#marvel os

Wide-eyed, you notice the silhouette at the end of the alley slowly approaching you, which causes you to take a careful step back. MJ and Ned, however, don’t seem too frightened by the sight, and they call out to the silhouette, who, as he approaches, reveals himself to be Spiderman.

But you immediately notice that something is wrong, because this isn’t Peter’s normal suit – something about it is different you just can’t quite pin-point what it is.

Ned’s grandmother is the only one sharing your fear considering that when Peter suddenly jumps through the portal, she immediately throws a pillow at him.

“No, no, no! It’s okay, it’s okay! I’m a nice guy!”, Spiderman calls to you with his hands raised in the air. When he pulls off his mask the next second, your breath catches in your throat. The boy in the suit isn’t Peter. Ned explicitly asked for Peter Parker when he summoned the portal and this boy isn’t him. He can’t possibly be Peter; the suit must have been stolen. Or the magic didn’t work after all. Either way, the stranger seems just as confused as you, his hands still raised in surrender to show that he poses no threat to any of you.

“Who the hell are you?” It’s MJ who breaks the silence first, her body in a fighting stance right next to you. When he tells you that he is, in fact, Peter Parker, you stare at him in utter disbelief.

“That’s not possible”, you say, giving him a once-over. When your eyes meet, you feel the lump in your throat tighten.

“I am Spiderman. In my world”, he starts explaining, looking at each of you. “But then yesterday I was- I was just here.. Wow!”

You and MJ exchange a confused look and you mouth the word ‘crazy’ while this Spiderman imposter continues to throw around some physics terms, which only Ned understands.

“So, magic’s real here too?”, he asks Ned, who in his naivety immediately starts talking about sorcerers and magicians before MJ can finally silence him.

“Prove it”, you speak up, throwing a stern look at ‘Peter’.

“Prove what?”

“That you are Peter Parker.”

“I don’t carry an ID with me, you know? Kind of defeats the whole anonymous superhero–.”

He can’t even finish his sentence before you quickly grab a piece of bread from the dining table and throw it against his chest. His face is completely bewildered as he asks you, shrugging: “Why’d you do that?”

“I was trying to see if you have the tingle thing”, you tell him in all honesty. MJ and Ned also look at you in surprise, but they don’t actually seem averse to your idea.

“I have the tingle thing, just not for bread”, ‘Peter’ says in a voice that sounds as if he’s sorry for what he just witnessed. Since his answers do not convince you in the slightest, you arm yourself with the next piece of bread.

“I see. You are a deeply mistrusting person and I respect that”, he tells you and before you know it, he attaches himself to the ceiling with his fingertips.

“Crawl around”, MJ orders him, pointing to the other end of the room.

“Crawl around?”

“Yes.”

“Why do I need to crawl around?”

“This.. is not enough”, MJ gestures to what he is doing right in front of you – hanging from the ceiling.

“It’s plenty”, he answers, but when MJ still does not give in and Ned’s grandma asks him to clean up the spider webs while he’s already up there, he finally complies. With his mask in his mouth to prevent it from falling, he crawls along the ceiling. Just like your Peter. How is that possible?

“We’re good?”, he asks when he jumps down right in front of you, studying your face as if something in there interests him and he can’t quite understand what it is.

“For now”, MJ answers, still feeling a bit defensive about the whole situation. “Gwen, what was Peter’s.. our Peter’s last known location again?”

The second MJ says your name, something changes in Peter’s face and he abruptly takes a step back, as if someone had shot him. You watch in surprise as his eyes glaze over and you answer MJ, not sure how to interpret his strange behaviour.

“You’re... You’re Gwen Stacy?”, he stutters, taking a tiny step closer to you as if you intrigue him in some way. Which, to be fair, makes you feel a bit uncomfortable.

“I am. And apparently you are Peter Parker”, you tell him, still not fully convinced of what happened in the last few minutes. “Why? What happened to the Gwen in your universe?”

This question seems to struck a nerve, because once again he looks as if someone had inflicted serious harm on him. All of a sudden, you’re not sure you even want to know.

“It’s.. it’s not important. So, where do we find your Peter Parker?”

════════════

Your heart shatters when you spot Peter sitting on the roof, completely devastated, his cheeks damp from all the tears he’s shed because of his aunt. When you see him like this, tears threaten to well up in your eyes, but you know you have to be strong for him now, for the both of you. So, without a word, you go to him and take him in your arms, which he gratefully accepts, his bloodied hands wrapping around your arm. You place a gentle kiss on his temple, causing a gasp to escape his lips, rocking his entire body and yours with it. He continues to let his tears flow freely in your arms – the only place he can feel safe now –, the loss of his beloved aunt too heavy to bear. You adored and loved her dearly too – she had always been so kind and sincere.

‘If I can no longer be there for Peter one day, I know you’ll be there for him in my place.’ Those were her words to you just a short while ago, and you simply cannot comprehend the fact that she’s now forever gone.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, my love”, you softly whisper in his ear, his violent sobs tearing your heart to pieces. You stay in this position for a while, holding each other or rather Peter holding on to you. You don’t know how much time passed when Peter’s spider senses kick in and he lifts his head to look around for the source.

“There’s.. There’s some people here”, you tell him, cupping his cheek in your hand. Since you don’t want to force him to do anything, you leave it up to him whether he wants to get up or continue to curl up in your arms. However, his senses seem to be telling him that there might be a potential danger, so he quickly jumps up, pushes you behind him, and looks up at the tower, where two silhouettes are now illuminated by the moonlight.

When they come jumping down and reveal themselves, Peter is completely taken aback and one of his hands gestures for you to stay close behind him. He doesn’t know yet that you have not only accumulated one, but two Spidermans from other universes. It doesn’t take him long, however, to recognize them for who they are.

When they try to express their condolences, your Peter immediately interrupts them.

“Please don’t tell me that you know what I’m going through”, his weak voice says, quivering. “She’s gone. It’s all my fault. She died for nothing.”

You listen to him trying to get rid of them while talking himself down for what he did or didn’t do. You’d love nothing more than to hold him tightly in your arms again and protect him from all the evil in this world, but at this moment, you’re not the superhero he needs. The only thing you can do is wrap your hand around one of his.

“I lost- I lost Gwen. M-My Gwen”, one of them now says, his gaze switching between yours and Peters and suddenly it all makes sense. Why he acted so weirdly once he found out your name. Why it felt like he was seeing something or someone in you. Why his heart shattered upon seeing you.

Peter immediately squeezes your hand tightly.

“I couldn’t save her. I’m never going to be able to forgive myself for that”, he continues his story, tears pricking not only his eyes, but your own as well. “But I carried on, tried to uhm.. tried to keep going, tried to keep being the friendly neighborhood Spiderman. Because I know that’s what she would have wanted, but at some point.. I just.. I stopped pulling my punches. I got rageful. I got bitter. I just don’t want you to end up like.. like me.”

A tear runs down your cheek and you quickly wipe it away with the sleeve of your free hand, feeling like you have no right to cry in this situation. This Peter lost his Gwen because he wasn’t able to save her in time. You, on the other hand, are still standing here, alive and well. But the thought that you could face the same fate as your twin from another universe terrifies you. And your Peter seems to feel the same way, because he takes a step forward, losing your hand from his grip.

In this moment, both of you realize that just because you are a superhero, doesn’t always mean being able to save the ones you love.

“I want to kill him. I want to kill him so he can’t hurt the last people I have left. I want to tear him apart”, he says with so much anger and hatred in his voice that you almost do not recognize him. But, somehow, you understand. You feel for him. You feel with him.

Because he is your Peter Parker and you are his Gwen Stacy.

════════════

Everything happened so fast: one second you were standing on the scaffolding with MJ and Ned, surrounded by villains from different universes, the next second a bomb explodes, almost tearing the entire scaffolding apart, and you lost your balance. You fall down, not being able to hold onto anything as the solid ground comes closer and closer. An earth-shattering scream escapes you, your mind not able to form any clear thoughts – no last memories or words, nothing.

Helplessly, you wag your arms in the air, even though you know it’s utterly useless. Your free fall into certain death could hardly be stopped now. But then you suddenly see your Peter throw himself after you, coming much closer much faster. His hand reaches out for you. Your fingertips touch lightly before he’s suddenly pushed aside by one of Green Goblin’s gliders.

As if time slows down, you watch as all hope of rescue fades right in front of your eyes. However, you didn’t expect Peter 3, as you’ve started calling him so you can distinguish them, to also swing after you to save you, and suddenly you’re overcome by a strange feeling, as if you’ve experienced this situation before, perhaps in a previous life.

Or in another life.

When he finally reaches you, he pulls you into his arms, turns both of you around in the air, and breaks your fall with a spider web, smoothly landing on the ground, loose parts from the scaffolding hitting the ground around you. It’s hard for you to breathe as you look up and see the long distance you’ve fallen.

“Are you okay?”, Peter 3 asks you, still carrying your entire body in his arms as he looks at you with tears in his eyes. Your vocal cords fail, so you can only nod several times in rapid succession to tell him that you are, in fact, alright. But even though you’ve been saved, your heart feels incredibly heavy.

“A-Are you okay?”, you ask him now, watching a tear run down his cheek. He has to think about the answer to that question for a moment, examining your face before finally nodding as well. As he lowers you to the ground, you throw your arms around his neck, holding him tightly because you feel like that’s exactly what he needs right now.

“I couldn’t.. I couldn’t let it happen again”, he sobs into the crook of your neck, hugging you back.

“I know, I know”, you try to soothe him, running your hand over his back. “Your Gwen would be so proud of you.”

════════════

You run into Peter’s arms as soon as he lands in front of you. He catches you with a groan, and even though everything must be aching like hell, he doesn’t let it show. His hands gently wrap around your waist and tightly press your body against his.

“Oh, you’re okay!”, MJ breathes a sigh of relief behind you and before you know it, her and Ned join the hug. The relief you all feel is immeasurable and yet you can sense a little reluctance on Peter’s part, his body stiff.

After several seconds, his grip on you loosens a little so he can get a better look at all of you.

“Are you okay?”, he asks, looking at each of you in more detail.

“Yeah, we’re okay”, Ned tells him with a smile, nodding. Peter smiles back, but when he looks at you more closely, really looks at you, fear fills his eyes all of a sudden, and he takes your face between his hands. Worry is etched all across his torn but handsome face.

“Oh my god, you’re bleeding!”, he exclaims, his thumb softly brushing over the spot on your cheek. It doesn’t even hurt when he touches it and you place your hand on top of his.

“I’m fine, I’m okay.”

“You sure?”

“I’m fine. I promise”, you genuinely smile at him, the worry in his eyes slowly making way for something else. If you didn’t know better, he looks sad. Defeated. He looks at you with so much intensity now, as if he were memorizing your face, every tiny detail, every little part he loves so much, so he would never forget it.

“We should go, right?”, MJ now says, looking up at the sky where Doctor Strange is still hovering over the Statue of Liberty. Her words finally pull Peter out of his trance, and he shakes his head, swallowing a lump. He looks back and forth between the three of you, then up at the magician, before looking you straight in the eyes when he says: “You- You’re gonna forget who I am.”

“What?”, Ned immediately asks, confused. You can’t interpret his words either. Forget Peter? As if you ever could. However, something in his face tells you that you will, no matter how much you resist.

“Forget who you are? What are you even talking about?”, MJ asks, stepping closer while you take an almost imperceptible step back.

“It’s okay”, Peter starts, taking a tentative step towards you, but you can only shake your head in disbelief, retreating even more.

“None of this is okay! I won’t forget you!”, you tell him, making clear where you stand.

“I’m gonna come and find you, and I’ll explain everything”, his voice breaks at the end, seeing how a tear slips down your cheek and you immediately wipe it away with your sleeve.

“No, no, no. No!”, you yell at him now, knowing only that one word. How can he expect something like that from you? How can he expect you to agree to all of this? You don’t want to forget him. You can’t forget him.

Within seconds, Peter grabs your hand and pulls you towards him, but you resist with all your might. You pound your fists against his chest, and he lets you, only for that one word to leave your mouth over and over again. No, no, no, no, no.

“I’ll make you remember me”, he softly whispers. Even though you hit him and push him and take out all your anger on him, he remains calm and eventually holds you so tightly in his arms that you give up, sobbing, your body shaking.

“Please, love. Please stop. I don’t want to let you go like this. I don’t want you to hate me in our last moments”, he pleads with you, running one hand over your back soothingly. “I promise I’ll make you remember me. And it’ll be like none of this ever happened. Okay?”

“B-But what if that doesn’t work? What if that doesn’t work?”, you cry into his chest, listening to his heart hammering against his chest, trying to memorize the rhythm.

“I-”

“What if we can’t remember you? I don’t want that”, you tell him as he gently lifts your chin, forcing you to look up at him. His eyes search yours, but you can only scan his face, all the injuries, all the scars, all the little details that make him him. You only have so much time to memorize his face.

How is it possible that you’ll forget this face, his eyes that always greeted you with so much love and affection?

“I know, I know”, he sadly smiles, his hand running through your hair.

“And there’s nothing we can do?”, MJ asks now, her eyes teary as well. “We can’t come up with a plan? There’s always something we can do.”

“I fear there’s nothing we can do. But it’ll be okay”, Peter answers, directing the last words at you.

“You promise?”, your voice comes out weak, tears staining your cheeks.

“I promise”, he smiles, but you can clearly see the pain in his eyes. How much all of this hurts him, especially considering that he just recently lost one of the most important people in his life. Now he’ll lose all of you, too. You can’t imagine how he could ever handle that.

Peter slowly lets go of you, which you don’t want at first, but MJ and Ned also have the right to say goodbye to their best friend. MJ hugs Peter tightly and does his trademark fist bump with Ned, the one they always did in school, before hugging him too.

When he finally turns back to you, you want to burst into tears and never stop. It feels like your heart is shattering into a thousand pieces and can never, ever be mended. How are you supposed to go on without your Peter?

You can’t help but briefly think of Peter 3 and how he must have felt at that moment, losing his Gwen forever. You know this is a different situation, but who’s to say your Peter won’t lose you forever, too? That he’ll be able to make you remember him? As if reading your mind, he takes your hands in his, squeezing them, before saying: “I’ll come find you.”

“You better”, you sob, pulling him closer by your intertwined hands and placing them on your waist. “If you don’t, I’ll just figure it out. I’ve done it before, I can do it again.”

Your words actually make him laugh a little, and you too have to smile when you think back to the moment you found out he was Spiderman. It seems like so long ago now.

“I promise I’ll fix this”, he says with determination in his voice.

“I really hate magic.”

“Me too”, he chuckles, taking in your beautiful face one last time.

“I love you”, you say and you want to say it over and over and over again so all of New York knows. So that all of New York won’t forget and neither will you. Or him.

“I love-”

“Just wait”, you interrupt him, smiling sadly as you see the confusion on his face. “Wait and tell me when you see me again.”

A tear finds its way down his cheek now too as he softly nods. The energy around you crackles, the magic in the air sizzling and it feels like the whole world explodes the moment his lips meet yours. It’s a desperate kiss, but also full of love and promises. He doesn’t need to tell you how much he’ll miss you. You don’t need words to understand each other, you never did.

“I love you”, you whisper against his lips, but when you open your eyes, he’s gone.

My eyes lingered on the ocean, before I turned around to look at my little cottage. He had helped me build it. Him and Namora and Attuma. I always remembered it with a smile. How Namora had helped me with the interior design and how Attuma had to flex every second about how much material he could carry and how fast he assembled things. Namor had always scolded him for that, but I was thankful. Without them, it wouldn't have been possible for me to live this near the ocean. It wouldn't been possible to see Namor frequently. 

And now, I hadn't seen him in weeks. On the news they were always talking about Wakanda. They were mourning they're recently lost queen. They didn't say what she died from, but I had a feeling that my Lover was somehow involved in this conflict.

The sound of the waves crashing against the shores interrupted my train of thoughts and I quickly spinned around. I couldn't believe my eyes. Speaking of the devil, there he was. Just standing there inbetween the waves, looking at me. As I noticed the faint scratch marks on his face, I knew that he somehow got involved with Wakanda.

I quickly made my way towards him, stepping into the water and wading towards him.

"Namor", I said, as soon as I reached him.

He only smiled and raised his hand to my face:"In yakunaj (My Love)"

I couldn't help myself as a sob escaped my lips. I threw my arms around him, pulling him close. I heard Namor laugh, as he wrapped his arms around my midddle, spinning us around.

"I missed you", he smiled.

"I missed you too!", I yelled as he stumbled and we fell into the water.

I chuckled as he helped me sit up. The water wasn't deep, it was only up to our waists. I took the moment to inspect his face. He was grinning at me. I saw Love and Joy in his eyes. But my gaze wandered down to the marks on his cheek and lifted my hand to softly touch the healing skin. Namor closed his eyes at my touch.

"Who did this to you?", I asked quietly. Namor sighed and raised his hand. He closed his fingers around my wrist and pulled my hand down into his. 

"It doesn't matter", he said,"What matters is, that I returned to you."

"What about Attuma?", I asked,"And Namora?Are they okay?"

Namor smiled about my questions. I knew that he had always adored the fact that I cared so much about his people.

"They are fine.", He finally said.

I sighed relieved and slightly squeezed his hand:"Thank you for returning to me. These times must be hard for the people of Talokan. It's probably not easy to find some free time."

"I will always return to you, In reina(my Queen).",he smiled and leaned his forehead against mine,"I will always come home"

I looked at him perplexed:"Talokan is your-"

Namor chuckled and interrupted me with a quick peck on my lips.

"Home is not the Place where I reside, Jats'uts(beautiful), It's the people that I love. And you are one of them."

I couldn't believe my ears. I was too stunned to speak, I just looked at him with my mouth agape.

"You are my home", He mumbled with a smile. His hand rested on my chin, as he pulled me closer,"And I will always come back to you."

I looked at him, Adoration in my eyes, while tears rolled down my cheeks. 

"No one has ever said something like this before...",I mumbled,"I have never met someone like you before, Namor...K'uk'ulkan."

His gaze softened upon hearing his birthname. and I felt him pull me closer to him.

"You are my everything", I finally said,"I love you."

"I love you", Namor mumbled, as he softly wiped away my tears,"More than anything"

"The sun's going down", I said after we sat in silence for a few minutes, just holding each other.

"We should go inside", Namor agreed. I yelped, as he suddenly lifted me up bridal style. My arms wrapped aound his neck, as he started to walk towards the cottage.

"You know, I could've walked myself", I smiled, as he climbed the stairs of the porch.

"Isn't there this tradition?",he only asked.

I furrowed my eyebrows:"What tradition?"

He only smiled, as he kicked the door opened with his foot and carried me over the doorstep.

The snapping sound when Thanos used the Infinity Stones to wipe out half of humanity starts echoing in your head, joining the pounding of your heart hammering in your ears, getting louder and louder by the second, until suddenly you’re pulled back to the field, aware of all the sounds around you; screams, battle cries, wind blowing through the treetops, and, all of a sudden, the earth rotates again.

But it doesn’t feel like it.

You stand there, motionless, staring at the spot where Thor just drove his axe into Thanos’s chest. Where Thanos just disappeared after wiping out half the population with a simple snap of his fingers. Your horrified gaze meets Thor’s, and the pain reflected in it mirrors yours.

“Where did he go?”, Steve asks him, out of breath, holding a hand to his ribs where he appears to be injured, limping towards him. “Thor, where did he go?”

Thor, however, doesn’t answer and you clearly see the shame on his face, beating himself up for not being able to stop Thanos in time.

Since Steve can’t expect an answer from Thor any time soon, he finally turns to you and quickly staggers towards you, immediately noticing that something is wrong, that you can barely stand. This fight demanded everything from you – unlike the others, you have no superpowers, haven’t been affected by any serum, or had your cells altered by radiation. You’re just a mere FBI agent who joined S.H.I.E.L.D back then and, after its fall, joined the Avengers. You know your way around combat and can handle weapons, but at the end of the day, you are only human.

A human that might turn into dust any second.

“Steve”, you breathe out, your voice breaking as he reaches you and pulls you in his arms, his hand on the back of your head.

“Hey, hey”, he shushes you, rubbing his other hand soothingly over your back. “You’re alright, you’re okay.”

The way he says it makes it sound like he has to convince himself, not you. Softly, he plants a kiss on the top of your head before holding you at arm’s length, scanning your face and body for any visible injuries. He’s always been like this with you: sweet, kind, protective, sometimes maybe a bit too protective. But in a world that didn’t have a place for you, he made you feel safe, he made you feel seen.

He caught you when everyone else let you fall.

“I’m scared”, you stutter and lower your gaze, your hands tightly winding around his shoulder straps because you have the inexplicable feeling that you have to cling to him.

“Look at me”, Steve demands and lifts your chin with his index finger, then goes to cup your cheek. “It’s gonna be alright. I promise.”

You nod slightly and pull him into another hug, pressing yourself against him. Steve lets out a reflexive exhale from the sudden squeeze but wraps his strong arms around you just as tightly.

But suddenly something feels wrong. Something feels terribly wrong.

You’re startled as you look down, your cheek against his chest where the star adorns his armor, and spot only one pair of legs, the other has turned to dust.

“No”, you let out speechlessly, looking at Steve, straight into his blue eyes. “No, no, no, no!”

“Don’t w-”, is all you hear before his entire body dissipates, right in front of your eyes, and you can do nothing to stop it, nothing to stop your heart from shattering, an ugly slash breaking it in two. Knees wobbling, you crumble to the ground, your fingers raking through the dust in agony – the last remains of him; nothing more than dust.

Desperately, you cup the dust in your hands, pressing it to your heart, and let out an earth-shattering cry that is both full of hatred and devastation. Tears are running down your cheeks, your body overwhelmed by emotions as you lean forward and make yourself as small as possible, trying to hide your pain from the world. Or what’s left of it.

You feel a slight tingle in your fingertips, but you’re far too busy replaying the way Steve looked at you in his final moments to notice. His last words echo in your head, haunting you already.

You can’t believe that this is how it is going to end.

That what tore Steve and you apart was a mere flick of the finger.

Steve is gone. And you wish it had been you.

As hurried footsteps approach you, you look up to catch Natasha’s worried glace. Her hand, which was immediately on its way to your shoulder, presumably to comfort you, hovers midair now, what she sees in your eyes making her stop dead in her tracks. All she sees in them is rage. Pure blazing, burning rage mixed with sorrow.

You don’t know who else lost or who survived. What you do know, however, is how selfish it is of you to not care more at this moment. All you want is for Steve to come back to you. And if that means having to burn the world down, so be it.

════════════

“I don’t think that’s a good idea”, Natasha mentions, as if she hasn’t already told you about ten times that you maybe shouldn’t go into Steve’s room in the Avengers Compound. Although he usually lived with you in your apartment, he stayed here when he had missions or work in general to take care of. And right now, you would give anything to get even more pieces of him as a reminder.

It’s only been four months since earth’s population was decimated by half; the survivors call it ‘The Blip’, which sounds far too harmless for what it was. Four months in which you’ve tried everything to find a way to bring Steve back. To absolutely no avail.

What Thanos has done is irreversible.

“I know it’s hard to accept and you’re allowed to grief. I’ve lost people too. But you’re only hurting yourself more with this and deny yourself the opportunity to move on”, she adds, her sad eyes full of empathy while she chews on the inside of her cheek, her shoulder leaned against the wall next to the door.

Since that one fateful day, you have been through all sorts of stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining. You locked yourself away for almost a month, avoided everyone after they had to tear you away from the battlefield of Wakanda. Then, rage overcame you, not just at Thanos, but at everything and everyone, but especially at yourself.

Survivor’s guilt eats you alive; thoughts that swirl around in your head day and night, sending you into a kind of panic every time. Why him, of all people? Why did it have to be Steve? Why not you? Unlike Steve, you don’t have superpowers. You’re replaceable. Steve isn’t. He could have helped people during this difficult time. You’re certain he would never have given up on undoing Thanos’ actions until he found a solution.

He would have fought to the very end and saved the world.

Unfortunately, you’re not as strong and powerful. Not only are you frustrated with yourself and the world, but you’re also frightened, anxious. Yes, Bruce and Tony are working on a solution, but who says they’ll ever find one? Who says you won’t have to live with the guilt of not stopping Thanos in time for the rest of your life, living with the knowledge that humanity will never be the same again and history books will write about the Blip for millennia? All these thoughts and fears come crashing down on you, usually in the middle of the night, and then you lay there, awake and alone.

There was a single moment, about three weeks ago, when you felt better for the first time and actually felt an inkling of hope that everything would be okay again. That was also the moment when you finally confided in Natasha. You both lost the most important people in your lives and are now trying to find meaning together, even though this is proving to be a struggle. It was during these conversations with her that you made the decision to search through all of his valuables that hadn’t yet found their way into your apartment during the course of your relationship, hoping it would make you feel closer to him again because sometimes you can’t even remember his scent anymore.

This phase, however, didn’t last long and the current stage alternates between anger and depression.

“I will never move on without him”, you say through gritted teeth, throwing Natasha a look that could kill. Your hands are shaking, but you try to hide it from her as you turn the key in the lock and the door opens with a click. You’ve dreaded this moment for weeks and yet you feel a sense of relief when a familiar scent greets you.

“I pass his room every day, Y/N. Every day I hope to hear his voice from behind the door. And not only his. Also that of Bucky, Fury, Sam”, Natasha tells you with a strained voice, struggling to keep her own feelings at bay. “If you need me, you know where to find me.”

With that, she turns around and leaves you, knowing that you need space now and want to face whatever awaits you in his room alone. For a brief moment, you want to stop her, but the impulse immediately vanishes, and you know it’s unfair to her. Steve was her friend, her partner. She lost him just like you did and missed him, too. But every atom of you missed him.

You close your eyes briefly, take a deep breath, and then cross the threshold. Soft light greets you, shining through the curtains. Birds chirp outside and everything feels peaceful. As if nothing ever happened.

It takes a while before you are able to move. The room feels like a time capsule. Everything is still exactly as Steve left it, with the intention of coming back here. His bed is made, his clothes neatly tucked away in the closet. There’s a book on his nightstand, right next to a framed photo. Something draws you there, even though tears are already welling up in your eyes.

The mattress gives way gently as you sit down and pick up the picture. With your thumb, you stroke over the small layer of dust that has already accumulated on the glass and look into his beautiful eyes, examining his radiant smile, the little wrinkles that form along with it. Then you look at yourself, smiling just as brightly. A smile that has ceased to exist.

A stray tear drops onto the glass. With a quiet sob, you press the picture to your chest, as if this could help to convey your feelings. You take a deep breath and then set it aside on the bed so you can take it with you later. Then you open the drawer of his nightstand, where you immediately discover the video camera you gave him for his birthday a few years ago. It’s an old digital video camera. Of course, there are much more modern cameras these days, but Steve had his problems with technology, and that’s why a video camera like this was the perfect gift for him – not too modern, but also not too vintage that you couldn’t immediately access the material on it.

Steve loved this camera. He filmed a lot, wanting to save memories forever, and you’re amazed to see that the camera is still charged a little. There are two videos left on the camera’s memory. One of them shows Bucky and Sam in front of a pool table in the Avengers Compound, enjoying a night after a successful mission. The angle changes and Steve comes into view, trying his best to film himself, which brings a smile to your face. He was always so clumsy with anything technology related, but he tried his best.

The video shakes when Steve talks about Bucky winning the game and Sam can be heard in the background, complaining. The quality leaves much to be desired, the picture is grainy, but that is why Steve loved the camera so much. It made him feel like he didn’t miss 65 years of world history.

The date in the bottom left corner tells you that this video was recorded two years ago, but to you it feels like it was yesterday that you watched the three of them goof around. A sharp pain ripples through your body at the thought that you not only lost Steve, but Bucky and Sam, too.

The video stops playing, it was only 50 seconds long, and you continue on to the second video. You are met with yourself, smiling at the camera because you immediately noticed that Steve has pulled out his camera and is filming you. You’re standing at a railing in front of the Niagara Falls, wearing a hat to protect you from the blazing sun. ‘Steve!’, you hear yourself say reproachfully, because you don’t want to be filmed, but he just laughs from behind the camera.

‘Isn’t my girlfriend the most beautiful woman in this world?’, he says and you can see yourself blush, even through the bad quality. Then he goes on to ask an elderly couple if they could film the two of you. He appears in frame, jogging to your side. Smiling, he pecks your lips, places one hand around your waist, and points towards the camera. Both of you smile into it.

When he’s sure he’s captured good footage, he squeezes your side, making you squirm because it tickles, before he runs over to the camera and takes it back. A few seconds later, the video ends, and the camera turns off because the battery is dead. One look at your reflection and you only now realize that you’ve started to cry. Tears are streaming down your cheeks, and the pain of it all is almost unbearable.

Why was such a wonderful human being dragged from this world? Why him?

You let the camera sink into your lap, defeated. Sobbing, you feel the anger rising within you, at least until something in the back corner of the drawer catches your eye, your heart stopping. Carefully, you place the camera next to the picture frame next to you and, with trembling hands, reach for a small velvety box resting on a piece of paper.

You take out the box and send up a silent prayer that, inside, you won’t find what you think you will. But when a beautiful ring with an intricate design and diamond shines at you, all dams break, and not even the hand you’re holding over your mouth in shock can silence your sobs.

Steve wanted to propose to you. He wanted to make you his wife.

And now he’s gone.

You’d love to throw the box across the room and make the ring disappear immediately, but you can’t. All the anger and hate could never make you throw it away but knowing that Steve wanted to marry you when all of this was over completely breaks you.

You can’t help but wonder if Natasha knew about this and that is why she didn’t want you in here. Steve surely had talked to her about it, asking for her opinion. You imagine Sam and Bucky, hugging him when he told them of his plans, loving the idea of their best friend finding his lifelong companion. And of it being you.

Before you fall deeper into the bottomless pit that’s opened beneath you since you’ve put your eyes on the ring, you close the box again and clench your hand around it.

“Steve Rogers, you fucking idiot”, you snort, wiping away your tears with the sleeve of your shirt, even though it’s useless now anyway. This discovery has set you back a long way in your journey of coming to terms with it all. How can you ever move on from this, from him?

Because you assume nothing can hurt you more than the ring, you take out the piece of paper the box was lying on and unfold it. You definitely didn’t expect your already shattered heart to break even further, and more violent sobs erupt from your throat.

The document is a purchase contract for a house. A house you drove past on one of your trips and jokingly said you wanted to grow old in together. A house you fell in love with after only seeing it once. A house Steve bought.  

You can’t take it any longer. You jump up, close the drawer a little too vigorously, gather the picture frame, the ring box, and the document in your arms, and quickly leave the room. It feels like your entire body is constricting, not allowing you to breathe. Panic spreads through you, and you drag yourself down the stairs toward the exit of the compound.

“Y/N?”, a voice suddenly stops you on your way, and you turn to face Tony. He scans you from head to toe, immediately understanding what’s going on when his eyes fall on the little box. Natasha, who’s just walking by, also stops abruptly.

“So everyone knew about this except me?”, you chuckle humorlessly, not even bothering to not look completely unhinged or deranged. The tears you thought you had no more flow freely down your cheeks. Natasha takes a tentative step towards you, but you retreat.

“I- I just need to be a-alone”, you tell them and don’t wait for an answer. Instead, you run out of the building and find your car. You shouldn’t be driving in this state, but right now, you can’t think clearly. Later on, you can’t remember how you got into your car in the first place and left the lot. Or how you got onto the highway. Or how, after a while, you arrived in a small town and parked in front of a house. Or how you looked at the sign that says this property has been sold. Or how you fell to your knees in front of the door and let out a scream that rips through your bones.

════════════

“I’m home!”, Steve calls to you as he enters and closes the front door behind him, hangs the keys on the key rack and slips out of his jacket. You were in the kitchen when you heard his car pull up, so you quickly dry off your hands now before meeting him in the hallway. Smiling, you walk up to him, and when he sees you, a wide smile spreads across his face. You cup his face in your hands and stand on tiptoes to give him a welcoming kiss. His hands wrap around your waist, and he smiles into the kiss, savoring it.

“Missed me so much?”, he teases as he breaks off the kiss momentarily, your noses almost touching.

“I always miss you”, you giggle, about to put more distance between you, but he pulls you even closer and connects your lips again. He then proceeds to kiss the corner of your lips, then moves on to your jaw, then places soft kisses along your neck. Your hand finds its way into his hair as you enjoy the way he makes you feel.

“Stop Steve. I have to continue making us dinner”, you chuckle, trying to push him away, but he’s too strong and won’t budge. He stops his kisses, however, and breathes against the wet spot on your neck.

“You can satisfy my hunger in other ways”, he whispers against your skin, giving you goosebumps.

“Maybe, but our house will burn down if I don’t take that pot off the stove”, you laugh, and he finally lets go. Or rather, he grabs your hand instead and places a kiss on your ring finger, right above the beautiful wedding ring that adorns it.

“Anything my precious wife wants”, Steve smiles, intertwining your hands to follow you to the kitchen. While you take care of the food, Steve grabs a glass of water and watches you cook. At that moment, he wonders how he ever got so lucky in life, how he got to deserve you. When you notice his staring, you blush.

“What? Am I not allowed to look at my wife?”, Steve asks, placing the empty glass in the sink before coming up to you, his hands sneaking around your waist from behind. He places his chin on your shoulder, watching what you do.

“You are”, you giggle, adding some salt and pepper. “But don’t make it too obvious how much you love me.”

“What can I say? When it comes to you, I’m absolutely smitten”, he whispers into your ear, kissing your cheek before he goes to set up the table. A few minutes later, you carry the pot over to the table and you enjoy your dinner. While eating, Steve tells you about his day at work, how one of his colleagues said some weird things to him. You tell him that he probably just had a bad day and then go on to describing your own day, how you planted new plants in the garden.

After dinner, you’re standing in the kitchen washing the dishes when you suddenly hear a strange noise outside. You look at each other in surprise, and Steve puts everything aside to go and investigate. Over all the years you’ve worked together, you’ve developed sort of a routine, meaning you don’t even need to communicate to understand what the other wants to do. However, this superhero life eventually became too much for Steve, so he now enjoys a simple office job.

You follow Steve out the door and into your front yard, your hands intertwined. It’s already dark outside, the stars twinkling high in the sky. A few lights are on in the neighbouring houses, and only the streetlights provide some illumination on the street. Together, you walk to the beginning of your property and look down the street, Steve’s broad frame in front of you in case he needs to protect you. Looking down the street, you spot the source of the sound in the sky: something crashes against red colour, something like a barrier, and then breaches it with a bang. Whatever it is comes crashing down now.

Uncertain, you take a step back, adrenaline coursing through your veins.

“What the-?”, Steve says quietly as it directly dashes towards the two of you. The second you spot what it is, your heart stops.

“No.”

When you open your eyes again, you find yourself in front of the stove, hearing the door open.

“I’m home!”

════════════

You analyze yourself in the mirror, smoothing down the fabric of your dress with your hands as you examine yourself from different angles. In the background, you hear the shower turning off, and a few seconds later, Steve steps out of the bathroom. Drops of water cling to the ends of his hair and cover his torso; a towel covers his waist down, giving you a nice view of his broad, toned chest. When he spots you in front of the mirror, he lets out a whistle of appreciation.

You smile and watch him through the mirror as he sneaks up behind you, placing his hands around your waist, his hands clasped on your stomach.

“You look incredibly beautiful”, he whispers in your ear, looking at the two of you in the mirror, and places a soft kiss on your temple. Together you start swaying left and right, Steve’s hug growing stronger, which you comment on with a content hum.

Your heart beats a fraction faster as you watch him closely in the mirror, and you turn in his arms so you can look him straight in the eyes. One of your hands finds its way to his cheek, your thumb gently stroking his skin. Steve looks at you, saying nothing, just losing himself in your eyes, staring into them with so much love and affection that your heart inexplicably begins to ache. Fragments of thoughts from days gone by crawl into your head, but you immediately banish them.

“Promise you’ll never leave me”, you breathe, searching his eyes. He gently tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear, cups your cheek and starts to answer, but is suddenly interrupted by the doorbell. Steve immediately wants to let go of you and go downstairs to open the door, but you grab his wrists and stop him, your brow furrowed.

Something about this doesn’t feel right.

So you gesture for him to get dressed as you head downstairs to take care of whoever wants to disrupt your peace. The doorbell rings again when you’re halfway down, and adrenaline surges through your body. Unexpected events like this shouldn’t happen, and you don’t have an explanation for what’s going on. You and Steve were supposed to go on a date today, to a restaurant in town, because it’s your wedding anniversary. You certainly didn’t plan for any unexpected visitors.

Slowly and carefully, you approach the front door and finally open it a crack. What you see behind it makes your blood run cold.

Steve stands there, tall and broad, his body covered in armor that’s torn and dirty in places, a beard covering his face. Shocked, you watch as his eyes soften and glaze over when he looks at you. Without noticing, you open the door a bit wider, scanning the man in front of you.

It’s when he takes a step closer to you, apparently at a loss for words, that you hear it: Steve’s footsteps from above as he rummages around your bedroom. Your confusion is quickly replaced by anger. If your Steve is upstairs, then who is this?

“Y/N-”

Without another second’s thought, your hand shoots forward, and the scarlet wisps emanating from you throw Steve several meters through the air. With a crash, he plummets into the fence enclosing the property. With quick steps, you step down from the porch and go toward him, hands raised.

With a groan, he raises to his feet, the beautiful rose bushes destroyed under his weight.

“What do you want?”, you snarl at him, the energy around you crackling in the air. You feel the immense power inside of you wanting to break out, but you try to contain it as best you can, even though you have no idea what you’re doing or what damage you could cause. You didn’t even know you could wield any kind of power or magic or whatever this red coming from deep within you is.

“What kind of fucked-up trick is this?”, you scream at him furiously, and in that moment your power takes on a life of its own and attacks him. You summon reddish daggers in the air, which then fly in his direction, and he dodges them by rolling to the side at the last moment. Breathing heavily, he braces himself with both arms and looks at you. His gaze is so full of pain and grief that it briefly cuts the ground from under your feet.

“Listen to me-”

“You’re not real. You’re some kind of illusion. D-Did Tony create you?”, you interrupt him, your voice threatening, another curse flying towards him and you momentarily wonder why he’s not fighting you. “Leave me alone!”

“I’m Steve, Y/N. Your Steve”, he tells you, straightening his posture as he yet again tries to come closer.

“You’re lying”, you reply, your voice shaking and your eyes suddenly tearing up, scared of what’s happening to you. With these words, however, a sort of orb forms between your palms and you send it, unwillingly or not, towards the imposter. He just manages to block the attack with the small shield that is attached to his gauntlet, and the impact is so violent that you both fly in different directions, knocking you off your feet.

By now, you’ve made so much noise that Steve rushes out of the house. It only takes him a few seconds to be at your side, crouching down beside you, taking your hand in his while placing his other hand on your elbow to help you back to your feet. The other Steve was about to do exactly the same thing, but now just stands there, stunned, looking at the exact carbon copy of himself.

You think you see something like remorse and pity swiping across his face.

“What the hell is going on?”, your Steve asks and the moment he locks eyes with his own, he freezes. Quickly, he pushes you behind him to shield you with his body, his fists clenched at his sides. This does not stop the other Steve’s eyes from finding yours though and the utter sadness in them causes you take in a sharp breath.

“L-Listen”, he stutters, but when he takes a tentative step forward, both of you step one back, keeping a safe distance. “I-It’s been five years and I’m just.. I know you’ve been through a lot, Y/N. But please don’t fight me. I’m here to help.”

At the mention of five years, pictures suddenly flash in front of your eyes, and you collapse against Steve, your knees trembling. He holds you tight, throwing the other Steve a threatening glare.

“We don’t need your help!”, Steve answers for you, trying his best to keep you upright. Meanwhile you look like you’ve seen a ghost, staring into the nothingness in front of you. An ominous rumble echoes above you and extends across the entire sky, turning it a deep shade of scarlet. The same shade that has been running through your veins.

“He’s not real, Y/N. I am”, you hear the other Steve say from afar, which only makes you shake your head in disbelief, covering your ears. “I am your Steve. I was blipped five years ago. You are.. You’re enslaving an entire town with your mind because you couldn’t handle me being gone. He is a product of your pain, an illusion you created to deal with your grief.”

Your heart is pounding so loudly now you can hear it in your ears. Your hands are shaking, and when you lift your head slightly to look at him, you see it; the shocking realization that he’s telling you the truth. The repressed memories crush you at once, and you sink to the ground with a gasp. You feel an excruciating pain in your head, desperately clawing at it, trying to push the horrific images out of your mind, but to no avail.

You remember kneeling on the battlefield, gathering dust in your hands. You remember how you found the ring. How you came to this town, to this house, and suddenly everything was normal again. Everything was alright and Steve was here with you.

“I know you never wanted any of this. I know this isn’t you. So please come back to me”, he softly speaks to you and it is then that you let out an agonizing scream.

It feels like you’re torn apart from the inside, and you paw at your skin along your neck as if you could scratch it open. You want it to stop, for the pain to go away, but it only gets worse by the second. A strong wind blows through the air and the ground beneath you shakes as you absorb all the red magic around you.

When you feel a soft touch on your chin, you look up through tears and meet Steve’s eyes. Gently, he smiles at you before he, too, dissolves into red particles.

Then, suddenly, the pain is gone. What remains is gaping emptiness.

You bend over, supporting your weight with your arms, and wheeze for air, choking on nothing. You hear quick footsteps coming towards you, but you don’t dare to look up for fear of what sight awaits you there. You have no idea what you have done, and you are too scared to face the consequences.

The soft whisper of your name reaches your ear and you let out a whimper. Only when you feel a touch on your shoulder do you look up and feel your heart jump.

Steve looks at you, tears streaming down his face but a smile adorns his lips, the one you missed so much.

“Y-You’re r-real?”, you choke out, your bottom lip quivering. The second he nods, it feels like your world finally starts rotating again, relief flooding over you. But you’re so weak and exhausted that you can’t do anything but burst into tears. Steve immediately kneels beside you and pulls you into a bone-crushing hug, and when his signature scent hits your nose, you know he’s actually here. He’s back.

You don’t know how long you cry into his shoulder and listen to him sobbing, but you don’t care. If it were up to you, you would stay like this forever, never letting him go again. At some point, however, Steve loosens his grip, but only enough so that he can cup your face with his hands and kiss you deeply, tasting your salty tears. You can’t believe he’s actually here with you. You can’t believe you’ve lived a lie for several years, making yourself believe that everything is fine and he never left.

Steve notices your hesitancy and removes his lips from yours, searching your eyes.

“H-How?”, you sob, scanning not only his face but also his upper body. Only now do you realize that he looks just like he did when he turned to dust. Steve takes in a deep breath as he lowers his head, grabbing your hands to softly hold them in his own, comforting you.

“Tony and Banner found a way to bring us back. Thanos is defeated once and for all. It’s only been a few days since everyone reappeared where they vanished. I immediately searched for you, but you weren’t there. T‘Challa told us what happened”, Steve explains, choosing his words carefully. “We went back to the compound, and I was relieved when I found out you weren’t blipped. But Natasha told me they had lost contact with you years ago and you wouldn’t allow any communication. They’ve tried reaching out to you, but you.. developed powers even Banner couldn’t understand. It was too dangerous for any life form to breach the barrier you created. But my DNA was altered once before so I had to risk it. A-And when I saw you..”

Steve interrupts himself, averting his gaze back at the house he bought for you more than five years ago. For him, however, it’s only been a few weeks.

He can’t believe he has missed five entire years. That he has let the world, and especially you, down once again. And seeing you in this awful state, so entirely broken that you had to create your own little world to survive and bear the pain, didn’t make it any easier for him.

You needed him so much, and there was nothing he could do to help you or ease your pain. All these years, you grieved for him, in your own way, and he can’t even blame you for that. If the world had taken you away from him, he doesn’t know what he would have done in your place.

“I-I didn’t realize what I was doing this entire time, Steve. It just happened..”, you sob, squeezing his hands, blaming yourself for what you’ve done to all these poor, innocent people and to yourself, especially to your mind. You thought you could never hurt others, but grief taught you otherwise.

Sirens howl in the distance and a helicopter flies over your heads. Voices sound in the distance, probably residents of this town, those that you controlled and enslaved for years.

“W-What have I done?”, you cry out, your thoughts unbearable. It feels like your mind is shattered, torn in all places. Whatever powers you have, they affected your mind.

„Shh. It’s not your fault, I promise”, Steve tries calming you down, running a hand over your arm.

“What’s happening to me?”, you ask, devastated. You’re simply overwhelmed, by your feelings, by your thoughts. On the one hand, you’re indescribably happy that Steve is back, that evil has been destroyed, and the world has returned to its original state. You also think of Bucky and Sam. Of Natasha’s sister. How happy she must feel right now. On the other hand, you feel this incredible pain because the guilt hovers over everything and buries you beneath it. You didn’t know what you were doing or that you were even doing anything. For you, this was your reality. You were so mentally ill that you created Steve through some strange kind of magic; an illusion that was perfect.

Until it wasn’t.

“I don’t know, but we will get you help”, Steve encourages you, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. You even made up these little gestures in your alternate reality.

“Remember that one time S.H.I.E.L.D abducted you? When we rescued you, you were completely out of it and didn’t remember anything. Tony thinks they did some experiments on you, probably with the Mind Stone since that was the one they had at their disposal”, Steve continues his explanation, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand soothingly. “These powers have not yet revealed themselves at that time. Apparently, they had to be triggered first. That’s why the tests didn’t show any traces.”

“W-What?” You look at him, unable to understand what he’s even saying. You don’t want to believe a word he just said, but deep inside, you know he must be right. Experiments turned you into the monster you are now, your mind too weak to fight against it.

“It’s going to be alright”, Steve promises, but you are not so sure about that. Your thoughts are scattered, chaos roaming freely inside of you.

Several vehicles turn into the street: ambulances, police cars, military trucks; all here because of you. Some of them drive on, others stop nearby. Soldiers get out, and besides the fear coursing through you, you also feel the great power now flowing through you.

You could easily defeat them all with a flick of your finger.

“What are we going to do now?”, you ask, fear evident in your trembling voice as you avert your gaze back to Steve. Your voice isn’t the only thing trembling, but your hands are too. You want to swiftly pull them away from Steve’s grip, but he holds on, not letting go of you.

He won’t ever let go of you now that he has you again.

“We’ll think of something. But first of all, I’m getting you home”, he answers, smiling as he leans forward to place a gentle kiss on your forehead. “What’s important now is that we are reunited. It’s going to be a long journey before you will be able to deal and cope with all of this, but that’s normal. Every second person on this planet will need time.”

With that, he scoops you up in his strong arms, carrying you bridal style towards one of the ambulances. You cling tightly to his neck and glance back at the house, your house, where you’ve been fooling yourself for several years. Back then, when all of this started, Steve carried you over the threshold into the house in your wedding dress. Now he’s carrying you in the exact opposite direction, away from all that, away from all the pain you desperately wanted to banish.

The moment your eyes adjust to the light coming in from the hallway and you see your daughter standing in front of your side of the bed, your heart breaks a little. Your inner alarm bells go off immediately and you lift your upper body up, propping yourself up with your elbow on your pillow. The heavy weight lazily swung across your waist does not move a single bit when you do so.

"Hey, hey, Grace-y, darling. What's up sweetie?", you ask her worried and reach your hand out to her, your eyes heavy despite the sudden rush of adrenaline due to seeing your babygirl wide awake in the middle of the night.

Her bottom lip trembles even more now that she tries to answer, trying to hold back her tears like the strong girl she is.

"Shh, don't cry. Come here, sweetheart", you prompt, grabbing her hand and pulling her closer in order to pick her up and sit her on the mattress next to you. Smoothing back her hair, you fondly smile at her. God, when did she grow up so fast?

"Grace, do you want to tell Mommy what's wrong?", you ask her again, your voice in a whisper and your heart aching at seeing your precious daughter this distraught.

"H-Had a bad dream", she responds quietly, adjusting her tone to yours as she quickly noticed that her father is peacefully sleeping next to you, unaware of what is going on.

"Oh baby, I'm sorry about that. But everything is fine now, okay? You don't have to be scared of anything anymore, we are here to protect you", you reassure her with a smile, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear while she is still clutching her stuffed animal to her chest. A single tear rolls down her puffy cheek as she nods and you quickly pull her into a hug, running your hand over her back soothingly.

"You can sleep here tonight, is that alright?", you whisper in her ear and, again, get a nod in response. "Okay, but try to not wake up Daddy."

In fact, it is proving quite difficult not to wake Steve up since his muscular arm is still splayed across your middle. Steve just returned from a mission yesterday and you can't even describe how much you have missed him. Even if it was not for long, you keep realizing that you can't live without him anymore. And his children missed him even more.

Every time he returns home, whether it is after a normal day's work or after a longer mission, he is so exhausted that you feel sorry when James and Grace immediately jump onto him. But he tells you that it makes him happy and, obviously, you believe him. Still, you do not want to disturb his well-deserved sleep which is why you try to move as little as possible.

Carefully, you set Grace down in the middle and lift Steve's arm so that your daughter can quickly squeeze in-between. Sniffling, she looks at you with her big eyes as you adjust the covers over her and place a gentle kiss on her forehead. Before you can settle back into your previous sleeping position, however, Steve stirs in his sleep, seemingly noticing that something changed as he wants to pull you closer to him. In doing so, he is not only pulling you closer to him now but also your daughter, who can't help but giggle at her father unintentionally cuddling her. While you barely move, hoping your husband will stay asleep, he takes one deep breath. After that, silence spreads throughout your bedroom.

"Do we have a visitor tonight?", Steve's deep, sleep-drunk voice suddenly asks into the dark and you startle a little.

"She had a nightmare, but don't worry. You can go back to sleep", you say, feeling his arm retract from you as he hugs Grace tightly instead, placing kisses all over her which makes her giggle even more.

"These bad dreams can't harm you, sweetheart. You know Mommy and Daddy will always be there to protect you", he whispers to your daughter, who is now cuddling into him, his chin on top of her head. Your heart beats faster upon seeing their interaction and you once again realize how lucky you are to have him. And you are so incredibly grateful that he gave you such wonderful children like James and Grace.

"Try to sleep again, alright? Daddy won't let the bad dreams disturb you any longer", Steve explains softly, running his hand over her hair to soothe her into dreamland. Gently, he kisses her cheek and motions for you to come closer in order to give you a kiss as well while not having to leave his position with your daughter in his arms. Smiling, you peck his lips and fall back into your pillow, the exhaustion hitting you at once. But when Steve's fingers graze your upper arm, you manage to still intertwine your hands before falling asleep again.

════════════

Scattered rays of sunshine tickling your nose, you move and slowly wake up. You do not even have to open your eyes and you know that you clearly have not had enough sleep to be fully rested. But you have to get two children ready for school and daycare and simultaneously make yourself presentable for work as well.

A quick glance at your alarm clock shows you that you woke up before the alarm, which is only supposed to go off in half an hour.

Sighing, you let your hand dangle over the edge of the bed before lifting yourself up completely, unable to get any more sleep anyway. Yawning, you sit on the edge and a smile creeps onto your lips as you turn around and are met with the cutest sight the world has ever seen.

Steve's entire bulky body is spread out like a starfish across his side as well as yours, his huge frame taking up most of the space. Meanwhile, Grace is sprawled across his torso, her stuffed animal in one of her hands, and they both snore away peacefully. You genuinely wonder how you survived a night with this little space.

As carefully and slowly as possible, you stand up and reluctantly tear yourself away from the sight which is going to make your heart fill with a lot of joy for a few more days. You tiptoe to the chair next to your closet, throw the clothes you have already laid out yesterday evening over your arm and disappear into the adjoining bathroom, but not without turning off the alarm clock first.

The built-in clock on the mirror reminds you once again how early in the morning it is, but you choose to ignore it and splash cold water on your face to wake up. After that, you take a quick shower and put on some make-up, styling your hair while enjoying the quiet that early mornings usually bring.

With two children, a family dog - a German Shepard named Sarge -, and a husband who saves the world almost every day, there is often not much time for rest. And you often lose sight of the fact that you also have a job and a life outside of your role as a mother and wife.

But you love this role, even if it drives you crazy at times.

Slipping into your clothes - today more formal than usual as you have an important meeting - you take one last look at yourself, and the clock, and then exit the bathroom. Grace and Steve have hardly moved in the meantime and it is not easy for you to destroy this moment. At least the shrill sound of the alarm does not do it.

Gently, you crawl back onto the bed and kiss your daughter's forehead several times, softly urging her to wake up. Steve receives the same treatment and while Grace wakes up pretty quickly, he remains fast asleep.

"Go wake up your brother, okay? I will be right there", you say to Grace, who looks at you sleepily but rested and she sets off immediately, the thought of waking up her brother exciting her.

"Babe, it's time to get up", you whisper, kissing his cheek, but he still has not moved. His hair is tousled and his beard is more than three days old. If you told anyone how difficult it is to get Captain America out of bed in the morning, they would probably never believe you.

But here you are, trying to shake the big man in front of you awake.

"Why, already?", he finally murmurs, waking up but clearly not wanting to as he reaches for you, pulling you on top of him. "I didn't even get a proper chance to hold you last night. I'm cuddle deprived."

At this, you let out a laugh and try to free yourself from his grip, but he does not let go of you and his strength exceeds yours by far. Super Soldier Serum and such.

Still, you do not even think about giving up and pull on his arm again, which is wrapped tightly around your waist.

"Steve, please. I need to help Grace brush her teeth and get dressed", you mention, but your husband clearly does not seem to care, as you can see from his expression.

"She's grown up. Besides, wasn't she supposed to wake James? He can help her", he winks at you and you let out a humourless chuckle, not believing his words.

"So you were awake, you-"

"I just can't get enough of your kisses, you know? And I gladly admit it, after all you are my wife and I do not have to hide anything from you", he smiles proudly, kissing you on the lips. "Otherwise, what was the point of marrying you if I can't kiss you whenever and wherever I want?"

"Oh my god, Steve. What's gotten into you?", you giggle, pushing him away from you as much as he lets you. Meeting his eyes, you feel a blush creep onto your cheeks because he looks at you like you hung the moon.

"Is that a blush? Did I actually make my wife blush right now?", he grins from ear to ear and you just roll your eyes as an answer, biting back another giggle.

"Shut up. You are an idiot, but you can be glad that I missed you so much", you smile and kiss him again, using his unwariness in that moment to finally free yourself from his grip, which is only accompanied by Steve's grumble. "Now get America's ass up or our whole house will be flooded if I let your children alone in the bathroom for one second longer."

"Yes, ma'am", he salutes you, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth as he tries to suppress a laugh. Rolling your eyes with a giggle, you set off to stop Grace from turning the bathroom into her own little water park.

It does not take long for you to get everything back under control and escort your children, and Sarge, who was woken up by all the turmoil, downstairs, into the open kitchen and living area, where they both sit on the huge sofa and watch their favourite kids show. This distraction allows you to prepare their lunch boxes while simultaneously getting some breakfast ready for Steve and you. Of course you also take care of Sarge by filling up his food and water bowls.

Laughter fills the air whenever the cartoon character says something funny on screen, and your heart fills with love at the sight of your two little bundles of joy. Leaning against the counter behind you, you wait for your coffee to be ready, tracking what is currently happening on screen.

All of your children's concentration is on the screen. That is until footsteps can be heard coming down the stairs and they both rush to stand up, jumping into Steve's arms before he even gets the chance to properly enter the room.

"Woah! Careful you two", Steve warns them immediately, but in such a playful tone that they do not even take him seriously. He lifts them both up with ease and bids them good morning with a kiss to the forehead. Sarge is also standing directly at his feet now, his tail wagging in glee.

"Daddy, Daddy! I didn't have any more nightmares", Grace declares proudly while, at the same time, James shares his super-cool, action-packed dream of being the superhero who saved the world.

Steve listens to both of them intently, as best as he can when they are talking to him at the same time, and sits them down on the stools by the kitchen island. The two only stop talking when they drink their orange juice, which you have put there beforehand. Drinking their juice, James starts explaining his dream to his little sister, babbling away.

"Good morning to you too, my beautiful wife", Steve greets you as he slowly approaches you and you can't help but check him out. Today, for your pleasure, he decided to put on a compression shirt, which emphasizes his muscular upper body and especially his upper arms, and combined it with a simple pair of cargo pants. His hair is perfectly styled the way you love it and he has kept his stubble.

He looks so incredibly handsome right now that you just can't keep your hands to yourself and touch his chest the moment he softly kisses you.

"I saw that", he whispers against your lips, flexing the muscles under your hand before leaving a little more space between your bodies. "How did you sleep?"

Since your senses are currently fully consumed by him - his fresh just-left-the-shower scent, his raspy voice, his body in front of you, his entire aura -, you have to swallow before being able to answer. Steve watches all of this with a slight grin on his lips that he is trying to hide, perfectly knowing what he does to you right now.

"Good. Fine. I mean for the sleep I got it was fine", you shrug, being used to not ever feeling completely rested. "I will survive."

"I never doubted that", Steve replies, placing both hands on the counter next to your hips, catching you between them. "But next time you can wake me up when the kids come over at night."

"I know, it's just- You were so exhausted last night and I just couldn't bring myself to steal your well-deserved sleep", you sigh with a sad smile, and, lost in thought, run your hand along his chest and over his shoulder, avoiding eye contact.

"That's why I love you. But", he starts, suddenly holding a cup in front of you. "What was this invented for, then?"

In disbelief, you quickly take a glance next to you, to where the coffee machine is, to where your coffee was just made.

"You are a thief", you say, offended when he actually takes a sip from it with a grin on his perfectly sculpted face.

"It doesn't even work for you", you remind him with your eyebrow raised.

"Hm, the thought counts", he winks at you playfully before placing the cup in your hands, pecking your cheek before filling himself a glass of orange juice as well. "By the way, you look beautiful."

"I tried my best", you snicker, sipping your coffee as you try to hide what is turning out to be yet another blush. "You don't look too bad yourself either, Mr. Rogers."

"Daddy, do you like my pigtails today?", Grace interrupts your conversation all of a sudden, apparently having enough of her brother's talk about superheroes.

"Of course! I love them!", Steve answers, leaning on the kitchen island to be able to reach out to her on the other side, twirling one of her pigtails around his finger. "It looks stunning. And would you take a look at these butterfly hairclips! Amazing!"

The big smile that then appears on her face mirrors that of her father and you can't help but smile too. It is moments like these that really make you realize how lucky you are.

Finishing up their lunch boxes, you ask your children to get their backpacks so you can put them in. The colorful boxes disappear into their bags and a glance at the clock tells you that you will have to get ready to leave soon.

"Do you think I can be a superhero one day, Daddy?", James asks, apparently still caught up in his dream. Steve smiles at him with so much adoration in his eyes as he takes his backpack and smoothes down his hair that you feel your heart beating faster.

"Of course you will, what a question!", Steve answers enthusiastically and takes Grace's backpack as well after checking the time.

"Because my friends don't believe me when I tell them that you are a superhero and that I will one day also be one", James continues, looking at his feet as he tells you this. Steve seems to be at a loss for words for a second and you also do not know what to say. It is not about what he said but about the way your son said it. With so much defeat in his voice.

Quickly, Steve and you exchange a sympathetic gace before he bends down to be on one level with James.

"Don't listen to them, buddy. We all know that you will be a superhero one day and that is what counts", Steve encourages him, rubbing over his shoulder in an attempt to lighten him up. "Am I right, Grace?"

"YES!"

Grace answers with so much enthusiasm in her voice that it makes you giggle. Grace has always been her older brother's biggest fan and when she goes over and hugs him now, telling him that he will be great, but that he definitely needs to get her a cool superhero costume as well, your heart skips a beat and you feel warm inside.

This is your family and they are the best thing that has ever happened to you.

Steve pulls both of them to his chest, hugging them as well before picking them up, one on each side. Apparently they wrap their hands around his neck a bit too tightly, because he is fighting to get some air. "Alright, alright, I may be a superhero but I still need to breathe. Who is ready to leave?", he announces and your kids giggle, loosening their grip on their dad. Sarge barks softly as a response, apparently also ready to go out.

Steve maneuvers both of them to the entryway, putting them down and helping Grace to tie her shoes. James, on the other hand, puts on his jacket and shoes in record time, visibly proud. You join them in the hallway, stuffing your lunchbox into your handbag and handing Steve his own.

"Thank you, my love", he kisses your cheek, patting down on his body to see if he's got his keys and wallet. "Let me bring them today."

"W-What? I was supposed to-"

"I know. But I want to. It's not long until my next mission and I just want to spend as much time with them as possible", Steve interrupts you, smiling while opening the door so the kids can already go outside. "I also need to proof to James' friends that his father is, in fact, Captain America. And you drive them every day, after waking up earlier, after helping them get ready, after making breakfast. Don't think that I haven't noticed that you are barely getting any sleep. I can practically see how exhausted you are, honey."

His words are spot on. Recently, when he was gone on more and longer missions, you indeed found it increasingly difficult to take care of two - three if you count Sarge - children on your own. Even with the help of your parents, and Bucky and Sam from time to time, you were still quite overwhelmed with everything. It actually makes you feel better, even if you do not want to admit it, that Steve is now taking this task off your shoulders. On the other hand, you love your children and can't bare to be seperated from them for too long.

Steve notices that you fall silent at his words and he steps closer, grabbing your hands tightly.

"You're the best mother on this planet and we can consider ourselves incredibly lucky to have you", Steve whispers, softly cupping your face before kissing your forehead. "You are the true superhero here."

"I sometimes really don't feel like it", you answer with a bit of despair in your voice, your two babys laughing in the background as they are already getting into the car on their own. Using the last few minutes you have before running late, you pull him into a tight hug, your arms wrapping around his waist while his are around your neck.

"I love you so much", he whispers into your hair, planting a few kisses there. "You're doing amazing. You've got this. Sometimes you just need to let the sidekick take over."

"Thank yo-"

"Mommy! Daddy!", James' voice interrupts your cute little moment, but before the two of you seperate, Steve steals a quick kiss from you.

"Alright, you need to get going or otherwise you'll be late", you giggle, following Steve out of the house after turning off all the lights and grabbing your bag, Sarge following your every step. You step to the back of the car and check if James and Grace are securely buckled in and then give both of them a kiss to the cheek.

"Have fun today and remember who's going to pick you up after?", you say, smiling as you watch both of them realize which day it is today.

"Uncle Bucky! Uncle Bucky!", both of them yell in unison, giggling. Waving goodbye, you close the door of the car and turn to Steve, who is ready to jump into the car.

"Take care and good luck for your meeting", Steve smiles at you, softly sneaking his hands around your waist to pull you closer and to give you a kiss one last time. However, he doesn't seem to want to stop anymore so you have to gently push him back.

"Mr. Rogers, I fear you're going to be late if you continue like this", you chuckle, caressing his cheek. "See you later. Take care. Love you."

"Love you, too. My superheroine", Steve winks, finally getting into the car and starting the engine. You watch as the car leaves and disappears around the next corner. Sighing, you do not even realize that you are not moving until Sarge begs for your attention. Smiling, you bend down and pat him.

"Where are you going?"

I turned around, as Druig grabbed my Hand, effectively stopping me from going out.

"Just going for a walk around the village", I answered and eyed him down, " Are you alright? "

He only nodded:" Yeah, it's fine"

He let go of my hand and sat down, but I didn't walk away. Instead I stepped closer to him, grasping his cheek. Druig looked up to me.

"Something's wrong", I whispered.

He sighed and carefully leaned against my chest.

"It's just...", he mumbled.

"Yeah?", I said and looked down to him.

He shrugged:"I have a bad feeling"

"What do you mean?", I asked confused.

Druig looked at me and jumped up before walking towards a window.

"I just have the feeling, that something...or someone is coming.

Cautionly, I stepped closer." Do you think the others are coming? ", I asked and leaned my head on his shoulder while my arms snuck around his waist.

" I don't know", Druig whispered.

"If it's anyone else, we can handle it. Don't worry", I said.

Druig chuckled. "You mean, you can handle it", he said and turned around, taking my hands in his.

I had the ability to control the elements. Fire, Water, Wind and Earth were powerful weapons in a fight.

A smile crept onto my face:"Fine, I can handle it."

"See?", Druig laughed, before he leaned down to me.

He pressed a passionate kiss to my lips while pulling me closer.

"I love you", I whispered, leaning my forehead against his.

Druig opened his mouth, but a deep rumble went through the house before he could say something.

Druig sighed:"They're here"

"Seems like you were right", I smiled, "As always"

I couldn't believe my ears. What Sersi just told us, couldn't be true. It just couldn't.

While I was quite speechless, Druig seemed to be rather angry.

"We need you, Druig"

I looked over to Sersi. She told us her plan, but it would require Druigs powers. He didn't seem to like it and stormed off leaving us behind.

"He is as stioc as ever, isn't he?", Icaris stated, looking over to me.

"He just learned that his entire life is a lie! How would you react?"

"We still need him", Sersi interrupted us.

I only sighed and sat down:"He needs time to think, guys"

"Can't you go and talk to him?", Kingo asked.

I scoffed:"It's his decision after all"

"Y/N"

It was Sprite. I looked at her. Surprisingly she stayed calm and came over to me:"We need him"

She held her hand out to me. I looked at her and then at the rest of the group.

"Fine", I said and took her hand. She pulled me up and smiled:"I knew, you wouldn't disappoint us"

"As I said, it is still his decision", I mumbled and made my way outside to surch for Druig.

I couldn't find him near the house. He must have wanderd off to think about Sersi's plan.

I walked a little bit away from the village, before I heard People scream and shout.

I quickly made my way back to find out what was going on.

I looked around and saw several deviants attacking the villagers. I immediately went to attack them. Druig and I protected this village for ages. I was not going to let them die now.

One of the deviants now noticed my presence and went to attack me.

I used my powers to create fire and attacked him with it. He backed off a little but soon went back to attack, but he was stopped by Kingo.

He fired at him and looked at me and Sprite.

"You have to distract him", he shouted and turned around to prepare his attack.

I looked at Sprite. She nooded, before sprinting towards me.

I folded my hands and when Sprite jumped onto them, I pushed her upwards to attack the Deviant.

She stabbed it into the throat while I formed shackles out of earth in order to hold him down.

"Hurry up, Kingo!", Sprite shouted. She had trouble with holding the Deviant, but Kingo was finally ready and attacked it from down under, effectively killing it.

I breathed out heavily and got up, smiling at Sprite. Our little trick still worked, even after all those years.

My smile faded as Sprite suddenly shouted and pointed behind me:"Y/N, look out!!"

But it was to late, I felt something pierce through my arm and then my ribs before I was yanked to the side.

I cried out in pain and looked at the Deviant in front off me. He came closer to me while another one attacked Sprite and Kingo.

I tried to get up, but it was useless. I felt blood drip from my side and groaned in agony.

The deviant was still coming closer, but he was suddenly attacked by the villagers who shot at him with their rifles.

"Y/N, are you alright?!", I heard Druig say before he came running towards me.

"I've never been better", I said jokingly as he helped me up.

Druig eyed my arm and rips.

"Damn it", He whispered, "I shouldn't have left you alone"

I smiled:"It's alright, come on!"

Sersi was able to trap the Deviant with a tree and we tried to escape but it seemed useless until Ikaris came back. He was able to kill the Deviant who had attacked Sprite and Kingo.

As we slowly settled back down, I really started to feel my injuries. That we had lost Gilgamesh didn't make our situation any better.

Druig slowly helped me laying down and treating my wounds.

"We have to help them", I said and grabbed his hand.

He only sighed and continued with my bandages. I watched him finish his work in silence.

"Druig", I whispered.

"I could've lost you today", he pressed out.

"But you didn't"

"But I could have!!", he shouted.

I carefully sat up and looked at Druig. He stared out of the window and watched the others prepare Gilgamesh's Funeral.

"We lost Gilgamesh today", my voice was shaking. I tried hard to keep the tears from spilling.

"They need you...We need you"

Druig turned around and looked at me. He slowly sat down beside me and took my hand.

"All I need is you", He whispered and kissed the back of my hand, "I enjoyed these last years with you and I don't want to lose this memories. I don't want to lose you..."

A tear rolled down his cheek. I slowly wiped it away and kissed his cheek.

"Let's save this planet", I said.

“Peter Parker?”

Peter froze as every hair on his body stood up. He knew that voice. Oh god, he had yearned to hear that voice every single day since the accident. It couldn’t be, could it? Peter’s body refused to turn, he could barely breathe as the Spider suit suddenly began to feel rather claustrophobic and tight on him, almost as though it were compressing his airways. Could it be?

“Is it him?” A stranger’s voice asked.

“Course it is! He’s wearing the Spider-Man suit! Peter!” It was you. God, it couldn’t be you but it was. It was you. As he heard you call his name, the dread and the panic that surged inside of him began to fade away, “Can you hear me?”

Peter’s body began to co-operate with him and slowly, so very painfully slowly, he began to turn to face you. It was a circle in the middle of an alley. A glowing orange, sparking circle in the middle of a dark alley with three faces in what looked like a kitchen stared back at him. Pete didn’t bother questioning what the glowing circle was, all he could do was stare at you. It was really you.

It wasn’t you, it couldn’t have been you. Peter watched as you- but it was you. You stared at him with those same wide eyes and that same excited smile. You looked exactly as he remembered you. He barely glanced at the two other people beside you, all he could do was walk towards you in a dream like state. With every step, his heart beat began to quicken until he was standing just beyond the circle. His heart felt like it was going to rip out of his chest.

“Peter?” You asked him, “You coming?”

Carefully, he stepped into what he realised was in fact someone’s kitchen and with a slow, shaking hand, he reached up and pulled off his Spider-Man hood, revealing himself to you. He knew it wasn’t you, well it wasn’t his version of you, and yet some small part of him was hoping that you’d recognise him and rush into his arms in a flurry of tears and ‘I love you’s. His already broken heart cracked that little bit more when he saw your eyebrows furrow into a look of pure confusion. You didn’t know him, of course you didn’t and Peter knew that but it hurt so much to see the same face that always smiled at him to now see no one but a stranger.

“You’re not Peter.” The boy standing beside you said.

Peter finally turned his attention to the other two people, they looked younger and even more confused. He cleared his throat, “Don’t freak out but I’m from another universe.”

You scoffed, “Another universe? Yeah right.”

Peter looked at you and his face softened. You frowned in confusion as to why he looked so sad when he looked at you, “My name is Peter Parker,” he said. The way he stared at you, so intensely, made you shift uncomfortably, “I’m not from this world.”

You glanced at Ned and MJ, “Is that even possible?”

“I mean, Ned just made a magic circle appear,” MJ shrugged.

“Wait, magic?” Peter asked with raised eyebrows, “Is magic real?”

You shook your head, stepping towards him, “Never mind about magic, are you real?”

“Am I real?” Peter scoffed, “I’m standing right here!”

“But are you really another Peter Parker? You’re wearing the Spider-Man suit but are you really him?”

Peter hid a secret smile. God, you were just the same, “Do I really need to prove it? What do you even want me to do?”

“Tell me something only Spider-Man or Peter Parker would know.”

“Would that even work?” Peter asked with a frown, “I’m clearly a different Peter to the one you know so the two realities might not align-”

“Just tell me something!”

Peter rolled his eyes and jumped, reaching his hand up and sticking to the ceiling. You stared up at him, “You see?” Peter asked, “I can stick to the walls.” You continued to eye him suspiciously as he dropped down, “I know that your name is (y/n). I know your birthday is coming up pretty soon. I know that when you were younger you had a massive crush on Kevin Bacon-”

“How do you know that? What the fuck?” Your eyes were wide as your stared at him. How could a stranger know all of this? How did he know your name, your birthday and even an obscure fact about you? How could a stranger- oh. He wasn’t a stranger to you. Sure, in this reality he was a stranger but in his reality... you were more.

“Because you told me.”

You and Peter stared at each other and you realised what the expression on his face was. He’d been staring at you differently since he came through the portal and now you realised why. It wasn’t a look of hatred or disgust or annoyance... it was a look of fondness, of awe... of love? You stared at him, almost feeling bad that you didn’t know him. His eyes searched yours for a spark of familiarity even though he knew it was impossible. You were you but you also weren’t you at all.

MJ ruined the moment by saying, “Kevin Bacon, really?!”

You internally groaned, “I was a kid!” You turned back to Peter, “You better not tell anyone any more of my secrets.” Peter nodded, agreeing to not share any other secrets of yours.

As everyone else’s attention turned back towards trying to create a portal to find the real Peter (which then ended with bringing yet another ‘fake Peter’ through), Peter couldn’t stop staring at you. You were here and you were alive. Peter’s mind raced, thinking about his version of you and this version of you; what events were the same and what versions were different?

In his version, you had loved him. You and Peter had been together for years and then after an accident involving Harry Osborn, you had died. Peter had tried to save you but Harry had targeted you; he knew that you were Peter’s weakness. Harry killed you. In Peter’s timeline, that event was six months ago, and Peter hadn’t thought of anything else since. Every single second of every single day, Peter Parker was consumed with guilt. He had stopped being Spider-Man until that night. His spider senses tingled and he’d put the suit on and it led him here to you. For the last six months, in Peter’s world, Spider-Man was gone and so were you. The dream of Spider-Man, the dream of making the world a better place died when you were no longer in the world because how could he make the world better when the one person that was able to do that wasn’t there anymore? How could he help the world when he couldn’t even save his own girlfriend?

Peter wondered what you were like in this timeline. What differences were there between you and his version of you? He wanted to know. He wanted to know everything about you. He knew that it wasn’t fair to compare you to the version of you that he knew but he couldn’t help it. You had been his everything and he thought he’d never get to see you again and yet here another version of you stood, staring at him with a confused expression.

“You knew me?” You asked him confused, “Were we friends?”

He avoided your eyes, instead focussing his attention the older looking Peter Parker that had stepped through another portal, “Uh, yeah... you could say that. So uh... your version of Peter Parker, where is he?”

“We don’t know, that’s who we were trying to find and yet we picked up you two.”

“Well does he have a special place where he likes to go?” The older Peter Parker asked. The two Peter’s said where their special place to go was. You eyed the younger of the two curiously.

MJ’s eyes widened, “I know where he is!”

Finding Peter was easy now that MJ knew exactly where to go. He was sitting on the rooftop and MJ approached him. The three of you wrapped your Peter up in a tight hug, he’d lost his Aunt May the kindest lady to have ever lived. You knew that Peter needed the three of you more than ever right now.

“I’m done,” Peter said, tears dribbling down his cheeks, “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Before you throw the towel in,” you said, “we’ve got some people we want you to meet.” On queue, the two other versions of Peter Parker swung into view and landed in that perfect superhero pose next to you. Peter didn’t seem to care so the elder of the Peters’ decided to share his story. He had lost his Uncle Ben, as had the other Peter, and they both knew the pain of losing someone they loved.

“I lost someone else too,” Peter said, “I lost someone I loved.” You glanced over at him to see him staring deeply into your eyes, “I lost my girlfriend six months ago... Her name was (y/n).”

Your jaw dropped as you stared at him with wide eyes, “What?”

Peter sighed, “She looked and acted exactly like you, (y/n). You’re the same person just in two different universes. She passed away because of me and I couldn’t- I couldn’t save her.” 

It all made sense. It made sense as to why he stared at you with those big sad eyes and why he couldn’t stop staring at you. He had loved you and he had lost you. To him, he was literally seeing a ghost.

“Oh, Peter...” You walked over to him, “I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head, eyes full of tears, “No, it’s okay... It’s just that seeing you, seeing you alive and happy... It’s a lot but hearing that these guys even despite losing their loved ones have continued to pursue love and happiness, it’s making me feel hopeful again.”

“You shouldn’t shut yourself off to love,” you said softly, “I know you’re probably not ready for it again just now but you can’t shut your heart away forever... What kind of life is that?”

Peter nodded, “So, uh, you and that Peter?” He rubbed his neck.

“C’mon, Parker!” You laughed, “He’s like my brother, he’s still a kid! I- uh... I’m single. Not really looking for anything just now, just trying to get by.”

“Are you happy?” Peter asked you, taking you off guard.

You supposed that he was trying to find closure, he was trying to convince himself that his version of you was the real you so that he could live peacefully, “Yeah... I’m really happy actually.”

He smiled, a genuine smile, “Good, good... I’m really happy to hear that actually.”

“If you two are finished having a moment,” MJ said, “We’re going down to the lab to work on stuff.”

“Coming!”

The big battle raged on and you, Ned and MJ were told to stay safe and stay out of the way. However, when Ned had opened a portal and then couldn’t close it... Well, trouble came to you.

Doctor Connors, the giant ass lizard, came rushing through the portal trying to kill the three of you so you had no choice but to run out of the portal and towards some more danger. You ran as fast as you could as Peter 1 (your version of Peter) swung into the portal to help MJ and Ned. As you ran, you didn’t notice that Electro had spotted you.

You rushed down the boards, trying not to look down and trying not to fall to your sudden death when all of a sudden a blast of light and energy sent you flying backwards and sent you flying over the edge of the platform.

Peter 3 (aka your boyfriend in another universe) yelled out. No, no, no, no, no. This wouldn’t happen again, this couldn’t happen again. Peter dove from his position, using webs to propel himself faster. Your scream was loud as your hands tried to grab something but all you could catch was air. You could see Peter flying towards you, he was close, he was so close.

You squeezed your eyes shut and then in an instant, a strong arm wrapped around you and pulled you into his body before he swung you round and down to the ground. You were gripping him tightly, trembling in his arms and you peeked your eyes open to see him standing with his head tilted up to the sky as tears streamed down his cheeks.

“Peter?” You whispered.

“Mm-hm?” He asked through pursed lips and a clenched jaw. You realised what this meant to him. You realised how heart-breaking this was for him. He had saved you but he hadn’t saved his version of you. You didn’t say anything and instead melted into his embrace, hugging him tightly. He buried his head in your hair, sobbing quietly. The pair of you stayed like that for a few minutes before he pulled away, “I- I gotta go help.”

“Thank you, Peter,” you whispered as you stepped away from him, “Thank you.”

He nodded, unable to look at you as he wiped his tears, “Stay outta trouble.” With that, he swung out of there. You watched him leave feeling your heart ache for the poor man. He held so much guilt in his heart and you just hoped that one day he would find peace.

For the next while, you, MJ and Ned stayed well out of the way and then... there was peace. Your side had won. All was well in world again.

It wasn’t long before the goodbyes were taking place. You found your goodbye with Peter 3 to be the hardest. He stood a few feet away from you and you walked over to him, smiling sadly at him.

“You could come with me?” Peter asked you, eyes hopeful.

There was a small part of you curious about what his world looked like, about what he would be like as a friend and potential partner but you shook your head, “I’m not her,” you whispered softly, “I’m (y/n) but I’m not your (y/n) and I don’t think I want to try and live up to your expectations and dreams of her. That’s not fair on me, you or her. Another life, Pete.”

Peter sighed, “I-I, yeah you’re right. I’m sorry, I- you’re so right. It’s just that seeing you, remembering her... it’s hard to differentiate. I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to offend or upset-” He was rambling, an endearing fact about all three Peter Parker’s was that they enjoyed rambling.

“No,” you shook your head, “you didn’t, not at all. I can’t imagine how hard it is seeing me when another version of me was your girlfriend... I can’t imagine how hard it is to see someone that you know to be dead... Are you alright, Peter? Are you going to be okay?” God, you were so similar to his version of you; so kind and so freaking caring.

“My version of you passed away but you’re here and you’re alive. That’s enough for me right now.” Peter nodded, “Knowing that there’s another version of you, thriving and happy... That’s more than enough.” He paused before continuing, “You’ve given me a bit of hope actually, the hope to continue on... I’m not going to rush into finding love again or anything like that but you’ve given me the hope that love is still possible for me.”

You smiled at him. He was so sweet, you could totally understand why another version of you had fallen in love with him. Hell, you could still probably fall in love with him if you went with him but that just wouldn’t be fair. He would be chasing a dead dream and you’d be constantly trying to live up to someone else’s expectations.

“Just promise me one thing,” Peter said as his tone turned serious, “if you ever meet a guy called Harry Osborn... Run. Promise me that you’ll stay far away from him and don’t ever look back.”

Quickly, you nodded, “I promise... Be safe, Peter. Let yourself be open to the possibility of love again, when you’re ready.”

Peter took a breath, “Yeah... I will... (y/n), can I- can I hug you? I know that’s a lot but- but-” but I miss hugging my (y/n). 

Without speaking, you moved to him, enveloping him in a tight hug. You knew that he needed this, he needed this closure; he needed one last moment indulging in the fantasy of you. He took a deep breath before releasing you and you could see his eyes full of tears, “Goodbye, (y/n).”

“Goodbye, Peter Parker; the amazing Spider-Man.”

He doesn’t know what to do. He’s waited a little under nine months for this moment to come and now that it’s here, he doesn’t really know what to do. His heart hammers in his chest as he stares at you in complete awe and shock. He almost wants to pinch himself to make sure that this isn’t a dream. He doesn’t though because if this is a dream then it’s the best damn dream he’s ever had and he doesn’t want to ever wake up from it.

“Pete?” You ask, voice croaky and tired. You can see the fear in his eyes, see the hesitation he has, “You want to hold her?” You look down at the tiny sleeping baby in your arms. She’s barely an hour old and he’s yet to hold her, he kept shaking his head and telling you to have her first. ‘I know how important skin to skin is,’ he said. But now, it’s his turn and you can see how panicked he is at the prospect. You tell him that it’s okay, she’s okay and it’s going to be fine.

“Y-Yeah,” he nods quickly with that kind of ‘I’ve no idea what you just asked me’ nod. She looks tiny in your arms, almost impossibly small. Tiny, he muses in his head, maybe that’ll be her nickname. You haven’t even named her and yet he already had a nickname lined up. He liked nicknames, that’s why he had hundreds for you. He had cheesy ones that would make you roll your eyes and laugh at him, had ones that were sweet and had ones that could never be heard outside of the bedroom. He likes nicknames, likes the intimacy between the two people who know the story of the nickname. He imagines calling your daughter Tiny and telling her when she’s a little older how small she was, exaggerating the story to make her laugh by saying silly things like ‘you were so small I could fit you inside the palm of my hand and carry you around in my pocket’. He’s excited for those days where you can run around and talk to him but he doesn’t want to wish away your childhood just yet. He just has to get past this stage, hold you for the first time and then he’ll be okay.

You extend your arms, holding her out to him as you watch him. He’s terrified as he reaches forward but he puffs his chest out to make himself feel braver, a habit picked up through years of forcing himself to be brave. He’s terrified that he won’t be good for your daughter, that he’ll end up causing harm to her or to you; it’s happened in the past and yes, he’s much more careful and thorough but the worry still lingers. He’s terrified of leaving you and your daughter, what if what happened to his dad or to Uncle Ben happens to him and he’s taken too soon and too quickly? He hates that thought. It took years of reassurance from you and through the help of a therapist to get out of that mindset. He wishes he didn’t feel this way. You always told him that you liked that he had these worries, not liking how they upset and plagued him, but you would tell him to use them to his advantage so that they never came to fruition. Even despite losing his father and then losing Uncle Ben way too soon, he wouldn’t change it for the world. All he can do is try to make them proud. They did their best and that’s all that he can do too.

You help him take her, helping to adjust her position in his arms. “Hey, hey,” he coos gently as she fusses from being moved, “You’re okay, everything’s okay.” At this point, you don’t know if he’s reassuring himself or her. Once he’s got her, you lean back, watching with the widest smile on your face. He looks down at her with the same expression you see when he looks at you; love. It’s a different kind of love now but my god, you’d recognise his love a mile away especially with that wide, toothy grin. The way he looks at her, so awestruck and in love. Tears steadily track down his cheeks as he stares at her and then, her eyes open and she’s staring up at him, blinking in the bright hospital light, “Hi,” he croons, laughing out a half laugh half sob, “hey, pretty girl. Look at you, huh? It’s me, it’s your dad.” This was Peter’s destiny, his next great adventure. He had a lot actually. He was Spider-Man, a son, a nephew, a friend, your boyfriend, your fiancé, your now husband and now… now he was a father too. This was his next great adventure and you knew that once he got over that initial fear and that initial hesitation, he’d be great. You can’t help but cry as you watch him laugh and speak with her. Your daughter’s limbs flail and he takes her hand. She clutches onto his finger and he raises his head to look at you, “She’s holding my thumb!” He says in a half whisper, half exclaim.

Then you’re laughing that kind of laugh that says, ‘I haven’t slept in over twenty four hours and I don’t know whether I’m laughing or crying’. He approaches you, pressed a long kiss to your forehead, “Can you believe this?” You ask, wiping at your eyes as Peter sits on the edge of the hospital bed and the two of you stare down at your little bundle of joy who’s now back to sleeping in his arms, “We’ve got a beautiful little girl who still doesn’t have a name.”

“May,” he murmurs, smiling down at her. He doesn’t mean to say it, it just kind of happened, “I-I’m sorry, I know we never spoke about it- I just… I can’t help but think how much Aunt May would’ve loved to have been here to meet this pretty girl.” Aunt May had passed a little over eight months ago, a couple of weeks after you’d told her that you were pregnant. She was overjoyed and you knew that she would’ve loved to meet your little one. You and Peter hadn’t yet picked a name, you’d narrowed it down to a few and May wasn’t on the list.

You looked down at her, tracing circles on her tiny little hand, “May,” you whisper, mulling it over as you stare intently at her. Peter tenses, “I love it.” He breathes out a relieved breathy laugh, “May Parker… it’s nice to meet you.”