they’re born… the little one… Faul and Gigi’s…h-heh… s’fuckin’ cute as shit… I got to hold them for a little bit, He’s called them Sonne…sun…h-heh.. seems at least now he has a new sun. That’s good right?He wants to be friends still.. maybe more? I’m going to make them a pet anyway… think I have some ideas.It’s as weird as ever, hearing people talk about kids, telling me how it is, or what it is… not Faul… but.. just.. in general, letting me know what should only be expected, as though I’m not supposed to know anymore, as though I’ve never known. As though… they never existed. I’ve muted the memories… changed my soul around a little, it’s easier to hear it this way, but it’s still weird.Still odd to feel that light little weight in my arms though. A hand so tiny in mine.It seems to be easier if I pretend anyway. So I’ll keep that up. Keep a smile. It’s the easiest way right? It’s for the best. And who knows, maybe in time me and Faul will be close friends again. He needs friends. His smile still isn’t fully there yet. I want to see that smile again, I want him happy.I want all my friends happy. For that.. yeah. I’ll keep working.I miss him. You know? I can’t tell him that, it would destroy everything I’ve done this for. but fuck.. I miss him. I miss his arms around mine. I miss curling up in his lap knowing that this gentle giant would never hurt me...I hate what I’ve had to do. I hate that I’ve had to hurt him like this.I got asked once if I minded him and Gigi being lovey dovey... honestly? Even if it.. kinda hurts? I earned that. I insisted he did it. So him and Gigi could be happy, so they could have their kids. Even if it’s just one kid now...he was meant to be mine though. I don’t blame him.. he does that to himself enough... but.. heh..I have to stop writing. I’ve already filled too many pages. I just wish... I almost wish he’d forget me. Never thought I’d say that, but it would be so much easier on him if he could. If he could forget who and what I am and was to him. Ok. No. Stop.I’m stopping. This is the end of this entry.