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2010s Eurovision: 385-381
385. Emmy -Ā āBoom Boomā Armenia 2011
Lol remember that time Armenia had to be total crap AND in a stacked semi to NQ? Good times. :)
Having said that, Emmyās voice...š¬ I mean the song is your typical braindead basic bop about boxing, which isĀ whateverokayiguess, (we canāt afford being picky in 2011) but every time she opens her mouth it sounds like somebody choking a crowing rooster so for her benefit and ours, itās time euthanize her from this ranking. :)
384. S!sters -Ā āSisterā Germany 2019
B A S I C. Painfully basic. They replaced their lazy suzan (the one thing that provided me with some lolz) and replaced it with a -of course- selfie backdrop. God, i already regret not ranking its basicbitchwhitness even lower. HATEĀ āem!Ā
Actually, hang on; Laurita is okay, in fact. She at least seemed visually embarrassed by all the BS she had to go through and well, same girl. But Carlotta, man. She was so fucking INTO it with her nauseating, twee, overearnest, friendship-bracelet-wearing, Instagram-vlogging, fake-kumbaya āLOVE YOUR [metaphorical] SISTERā BULLCRAP as if she had anything of value to say.Ā Homegirl thinks sheās ~alternative and edgy~ and Knows What She Sings About but her actions and socio-economic status only further betray her as your average upper-middle-class white chick you never had to struggle at any point in her life. Basically the embodiment of whatĀ āSisterā represents and why I dislike it.
But whatever, I wonāt dwell on it for too long, now that Iāve spewed my bile. Iām sure that when you read this, Laurita will have already deleted Carlotta off all social media, and have settle down with loved ones to live a happy, healthy life, while Carlotta will spend the next five years singing in night clubs as a Lena Meyer-Landrut tribute act. Ah, the cycle of life.Ā
383. D Mol -Ā āHeavenā Montenegro 2019
What do you even want me to say about D Mol? lol.Ā They came off as amateurs, the act made zero sense, the composition is one of the worst. If my ambition was to be objective, they would rank much, much lower. But mostly theyāre just an afterthought for me because I find their brand of incompetence really boring. If only this had been a duet between Rizo and Mirula, *sigh*
382. Isaiah - āDonāt come easyā Australia 2017
[2017 Review here] Lol "Donāt come easyā hasnāt aged well AT ALL!!Ā All I said in 2017 still applies: Godawful staging, horrible vocal performance, a serious mismatch between the singer and the song they were assigned, Isaiah came off as a demon muppet with no charisma and the overal package did WAY too fucking well for what it was. Have fun with this collage of awful camera angles courtesy of SaboTage Baptiste:
I WILL take a moment to point how shit the story is though, since I havenāt before. Girl meets boy, boy and girl have consentual sex, boy develops feelings for girl, boy the cites a lot of personal reasons why HE canāt commit to a relationship, boy continues pulling the sob story card while never asking how girl feels, while also concern-trolling girl withĀ āitās not you, itās meā prattle. To everyone out here, thatās how emotionally abusive relationships start, GET OUT OF THERE, NOW!!!.
Also I know itās silly and largely unrelated, but Iām annoyed Australia dropped Isaiahās surname.Ā āIsaiah Firebraceā is a top five human name and they couldnāt even get that right; Boy I donāt miss the DNA era.Ā
381.Ā Marcin MroziÅski -Ā āLegendaā Poland 2010
The first entry on this list to give me chills! Although
...itās more like them heeby jeebies. Pro-tip, no matter how dark and messed up your lyrics are, even if the story told here is āman is rejected by a woman multiple times but VOWS to do ANYTHING to make hisĀ ālovely princessā his property and then murders herā, even then,Ā DO NOT FUCKING RE-ENACT SAID MURDER ON A GODDAMN EUROVISION STAGE. O_O Also that woman holding the apple... is that to accentuate Marcinās even more of an asshole, or?

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