#melencholy

my socials

♡ tiktok : numbunicorns

♡ insta : lonepumpkins

♡ Pinterest : lacedangels

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

(Forgive me if this is no good, My writing has become rusty and I figure this a brilliant place to start writing again)

Allow me,

A phrase that escapes me far more than I truly mean it.

Allow me to shoulder your burdens, allow the weight of your world to roll upon my shoulders and crush my spine.

Watch my body and mind buckle before you, and tell me you do not ask much when the weight finally brings me to my knee.

Allow me,

Allow me to love you, to crave and want you more than I have ever wanted before. Allow me your presence even when I am not enough for you.

Look into these eyes that have never looked upon you with anything but adoration, where you only see a convenience you have nothing but contempt for.

Allow me,

Allow me to feel worthless when I grow up, allow me to struggle and fight to find purpose when it feels all I have been put on this earth to do is please others. Allow me to know nothing of myself outside of what I can be worth to someone else.

Allow me to hurt, only for a moment before it begins to take its toll upon you, where I will rock you in my arms, and wipe tears away that I did not cause.

Allow me,

Allow me the illusion of love despite the fact we both know, I am nothing more than a stepping stone that betters you before you find what you truly need.

Allow me to believe in forever, even though we know I am no one's destiny. I shall never be a star crossed lover, an equal, or even a partner. I shall always simply be something to have, to use, to give without recieving.

I am not beautiful, I am not pleasent, I am only something that quells your desire for the unconventional, before you choose something simpler.

Therefore, I shall remain alone, but dear god you cannot make yourself disconnect from me no matter how I try. Five months without hearing from you, just for you to rub me in that way only you can, just to dissipate once more in one worded answers and casual conversation that spans across spotting days?

When I feel down or upset I remind myself that I will die either way.

This is not a cry for help.

My days spent in the summer sun, looking and searching for words that mean something to those around me. But I find none.

I feel nostalgic when I stare at the sky. I think and dream of a life I never had and wishing for it to all come back. Even then I know the soft feeling of the sun on my skin isn't a good feeling. It's just sunburn and skin cancer. I am content with that.

If I wasn't then I wouldn't be outside in the first place, basking in his or hers or their glory.

I look into its eyes, as it burns and spots mine. It doesn’t care about hurting me.

It has no feelings, but I act like it does. Her heart shines on us. His embrace is comforting. They keep us alive to see the beautiful world they have created.

Only for us to take that kindness and eat it like a gluttonous and fat rich man that only wants more. Despite the fact he's so fat that he is nearly swallowed by his own skin.

Either way, he will die.

Maybe by suffocation from his own body choking him for his unhealthy lifestyle of eating all that kindness.

And much like the gluttonous man, I too will die.

Hopefully I will die with some grace.

We were in a fight when she died. A bad one. I'll never heal from the pain that caused and the trauma I'll hold about that for the rest of my life.