#melbis

After traveling nearly 24 hours across the globe, missing a day and many hours of sleep, I have arrived in Melbourne, Australia with my trusty travel partner/husband, TJ. We will be living in Melbourne for the next six months with my very best friend, and this blog is here to track our travels and adventures during our stay. 

We left from Asheville, NC on Wednesday, March 4th around 3:30 in the afternoon, hopped on a tiny propeller plane and flew 20 minutes to Charlotte. It was the longest 20 minutes of my life. The ride over the mountains was a very, very turbulent one. I'm pretty sure I've left permanent nail indentations on TJ's arm. The propellers were loud, but not nearly loud enough to drown out the voice of a man from New York City who was a Cher enthusiast. "You've never seen Moonstruck? Oh my gawd, it's a classic! You have ta see it. Look it up. Moon - struck. Yeah, Moonstruck. You've never seen Sonny & Cher?! Oh gawd, look it up. Look. it. up. She's part Cherokee, ya know?"  I'm not sure who he was talking to or what the other person's responses were, but I hope he/she went home and watched Moonstruck right away. Because, really, who hasn't seen Moonstruck?

When we landed in Charlotte I wanted to kiss the tarmac and praise sweet baby Jesus that we had survived the flight. Instead we booked it clear across Charlotte airport dodging the elderly, people who like to stop suddenly and look around, and those who insist that texting and walking is a good idea, to make it to our gate in time. And we did, with just a few minutes to spare. Next stop: LAX. 

In the five hours it took to fly to LA, I was up to date on the friendships, crushes, frenemies, and Facebook statuses of the girl sitting behind us, who also couldn't say one sentence without using "like" about 15 times. She was flying to LA with her mother and brother to visit USC. I gathered it was a college visit for her brother since she seemed set on stalking the Kardashians. We hit some pretty bad turbulence as we passed over the Rocky Mountains and I thought I was going to die again.  

LAX is a horrible, horrible airport. We landed and had no idea where to go. Our flight wasn't listed on the Departure screen, so we asked a flight attendant how to get to the Qantas gates. We were prompted to take a shuttle, which we did, and it let us off in this small, dirty room where we'd wait for another shuttle. That shuttle took us halfway around the airport to International Departure land. TJ bought me an ice cream because at this point I was quite crabby and sleep deprived.  As I waited to board the massive Air Bus we would be spending the next 16 hours on, I noticed a woman sitting around some younger, hipster-looking guys and I was pretty sure she was Macy Gray. When she spoke I said, yep, that is definitely Macy Gray. Celeb spotting at LAX can now be crossed off my bucket list. 

Finally, we are on our Qantas flight to Melbourne!  Only 16 hours to go until I can breath fresh air, use a normal toilet, not worry about getting blood clots in my legs due to sitting on my ass for so long, and not have to use hand sanitizer every 5 minutes.  After we were served a nice dinner of microwaved chicken over a handful of salad, we took some sleeping pills and passed the f**k out (it was about 4:30 am EST). I woke up what I felt like was at least 7 hours later and checked out the flight tracker only to discover I had only slept for 2 hours and we wouldn't be landing for another 14. Yay. I watched four movies: Wild, Birdman, The Imitation Game, and some movie with Jason Bateman, Tina Fey, and that guy from GIRLS. I probably slept for a total of 3 hours that entire plane ride. TJ might have slept an hour more.  Needless to say, we were delirious.

Fifteen hours later when the cabin lights started to turn on, I had assumed the sun was rising and we were getting closer to our destination. And then there was coffee. Sweet, sweet coffee. We landed in Melbourne around 9:30 am on Friday, March 6, which was around 5:30 pm on Thursday, March 5 on the East Coast. We did not have a Thursday, March 5th this year. We just flew right passed it, or through it. Time zones, man. They trip me out.