#mer week

She had to believe that whatever he was going through he would share when he was ready. If he needed to be alone, then she would give him space. If he needed to go through losing this squad by himself, then she would stay back and let him. But… he would eventually be ready to open up to her wouldn’t he? This distance would eventually stop spreading like an infectious disease wouldn't it?

“I saw Kaidan.” He finally spoke pulling her forcefully from contemplation. Quick and easy— he didn’t even turn to face her.

“What? Here? What… did he want.” Crossing her arms self consciously, her voice grew anxious as she eyed him. His body language was stiff. Turians may have been hard for her to read, but she had become an expert at reading this one. She knew something was wrong.

“You. Like usual.” He wasn’t sure why, but he was being short. Argumentative. Cold. Maybe he did know why, but that didn’t excuse his behavior and that he did know. “Thane seems thankful for your help…"

"Uhm-Ye-yeah. I suppose he i-" She stumbled trying to make sense of his tone, to understand where this was going.

"You deserve to be happy, Commander.” He noticed her stats going wild on his visor as he spoke, still not looking at her.

“'Commander'?” Stepping in front of him she made a face, shaking her head in disarray.

What the hell is happening… Who deserves to be happy? Me? Kaidan? Thane?

She had no idea how to process the string of information piling in her mind. Garrus was clearly upset, but about what? First things first, he mentioned seeing Kaidan. About him wanting her... Okay, great. Kaidan must have said something. But then there was part about Thane being thankful for her help. Well yeah, usually when you do favors for your friend they're generally pretty happy about it. 

Oh god, did he think something was happening between them? She had been spending a lot of time with Thane, but she felt nothing for him beyond friendship. She could tell that he had feelings for her, but she didn't want that. Not with him. The worst part of it all though was the way he said ‘Commander’ like he hadn’t been sleeping in the same bed with her for the last five weeks. Like the hadn't saved the galaxy together. Like they weren’t best friends. Like she was just his boss, and nothing else. Just some human Spectre.

“I just thought that maybe you’d like to keep things more professional between us from now on. Now that you’re so close to Thane—” He wouldn’t look at her as he spoke. 

He couldn’t. Not when he was saying these things, but why was he saying them? Again he found his unstable mind reacting inappropriately. He was letting jealousy get the better of him. All of his pushing was leading up to this. To the moment he gave up. He was heartbroken and decided it would be better to completely shut her out, to close the door and lock it than to see this through. End things now before he could ruin her. Even though he didn’t want to. Even though he wanted her.

“What the fuck?” Her voice was shaking as she stepped closer to him forcing him to finally look at her.

Garrus noticed the shade of pink her cheeks were growing, seeing her heart rate rising in his visor. With his mandibles pulled tightly, he looked her straight in the eyes. “I think you should know that you two are great together.” 

“Are you… There's noth-“ She tried to speak, but nothing solid would come out. He watched her shaking her head stammering to find what to say next, confusing her loss of words as a confession, instead of a heartbreak. “W-wh… I thought that w— You want me to be… with Thane?”

“Honest. Theres no one I’d rather see you with.” He finished, and the look she returned hit him like a shotgun to the chest. He watched as that porcelain face lost all emotion, growing paler than he had seen it before. Paler even than Virmire. He watched that beautiful full mouth of hers drop open, the smallest of quivers shaking off her lip. Those big malachite eyes growing wide, fulling with tears she wouldn’t let escape. The second he spoke, he regretted it. What the hell was wrong with him?

Why did he always have to do this? He was in love with her. So damn in love with her… But he was blinded by what the last two years had done to him. Blinded by the guilt of letting her die. Blinded by the pain he felt from losing this squad. Blinded by the betrayal he felt from Sidonis. So he did the only thing he knew how, he exploded. He was destroying the only meaningful relationship he had ever had, because he was emotionally unstable. A hothead. An impulsive little brat like Kaidan always said he was… Speaking before thinking. Acting before planning. Giving up, and running away.

Once those words left his mouth, he wished they hadn’t. He spoke Impetuously, and he wanted to go back. “Jane…” He started stepping closer to her, extending a hand towards her face. His eyes full of regret. But before he could reach her she stepped back, quickly wiping below her eye removing any evidence of weakness.

“I’ll see you on board the Normandy, Soldier.” She stiffened as she turned leaving him standing alone in silence.

He watched her walking away slowly, everything inside him told him to go after her. To tell her how stupid he was acting. That he was just being a jealous child. That he had lost his mind on Omega. That he was tired, overwhelmed… Not only by his feelings for her, but for his feelings about himself. 

Laying in the Captain’s Cabin on the Normandy-in her cabin- No, in their cabin she had said... He couldn’t sleep. Finding himself remembering those words. Repeating them over and over again as he stare blankly at the space passing above. Shifting his weight uncomfortably, unable to find peace without her. It had been four days since the Reaper’s had been destroyed. It had been four days since communications went down. It had been four days without Shepard. Laying in their bed he could smell her. Closing his eyes he pulled her pillow close to his face, breathing her in deeply. 

‘You’ll never be alone. You’ll never be alone. You’ll never be alone.’ 

Repeating on a loop as he saw her running toward the beam again. Running further from him to fulfill her destiny. Everything she had done leading up to the next few moments. Watching that crimson hair disappear from focus as he struggled to remain conscious. Normandy pulling away leaving her alone. Without him. The smell of her skin and blood growing fainter as she did. The idea of leaving her down there drove him mad... Why had be been so weak? Why did he have to get hurt... He should have been paying more attention, he should have seen the Mako coming. He should have protected her.

Laying in their bed he reached a hand out, placing it in the empty space she usually lay. What he would give to have her alive again... No. Don’t think like that. She’s okay. You know she’s okay. You can feel it. It was true he could feel it. He knew that if something had happened to her he would feel it in every fiber of his being. He would know, he was sure of it. He knew before... and he would know now. That same feeling was why he couldn’t bring himself hang her name on the Memorial Wall along side their friends. No, she not dead. He would see her again. 

Flipping over he grabbed the frame on the nightstand. It had quickly become his favorite photo of them together... They had been sitting in her Citadel apartment, his arms wrapped around her tightly- his mouth pressed softly to the top of her head. She had the biggest smile on her face, he couldn't remember the last time he’d seen her that happy. Remembering the warmth of their embrace. Remembering everything about that night... It was a few days before their big party. He wanted to do something nice for her, just a few close friends relaxing before they had to see this through... But he had something else in mind.

Looking at this photo of them, he was transported back to that night. Sliding his  eyes to her delicate long fingers wrapped around his arm, he saw the small blue band circling her left ring finger. The ring he had given her only moments before the photo was taken. He and James had been planning this for weeks... Okay, EDI helped. Knowing the end was probably near, and having grown awfully close to the Marine he enlisted him for help. For a second he let himself remember all those damn dance lessons in the Shuttle Bay he had let James talk him into... Thinking back to that night with Shepard, those lessons had been worth it. 

As he looked at the photo he remembered the tone of her voice as she said ‘Yes!’, standing to kiss him passionately. Remembering the way her big emerald eyes filled with tears of euphoria. He remembered the way she felt in his arms. The way she smelled, the softness of her skin and hair. Remembering how hopeful they had been that night. They may not have known what was ahead them... That only a few weeks later she would be missing, presumed dead by everyone. That she would succeed in stopping the Reapers against all odds. That most of their friends would die during that initial onslaught. They may not have know what was coming, but they didn’t care. It didn’t matter what might be ahead, because no matter what life sent their way they would make it. They had this, they had each other. Hope... a promise of a future without mission after mission. Love. They both knew she would do everything she could to get back to him.

Remembering the way their hope felt that night. The night she decided she would be his forever... That feeling returned slowly as he gaze at the photo. Slipping up his gut into his chest filling him with a realm of possibilities. He knew he would see her again.

“Garrus... they found her.” He sat up quickly hearing Joker’s echoing above him, there was clear excitement in his voice. 

They had found Shepard. They really had found her- somehow... He couldn’t think about where she was, or how he’d get to her yet. But just knowing she was out there, alive... waiting for him was good enough. Knowing he would make it back to her, was enough. He looked again at his girl smiling wide from the photo. 

‘You’ll never be alone.’ He heard her say as he slid a hand to the chain around his neck, smiling as he held the matching band he had picked for himself.

So when Kasumi mentioned the black tie requirement of her ‘perfectly planned’ heist job on Bekenstein, she couldn’t help but be a little inconvenienced. She’d have to shave her legs… Put on makeup. A bunch of shit she really didn’t want to do. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to help Kasumi. Actually, she really liked the thief. But… A dress? really? How was she supposed to even fight in the thing? Apparently Kasumi had a plan for that too. As much as she hated it, it was part of her cover. Allison Gunn, mercenary leader, cold hard bitch. That should be a fun role to play while being forced to mingle with the other ‘highlords’, she would sure enjoy making shit up about her fictional criminal empire. 

Aside from the obvious annoyance and discomfort, she wasn’t permitted to bring anyone aside from Kasumi. The invitation for Alison Gunn was very specific and she knew how important this job was to her, so this time it would be just the two of them. Which meant Garrus had to sit this one out. Neither of them were too keen on the idea of a solo mission but what could they do? Garrus would just have to trust in her abilities to take care of herself. She knew he didn’t doubt her, he just didn’t like the idea of them being separated. To be fair, she wasn’t a big fan of it either, but she didn’t have to let him know that.

“Listen here, big guy. I’ve been doing this a long time. I’m a strong independent woman and I don’t need no man.” She said with a big smile, nudging him as she noticed his eyes scanning her up and down.

“What about a turian? You need one of those?” Garrus purred softly, leaning to the side on his console, eyeing her up and down. Noticing her legs… Those collarbones, and her chest. Let’s just say Shepard in a dress was more than a little distracting.

“I’ll tell you what. If anything bad happens, you can tell me ‘I told you so’ okay? You know how much I hate that.” She crossed her arms, leaning into a hip. “Duty calls-” Stopping for a second she noticed the skepticism in his eyes. “I’ll be fine.” 

As she walked to the shuttle she thought about their conversation. She had to admit it was nice to have him worrying about her so much. They had grown considerably close again after she found him a few weeks back on Omega. She felt herself thinking about him a bit too much since then… Okay, a lot too much. But given their history her attraction was to be expected, wasn’t it? Only a few months ago they had drunkenly kissed… If you could really call it just a kiss. No, a few years ago, she reminded herself. Did things change for him while she was dead, or did he still want her? Maybe she couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss because to her it had just happened. She wondered if he ever thought about that night too, deciding he probably did; If for no other reason than the look he was wearing when they talked moments ago. She saw the way his eyes slid over her… As much as she hated wearing the thing, she could get used to the way he looked at her in it.

During the shuttle to the party Kasumi promised the mission would be easy in the sweetest voice she could muster. Everything would be fine; The alias she  had established was very credible and would be was sure to fool Donovan Hock, or any other curious guest. She had even given Miss Gunn a very menacing reputation over the last couple weeks, oh and even a small article in a mercenary magazine. Accompanied by a very old photo from her earlier days… That one was the most confusing for Shepard, but she didn’t want to think about it. Kasumi was known as the best thief in the galaxy for a reason, she shouldn’t have been surprised she had tracked that dinosaur of a photo down. 

The party was average, and the conversation was repetitive. She never was very good at mingling, put her in the corner with a varren and call her happy. She much more enjoyed eavesdropping on the guests. And boy, had the rumors about her been pretty extreme to say the least. She’d also have to tell Garrus that the great Archangel had even been mentioned a few times. He would love that. 

Getting into the vault hadn’t been easy, but it hadn’t exactly been hard either. The worst part was having to listen to Donovan talk long enough to get a usable sound bit. But eventually, they got every piece needed to enter the vault with ease. Inside his vault was incredible. She had never seen so many pieces of priceless art before, and the look she saw in Kasumi’s eyes was rather adorable honestly, just like a kid in a candy shop. 

“Alright! Keiji’s graybox is over here… Oh! And look, I’m sure Hock wouldn’t notice if we were to hang onto these…” Kasumi smiled holding the graybox closely to her chest as she pointed to two the machine guns. “I told you. In and out. No trouble.”

But as she spoke Donovan Hock’s huge arrogant face projected before them, promising death and destruction. Quite the theatrics with this one. He really did love hearing himself talk. Luckily they had successfully smuggled her armor in through that creepy statue of Saren, ‘just in case’. Whose idea was that anyway? It was a good thing they had, because the fight ahead was going to be difficult. You don’t just steal from a man like Mr. Hock. 

“Damn it, Kasumi. I told you never to say that. You do realize you jinxed us right? You just had to say something. Don’t you know the rules?” And just like that they were shooting their way through his personal museum.

“What can I say? I like trouble. But this is why I usually work alone… too much complaining.” Kasumi said coyly with a smile before she used shadow strike to take down an unsuspecting guard. 

“We gotta get out of here… Normandy do you copy. We need immediate extraction.” Paging Joker, they pushed their way forward.

As they make their way through the base, she couldn’t help but think of the big fat ‘I told you so’ Garrus was going to give her. Maybe she deserved it a little, okay she definitely deserved it. She should have known better than to tell him it would be okay. A simple party- nothing big. Easy. She should have known better, nothing was ever that simple. At least the Normandy was en route, and she wasn’t in that damn dress anymore. The mech’s and men alike had been difficult, but the worst of it all had been having to take down Donovan’s helicopter. That son of a bitch had an impressive shielding mechanism, and anytime they’d make any dent in it, the thing would fully recharge. Kasumi insisted she could handle it, if Shepard would just keep the guards off her.

She couldn’t exactly describe what Kasumi had done, but it was also quite dramatic. Theatrics aside, her plan had worked and they were able to take down that damn helicopter once and for all. A ping in her ear let them know the shuttle was steadily approaching, and they were minutes from extraction. Unfortunately though, just because Donovan Hock was dead didn’t mean that his men were done fighting. As they wait for the shuttle they took out each guard and mech that approach. 

“Shepard!” She heard from behind her, turning to see the Normandy’s shuttle as Garrus walk swiftly toward her. Each step he took she could see the intensity growing in his eyes. Not breaking eye contact with her he shot each guard standing in his way. Not blinking, steadfast, and unwavering… point, click, shoot. 

Oh, boy. Here it comes…

“Garrus…” Shepard started, noticing the guards approaching, putting them down around her. He was only about 3 meters away from her now and he was walking quickly… There as something determined and predatory about his stride toward her. “Okay, before you say any-” 

Before she could finish he reached a long taloned hand out toward her neck grabbing it. Stepping into her he lightly lifted her face to his, kissing her hard in one solid motion. His other hand sliding to her lower back, pulling her closer to him. She wasn’t sure what to expect, but it definitely wasn’t that. Easing into the way he felt, she slid one hand to the side of his face, kissing him back just as intently. 

“Do you think that could wait a bit? I don’t really want to have to kill all of these guys myself.” Kasumi cleared her throat beside them, popping into view a little closer than either of them had expected. They watched the flicker of her tactical cloak as she disappeared again, reappearing behind one of the guards. 

“That’s… not what I expected.” Shepard barely knew what to say. She was still pressed close against him, not believing what had happened. Was this real? Had he seriously just done what she thought he just did? She wasn’t sure if she should be pissed off or turned on…

“Oh, there’s something else.” He grabbed her face kissing her again, softer than before. Pulling his gun off his back, he threw her a smile. “I told you so.”

Commander Shepard was considered exponentially talented among her people... for a human. Her family being one of the most influential in the galaxy, he already knew all about who she was, and her decorated history of service. She was a war hero, a sole survivor. An N7. A perfect candidate for becoming a Spectre. Her family even dated as far back as The First Contact War. She may have had many medals and awards under her belt, but as far as Garrus was concerned she was a spoiled little rich girl. An entitled, privileged human. So what if he hadn’t actually met her, she was bound to be the same as the humans he had met at C-Sec wasn’t she?

Garrus was to assist  the Commander on a ground mission to Eden Prime. This would be the perfect opportunity to see just what this human was made of. Looking at the clock told him he had to get going, better not be late on their first meeting. Plus he had a feeling that this mission would be big. Not only that but the sooner he got in there, the sooner he could get out. Living the life of a Spectre had been everything that he hoped it would be. He had a wonderful home and a pet varren. There were no rules to hold him down, no red tape holding him back. He was free to do whatever he wanted. And believe when I say he did. Within reason of course, he still had a code. 

He may not have been excited for the mission, but he was excited to see just how incredible this new ship was. That and he couldn’t help but be curious about the human. Upon entering he immediately recognized the turian influences around him on the SR1. The Normandy really was beautiful. He could have done without all the looks he got from the human crew members though. But truthfully, he was fairly used to those looks. You got them a lot doing the kind of job he did. 

“Spectre Vakarian. It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.” Captain Anderson approached him extending a hand. Garrus was used to shaking hands with humans, he’d done it many times. 

“Captain Anderson. Likewise.” Returning the hand he walk forward toward the CIC to examine it more closely. After a moment the Captain signaled towards the Comm Room. 

“She’s beautiful isn’t she?” Anderson smiled as they continued forward signaling around him at the SR1.

Upon entering he noticed a tall human standing with her back towards them. Her hair was a deep crimson red. Immediately he could smell her. As they walk forward, she slowly turned to face them with a bright wide smile. Upon scanning her face, he felt his own lighten. 

“She is.” With lose mandibles he watched the human walk toward them extending a long slender hand out for his. For a second he didn't shake it. Finding himself distracted by those large emerald eyes shining up at him from at least a foot below. 

“Commander Shepard.” When she spoke her voice was soft and kind, still holding her hand out for him to take. 

He moved his eyes from hers past all of the brown specks decorating her pale skin. Sliding them down to those impeccable full lips that still held a comforting smile. After a moment Garrus realized he had been staring. That she had been waiting ever so patiently with hand still outstretched. He shook his head slightly pulling his mandibles closer as he grabbed her hand in his. Once they touched he felt a wave run through him. In that moment he raised his free hand holding hers between them both in more intimate of a greeting than he intended. 

“Garrus Vakarian.” His voice was a raspy purr as he still held her hand in his. He noticed the look in her eyes, paired with a slightly difference smile. This was one of the times he wished humans were a Council race so he could at least read her vitals. Get an idea about what was going on with this human...

“Pleasure to meet you.” She was still smiling that coy smile, and he could feel her eyes scanning his in attempts to read him like a book. “Mind if I take that back?” She whispered as she signaled with a brow towards her hand securely held between his. “If that’s okay with you, I mean.” 

Realizing what he had been doing he let her hand fall from his with a nod. “Excuse me. It’s been a long day.”

What the hell was that, Vakarian? Get your shit together. Focus.

Joker paged in for Anderson, calling him to the bridge. “I will let you two get acquainted. I’ll be back shortly. Shepard. Mr. Vakarian.” Anderson turned and after a pat on Shepard’s shoulder he left them alone in the Comm Room.

“Do you know why I’m here, Commander?” Garrus asked not looking to her eyes again, finding them a bit too distracting. Even more so now that they were alone. What was it about this human that had him so... intrigued?

“I was speeding?” Shepard’s voice was playful and inviting as she brought his attention towards her. “Sorry. I thought a little levity might, but okay... Also, yes.” Letting out a small laugh, he watched her pinching the bridge of her nose. “You’re here to watch me.”

“That I am. Do you know what for?” Asking with arms fastened tightly behind his back. He stood tall, strong and broad shouldered. He still found it hard to look at her when he spoke. There was something about the way she looked at him.

“Well, I had an idea. But now I’m starting to think I’m in trouble again.” She joked again while walking forward placing her arms on the bar circling the room. 

“Are you always this...” Garrus turned to face her finally. He ran his eyes over her, noticing the lightness of her tone and posture. He tried studying her, but found her hard to read. Once again he wished he could read what her vitals were, maybe then he’d have something to go off of.

“Charming?” 

“I was going to say entertaining.” Finishing he stepped towards her, watching as she crossed her arms leaning back into a hip. 

“Damn. I was really going for charming...” She pulled in a lower lip, biting it lightly. “To answer your question yes I am.”

He wasn’t sure why, but he felt himself instantly comfortable with the Commander. She had some kind of air around her that was familiar. Like he’d met her before. Known her before. Something... 

“I see you’re quite talkative. Care to tell me what I’m doing here then?” Garrus couldn’t help but play with her a little, having learned this inquisitive nature from his father.

“You’re here to watch me.” Shepard licked her lips, pulling a hand to her mouth. Once again he found himself looking at them. “You’re here to see if the famous Commander Shepard has what it takes to join the Spectre club.”

“Does she?” His voice had a soft reverberation, and he watched her swallow as he spoke.

“You know, Mr. Vakarian...” She started, brow furrowed in thought. “I don’t know if I have an answer you want to hear. I could go off on this long winded speech about why I’d be better for this than the next human trying to weasel their way in. But the truth is I’m not any better than those men or women. I’m just a soldier that’s been in the right place at the right time.”

“I’ve read your file. Do you really expect me to believe your entire career was based simply on luck?” He shifted his weight inspecting her carefully.

“Not exactly the way I would have put it, but luck is one way to look at it.” She sighed looking forward taking her eyes off him for the first time since they met.

“Like I said, Commander. I’ve read your file. And I don’t think that luck had much to do with it.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. Guess there’s only one way to find out, Mr. Vakarian.” Smiling wide again, he saw that same something from before flicker in those large viridian eyes. 

“Guess you’re right, Shepard. Oh, and it’s just Garrus. Mr. Vakarian is my father.” Holding her gaze he traced the lines of her face, running them to her hair again. He was close to her and could smell her lavender skin surrounding him. 

“Alight, Garrus. You ready to see if I have what it takes?”

Studying her face again, he felt something awaken in him. It started low in his gut and slipped up high into his chest where it held heavy like a weight. Whatever the hell it was, it was strong and powerful. Looking at the Commander he saw strength. He saw courage, determination, wit and beauty. He didn’t know where this mission would take him, but he had a strange feeling that they were connected. That he’d know this human better than anyone else had...