hard work

My histology exam is on Friday so studying Blood...The worst part is learning all the numbers like the size of the neutrophils and eosinophils etc but slowly making progress

Painting- I live in a town that has a lot of homeless people in it but unfortunately, most of the people who live here and most of the students who go to the university here walk past the homeless people every day without offering any help or even recognising their existence. It's very sad and unfortunate.

Talking to people and listening to the podcast really had me sit down and think about it for a while. What am I doing, studying medicine? Here I am, fine with being mediocre, barely passing my classes, while there are kids out there constantly trying to be the best. The podcast talked about how people who didn’t have the drive for med school, just couldn’t handle it and dropped out, two or three years in. How do I know if I have this thing- this drive- to do med school? Yes, the podcast said it was okay to drop out, it was okay to pursue things you are personally interested in, but I feel like I’m hanging in some sort of gaping void. I want to do medicine, but I want to breeze through it, I want medicine to remain sterile, clean and stress-free. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ You could laugh and say “what kind of medicine is that?”. Medicine is supposed to be blood and sweat and tears. And that’s when I say “my degree doesn’t have to mean blood, sweat and tears”. My degree doesn’t have to mean that I spend hours in an out-patient department, spending ten minutes per patient, trying to get through as many people as possible and doing more harm to myself and my patients than good. My degree doesn’t have to mean that I keep forcing myself to do things I am uncomfortable doing. My degree doesn’t mean that I can’t do things like teach students, or teach other doctors, or do lab research, or write books, or start my own business to help expand medicine and make it more easy and accessible in my country. I could help hundreds of people, patients and doctors, without even looking at a single sick person. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ tbc. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #medschool #medstudent #medstagram #medblr #medinpakistan #studygram #studyinspo #studyinspiration #studygramcommunity #writersofpakistan #bloggersofpakistan #pakistanblogging #photography #photoeditoftheday #lightroomedit #lightroompk https://www.instagram.com/p/B5kkdKPnxHN/?igshid=14ljmfrdu0u1

I don’t really listen to podcasts. In fact, I had deleted the Apple Podcast app as soon as I could but when Med School Tutors announced about their podcast, My First Cadaver, having a season 2 being released, I was super curious. I had to know what it was about and what kind of things would be discussed. I promptly re-installed the Podcast app and eagerly waited for Season 2, Episode 1 to download. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Titled “My First Second Thoughts“, the essential discussion was about how several people, either during the course of med school, or afterwards, start to realize that maybe what they’re doing is not the best thing for them. Some people were unhappy about the way they were practicing medicine, other people were unhappy with their general routine, people were just unhappy. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Initially, I felt a lot of different emotions while listening to the podcast, a mixture of fear and apprehension, mostly because I find that a lot of my anxiety seems to be stemming from med school. I love the learning process, but I dislike the pressure that clinical teachers exert, I disliked giving practical exams, I disliked doing complicated things without having adequate practice, as what seems to be expected of us. I was a little scared that this podcast would bring everything flooding back and trigger another long phase of “I can’t be a doctor, please take me out of med school”. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ tbc. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #medschool #medstudent #medstagram #medblr #medinpakistan #studygram #studyinspo #studyinspiration #studygramcommunity #writersofpakistan #bloggersofpakistan #pakistanblogging. https://www.instagram.com/p/B5dMp1XHL6b/?igshid=iraiu6su6ojj

Five years is a long time. It’s half a decade, but it still feels like it had been a blink of an eye, although that’s certainly not the case. A lot of people go into med school and walk out of it with several achievements and gains. I on the other hand, seem to have gathered nothing of that caliber. I didn’t climb any mountains, I didn’t write a book, I didn’t get any distinctions, I didn’t win any competitions, I didn’t hit a substantial amount of views with my writing and art, I didn’t do anything. I didn’t develop or change much as a person. I feel as though I am exactly the same person I was when I walked into med school, like nothing really changed me. I didn’t even manage to discover myself. Was it because I was too afraid to? Possibly. More on that later. these texts were all written by and received from @ardis1811 who is not only a brilliant writer of comforting and supportive words, but also someone who pulls through when needed. // #medstudent #textedits #medstagram #medblr #igwriting #doctortobe #mbbs https://www.instagram.com/p/B32HR3mAV3I/?igshid=1sbtmyny6v4mq

I’ve been having a series of what I’ve been calling “thought bubbles” these days. It is simultaneously both, a mental and physical state where for a few moments, nothing in the world registers to you, time seems to stop and in the confines of your cranium, a variety of thoughts and realisations bounce back and forth with no discernible train of thought, but all under a common theme, retrospectively observing. The last few weeks have been troubling for me in more ways than one. I have had a few breakdowns and have also toughened up by feeding the procrastination pit in my mind instead of focusing what I should be focusing on. Overall, I have been and am a disaster and coupled with an already rocky foundation built on self esteem and anxiety issues, it hasn’t been pretty. Unfortunately, nobody gets to see that because I tend to bottle things up in the hopes that all the random pieces I’m hoarding will eventually fall together and make sense. I hope to be sharing a few of my thought bubbles. I want you to know that things aren’t as great as they might seem and that if you are wallowing in the same sort of destructive despair and crippling imposter syndrome, I am too. * these texts were written by and received from the brilliant @ardis1811 who is one of the most supportive, creative and caring people who genuinely wants everyone to succeed and I am so glad I have someone like her to lean on. // #medstudent #medschool #textedits #medstagram #medblr #hijabbloger #doctortobe #mbbs https://www.instagram.com/p/B3zjRLWgOa2/?igshid=r3vx3q28o1ds

MBBS CLASS OF 2019: LIFESTYLE MED-STUDENT BLOGGER