Sans/Shorty

Bitsy...I hope she’s ok. I haven’t seen or heard much from her, but I’ve seen her pop up in Tanks chat. So I know she’s ok right?I need to message her again. See if she’ll show to a stream again sometime. We had fun watching those Asian horrors. The one time we hung together one on one it was really chill too. I’d like to spend some time with her again.Should make her a cake sometime again too.Gonna work on that soon.

Your character has just discovered my character’s journal/diary.I spoke with him a little today. It’s always.. weird I guess?Like... we speak one on one and he listens? Put him in a crowd and you have no doubt about what he feels and thinks, but... it’s hard to speak up. He’s got this... level of ... authority? It would be way too easy to just fall in line and do whatever he said when he said it, how he said it... I want to trust him more. I just.. always get this feeling that he could turn on a dime, and I know he’s loyal to those he cares for. I know he’s trustworthy. Heh.. more than I am right?I dunno... he still kinda scares me? He has this power.. and I’m not talking about physical strength although he has that in droves of course... not even talking about his magic, although that too is some powerful shit...I’m talking about this power to get what he wants done how and when he wants it, and if I don’t fight it.. I’d get lost in the crowd and never seen again.He honestly has the ability to make me feel like I’m smaller than I am. Like I’m only around 2 inches tall and he’s stood above me with his foot raised.He makes the jokes about the blender and I don’t know whether to be flattered I’m part of all that, or terrified, because I know he’s perfectly capable and it wouldn’t be much more effort for him than crooking his little finger. Heh.. he could probably tell someone else to do it and use even less effort...I’d probably let him. He’s got this way... you feel like he can see right through you, like.. -right- through you. Straight into the soul. And that’s the last thing I’d need. Heh.. almost had a crush on him for a bit y’know.Thankfully for my life and his sanity, his steadily growing attraction and friendship with Blue saw put to that. Then again, I doubt anything there would have changed anyway. Someone like that? Forget it.I don’t know how he sees me. Sometimes it feels like we have a friendship growing, and then other times I get the feeling he barely tolerates me, purely because Tank happens to have some kind of feelings for me in his own way. Or because I need to know that if I ever actually managed to hurt Tank.. I’d have him to deal with.It’s confusing, and terrifying and exhilarating... and I can’t help but poke the lion with a stick because... honestly? I want to make him proud. I just.. I don’t think I can. I have a knack for doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing and knowing all the ways to wind him and those he cares for up without even trying.I’d do anything I could if I thought it would help him, or make him smile? Honestly though? I don’t know if there’s anything I’d be able to do. He’s... heh.. I guess really? He’s everything I’m not. I wanna see him happy though. I wanna see him safe. I don’t think it shows.. and I don’t think he’d care much if I told him that. Wouldn’t mean much coming from me. Words don’t mean much when I can’t put it into action, and putting things into action with Lucky? I wouldn’t even know where to start. I don’t know what I’d have to do. Who I am.. what I am.. it just seems to be wrong.Heh. Time to turn in before this entry takes up my entire fuckin’ journal.

Heh...I...missed this.We talk again you know? I know, I know. It’s just friends. Always. It’s definitely better that way. Bee has done wonders for him though. It’s amazing to see him be like... relaxed again. That flirty nature, it’s easy to fall back into old ways around him, and he’s no less comfortable to cuddle into. I’m glad for that. I see him quite a lot lately, I guess that helps? Like... he’s kind of demanding. Always wanting this, that or the other... stream, food, drink.. but.. it’s comforting in some ways? At least I know what he wants. It’s not hard to do.Not sure how serious he was about the earlier talk. The flirting but..I honestly wouldn’t have minded doing that at all. I think it could be fun.Part of me hopes he was serious, that it’s something that will one day happen.Part of me is terrified if it does, he’ll realise he’s still so far out of my league that I’m not worth talking to anymore.Doesn’t help he’s the father of the only kids I have. That I look at them and I see which parts of us got inherited and which parts are purely them.I missed it though. I’m glad to have this chance to sort things out and to remake old friends. I’m glad I got to appologise. I’m relieved that he forgave me. Heh, I already forgave him a long time ago, even if he doesn’t know what he needed to be forgiven for.I wanna grow closer. Friends at the very least.