? That will probably happen and it doesn’t need to be a bad thing. You are both different people. It is good to know where you are alike and where you are different. If your mutual partner wants to get to a gift for and a gift for them then comparing what gift works better for each person is needed.

But what I think you mean more is making value judgements from those comparisons. The advice I always give about metamours is to act like you and your metamour is on the same (sport) team and your goal is to work together to make your mutual partner happy. You both play different positions and roles in making that happen. It is important to have a firm grasp of what you do well for your partner, especially non-sexually. Know that there are things that your partner really appreciates you for. And whatever your metamour does that your partner also appreciates in them does not diminish what you do well and your own value.

1st poly relationship. Metamour made the first move, though I've been friends with Primary longer. In 2020, Metamour and I moved in together until Primary could join us in our first apartment. We got along great! Then when Primary moved in, Meta changed. We had a tiff over intimate situations, and Meta started letting a lot of responsibilities and chores around the house fall on me and Primary. It led to many, many, MANY fights and stressful nights. Now, me and Primary are living in a separate location, and Meta is still in the first apartment, of their own volition. I like them as a friend, sometimes, but there's so much anger and aggravation left over, I worry I can't stay with Primary, who is the love of my life, if it means having to interact with Meta all the time. Primary has done as best as they can to keep the peace but it's up to me and Meta to solve this problem. I don't know how to forgive them. What can I do?

I mean, do you have to? If you don’t like being around this person, is it an option to just…not? You’re living with your Primary, and their other partner has their own place, so if Primary wants to see Meta, you don’t need to be involved.

If you don’t want to stay with Primary “if it means having to interact with Meta all the time,” then you know what your desires, needs, and boundaries are. If there’s a way to stay with Primary without having to be super close and present to Meta, then great! Figure out how to make that happen, and then just accept the fact that there’s a person around the edges of your life who you don’t particularly like. Be civil when you have to, stay out of their way, don’t complain to Primary about how Meta bugs you, and let all parties involved live their lives.

If, however, Primary insists that they only want to date people who all get along, or if they’re pressuring you to spend more time around Meta, or if you simply find it intolerable to be in a relationship where you can’t stand your partner’s other partner, then you’ll have to decide whether to leave the relationship or try and make things work with Meta.

- Celestia (Tia) ✨

Hi, Tia! I can't wait to get into this one, so let's go!