Hey, so, I'm not dead

I’ve also been gone from this site for a solid year or so, as well as most other social media.

I’m back? Sort of?

I haven’t been in communication with many people. I’ve been working quite a bit (you’d all be very proud of the things I’m doing, even though I can’t talk about a lot of it due to being under strict NDAs) as well as traveling (both back and forth between the States and home, and for work.)

Traveling has been… difficult, in this time, for someone like me. I’m not going to lie; in my position, I’ve been afraid, quite a lot. Every time I reach the US border again, every time I get pulled aside, I start to sweat. Even getting on planes within the States gets me nervous. I can’t help but wonder when I walk around ‘Do I look ‘good’ enough for their standards?’ or ‘Am I passing?’

Things like that have caused my priorities to shift quite radically. I’ve focused in on my community close by. What I can accomplish, trying to volunteer more, etc.

I’m still a nerd, that’s never stopped. You all know that well enough - being a dork is a part of my job. But, that’s shifted a bit, too. Ngl, the last DA game was soured a bit for me (external factors happening in my own life, as well as how the company handled certain things and the like) so I can’t promise this blog will be 90% Dragon Age as it once was.

That isn’t to say that this community isn’t important to me. I met my twin because of this community. My art grew to such higher heights because of you all. I have an entire wall in my house filled with pictures of Mellan and your characters interacting with that little archivist freak that I stare at every day while getting ready.

A day does not go by where that green and brown eyed elf isn’t on my mind. Mellan is tattooed onto my soul.

I just have other things I’d like to share here, too, if that’s okay with you all, while I awkwardly try to begin reaching out again. I’m not very good with social media - I’m better at being a worker bee. But, I want to nerd out more in this online community, too.

Plus, Raven and my brother deserve a break from being the only ones I ever text about my hyperfixations. God’s strongest soldiers deserve rest.

Hope me ranting wasn’t super weird, you guys know I can be awkward. Elsker dig. ❤

-Kissi

PS. My same partner and I are still very much together, and now have been in a successful throuple for a hot minute… figured that would be important information for you all to have.

To start, my first D4 oc is Letum the necromancer. He is a student of my D3 necromancer Thanutos. He was sent to this region of sanctuary to initially investigate what the fuck was going on with the rumors of Lilith returning and to return with information, and instead became too invested.

Next is my favorite D4 oc, Mellan the sorcerer. While I have no origin story for him, he is my favorite to play because he just zaps everyone. He is apart of Letum's adventuring party, and had a very short relationship with Vigo until Vigo fuckin died. He has a mutual crush on Letum, but refuses to admit he does or even act on it because he grieves Vigo as well as I want to include in his story that he always lost those he cared about most

Next is Eris the rogue. She came from S2 of D4 (the vampire event) so her lore is rooted in vampires. Her wife was turned into a vampire thrall, and Eris was forced to kill her wife. Eris then got bit by a bat that semi-turned her into a vampire (if you play the S2 event for D4, you'd know the plot of it) and her entire motivation was to get vengence for her lover. After defeating the vampire lord whatever the fuck was his name, she joined Mellan and Letum on restoring balance to Sanctuary.

Last is Nith the barbarian. I have nothing on her other than big stronk woman looking for her brother who went to go fight against the armies of Lilith and never returned (he dead btw). She was who I was playing the last time I ever played which I think was the start of S3, but I stopped playing around then due to my forever burning rage at blizzard for over pricing the season passes, and she never got built up much. What I can say is she joined Letum, Mellan, and Erin last after meeting them at a bar and is traveling with them as a much needed tank

borderlineghostdisorder said: can you make @drugsbydaylight​ s fantroll mellan using remelles clasped hands sprite? her left eye is also the weird x eye remelle has,the other eye is thanks! please tag him not me.

This song is my entire mood for October... 

i mean, like, IF U INSIST.  Ahem. 

Wax is a stern eagle, who looks super majestic and intimidating but is, in fact, a huge nerd. 

Wayne is a magpie. This feels self-explanatory. 

Steris is a very prim siamese cat who requires everything to be The Right Way.   

Marasi is a little roundish black cat who is v earnest and eager, and is constantly poking her nose into EVERYTHING. (curiosity killed the cat and all that jazz) 

MeLaan is a super playful octopus (who deeply enjoys blending in with her surroundings then suddenly becoming visible again just to scare people bc it amuses her a lot) 

“You greet all your friends like that when they come home? Or just the best one?”

“No, no. Just him.”

Between getting Covid and this chapter ending up twice as long as originally intended (I had very important things I needed to make sure were communicated, okay?), this took a hot minute to get out. But, I hope it was worth the wait, because after 128197 words... it happens. 👀 Here be a snippet right before it all goes down:

“You know that I’ve got a good memory, ma fen, you know that. I don’t forget things easily,” She was back to nicknames, it would seem. “Well, do you know what Garrett Hawke told me when he first arrived?”

Had she scooted closer? No, that was just the way the shadows cast across them from over the wall. Surely, there was no other explanation.

“Tell me.”

“He told me,” A snort. A snort! Mellan covered her nose with one hand and squeezed Solas’ with the other, eyes closed and face cast to the ground. “He told me, that my symptoms - oh, you won’t believe a word of this - that they mean, that I’m smitten with you!”

Solas’ eyes felt wobbly.

Ah, well--that was a new sensation. He wasn’t altogether sure he’d felt that before; not in a context like this, at any rate.

Give him the credit of maintaining his composure, the world within him shook with greater violence than a Titan fighting against the bonds of--

Is this how adolescents felt? Real, true, young people? Was it always so stifling hot?

“Oh, and Solas? Solas, the best part. You’ll find this funny,” Did she even realize he wasn’t laughing? Of course not, ragged hand covered giggling mouth and she hadn’t looked up to him once since she’d started. Was he to stop her? Let her continue? Did this manner of ‘announcement’ count towards that finish line he had promised he would meet her at one day? Was this the correct path?

Ironically, she was a balter from his own path, but an enrapturing one that left him dumbstruck with each new revelation of hers. Like an impatient reader he wanted to skip ahead just a few of her pages. Have her spoil the story and tell him what lay ahead.

“He said that,”

‘What comes next?’

“That you were a ‘lucky guy;’ that we were more than dear friends.” Another giggle and their shared fate was sealed. “As if, oh, my goodness, as if you were smitten with me as well!”

Mellan shook her head for a final time, before, at last, she raised it up to meet Solas’ eyes.

“But, that would be silly, wouldn’t it?”

She hadn’t actually thought much on what she expected to see when she opened her eyes. Perhaps a smile, a shared laugh, but not a stare. Not a look from her friend that held something deep and lurking just beneath the surface of murky waters.

Not something that made her wonder if the petname she’d given him of ‘fen’ was a bit too apt, and that if she moved too quickly, some emotion would snap; and oh, dear, Mellan was nowhere near ready for whatever that emotion might be.

“W-Wouldn’t it?” Had she actually spoke aloud, or simply thought the words? Mellan supposed she might have mouthed them, let them fan across her teeth. It took a real gulp of purest bravery for her to truly speak heartily again. “S-So, um, academically. Academically… my symptoms.”

‘Spirits, even my nose feels like it's on fire; I probably look like a tomato to him. Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut? Why couldn’t I just learn the blasted dance and be done with it all?!’

“Thought? Your thoughts?”

Peculiar, even by their standards, Solas held a single chuckle in his chest. Barely hiding his lip, he rested fingers upon it to shield the smallest smile as he turned to think.

“My thoughts,” he began, a twinge of well-measured mirth to his tone. “Are that Ser Hawke is far more attentive than I gave him credit for.” And that he could now confirm that he had been a right prick to the man, but that was neither here nor there at this point. 

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Mellan take a gulp for air, most likely absorbing the information he had technically-not-confirmed - and, therefore, was still following his own personal set of rules - but, also not at all denied. The blessing was that he knew she was smart, and that she knew precisely what he was getting at, all with his plausible deniability still perfectly intact.

He still was just as much of a prick, wasn’t he?

“A--hm,” She nodded, readjusting herself yet again, back straightening. Solas could see how her shoulders rolled back beneath her braids like branches beneath leafy willows, how her chest rose and fell across the skin exposed above her ill-fitting tunic. “I see. So, then, I suppose you are suggesting that Garrett’s observation was, ah, correct?”

“No, I am declaring it.” To him it was not a subject for debate.

Read the rest here on Ao3!

I hope you guys are excited and enjoy because holy moly I’ve been fucking amped for this jerhbuerbgueibguearburbygber I really hope it was worth the wait and this chapter is enjoyable D’x Love y’all!!

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Copied this over from my Ao3, but I am SO SORRY its taken me so long to put out a new chapter. After attending a friend's wedding, I immediately went into surgery, and recovery has been difficult ever since.I still am not fully recovered, but my beta-reader surprised me and let me know that this chapter was finished, and I'm so happy that I get to share this one with you all!

I hope you enjoy it, and again, I'm so sorry for keeping you all waiting. <3

Chapter 26: A Fool’s Errand

Felandaris did little to dull the scent that somehow still pulsed through Mellan’s nostrils as headily as fresh bread seeping in across the threshold via the not-so distant kitchens.

The scent was plaster.

Plaster, with a hint of paint beneath fingertips. Fingertips that crushed ferns beneath them in one hand, and in the other cupped her face. The sour scent of magic, acquired and electric. A familiar sweater’s warmth in its well-loved care, washed in a home-brewed soap but holding a natural aroma that lingered with its age.

‘Mellan,’

Her toes curled to the floor and the elf let out a little ‘yip!’ of pain as she hit a splinter where the wood cracked to betray her. ‘Wake up,’ it seemed to say, unknowingly echoing the very words of the one she was fantasizing over.

Fantasizing! Her!

Of all people; she hardly even thought herself capable of it. It wasn’t as if anyone else would think she could.

Turning herself on a coin to plop her rear upon the wood, Mellan shimmied her knees to block out her chin from the candlelight. She’d been practically salacious; what would her Keeper say if she saw her like that?! Wasn’t that how the ladies - she didn’t even really like being called a lady! - in Varric’s books acted… she certainly felt like she was blushing like the Seeker was when she read them - it wasn’t as if Mellan didn’t spy that wee chestnut.

Worrying at the loose ties of her tunic, she snuggled her forehead deeper to bump her legs. Then again, did she care much anymore? Now, that was a truly scary thought; a thought she really ought not to be having. First she was struggling to care for this nasty Inquisition business, but now what her Keeper may think of her actions?

Well, what about Aislin?

Oh, Aislin would hate this. Hate, hate, hatehatehate--

‘You know, I don’t recall asking anyone’s sister’s opinions…’ On the topic of dreams one failed to forget, eyes she hadn’t realized she’d squeezed shut sprung open to the sound of an echoing chant in the recesses of her memory. 

‘What are yours?’

Slow arrow.

Mellan lifted head and hand, tracing the shape of the bracelet in the air with her pointer finger. Silver and light, near mockingly so, much like the glinting of his lavender eyes.

Lavenders. For loyalty. Devotion.

“I liked it,” she admitted to the man in her mind’s eye, whispering on the wind, so sure that only the cobwebs would hear her. “I don’t want to forget it. I--”

‘I’m afraid,’ she thought, before another remembrance returned:

‘You feel safe, don’t you?’

“More than I know I should.” Something was amiss, something remained unspoken and more than her own cowardice was to blame. Everything returns to the dirt after it is born, and eventually in it is forgotten, until it is one with the Fade, and lingers.

That should not scare Solas, but something in it did, and he seemed determined to shield her eyes from it like it should blind her if he not.

‘What of this lingers that you do not wish I know, ma fen?’

‘You’ve yet to guess, Mellan.’

Braids fell hard and unforgiving, like chunks of snow off of shaken trees, as she leapt down and shook her head all in one fell swoop. She would, she would; she was nothing if not a diligent researcher. Better yet, she was one that was, perhaps, developing something that her precious books had that, until recently, she’d so greatly lacked:

A spine.

Read the rest Here on Ao3!

Again, I’m so sorry that its taken me so long to publish this, please be patient with me as I continue to heal up. <3 I love you all so much, thank you all for being so supportive of me, it means so much. 

Tagging the usual suspects to see the goodies: