#mercyru

... I hope I don’t let him down. I hope he always knows me... I don’t want to see his blank look at me...

Diary:Rot is..heh... it’s still weird to say, to think.. but.. we’re pretty strong together I think? I don’t think he realised though.. how much work I can be.Heh...  I don’t think anyone does.Not that I try to be... but.. somehow it happens. I’m too much of so many things and not enough of what I’m meant to be I guess?Still. He puts up with me. Loves me. Even tries to get over the fact he doesn’t approve of specific choices I made.. I could do a lot worse couldn’t I? haha.. he’s so... special. I just wish he’d -talk- to me about shit more...instead of making me pull teeth just to get a rough idea of how his day has been.  I get more and more frustrated everytime, and I don’t think he realises how hard it is to not worry when I don’t know if there’s anything to worry about or not, and of -course- my mind has to imagine the worst.. because if it was just simple stuff.. he’d tell me... right? Although I know he won’t... not unless I keep asking and insisting... Still... not like this is anything new really right?I’m a little nervous I won’t lie. Resets... they’re happening in his timeline a lot.. what happens if he gets a true reset? Will he recall? Or will I see him one day and he’ll just look straight through me, like any other stranger who doesn’t know me would?Wish I knew. I can only pray...I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to lose what I have.

And again I lose contact with him somehow, I want to see him again. I want to learn more about him, ever more. He fascinates me after all. He said.. well.. heh... he says he...but does he really know what that means? I have to wonder. I’ve been learning some from him from his boyfriend ironically. I need to test this stuff out. I want to see for myself what happens if I call him that...heh heh.. nope. Not even telling my diary what I’m planning on, after all...I’ll write more here after I’ve tried it ;)Admittedly though, I just.. want to see him again. He’s growing important to me. I think I am to him as well. I have reasons to believe so.