#maybe delete

for the first time, i thought of you, and it only felt like being a lemon, squeezed slowly through a grater, so my peel comes off and turns to dust, and the juice pours from my insides, bitter and sharp and stinging, catching in the cuts of your hands, I hope it burns you. I hope you burn. and the juice of me pouring out, puddling on the dirty kitchen floor, mixing with mud.

but I am still a lemon, still whole despite it all, in your hands. the is-ness, the lemon-ness of it all, unaltered. unchanged. I Am.

i can feel you eat me, put me whole into your mouth.

I hope you choke.

and I'll come out the other end, and i will still be whole. still me, still a lemon, still rare and powerful and free and you won't have destroyed me.

I’ll be the millionth person to share my thoughts on this scene but here it goes.

I don’t really blame or judge Faith here. She had every right to be concerned about Buffy’s judgment given how frazzled Buffy has been with the entire weight of the apocalypse on her shoulders. And she specified a few times that she isn’t trying to impeach Buffy she just wants her to take some time to really work out the minutiae of this plan because people are getting seriously hurt and it’s too risky to do anything impulsively.

However… Anya??? Deserved to get lifted up and slammed onto the pavement outside. Buffy didn’t EARN her spot as the leader?? Even though she has DIED not once but TWICE to save the world???? She has been training almost her entire life for exactly these scenarios and you’re acting like she just became the de facto leader by just being controlling and egotistical? Absolutely without a doubt insane out of her tiny freaky mind that woman.

Willow also not standing up for her. After Buffy forgave her for oh you know… trying to destroy the world? You really don’t think it’s worth betting on the one person in your life who has NEVER been wrong????

Xander has the only somewhat valid point because he was the one who got hurt and has to suffer the consequences, he understands fully what is at stake. Does not give him the right to question Buffy’s judgment however given the fact this was 1/60000000 times that she might have miscalculated.

Giles. The traitorous old English snake. I don’t even have words for that man. It’s funny that they snap at her when she asks if this is why they sent Spike away when, although they didn’t know this when they were doing it, they 100% wouldn’t dare to risk this if Spike was in that room and the fact he was gone was very convenient. So when she confronts Giles about this they act like she’s changing the subject but she isn’t?? Spike is the only truly loyal one there who believes in her as a warrior and a leader so he wouldn’t stand for mutiny and would absolutely help turn the tides in her favour. With him not in the picture ( thanks to Giles ) she ends up looking like a desperate lunatic and everyone gets to team up against her. Unbelievable.

Again Dawn? What do you mean this is your house too? It’s not? You get to live here because big sis pays the bills. Get your ass back in line you haven’t even learned trigonometry yet you do not get a vote in this !!!