#maramaau

You rest your cheek against him, just wanting to be close, wanting your skin on his. “I just put her down for an early nap, she was kinda fussy. I think her teeth are coming in.”

He nods, pouting at the thought of his sweet daughter being in pain.

“We’ll have to keep an eye on her,” He states, and you nod in agreement. “She’s probably going to be asleep a while, isn’t she? Do you want to go back to bed?”

You take a sip of coffee from the mug on the counter, not caring whether it was his or one he made for you. Everything he has is yours, and vice versa — even something as insignificant as coffee. He feels the same way about your heart.

“We finally have some time together, I don’t want to waste it sleeping,” You murmur, your palm sliding down his back, the gesture familiar and soothing to him. Goosebumps break out over his skin.

“Okay, well..” He turns down the heat on the stove, moving the hot pan to a cold ring in order not to burn himself when he gets distracted by you. He spins around, a hand landing on either side of your hip, his nose brushing yours as he leans in. “I could just stand here...” he interrupts himself by brushing his lips against yours. “And kiss you instead.”

You sigh against his lips and bask in the moment, one that is so rare nowadays. He notices you pout and he chuckles — his warm palms landing on the small of your back.

“What’s up with you, pouty?” He asks, keeping your face close, his eyes searching your face.

“I miss kissing you,” You whine, and he can’t help but kiss you again with the way you’re looking at him. You think back to Sunday’s before Mara — it feels like a different lifetime, but it wasn’t so long ago. Now days are filled with tears, smiles, happy baby giggles and messy meal times — but you wouldn’t have it any other way. Even if the only time you got to be close to Calum was at bedtime, once Mara had gone down.

“You can kiss me whenever you want, baby,” He replies, his pointer finger brushing up your cheek as he furrows his eyebrows at you.

“I know, but we don’t get time anymore,” You remind him, and he nods. You know you both need to make more of a conscious effort to spend quality time with each other — instead of trying to clean the whole house whilst Mara is napping. “It’s nice to be close to you like this.”

“Maybe Mara should grow some teeth more often.” He jokes, and you slap his chest playfully as he laughs.

“Don’t say that! She’s in pain,” You scold him, your hands pressed against his chest as he holds you close. “You won’t be saying that when she wakes up in a bad mood and won’t sleep tonight.”

He knows you’re right. As much as he jokes, there’s nothing he hates more than seeing his sweet girl in pain — whether it’s her teeth or anything else.

“Touché.” He smiles, kissing you once more. “Do you want to eat? I made pancakes.”

“But that means we have to stop kissing,” You sigh, and he can’t help but laugh at you once more. Calum brushes his lips against yours, his hands rubbing up and down the tops of your arms as you stand there. There’s something about seeing you in one of his t-shirts that goes straight to his heart every single time — even after being married for several years.

“Come on, pouty. Let’s have one meal uninterrupted before we have to deal with a grumpy Mara.”

***

“Cal, I need to get up,”

The sounds of Mara’s cries fill your ears as you gently push on Calum’s shoulders; trying to get him to move from where he’s fallen asleep on your lap so you can get up to get her. The two of you decided to watch a movie (or as much as you can get away with) whilst Mara slept, yet less than halfway through, Calum had fallen asleep with his face pressed against your chest.

“Mara is crying,” You murmur, brushing your fingers through his hair to rouse him a little more as he wakes up. “I need to go get her.”

He shifts in your lap and leans on one arm so you can get up, almost face planting the sofa once you stand up and he’s left there alone. He yawns and listens to the soothing words slipping from your lips as you approach Mara’s bedroom, already knowing you’ll be met with her sad eyes and messy hair. Her cries slow down but your voice gets louder as you head back to the lounge, and he sits up so he can take her.

“Look who it is,” You kiss Mara’s temple as you carry her through to where Calum is, her tired eyes lighting up as she spots her dad. Her skin is warm and flushed from sleep, much like Calum’s — the similarity between your husband and daughter when they’ve both woken up makes your heart melt.

“Hi, honey,” Calum greets her, reaching out for her from his spot on the sofa as he wakes up a little more. She yawns and her lips curl into a small smile as you set her down in his lap, a hand coming to hold either side of her as he gets her. You sit down next to them, unable to stop yourself from smiling at their matching puffy eyes and flushed cheeks. “How was your nap, hey? Are those naughty teeth still hurting you?”

He gets an answer through her gestures — as he speaks, she presses her lips to his shoulder, like she was trying to find some relief for her angry gums. “Oh, my poor girl. Shall we get you something that’ll help, hey? I think some yoghurt might work better than my shoulder, little one.”

Calum stands up from the sofa with a dramatic groan as he lifts her, kissing her forehead as she whines in his arms, rubbing at her heavy eyes with little fists. He opens the fridge as he hums under his breath, picking out her favourite apricot yoghurt and a spoon in the hopes of soothing her mouth.

“Why don’t we go for a walk to the park in a bit?” You ask, watching as Calum sets Mara down in her high chair. He pulls up a chair in front of her so he can feed her - knowing he’s about to get as messy as she usually does. “It’s a nice day out, and we can walk Duke at the same time.”

Calum nods, coaxing Mara to open her mouth as he feeds her. “That’s a good idea. Although I think we’re gonna need a bath after this.”

“We?”

“Do you see how much yoghurt is on her hands?” He laughs, leaning forward to kiss Mara’s forehead. In the process, she reaches out for him, the sticky, dairy snack landing on his own skin. “I think there’s more on her than in her mouth.”

He’s right, she’s messy, but looks significantly less uncomfortable than she did when waking up — so it’s worth it.

***

“Watch her eyes whilst I wash her hair, Cal,”

Calum steps out of the stream of the shower so you can rinse Mara’s hair, after lathering a sweet smelling shampoo through her curls. Breakfast had been a messy affair, and in an effort to save both time and water, you decided to have a family shower together.

He cups his hand over her forehead as you gently rinse the shampoo away, your fingertips smoothing over her scalp as content noises slip from her lips. The smile on her face tells you how happy she is to have your joint attention; loving nothing more than being inbetween the two of you.

“What does she find so funny about showering?” Calum asks, laughing himself as he holds Mara, lips brushing her wet cheeks as she giggles. He grabs the sponge to clean under her chin, making sure all of the yoghurt is gone, the familiar smell of her lavender body wash a comforting one. She tries to reach for the sponge as he does — her eyes fixated on the purple object.

“I don’t know, actually.” You reply, watching her eyes follow you as you move to wash Calum’s hair, too, noticing how much the blonde has grown out and his roots have come through. “We need to swap places again.”

“We should let Mara shower with us everyday if it means you washing my hair,” He suggests, met with a playful eye roll from you. Showering together was something he’d do everyday if he could — it’s one of his favourite intimate moments with you, a wonderful way to start his day. It’s more difficult to find time for it with Mara now though.

“I don’t know why you’re acting like I don’t do it even when your hands are free,” You reply and he laughs, knowing you’re right. Having his hair played with whether you’re washing it or just running your fingers through it is one of his favourite things, especially now it’s longer — a way to instantly make him relax. “You’re just using Mara as an excuse today, isn’t he, honey? He’s using you to make me wash his hair.”

She giggles and gives you a sweet wide mouthed smile, one that you wish you could freeze in time and see forever. One that soon will be accompanied by the teeth that are causing her so much pain.

“She doesn’t mind,” He pouts as he looks at her, lips brushing over her forehead as she smiles. She follows your lead and reaches up to put her own little hands into his hair, tiny fingers grabbing the curls in an attempt to help you. You laugh at her action, with a “are you trying to help mum, sweetheart?”

Calum grimaces but can’t help but laugh as he feels Mara tugging at his hair, knowing she’s trying to help, but isn’t quite as gentle as you are. “I think you need some lessons in hair washing, my love, it feels more like you’re trying to rip my hair out.”

It hurts, but her smile makes him ache in a completely different way.

***

“Is her pushchair in the garage?”

Calum grabs a teething ring from the fridge with his free hand as he nods, Mara occupying the other as she clings to his shoulder. It’s been a few hours since her morning nap and he knows she’s getting tired again; evident through her rubbing her eyes and her little whines. He knows she’ll fall asleep on the way to the park.

“Yeah, it’s near the back, behind the car.” He replies, kissing Mara’s forehead as she leans against his chest. She yawns and he rocks her in his arms, resting his cheek ontop of her head and holds her close. “Are you tired, little moon? That shower has made you sleepy, hey?”

His voice is a soft murmur as he talks to her; the tone one that is reserved for when he speaks to her. He’s so gentle and loving whenever he speaks to her and it makes your heart melt.

“Here we go,” You open the door and push her pram into the entrance to the house, unbuckling the straps so Calum can put her in. “Do you think she’s wrapped up enough? I don’t know if it’s as warm as it looks.”

Calum lifts her in his arms and pats her back, rocking her on the spot as he judges the weather. She’s comfy in a little t-shirt, hoodie and leggings, complete with baby old skool vans that Calum got her, to match his.

“How about a hat, too? Should we get you a beanie to match dad, baby?” He asks, knowing it’ll keep her ears warm if it gets a little chilly. You smile and head to her bedroom to get one of her little hats; her collecting growing with every one that Calum buys. “Come on, sweetheart, lets get you all cosy.”

He moves her away from his body to put her down and she cries, little hands trying to hold onto the neck of his own hoodie. Calum knows she’s being fussy because she’s getting tired and her mouth hurts, yet it makes him sad all the same. “You’re okay, honey, shh.”

Calum manages to set her down in the chair without too much of a fuss; making sure she’s sat down properly, and has her little elephant in reach as well as her pacifier. He leans down in front of her and kisses her nose, making a little ‘mwah’ noise as he does to try and soothe her and make her laugh. It doesn’t though — she still tries to hold onto him so he’ll pick her up again.

“What’s with the tears, angel? What’s the matter?” He soothes, staying close to her and gently wiping her tears away with his thumb. She sniffles and his heart aches at the sight. “You can go to sleep when we get walking, okay? You’re alright, my love.”

It’s moments like these where he’s happy that her pushchair is back facing, so she can see the two of you whilst you walk. You join them near the door, Mara’s beanie in your hands, a pout forming on your lips when you spot Mara in her pushchair.

“Oh, baby, what’s wrong?” You ask, smoothing your fingers down her cheeks to soothe her. You tuck the hat over her head, making sure it covers her little ears to keep her warm. Calum hands you her soft blanket, and you tuck it around her knees so she’s snug — almost certain she’ll fall asleep as soon as you set off. “Your poor mouth is making you so sad, isn’t it? We don’t like having a sad girl.”

Calum grabs Duke’s lead and attaches it to his collar, handing it to you before he takes the handle of Mara’s pushchair. “Let’s go, my loves.”

You lock the door behind you before setting off; one hand holding Duke’s lead, and Calum takes the other — his calloused fingers slip between your own, warm and comforting. It’s such a small gesture yet it reminds you of the love between you both. Calum’s other hand pushes Mara’s pushchair at a steady pace. It’s a lovely spring afternoon — blue skies and birds singing in the trees, with just a slight breeze.

“It’s so nice to be out in the sun,” You comment, and Calum nods in agreement. His eyes land on Mara and he notices her squinting at the sun; stopping for a moment before he pulls the hood of her pushchair a little further up to shade her. “Is that better, honey? Can you see now?”

“It feels like we haven’t done this for a while.” Calum says, his thumb rubbing back and forth over the palm of your hand as you walk. He can’t help but feel a small amount of guilt nagging at his mind, knowing he’s spent a lot of time working recently. He’s always home for bedtime, but he’s always tired too — he knows you need to spend more quality time together. “It’s nice.”

“It is,” You reply, squeezing his hand in return. “When are you in the studio next week?”

Calum doesn’t answer for a moment as he thinks about the timing of you asking — like you also know that him being in the studio has meant less time together.

“I’m not going to go in,” He replies, and he knows it’s the right thing to do. “I miss you. I want to spend time with you and Mara this week, they can manage without me.”

It’s a small relief to hear the words. You never want to force Calum away from the studio, but he’s always in a different mindset when he writes. It’ll do him good to be away for a week — so you can spend more time wrapped in each other and with Mara.

You nod before speaking. “I’m so proud of you though, Cal. The songs are sounding great so far.”

A smile rises on his lips at the words, and he raises your joint hands to your lips so he can brush his lips against your knuckles.

“Thank you, honey. I know it’s a lot when we first start writing. I don’t mean to be distant, it’s just hard to get out of my head when I’ve been writing.” Calum explains, yet you don’t need him to; it’s a cycle you’ve witnessed several times throughout your relationship. You nod as he speaks.

“I know, Cal. It’s okay though.” You reassure him, leaning your head against his shoulder as you walk. “It’s all part of who you are, and I love you for you.”

Nothing else needs to be said.

It’s then that the two of you realise the gentle movement of the wheels of the pushchair against the pavement has sent Mara to sleep, and she’s tucked up under her blanket, fast asleep. Her cheeks are rosy red from the warmth and her sore gums, her little hands tucked up against her face. Calum smiles at the sight, reaching into the pram to push her curls away from her face.

“She’s so sweet.” He murmurs, his heart melting when she leans into his touch, even in her sleep.

“She’s all you,” You reply, watching as she wiggles in her sleep. From her wild curls to her full cheeks and pouty lips, every inch of her reminds you of Calum. He disagrees, though.

He shakes his head.

“No… she doesn’t get her temper and grumpy faces from me.”

Your mouth opens in shock and you playfully hit his arm as he laughs. “Hey! You know for a fact that her grumpy morning face is all from you, don’t try and put that on me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” He replies, leaning to kiss you in a silent playful apology. “Whatever you say, my love.”

***

“Should we sit down here for a bit?”

Calum nods and puts the break on Mara’s pushchair, where she’s still sleeping soundly, in between the two of you as you sit down.

“She’s been asleep for a while, there’s no way she’s sleeping tonight.” Calum tells you, and you fear he might be right, even though she needs the sleep with her teeth coming in. “Do you think we should wake her up?”

You gently push her curls away from her face as she snoozes, your heart melting at her pouty lips all smushed up as she sleeps. You realise it has been over an hour since she went to sleep, and that she’ll feel even worse later on if she can’t sleep.

“Yeah, as much as I don’t want to,” You pout, feeling how warm her skin is under your touch. “It’ll do her good to have some fresh air and wake up a bit.”

Calum gently moves the blanket from her lap and pats her tummy, slowly trying to rouse her. Ever since she was born, Mara had been a heavy sleeper - never one to be easily woken up. Maybe she did get that from you. There’d be times where Calum would take her outside with him in the morning to watch the sun rise and she’d happily sleep in his arms, undisturbed by any movement.

“Mara…” Calum murmurs, undoing the buckles so he’d be able to pick her up once she wakes up. He didn’t want to startle her, and knows she’ll just go back to sleep if he rocks her. “Wake up, sweetheart.”

He notices Mara twitch and start sucking on her pacifier — a sign that she’s a little more awake than she was. He brushes his thumb over her cheek and she whines, screwing her eyes up when she realises that she’s outside. She stretches, reaching her arms out for a moment and closing her eyes once more when she relaxes.

“I love watching her wake up.” You comment, chuckling as she very slowly comes round. Calum decides she’s awake enough to move her — carefully slipping his hands underneath her and pulling her up to his chest. “Hi, baby.”

Calum groans dramatically as he gets her settled in his lap and a few cries slip from Mara’s lips at the disturbance; fists lifting to rub her eyes as she wakes up. She sniffles and sucks harder on her pacifier, burying her face against Calum’s chest as he holds her.

“Good afternoon, my love,” Calum murmurs, rubbing her back with his fingertips as he cradles her. “Are you back with us, hey? You’ve been asleep for a long time, honey.”

You know she has no idea what he’s saying, but she loves hearing his voice all the same. He gives her a moment to wake up, brushing his fingers through her hair and cuddling her against him.

“Look how red her cheeks are,” You mention, pouting at the sight — rosy red from how sore her gums are. “Our poor baby.”

He lifts her up so she’s basically standing on his legs, her face in front of his - her hands lifting to cover her eyes from the light. There’s a few families around, children playing and birds singing — a lot of different sights and noises for her to take in. It’s a peaceful day — a feeling of contentment overcoming both you and Calum.

“Hi, little moon,” Calum kisses her pouty lips and gets her settled in his arms, a hand underneath her to keep her sat up. She yawns and her eyes land on you, a smile on her lips as she realises you’re there. “Oh, there’s a smile! We haven’t seen one of those for a little while. Should we get you home soon and have some dinner? How does that sound?”

Calum decides to carry her on the way home for a little while, and your heart melts at the sight — the way he points out different trees and her curious eyes take in the new sights. There’s no one else you want to discover more of the world with.

***

When Calum said Mara wouldn’t sleep that night… he was right. After an hour of rocking her in her room to no avail, you decide to let her join your movie night; there was no point in stressing yourself and Mara out if she didn’t feel like sleeping.

“She gets her stubbornness from you too,” Calum announces, kissing Mara’s temple as he sits down on the sofa next to you with her in his arms. Duke is curled up on one side of you, a blanket thrown over your knees as you waited for Calum to bring Mara down to join you both. “She is not sleeping anytime soon.”

Her big brown eyes look at you from her spot on Calum’s lap — evident that no sleep is about to take place. You laugh at Calum’s words and roll your eyes, shaking your head as Mara reaches out for you.

“Yeah, come here, sweetheart,” You take her and settle her in your lap, brushing your fingers through her hair. “Dad is so mean, isn’t he?”

Calum joins you under your blanket and throws his arm around your shoulder, pulling you both close to him. His cheek rests against your head as he looks at Mara, seeing so much of both you and him in her. He finds the discarded teething ring and hands it to her, hoping it’ll settle her down if it soothes her a little.

“Hey, don’t tell her that,” He replies, his free hand stroking her cheek as she yawns. “You’re meant to be on my side, sweetheart.”

“Sorry, we’re ganging up on you on this occasion, babe.” You shrug your shoulders, rubbing your hand down Mara’s back as she settles in his lap.

Mara finally falls asleep a little later that night curled up in Calum’s arms on the sofa — a warm bottle of milk managing to help her drift off. At the same time, you’re fast asleep with your head in Calum’s lap, and he decides that Sunday’s are his favourite day.

And that with his little family... every day feels like Sunday.

***

Ask-box — feedback is always so appreciated!

Masterlist

You nod in agreement, knowing she had already slept too much. You move the arm that’s wrapped around her, rubbing your fingertips up and down her back to wake her. She yawns and rubs her eyes, realising that she’s still snug up against you, and that she slept in your bed. “Hi mama,”

You smile at her words, her voice heavy with sleep. She sits up and notices Calum is there too; holding her hands out for him so he’ll take her. He lifts her up, standing up from the bed and sitting her on his hip as she wakes up a little more. It melts Calum’s heart to see you nap together – reminiscent of the days where the two of you had no responsibilities, where you used to spend whole afternoons asleep together, sometimes waking up when the sun had gone down. It makes him realise how different things are now. “Hi, little moon. Someone had a good snooze with mum, huh? Is your tummy ready for some dinner?”

He chats to her absentmindedly as he takes her downstairs, giving you a few moments alone to come round from your unexpected nap. Sitting up, you notice how your body aches with fatigue, your lower back twinging as you stretch. Thinking nothing of it, you re-make the bed, before joining Calum and Mara in the kitchen.

The familiar scent of Mara’s favourite pasta flooded your senses; one that you’d usually enjoy too, yet it makes your stomach turn as you enter the kitchen.  Calum notices the scrunching of your nose as it hits you, wondering what caused it.

“You okay?” He murmurs, his hands resting on your hips as you stand in the cradle of his hips. You nod, taking quiet deep breaths through your nose to stop the sick feeling creeping up your throat. Mara was unsuspecting, the sight of you and Calum close in the kitchen not unfamiliar to her. “What is it?”

“I think it’s the food,” You reply, that being the only thing you can think of that’s making you feel queasy. Calum’s warm palms rub up and down your back as your hands rest on his chest. “I’m okay, though. I might just be coming down with something.”

“Mmm,” Calum replies, raising an eyebrow in suspicion of you. The fatigue and sickness are all signs that he’s seen before; specifically, four years ago. “We’ll have to keep an eye on you.”

“I finished,” Mara calls out, your attention diverted from Calum to your sweet daughter sitting in her chair at the end of the table. The plate in front of her is clear and Calum has already covered the rest, saving it so she can have it for lunch tomorrow. You’re grateful that it’s no longer in the room, not wanting to get sick in front of Mara. “Can I go play?”

You nod, helping her down from the table, accepting the sweet hug as she wraps her arms around your legs. “You have an hour until bath time, okay? I’ll come play with you soon.” 

“Okay.” She responds, running off to the lounge where most of her toys end up throughout the day. Calum’s eyes follow you as you clear up after her; you feel him watching you, like he knows something is going on.

“Stop looking at me like that,” You tell him, without even looking at him. You know the look he’s giving you. It’s a knowing one. He knows the thought has crossed your mind too. “I’m fine.”

He chuckles, taking Mara’s plate out of your hands so he can take over cleaning up. He brushes a kiss to your pouty lips, before setting the dishes down in the sink. “Go see Mara,” he murmurs, followed by another kiss. “We’ll talk about it later.” 

***

“Is mumma okay?”

Mara’s question takes Calum by surprise as he brushes through her unruly curls, following her bath. Her cheeks are rosy from the heat of the bath and the warmth of her pyjamas, perched on the edge of her bed as he gets her ready to go to sleep.

Calum tends to forget how old Mara is – how she’s not a baby anymore, and how she’s much more intuitive than he realises. She knows when something is different – always a curious child, much like he was, always asking questions when she thought something wasn’t right. He didn’t want her to worry though. He’s almost sure of what’s going on – that you’re not sick, and he doesn’t want Mara to lose sleep over it.

“Why do you ask, baby?” He replies, although he already thinks he knows the answer. Bath and bedtime is usually a joint effort; yet tonight Calum has sent you to relax early. He knows you won’t unless he forces you to, and he doesn’t want you to overwork yourself, especially if his suspicions are correct. Mara notices your absence though.

“She said her tummy felt funny earlier,” Mara informs him, looking down at her hands as she talks. Calum hums in acknowledgement, setting the hair brush down on the side of her bed as he gets her attention. Gently tiling her chin to look at him, he notices her big brown eyes are filled with worry, and it makes his heart ache.

“Listen to me, sweetheart,” He murmurs, settling her in his lap so he can reassure her. “No worrying, okay? She’s fine, I promise. I’m sure she’ll be in to say goodnight any moment now.”

Mara nods, trusting of him – he knows he hasn’t settled her completely, yet he hopes that once you say goodnight, she’ll feel better. He feels bad telling her that you’re fine when Mara has heard otherwise, yet he doesn’t know how else to explain why he thinks you’re sick. Not until he’s sure, anyway. “Are you ready to get into bed?”

He’s cut off by you joining them in her bedroom; the night light illuminating the room in a soft glow. She hadn’t quite overcome her fear of the dark; still needing the golden light from the lamp to reassure her that there was nothing lingering in the shadows. Mara’s eyes light up at the sight.

“There’s my sweet girl,” You greet her, kneeling next to where she’s getting into bed. “Are you ready for some sleep? Mumma is ready to go to sleep too.” 

It’s something you say to her most nights, that you’re going to bed, so she doesn’t feel as though she’s missing out on any fun with you and Calum. Yet tonight it makes her more anxious, that you’re going to bed because there’s something wrong. 

“Does your tummy still feel funny?” She asks, tucking her bottom lip between a teeth -- a sign of her nerves. Her sweetness makes you smile yet you can’t help but feel bad that she’s worried. You help to tuck her under the duvet, pulling it up around her shoulders so she’s snug in the bed. 

“No baby, I feel better now.” You reassure her, though not completely true. It’s not something you want her to worry about either. Mara seems satisfied with your answer, shuffling down in her bed so her head is on the pillow. You rub your pointer finger over her cheek, watching as her eyes grow heavier and flutter as she looks at you. “Have sweet dreams, okay? We’ll see you in the morning.” 

“Love you, mama,” She murmurs sleepily, snuggling into the bed as you kiss her cheek. Calum follows, brushing her curls out of her face and giving her a goodnight kiss.

“Love you, baby. You know where we are if you need us, okay? Duke is here too,” Calum assures her, gesturing to the sleeping dog curled up on the foot of her bed. It’s where he slept most nights, wanting to be near Mara -- sometimes ending up under the duvet next to her. “Sleep tight.” 

You leave the room and pull the door to so she can sleep, knowing you and Calum have an interesting night ahead. 

“So,” Calum begins, leading you to your bedroom, where you had previously been curled up watching Netflix. You sigh as you sit on the edge of the bed, looking down at your slippers to avoid his gaze. He knows where Mara got that habit from. “You’re thinking the same thing as me, right?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You feign seriousness, taking a deep breath before looking up at him, a knowing smirk on your lips. “But when I napped earlier, the smell of your cologne on the pillow nearly made me throw up.” 

Calum raises his eyebrows -- another occasion reminding him of this time four years ago. He’ll never forget the time he came home from the studio and wrapped you in a hug, your face buried in his neck, but only for a second before you nearly threw up all over his shoes. He’d had to use something other than his favourite Calvin Klein fragrance for the remainder of your pregnancy, and he feels as though he’s about to have to do the same thing again.

“Do you still have those spare tests in the bathroom?” 

Your mind wanders to the stash of spare pregnancy tests in the bottom drawer of the bathroom cabinet, kept there always ‘just in case.’ It turns out to be pretty handy that you have them now. You nod, but make no effort to move from the bed in order to take one, and Calum wants to know what’s on your mind.

“Talk to me, honey,” Calum prompts you, sitting down next to you, his arm around your waist. You sigh and rest your head on his shoulder, trying to avoid his cologne once more in the worry of it turning your stomach. You sit for a moment, trying to work out what you’re feeling before articulating it to Calum. “What are you thinking about?”

A second baby was something the two of you had discussed; you weren’t necessarily trying to get pregnant, but you weren’t trying not to, either. You just hadn’t expected it this fast, and your mind wanders to the sweet girl sleeping down the hall.

“I’m nervous.” You reply, wringing your hands together in anxiousness, and Calum tries to soothe you by taking one of your hands in his. He links your fingers with his, gently squeezing to keep you grounded. “What if Mara doesn’t want us to have a baby? She’s so used to it just being her.” 

Calum nods, and he’d be lying if he said the thought hadn’t crossed his mind too. You were so settled as a family of three, always focused on Mara, yet you both know you always planned to have more than one child. 

“She’ll adjust, baby. It’s going to be new for us all. She has plenty of time to get used to the idea, and we can help her with that.” Calum replies, his hand rubbing up and down your arm as he speaks. “She’ll be so excited. You’ve seen how interested she is in talking to Luke about their baby when we see them.”

He’s right -- with Luke and his wife getting closer to the arrival of their first baby, Mara had taken a great interest in everything to do with her pregnancy. She had many questions whenever they visited, each time wondering when the baby would arrive. Her concept of time was something she didn’t quite understand yet. ‘Soon’ seemed to be her least favourite word. 

“I love how we’re doing this and we don’t even know if I’m pregnant yet,” You chuckle, followed by a laugh from Calum too. He pulls you a little closer and kisses your cheek, a smile on his lips.

“I’ll be very surprised if you’re not.” He replies, and you know he’s right. There had been little signs here and there; mainly the sickness and how tired you’ve been, along with a few other symptoms similar to that of when you were pregnant with Mara. You both recognise the signs. “Should we go find out for sure?”

You nod and follow him to the bathroom, closing the door behind you, as not to wake Mara. You go into the drawer and find the tests, pulling one out so you can use it.

“You’re really gonna watch me do this?” You ask, seeing as Calum had no intention of leaving the bathroom.

“I’ve seen worse things.” Calum replies, met with you rolling your eyes. “I’ll look away.”

He chats to you to take your mind away from your worries as you take the test. “Can you believe it’s been four years since we last did this?”

It doesn’t feel like four years. It barely feels like any time at all since you brought Mara home from the hospital. 

“Well, if you don’t count that one time after Mara’s first birthday.” You retort, Calum’s eyes widening at the memory before he laughs. That time you had definitely not been trying to have a baby. The test had been false, but you went through the motions all the same. 

“Oh yeah,” He murmurs, getting distracted by playing with his hair in the mirror. The bleach blonde look was starting to grow out, the dark roots no longer concealed. He made a mental note to get a haircut, not like he had more important things to think about in the moment. His attention is diverted by the sound of you running your hands under the sink, watching as the three minute timer began on your phone. 

“And now we wait.” 

Calum takes your hands in his once more and tries to get you to look at him, even though both of you are pre-occupied by the white stick next to the sink.

“Stop worrying,” He murmurs, like he can tell how fast your mind is racing. He knows it’s a big adjustment, that it’ll change your lives forever, just like Mara did -- yet he finds himself much less terrified than he was four years ago. “Whatever happens, we can handle it. We always do, don’t we?” 

You nod, feeling much better with him by your side. You think about how Mara will react -- will she be happy or upset? She’s so caring towards Duke, so you can’t help but think about how great of a big sister she would be. The thought of introducing a new baby to her makes your heart ache a little, just hoping that she would be happy. 

Time seems to stand still as you watch the clock on your phone -- the longest three minutes of your life. You press your face against Calum’s t-shirt, knowing that if his cologne did make you sick, you were in the right place. You’re both snapped out of your thoughts when your phone buzzes against the marble counter.

“I can’t look,” You tell him, facing away from the counter. As nervous as you are, now that you’ve thought about another baby, you know you’ll be disappointed if it’s negative. 

“Do you want me to?” Calum asks, and you nod, wrapping your arms around his waist and hiding your face against his shoulder. He picks the test up off of the counter and looks at the result, your heart pounding in your chest when he lets out a deep sigh. 

Pregnant. 

Calum pauses for a moment, his gentle touch on your lower back the only thing grounding you in the moment. 

“So... which room should we make into the nursery?”

You clasp your hand over your mouth, tears instantly slipping down your cheeks. Calum pulls you towards him, setting the test back on the side and wrapping both of his arms around your waist. He rests his head on your shoulder, his lips brushing the bare skin exposed from your jumper falling out of place.

“Really? I’m really pregnant?” You ask through tears, cupping Calum’s face in your hands so he’s looking at you. You see a shine in his own eyes, unshed tears just sitting at his lash line at the thought of your family expanding. Flashes of your pregnancy with Mara flood through his mind, as well as glimpses of the past four years of being parents. He can’t wait to do it all again. 

“Yeah, baby,” He chuckles, his tone laced with disbelief too. “Mara’s gonna be a big sister.” 

There’s so much on your mind, you don’t know where to begin. “Should we tell her?”

Calum shakes his head, one hand moving to rest on your stomach, your bump non-existent. His heart skips a beat at the thought of your bump growing and your body changing again, all to accommodate another baby. He knows it’s very early days and he doesn’t want to tell Mara until you know everything is okay. “I don’t think we should yet, honey. Let's at least wait until you see a doctor? Just so we know for sure.”

He sees a flash of worry in your eyes. He’s forgotten how scary pregnancy is; how you feel like everything is out of your control, yet you want to do everything you can to protect the baby at all times. 

“Don’t,” He murmurs, knowing where your mind is going. He cups your face in his hand, his thumb gently rubbing circles over your cheek. “Everything is going to be fine. We just need to be sure, okay?”

You nod, agreeing with his words. You reach up to peck his lips, savouring the serene moment of joy with him his fingers still absentmindedly brushing over your stomach. “Well, how should we celebrate?” 

“I just don’t know,” Calum chuckles, thinking for a moment. The word celebrate has a different meaning now that you’re parents; it used to mean getting dragged to a bar with his bandmates and not returning until the early hours, and then spending the following day in bed. Now, you’re lucky if you find the time to go out for dinner. “I think we should go all out. Ice cream in bed and Netflix?”

“Sounds like a plan,” You reply, brushing your lips against his once more. “But if you get ice cream on the sheets, you’re washing them tomorrow.” 

He shrugs his shoulder, nodding as he speaks, “fair enough. I’ll get the ice cream. I’ll meet you in the bedroom in 10.”

***

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“Yep,” Mara perches on the edge of the bottom step whilst Calum ties her shoelaces. It was something he had been trying to teach her for a little while, but she was taking her time trying to get her head around it. If you were in a rush, she’d happily just let you or Calum do it. “Will you come back soon?”

Calum nods in response, finishing her laces before dropping a kiss to her forehead. “We’ll only be gone for a few hours, okay? You’re going to have lots of fun with Uncle Luke and Delilah, honey. You might even be able to take Petunia for a walk.”

With Luke and his partner becoming parents to Delilah in the week following you finding out about your own baby, Calum felt bad asking him to babysit when they had their own family to take care of. Luke had waved his concern off though, of course, reassuring him that Mara was always welcome at their home, no matter how busy he was. If anything, you and Calum were just curious to know how Mara was around Delilah. It would be an indication of her reaction to your own news.

You worried your own nerves had rubbed off on Mara, as she seemed a little anxious about going to Luke’s, when she’d usually be excited. She didn’t know you were going to the doctors. Luke didn’t know either. Mara isn’t the biggest fan of the doctor, and you know it would only worry her more if she knew that was where you were going.

Something you were trying to keep in mind was how much of her environment Mara absorbed. The night you found out you were pregnant, she knew you were sick, and your morning (or, all day,) sickness hadn’t let up since then. You didn’t want to scare her, and things would make much more sense once she knew about the baby. Calum had taken over most mealtimes in case her food made you queasy, and you were unsure of how much she noticed.

“Okay, lets go,” You take her hand in yours as Calum locks the house, helping her into her car seat so you can head to Luke’s. During the short journey she points out what she can see along the way, as well as singing along to whatever was on the radio. “Oh look, Mara! There’s the baby.”

You spot Luke standing in his doorway with Delilah in his arms, the sweet three-week-old baby curled up in his hold. Seeing Delilah just makes you more excited for your own new arrival – that you get to have a newborn all over again.

“Lilah!” Mara exclaims, running up to Luke and wrapping her arms around his legs in a sweet hug. Luke’s free hand lands on her head, hugging her back the best he can with Delilah in his arms. “Hi Uncle Luke!”

“Hi, sweetheart,” He greets her, moving out of the way so she can step inside.

“Thanks for watching her today,” You tell him, lightly brushing your hand over Delilah’s hair in a silent greeting, careful not to wake her. “You’re brave taking on another child with a newborn in the house.”

“I told you, anytime. I’m an expert now anyway,” He jokes, rocking Delilah in his arms as he speaks to keep her settled. “Where are you headed to?”

Calum answers before you have the chance to. “We just have an appointment to go to.”

It wasn’t that you didn’t want Luke to know — more just that you were determined to keep it between the two of you for a little longer. The doctor’s appointment would provide the reassurance you were looking for, but you wanted Mara to be the next to know.

“Okay, we’ll be back to pick you up in a few hours, Mara.” You lean down to kiss her cheeks, saying goodbye before standing up again. “Be good.”

“I will.” She replies, hugging Calum before the two of you head back to the car. “Bye bye.”

***

“So, you’re around 8 weeks?”

You nod at the doctor’s question, a trembling hand held tightly in Calum’s as you lay on the bed. His thumb rubs soothing circles over the back of your hand, trying to ground you.

“I think so, yeah. If we worked it out right.” You reply, biting your lip from nerves as the doctor nods in response. The anxiety of the first few weeks of a pregnancy would never go away; it was difficult to keep a secret but would be even more difficult to tell them devastating news if it came. It was safer this way, and you enjoyed being in the happy little baby bubble with Calum for a while.

“Okay, we’ll be able to tell in a moment.” She informs you, before asking you to lift your jumper so she can get to your stomach. “Sorry, this will be cold. Is this your first baby?”

You shake your head, a smile on your lips as you think of Mara. “No, it’s our second. We have a three-year-old daughter.”

“Aww, how lovely. Is she excited to be a big sister?”

“We haven’t told her yet,” Calum replies. “But we’re hoping she will be.”    

Calum lifts your intwined fingers to his lips, brushing a soft kiss over your knuckles to distract you as the nurse squeezed the gel over your lower stomach. You shivered at the sensation, laying your head back on the bed as you tried to relax. It felt like a lifetime as the nurse ran the doppler over your barely there bump, waiting to hear the sound that every parent loves so much.

“So, there’s not too much to see since you’re so early on, but there…” She points to the screen, a small flicker in the centre of the screen, the first sight you and Calum got of your baby. “There’s the baby. And if you hold on a second...”

Tears spring to your eyes as you gaze at the screen. It’s not much, but they’re there, and it’s a relief that everything seems to be okay.

“Look at that,” Calum murmurs, chuckling as his other hand wipes the tears from your cheeks. “There they are.”

The nurse flicks a switch on her machine and suddenly, the room is filled with the whooshing sound of your baby’s heartbeat.

“There we go,” The nurse smiles at the healthy sounding heartbeat, confirming that everything is okay. It’s the sound you’d never get tired of – making everything suddenly feel very real, like there’s definitely another baby growing inside of you. “Everything looks and sounds great. Would you like some photos printing?”

“Yes please.” You reply, unable to focus on anything other than the tiny dot on the screen that would soon grow into your baby that you would raise and love. Calum couldn’t help but get emotional too – it doesn’t feel like anytime at all since you were here to have your scan with Mara, and now she’s almost four. It makes him realise how much she’s grown, and how nervous he is to tell her about the new baby in case she got upset. He couldn’t bear the thought of her being sad, especially since it would be such a huge change to her life.

***

“Uncle Luke, can we do some drawing please?”

Mara looks up from her plate at her place at the dinner table, where she had been eating her lunch, made by Luke’s partner.

“Sure, sweetheart. Let me just put Delilah down and then I’ll get the pens out, okay?” Luke answers, moving Delilah’s moses basket into the kitchen with his free hand, so he could watch her. He stands and rocks Delilah for a moment, making sure she was sound asleep before setting her down in the crib.

“Delilah is little,” Mara comments, watching as Luke tucks Delilah in, stroking over her light tufts of hair to soothe her as she settles.

“She is, honey.” Luke chuckles at her comment. “You used to be as little as Delilah too. You used to fall asleep on me like she does.”

“Really?” She exclaims, and Luke smiles at the wonder on her face. He loves watching Mara grow up and learn about the world, and answer as many of her endless questions as he can. She had been inquisitive ever since she could talk – “why?” being one of the first words that she learned. He sees so much of Calum in her. He’d always catch her just sitting quietly, taking in her surroundings – always observing without saying much. He sometimes wonders what she thinks so deeply about in her three-year-old mind, and he usually finds out when she asks her questions. “Did I cry as much as she does?”

Luke laughs again at her question.

“Sometimes,” He replies, having just settled Delilah from crying for a good ten minutes. Mara had seemed unbothered, distracted by his partner making her lunch, but she clearly had paid attention to it. “All babies cry a lot because they can’t talk and tell you what’s wrong. Once you were on the tour bus with us, and you cried all night because you didn’t want to go to sleep.”

Now it’s Mara’s turn to laugh at him. She clasps her hand over her mouth and giggles, clearly finding the story very entertaining as Luke gets out the pens and paper he has stored for her visits.

“What do you want to make?” He asks her, hoping it’s not anything too creative – he once tried to do origami with her, but in his new-dad sleep deprived state, he’s not sure how well it will go.

“I wanna make a card for mum,” She says, a concerned furrow of her eyebrows as she speaks. Luke notices how she wrings her hands together as she talks, a sign that she’s usually nervous about something. “Her tummy has been poorly.”

Luke pauses for a moment, wondering if that has anything to do with the appointment you had gone to, his mind filled with questions.

“Oh, has it? How?” He asks, and he’s not sure how much she knows, yet he’s worried that something is wrong.

“She gets sick when she wakes up.” Mara responds, and it tells Luke everything he needs to know.

Morning sickness?

Suddenly Luke feels as though he knows what’s going on, but he can’t be certain, and it doesn’t seem like Mara knows anything more. “I think that’ll be nice, honey. I’m sure your mum will love that.”

She’s quiet as she colours, needing Luke’s help to draw out the letters to spell ‘Mum.’ He notices she’s getting better at staying in the lines, considering her age. Luke thinks back to the day you, Calum and Mara met Delilah, how Calum’s eyes lit up when his partner asked about a second baby. He hadn’t thought anything of it at the time, but now from what Mara had said, it makes sense.

It’s not too long before there’s a knock at the door, and you and Calum are back to pick her up.

Mara is too focused on her drawing to pay attention to you speaking to Luke’s partner, her tongue sticking out in concentration. Calum sneaks up behind her, but doesn’t want to scare her, especially if it could ruin her drawing.

“Hey, you.” Calum taps her shoulder gently and her head snaps up, turning around at the sound of his voice. “What are you up to?”

“Hi, daddy!” She squeals as he picks her up, hugging her against his body as she wraps her legs around his waist. “I made this card for mum.”

“That’s so sweet, baby, do you want to give it to her?” He replies, knowing you’ll be joining them in a moment. He’s not sure of how much she’s told Luke, or if he knows anything at all.

You exaggerate a gasp as you spot the card in her hand. “Is that for me, baby?”

“Yes, for you!” She exclaims, handing the card to you from her spot on Calum’s hip.

Luke decides to pry as much as he can without overstepping.

“Oh yeah, Mara mentioned you’ve been sick in the mornings, are you okay?” He asks, a smirk on his lips as if he knows that you’re both going to understand his prods.

His question catches you off guard, knowing Mara had told him so innocently – yet it’s given Luke a huge hint as to what’s going on. Calum looks down at his docs and clears his throat, avoiding eye contact with Luke. “Oh, I’m fine, I’ve just had a stomach bug recently.”

Luke nods but narrows his eyes at you, and you change the topic of conversation before it can go any further.

“I think it’s about time we get you home, hey?”

***

“What if she gets upset?”

Calum sighs at your words and presses a kiss to your hairline, watching as you rub your thumb over the scan photo in your hand. The day had come to finally tell Mara about the new addition to your family, and you were nervous. You couldn’t bear the thought of your sweet daughter getting upset about such a big change to her life.

“We have lots of time for her to get used to it, honey.” Calum reassures you, his fingers grazing over the small, slightly raised bump under his palm. It wasn’t much, nothing that anyone outside of you and him would notice, if you looked close enough. It was small enough that Mara wouldn’t know any different, but you didn’t know how long it would stay that way. “The sooner we tell her, the more time she has to adjust. I don’t think she’s capable of being angry at you.”

You relax into him for a second, your head pressed against his chest as he holds you in the soft comfort of your bed. Mara is still asleep as far as you’re aware – there had been no sign of her calling for you from down the hall or joining you in your bed for a morning cuddle. You thought that a good time to tell her would be after breakfast, so she’d had time to wake up properly.

“I’ll go get breakfast started,” Calum murmurs, brushing his lips over the spot behind your ear. “Meet you downstairs. Stop worrying, okay? It’s going to be fine.”

You lay in the bed for a moment, taking a deep breath, before heading down the hall to get Mara up.

“Mara, honey, can we talk to you?”

Mara looks up from her toys, still comfortable in her pyjamas as she plays for a little while after breakfast. You’re cosy on the sofa, a throw strewn over your legs, as Calum sits next to you. His hand slips into yours, squeezing gently to ground you. Mara hops onto the sofa, snuggling in between the two of you, so you can talk to her.

“So, you know how Uncle Luke and your auntie have Delilah now?” Calum starts and she nods, waiting until you continue. “Well, how would you feel if we have another baby, to live here with us? And you got to be a big sister?”

She furrows her eyebrows in confusion, like she didn’t quite understand what was going on.

“I have a baby in my tummy, Mara.” You smile, giving her a minute to take in what you were telling her, as Calum runs his hand up and down her back, in a comforting gesture. “Do you want to see?”

You pull out the scan photo and set it in front of her, so she can see for herself. “They’re very small for now, but look, that’s the baby,” you tell her, pointing to the small blob in the middle of the photo.

“A baby?” She asks, her big, brown eyes gazing up at you. You nod, brushing her curls out of her face.

“Yeah, sweetheart. How do you feel about that? Are you happy?” You ask her, unable to tell how she was feeling.

“Yeah,” She replies, a small smile on her lips, but it doesn’t reach her eyes like her usual happy smile does. She sits quietly for a moment, her feet swinging against the edge of the sofa. “When will the baby be here?”

“Not for quite a while, honey. So, we have lots of time to get ready, okay?” Calum reassures her, leaning down to kiss her forehead. “It’s okay if you’re not excited right now, we know it’s a big change for you, but you’ll be able to help us with the baby as much as you want. They’re going to love you so much, little moon.”

She nods, her eyes not leaving the scan photo in your hand as she observes it. You notice her eyes are lined with tears, and you’re unsure whether it’s from being sad or just overwhelmed by the information. Your heart aches at her not being as excited as you had hoped for her to be.

“They’ll be just like Delilah, baby, but they’ll live here with us so you can cuddle them whenever you like.” You tell her, hoping it’ll help her to warm up to the idea. “You’ll be such a good sister, bub.”

Calum thinks about his relationship with Mali, his own sister – how he loves to have an older sibling to look up to, and he knows Mara will be that for the new baby. He had always wanted a big family, so Mara always has someone around, like he did with Mali. Even if she doesn’t seem to be excited now, he knows she’ll warm up to the idea eventually.

“So the baby is in your tummy?” She asks, looking at your hoodie covered middle, as if she was trying to see. “Is that why your tummy has been funny?”

You sit up, lifting your hoodie so she can look at your stomach, even though there’s not much of a bump to see yet.

“Yeah, honey, right in there,” You point to the middle of your stomach. “And they’ll keep growing until they’re ready to be born. My bump will look like your aunties did, with Delilah. And yeah, the baby made me sick, that’s why it was funny, but it’s okay.”

“That’s not very nice of the baby.” She frowns, concern in her eyes as she looks up at you.

Calum chuckles at her words. “It’s not the baby’s fault, honey. They’re just trying to grow, and that’s what makes mum sick.”

She reluctantly cuddles into your side and places her hand over the middle of your stomach, patting the spot tentatively. “Aww, you’re so sweet Mara. Are you okay?

Calum’s gaze catches yours and you share a look, both reassured that the fear of telling her was over – yet you can’t help but feel anxious about her reaction. You know she isn’t yet truly happy, since you know how she is when she’s happy, and it’s not as quiet as she’s being right now.

“Can I go back and play now?” She asks, and you nod, kissing her cheek and holding her for just a moment longer.

“Of course, Mara. Love you so much, okay? Having another baby doesn’t change that, I promise. You’ll always be our first baby.” You brush your pointer finger over her cheek as she looks at you, waiting for you to finish talking before she nods, sliding off the sofa with a “love you, mumma” before she goes back to her games.

Calum shifts closer to you, knowing she didn’t react how you had hoped. You hide your face in his neck, trying to hide your own eyes filling with tears as his fingertips smooth up and down your back.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” He murmurs quietly, so only you can hear. “She’ll come around, I promise.”

You just hope that he’s right.

***

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He admits defeat and picks her up, murmuring a “okay, just one more cuddle,” cradling her against him and swaying on the spot. He rubs her back as she cuddles into him, her face pressed against his neck, remnants of her tears left behind. He waits until she’s quietened down a little, before brushing his lips against her cheek and setting her down in the crib again. Her cries start again as soon as he puts her down, trying to cling onto him.

“Shhh,” He murmurs, kneeling so she can look at him as she lays down. “I’m right here, okay? Go to sleep, bubs. You’re so sleepy, you’ll feel better after a nap. I promise.”

Calum reaches down, rubs his pointer finger over her cheeks one more time and kisses her forehead before he steps away. “Love you, sweetheart. I’ll come back after your nap, okay?”

It hurts his heart to hear her cries as he leaves her room, pulling the door only half closed before he waits in the hall. He wasn’t planning on going too far away from her room, not until he knows she’s asleep. Her babbles of your names, heartachingly sweet, make him want to go and rock her to sleep. He knows he must be strong, and that it’ll pay off in the long run though.

He sits there for what feels like much longer than it is – waiting until her soft cries stop, and she finally falls asleep. He checks in on her to make sure she’s okay, finding her curled up into a little ball in the middle of the crib. Sighing in relief, he’s glad he persevered and managed to get her to fall asleep alone (for the most part).

Calum goes to catch up on some band stuff, checking his emails for updates on a few songs they had been working on – things he can’t usually get done when Mara wants his attention.

“Well, good afternoon,” You spot Mara’s messy bed curls and sleepy eyes as you push open the door to her bedroom, after hearing her noises through the baby monitor. “Did you have a nice sleep?”

She yawns and her eyes light up when she looks at you, though still heavy from sleep. You give her a minute to wake up, watching as she stretches and cuddles her elephant closer to her. “Shall we go see where your dad got to?”

You pick her up, listening to her sweet indecipherable babbles as she rests on your hip, still waking up. You find Calum in his home studio and he’s so happy to see her, as well as being happy that she finally took a nap.

“There she is,” He calls out, holding his arms out for her. Usually she’d be so excited to see him after a nap; yet today, it seems as though she isn’t. “Hi, little moon. Did you have a good nap?”

She turns her face away from him and buries it in your neck, her hand holding onto the neck of your t-shirt so you don’t put her down. You chuckle and rub your hand over her back, wondering why she’s so reluctant to see Calum. “What’s wrong, Mara?”

Calum furrows his eyebrows in confusion, knowing it’s not how she usually reacts to him after she wakes up. He spots the grumpy pout on her lips when he stands up, moving behind you so he can try and get to her. Her eyes land on him from behind your shoulder and she shakes her head, clinging onto you. 

“Are we not friends anymore?” Calum chuckles, pouting as he watches her face away from him. He knows she can be stubborn, yet he’s never seen her be like this. “Are you mad at me because I made you nap?”

You laugh at the realisation, adjusting Mara so she’s not holding onto you so tightly. “Baby, he just wanted you to get some sleep,” you try to explain, laughing even more when she refuses to look at him.

“Can I have a cuddle to say sorry?” He asks, brushing his fingers through her messy curls as a soft gesture. She shakes her head and murmurs a “no” into your neck, showing no interest in going to him. “Please, sweetheart? I didn’t mean to make you sad.” 

“Come on bubs,” You chuckle, rubbing your hand up and down her back. “Daddy wants to say sorry.” 

Calum decides to do something, unsure of what the reaction will be -- holding his arms out to you so he can take her. Mara cries when she realises he’s got her, but he knows she’s not really upset with him - she’s just being stubborn. 

“Alright, alright,” He chuckles, sitting back down in his studio chair with her in his lap. You stay close to her, just in case she wants you again, but you know Calum will cheer her up. He always does. “Come on, little moon. Can we be friends again, huh? I didn’t mean to make you sad.”

“No,” She pouts, no longer struggling in his arms, but the same grumpy expression on her face. He has to try not to laugh at how serious she looks. 

“Mr Elephant wants us to be friends again,” He tells her, bopping her nose with with trunk of the squishy elephant in his hand. She giggles at that, her hand reaching out to take it from his grasp. She looks up at him, her eyes fixated on his face as he talks to her. She’s still not fully awake, occasionally rubbing at her eyes as she sits there. Calum rubs his thumb over the apple of her rosy cheek, trying to get her to warm up to him again. “I’m sorry if I made you sad, baby. Do you forgive me?” 

She nods, leaning forward to bury her face in his hoodie. He wraps his arms around her, snuggling her against his chest and brushing his lips over her forehead. She’s not even two yet, and he knows you’ll be in for much more fun when the terrible two’s hit her. “Love you, baby.”

***

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“If that’s what helps you sleep at night.” Michael replied, flipping his middle finger up at Luke before turning back to Calum. “She can nap with me if she wants, I don’t mind.”

When Michael said he didn’t mind, what he really meant was that he wanted her to fall asleep with him; he’d never say no to spending time with her, even if she was asleep.

“I wanted her to get used to sleeping in the bunk.” Calum replied, bouncing her in his arms. “But since we don’t have time for tantrums today, she can nap with you.”

She reached out for Michael once more and he happily took her, kissing her cheek and resting her in his arms. She still wasn’t happy though, searching around the room and whining when she couldn’t find what she was looking for.

“Why are you so fussy today? What do you want, sweetheart?” Calum furrowed his eyebrows, handing her bottle to Michael, wondering if that’s what she wanted.

“Moose!”

Calum gasped as he heard what she said.

Moose’s head lifted at the sound of her name, her tail wagging as she jumped up onto Michael’s lap.

“Did she... did she just say moose?” Calum asked, pulling his phone out to record in case she said it again. “Babe, come here!”

You had just showered, but as soon as Calum called you in a panicked tone you rushed straight to the front of the bus. “What, Cal? What’s wrong?”

“Who’s this, Mara?” Michael asked her, stroking Moose’s fur to get her attention.

“Moose!”

“Oh my god, baby!” You cooed, tears filling in your eyes at the fact that she finally said her first word. “I can’t believe she said Moose.”

“I can’t believe she didn’t say either of our names first!” Calum feigned sadness as you slapped his arm playfully, knowing he was joking but also knowing he had wanted ‘dad’ to be her first word.

“I’m taking that as a victory for me.” Michael cuddled Mara and Moose, making sure she was comfortable to nap even with the commotion going on in the room. He started to feed her, watching as she grew more tired in his arms. She clung to the neck of his hoodie, not taking her eyes off of Moose as she fell asleep. “Now let us take a nap.”

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Calum moved tentatively, sliding off the sofa to sit a small distance away from her on the floor.

“Mara,” He got her attention softly. “Shall we read your book? Why don’t you bring it to me?”

She turned her head to look at him, a smile landing on her lips as he reached out for her. It soon faded as he didn’t pick her up; she looked between the book in her hands and her dad as she worked out how she was going to get there.

“Go on baby, you can walk to daddy.” You encouraged her, reaching out to push her curls away from her face as she looked at you. “He’s just there.”

She whined softly, arms reaching up to the closest uncle to her, which happened to be Luke. None of Calum’s band members had any kind of willpower when it came to Mara. All she had to do was look at any one of them, and they’d give her anything she wanted.

Trying to get her into a routine on tour had been difficult when all three of her uncles wanted to spend time with her constantly. You wanted her to get used to sleeping in the bunk so she felt at home, but more often that not she’d take naps cuddled up with whoever had her at nap time. Michael seemed to be her favourite to nap with; especially if Moose was nearby.

“Can I help her?” Luke asked, knowing that you and Calum wanted her to take her first steps, but his heart aching at her wanting him. “Mara, don’t look at me like that. You know what it does to me.”

“Just turn her around, so she’s facing me. She’ll probably let go of your hands when she gets her balance.” Calum told him, shuffling further back so she’d have more space.

“C’mere, angel.” Luke lifted her into his arms and kissed her forehead, before standing her in between his legs and taking her hands in his. It made his heart melt as she wrapped her hands around one of his fingers, trying to hold herself up. “There you go.”

“Here, Cal.” Ashton grabbed Mara’s book from the seat and passed it to him, so he could convince her to walk to him with it.

“Come on, come and see me, baby. You can do it.” Calum held his arms out to her, coaxing her to move towards him. She looked down at her feet and back up around the room, noticing everyone was watching her. Michael picked his phone up, setting it to record the special moment. “We can read your book.”

He waved it in his hand, knowing she wanted it and that it would help him to get her to walk. It felt as though everyone in the room was holding their breath as she took one wobbly step forward, making her way to Calum.

“Let go, Luke.” Calum watched carefully as Luke moved his hands away, waiting for a moment to make sure she didn’t fall before sitting back. Mara stayed standing, looking up at Luke and then realising she was balancing herself without him. “She’s so close.”

She took another small step forward and everyone gasped excitedly, trying not to startle her but not being able to contain their happiness.

“That’s my girl! Keep going.” Calum grinned at her, holding his arms out for her to fall into. He felt so many emotions. Mainly he couldn’t believe that the tiny newborn, barely the length of his arm, was now growing into a whole little person. He was happy that his brothers had been there to experience the moment with you and him.

She kept going until she reached Calum. As soon as he got her the whole room erupted; standing up and cheering as they revelled in the special milestone. Mara didn’t seem to understand why everyone was so happy, but she took advantage of the attention and accepted the happy cuddles from Calum.

“You did it, Mara!” He cooed, kissing her cheek and settling her in his lap. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Book?” Mara hadn’t forgotten why she wanted to sit with him in the first place. Calum chuckled as he picked it up, sitting Mara on top of his crossed legs. She yawned and leaned back against his chest as he started flicking through the colourful pages; doing the usual silly voices that he did for each of the characters. It wasn’t long before she fell asleep in his arms and he managed to stand without waking her. He settled her in his bunk, staying for a moment and watching her sleep.

“She’s really growing up, isn’t she?” You appeared behind Calum, wrapping your arms around his waist and resting your head on his shoulder. The two of you stood for a moment, admiring her. She was laid on her stomach, hands clinging to the duvet with her pacifier pressed to her lips. He could watch her forever. He wanted to soak in these moments and commit them to memory; times he never wanted to forget.

“She really is.”

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“Uh huh.” She nodded and cuddled her giraffe closer to her chest, settling down against the pillows. He looked at her for a moment, noticing her lip tucked between her teeth and how she wasn’t looking at him.

“It’s okay if you’re nervous,” He told her, sitting on the edge of her bed. She still didn’t reply. She sniffled softly, and it only took him a few second to notice the tears lining her big brown eyes. “Come here, sweetheart. You’re okay.”

She climbed into his lap and his heart broke as she clung to his neck. He could feel her tears wetting his t-shirt as her anxieties broke free; it made him wonder if he should have had this conversation with her before now. She had visited the school and met the teachers, they had spoke about why she would be going there. Calum just had no idea that she was this nervous about it.

“Shh,” He murmured into her hair, first trying to calm her down before trying to talk to her. He hated seeing her cry, but being open about her emotions, even at such a young age, was something he thought was really important to teach her. “You’re okay, Mara.”

Calum sat back against the wall, decorated with the moon and stars he had painted on there, per Mara’s request when she grew out of her nursery. He let her cry it out; he didn’t push her. Just sat and held her, and rubbed her back until her cries slowed to whimpers and she lifted her head from his shoulder. 

“I don’t want to go to school,” She admitted, rubbing her damp cheeks against the worn material of the stuffed giraffe in her hands. He ran his hand up and down her pyjama covered arm, giving her further reassurance which slowed her cries even more. “Can you come with me?” 

Calum shook his head, where it was resting on top of hers gently. “No, i’m sorry baby. I’ll take you though, right into your classroom, and come back to pick you up at the end of the day. You’re going to have so much fun though, I promise.”

“It might not be fun,” She sniffled, still not believing his words. He chuckled at her stubbornness, expecting nothing less from his daughter. “What if no one wants to be my friend?”

“They will, trust me. Why would anyone not want to be your friend? You’re so smart, kind,” He bopped her nose to make her laugh, her giggles soon filling his ears; a much better sound than her tears moments before. “And you’re funny. You’re going to make lots of friends. I don’t want you to be scared, baby. Okay?”

“Okay.” She mumbled into his t-shirt, wiping her eyes once more. He knew he hadn’t solved all of her worries, and that she was still apprehensive, but there  was nothing else he could say until she experienced school for herself. “Cuddle?”

“Of course.” Calum re-positioned himself in her bed, trying to fit his large frame in the small space as she got comfortable against him. Her life up until that moment flashed before his eyes as he held her, and began reading the book she placed in his hands. He laid in same the room where he had held her as a newborn, and rocked her to sleep as a baby, and now here she was; about to start her next journey at school. 

***

Mara’s hand felt tiny in Calum’s as he lead her through the playground.

There was so many children. All full of the same nerves and excitement as Mara was. She had been quiet on the drive to school, not letting her stuffed giraffe out of her hands after Calum said it could come in the car with them. She wasn’t allowed to take him into school, but he’d be under the best care with Calum, as she had made him promise. 

The morning had gone with no more tears - mainly excitement as she put on her uniform for the first time, and Calum plaited her hair whilst eating her favourite breakfast. 

“Here we are,” Calum headed towards the door of the classroom, recognising the friendly teacher stood greeting the students. “Okay, baby? I’ll stay with you until you’re inside.” 

“Hi, Mara! Welcome to school!” The teacher knelt down to greet her, offering her reassurance for her nerves. “I love your lunch box. Put it under your name peg, okay? I’ll see you inside.” 

Calum thanked her and headed inside, making their way to the cloakroom, her hand not leaving his as she took in the bright displays on the walls and sounds of her fellow classmates entering the school too. He vaguely remembered the corridors from when you had all visited together, several months before applying. It was small but friendly, and he had no doubt that Mara would be happy there. 

“Can you see your name, little moon?” He asked her, coaxing her into the cloakroom and quickly scanning around the colourful name tags to find hers.

“There!”

She pulled Calum towards the tag with her name, placing the lunch box where the teacher had told her to, and letting Calum unzip her coat. He helped her hang it up, and suddenly felt very emotional about leaving her there for the day. She looked so much more grown up in her uniform and it made him realise that she truly wasn’t a baby anymore.

“Okay baby,” Calum knelt down in front of her and took her hands in his. He felt more nervous than she did now, he was sure. “I’m going to go home now, but i’ll be right back here in a couple of hours.” 

 “Okay daddy.” She smiled at him, and he wanted to burst out crying. He wanted to take her back home with him, and shield her from the world forever. 

“Love you, baby. Have fun, okay?” He kissed her forehead and watched as she went into the classroom, joining another group of children in the corner filled with reading books. He was so proud of how she overcame her nerves.  He was grateful she didn’t cry before he left; he wouldn’t have been able to leave her there crying.

She really was growing up. 

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