#secondbabyseries

You nod in agreement, knowing she had already slept too much. You move the arm that’s wrapped around her, rubbing your fingertips up and down her back to wake her. She yawns and rubs her eyes, realising that she’s still snug up against you, and that she slept in your bed. “Hi mama,”

You smile at her words, her voice heavy with sleep. She sits up and notices Calum is there too; holding her hands out for him so he’ll take her. He lifts her up, standing up from the bed and sitting her on his hip as she wakes up a little more. It melts Calum’s heart to see you nap together – reminiscent of the days where the two of you had no responsibilities, where you used to spend whole afternoons asleep together, sometimes waking up when the sun had gone down. It makes him realise how different things are now. “Hi, little moon. Someone had a good snooze with mum, huh? Is your tummy ready for some dinner?”

He chats to her absentmindedly as he takes her downstairs, giving you a few moments alone to come round from your unexpected nap. Sitting up, you notice how your body aches with fatigue, your lower back twinging as you stretch. Thinking nothing of it, you re-make the bed, before joining Calum and Mara in the kitchen.

The familiar scent of Mara’s favourite pasta flooded your senses; one that you’d usually enjoy too, yet it makes your stomach turn as you enter the kitchen.  Calum notices the scrunching of your nose as it hits you, wondering what caused it.

“You okay?” He murmurs, his hands resting on your hips as you stand in the cradle of his hips. You nod, taking quiet deep breaths through your nose to stop the sick feeling creeping up your throat. Mara was unsuspecting, the sight of you and Calum close in the kitchen not unfamiliar to her. “What is it?”

“I think it’s the food,” You reply, that being the only thing you can think of that’s making you feel queasy. Calum’s warm palms rub up and down your back as your hands rest on his chest. “I’m okay, though. I might just be coming down with something.”

“Mmm,” Calum replies, raising an eyebrow in suspicion of you. The fatigue and sickness are all signs that he’s seen before; specifically, four years ago. “We’ll have to keep an eye on you.”

“I finished,” Mara calls out, your attention diverted from Calum to your sweet daughter sitting in her chair at the end of the table. The plate in front of her is clear and Calum has already covered the rest, saving it so she can have it for lunch tomorrow. You’re grateful that it’s no longer in the room, not wanting to get sick in front of Mara. “Can I go play?”

You nod, helping her down from the table, accepting the sweet hug as she wraps her arms around your legs. “You have an hour until bath time, okay? I’ll come play with you soon.” 

“Okay.” She responds, running off to the lounge where most of her toys end up throughout the day. Calum’s eyes follow you as you clear up after her; you feel him watching you, like he knows something is going on.

“Stop looking at me like that,” You tell him, without even looking at him. You know the look he’s giving you. It’s a knowing one. He knows the thought has crossed your mind too. “I’m fine.”

He chuckles, taking Mara’s plate out of your hands so he can take over cleaning up. He brushes a kiss to your pouty lips, before setting the dishes down in the sink. “Go see Mara,” he murmurs, followed by another kiss. “We’ll talk about it later.” 

***

“Is mumma okay?”

Mara’s question takes Calum by surprise as he brushes through her unruly curls, following her bath. Her cheeks are rosy from the heat of the bath and the warmth of her pyjamas, perched on the edge of her bed as he gets her ready to go to sleep.

Calum tends to forget how old Mara is – how she’s not a baby anymore, and how she’s much more intuitive than he realises. She knows when something is different – always a curious child, much like he was, always asking questions when she thought something wasn’t right. He didn’t want her to worry though. He’s almost sure of what’s going on – that you’re not sick, and he doesn’t want Mara to lose sleep over it.

“Why do you ask, baby?” He replies, although he already thinks he knows the answer. Bath and bedtime is usually a joint effort; yet tonight Calum has sent you to relax early. He knows you won’t unless he forces you to, and he doesn’t want you to overwork yourself, especially if his suspicions are correct. Mara notices your absence though.

“She said her tummy felt funny earlier,” Mara informs him, looking down at her hands as she talks. Calum hums in acknowledgement, setting the hair brush down on the side of her bed as he gets her attention. Gently tiling her chin to look at him, he notices her big brown eyes are filled with worry, and it makes his heart ache.

“Listen to me, sweetheart,” He murmurs, settling her in his lap so he can reassure her. “No worrying, okay? She’s fine, I promise. I’m sure she’ll be in to say goodnight any moment now.”

Mara nods, trusting of him – he knows he hasn’t settled her completely, yet he hopes that once you say goodnight, she’ll feel better. He feels bad telling her that you’re fine when Mara has heard otherwise, yet he doesn’t know how else to explain why he thinks you’re sick. Not until he’s sure, anyway. “Are you ready to get into bed?”

He’s cut off by you joining them in her bedroom; the night light illuminating the room in a soft glow. She hadn’t quite overcome her fear of the dark; still needing the golden light from the lamp to reassure her that there was nothing lingering in the shadows. Mara’s eyes light up at the sight.

“There’s my sweet girl,” You greet her, kneeling next to where she’s getting into bed. “Are you ready for some sleep? Mumma is ready to go to sleep too.” 

It’s something you say to her most nights, that you’re going to bed, so she doesn’t feel as though she’s missing out on any fun with you and Calum. Yet tonight it makes her more anxious, that you’re going to bed because there’s something wrong. 

“Does your tummy still feel funny?” She asks, tucking her bottom lip between a teeth -- a sign of her nerves. Her sweetness makes you smile yet you can’t help but feel bad that she’s worried. You help to tuck her under the duvet, pulling it up around her shoulders so she’s snug in the bed. 

“No baby, I feel better now.” You reassure her, though not completely true. It’s not something you want her to worry about either. Mara seems satisfied with your answer, shuffling down in her bed so her head is on the pillow. You rub your pointer finger over her cheek, watching as her eyes grow heavier and flutter as she looks at you. “Have sweet dreams, okay? We’ll see you in the morning.” 

“Love you, mama,” She murmurs sleepily, snuggling into the bed as you kiss her cheek. Calum follows, brushing her curls out of her face and giving her a goodnight kiss.

“Love you, baby. You know where we are if you need us, okay? Duke is here too,” Calum assures her, gesturing to the sleeping dog curled up on the foot of her bed. It’s where he slept most nights, wanting to be near Mara -- sometimes ending up under the duvet next to her. “Sleep tight.” 

You leave the room and pull the door to so she can sleep, knowing you and Calum have an interesting night ahead. 

“So,” Calum begins, leading you to your bedroom, where you had previously been curled up watching Netflix. You sigh as you sit on the edge of the bed, looking down at your slippers to avoid his gaze. He knows where Mara got that habit from. “You’re thinking the same thing as me, right?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You feign seriousness, taking a deep breath before looking up at him, a knowing smirk on your lips. “But when I napped earlier, the smell of your cologne on the pillow nearly made me throw up.” 

Calum raises his eyebrows -- another occasion reminding him of this time four years ago. He’ll never forget the time he came home from the studio and wrapped you in a hug, your face buried in his neck, but only for a second before you nearly threw up all over his shoes. He’d had to use something other than his favourite Calvin Klein fragrance for the remainder of your pregnancy, and he feels as though he’s about to have to do the same thing again.

“Do you still have those spare tests in the bathroom?” 

Your mind wanders to the stash of spare pregnancy tests in the bottom drawer of the bathroom cabinet, kept there always ‘just in case.’ It turns out to be pretty handy that you have them now. You nod, but make no effort to move from the bed in order to take one, and Calum wants to know what’s on your mind.

“Talk to me, honey,” Calum prompts you, sitting down next to you, his arm around your waist. You sigh and rest your head on his shoulder, trying to avoid his cologne once more in the worry of it turning your stomach. You sit for a moment, trying to work out what you’re feeling before articulating it to Calum. “What are you thinking about?”

A second baby was something the two of you had discussed; you weren’t necessarily trying to get pregnant, but you weren’t trying not to, either. You just hadn’t expected it this fast, and your mind wanders to the sweet girl sleeping down the hall.

“I’m nervous.” You reply, wringing your hands together in anxiousness, and Calum tries to soothe you by taking one of your hands in his. He links your fingers with his, gently squeezing to keep you grounded. “What if Mara doesn’t want us to have a baby? She’s so used to it just being her.” 

Calum nods, and he’d be lying if he said the thought hadn’t crossed his mind too. You were so settled as a family of three, always focused on Mara, yet you both know you always planned to have more than one child. 

“She’ll adjust, baby. It’s going to be new for us all. She has plenty of time to get used to the idea, and we can help her with that.” Calum replies, his hand rubbing up and down your arm as he speaks. “She’ll be so excited. You’ve seen how interested she is in talking to Luke about their baby when we see them.”

He’s right -- with Luke and his wife getting closer to the arrival of their first baby, Mara had taken a great interest in everything to do with her pregnancy. She had many questions whenever they visited, each time wondering when the baby would arrive. Her concept of time was something she didn’t quite understand yet. ‘Soon’ seemed to be her least favourite word. 

“I love how we’re doing this and we don’t even know if I’m pregnant yet,” You chuckle, followed by a laugh from Calum too. He pulls you a little closer and kisses your cheek, a smile on his lips.

“I’ll be very surprised if you’re not.” He replies, and you know he’s right. There had been little signs here and there; mainly the sickness and how tired you’ve been, along with a few other symptoms similar to that of when you were pregnant with Mara. You both recognise the signs. “Should we go find out for sure?”

You nod and follow him to the bathroom, closing the door behind you, as not to wake Mara. You go into the drawer and find the tests, pulling one out so you can use it.

“You’re really gonna watch me do this?” You ask, seeing as Calum had no intention of leaving the bathroom.

“I’ve seen worse things.” Calum replies, met with you rolling your eyes. “I’ll look away.”

He chats to you to take your mind away from your worries as you take the test. “Can you believe it’s been four years since we last did this?”

It doesn’t feel like four years. It barely feels like any time at all since you brought Mara home from the hospital. 

“Well, if you don’t count that one time after Mara’s first birthday.” You retort, Calum’s eyes widening at the memory before he laughs. That time you had definitely not been trying to have a baby. The test had been false, but you went through the motions all the same. 

“Oh yeah,” He murmurs, getting distracted by playing with his hair in the mirror. The bleach blonde look was starting to grow out, the dark roots no longer concealed. He made a mental note to get a haircut, not like he had more important things to think about in the moment. His attention is diverted by the sound of you running your hands under the sink, watching as the three minute timer began on your phone. 

“And now we wait.” 

Calum takes your hands in his once more and tries to get you to look at him, even though both of you are pre-occupied by the white stick next to the sink.

“Stop worrying,” He murmurs, like he can tell how fast your mind is racing. He knows it’s a big adjustment, that it’ll change your lives forever, just like Mara did -- yet he finds himself much less terrified than he was four years ago. “Whatever happens, we can handle it. We always do, don’t we?” 

You nod, feeling much better with him by your side. You think about how Mara will react -- will she be happy or upset? She’s so caring towards Duke, so you can’t help but think about how great of a big sister she would be. The thought of introducing a new baby to her makes your heart ache a little, just hoping that she would be happy. 

Time seems to stand still as you watch the clock on your phone -- the longest three minutes of your life. You press your face against Calum’s t-shirt, knowing that if his cologne did make you sick, you were in the right place. You’re both snapped out of your thoughts when your phone buzzes against the marble counter.

“I can’t look,” You tell him, facing away from the counter. As nervous as you are, now that you’ve thought about another baby, you know you’ll be disappointed if it’s negative. 

“Do you want me to?” Calum asks, and you nod, wrapping your arms around his waist and hiding your face against his shoulder. He picks the test up off of the counter and looks at the result, your heart pounding in your chest when he lets out a deep sigh. 

Pregnant. 

Calum pauses for a moment, his gentle touch on your lower back the only thing grounding you in the moment. 

“So... which room should we make into the nursery?”

You clasp your hand over your mouth, tears instantly slipping down your cheeks. Calum pulls you towards him, setting the test back on the side and wrapping both of his arms around your waist. He rests his head on your shoulder, his lips brushing the bare skin exposed from your jumper falling out of place.

“Really? I’m really pregnant?” You ask through tears, cupping Calum’s face in your hands so he’s looking at you. You see a shine in his own eyes, unshed tears just sitting at his lash line at the thought of your family expanding. Flashes of your pregnancy with Mara flood through his mind, as well as glimpses of the past four years of being parents. He can’t wait to do it all again. 

“Yeah, baby,” He chuckles, his tone laced with disbelief too. “Mara’s gonna be a big sister.” 

There’s so much on your mind, you don’t know where to begin. “Should we tell her?”

Calum shakes his head, one hand moving to rest on your stomach, your bump non-existent. His heart skips a beat at the thought of your bump growing and your body changing again, all to accommodate another baby. He knows it’s very early days and he doesn’t want to tell Mara until you know everything is okay. “I don’t think we should yet, honey. Let's at least wait until you see a doctor? Just so we know for sure.”

He sees a flash of worry in your eyes. He’s forgotten how scary pregnancy is; how you feel like everything is out of your control, yet you want to do everything you can to protect the baby at all times. 

“Don’t,” He murmurs, knowing where your mind is going. He cups your face in his hand, his thumb gently rubbing circles over your cheek. “Everything is going to be fine. We just need to be sure, okay?”

You nod, agreeing with his words. You reach up to peck his lips, savouring the serene moment of joy with him his fingers still absentmindedly brushing over your stomach. “Well, how should we celebrate?” 

“I just don’t know,” Calum chuckles, thinking for a moment. The word celebrate has a different meaning now that you’re parents; it used to mean getting dragged to a bar with his bandmates and not returning until the early hours, and then spending the following day in bed. Now, you’re lucky if you find the time to go out for dinner. “I think we should go all out. Ice cream in bed and Netflix?”

“Sounds like a plan,” You reply, brushing your lips against his once more. “But if you get ice cream on the sheets, you’re washing them tomorrow.” 

He shrugs his shoulder, nodding as he speaks, “fair enough. I’ll get the ice cream. I’ll meet you in the bedroom in 10.”

***

Ask-box

Masterlist

“Yep,” Mara perches on the edge of the bottom step whilst Calum ties her shoelaces. It was something he had been trying to teach her for a little while, but she was taking her time trying to get her head around it. If you were in a rush, she’d happily just let you or Calum do it. “Will you come back soon?”

Calum nods in response, finishing her laces before dropping a kiss to her forehead. “We’ll only be gone for a few hours, okay? You’re going to have lots of fun with Uncle Luke and Delilah, honey. You might even be able to take Petunia for a walk.”

With Luke and his partner becoming parents to Delilah in the week following you finding out about your own baby, Calum felt bad asking him to babysit when they had their own family to take care of. Luke had waved his concern off though, of course, reassuring him that Mara was always welcome at their home, no matter how busy he was. If anything, you and Calum were just curious to know how Mara was around Delilah. It would be an indication of her reaction to your own news.

You worried your own nerves had rubbed off on Mara, as she seemed a little anxious about going to Luke’s, when she’d usually be excited. She didn’t know you were going to the doctors. Luke didn’t know either. Mara isn’t the biggest fan of the doctor, and you know it would only worry her more if she knew that was where you were going.

Something you were trying to keep in mind was how much of her environment Mara absorbed. The night you found out you were pregnant, she knew you were sick, and your morning (or, all day,) sickness hadn’t let up since then. You didn’t want to scare her, and things would make much more sense once she knew about the baby. Calum had taken over most mealtimes in case her food made you queasy, and you were unsure of how much she noticed.

“Okay, lets go,” You take her hand in yours as Calum locks the house, helping her into her car seat so you can head to Luke’s. During the short journey she points out what she can see along the way, as well as singing along to whatever was on the radio. “Oh look, Mara! There’s the baby.”

You spot Luke standing in his doorway with Delilah in his arms, the sweet three-week-old baby curled up in his hold. Seeing Delilah just makes you more excited for your own new arrival – that you get to have a newborn all over again.

“Lilah!” Mara exclaims, running up to Luke and wrapping her arms around his legs in a sweet hug. Luke’s free hand lands on her head, hugging her back the best he can with Delilah in his arms. “Hi Uncle Luke!”

“Hi, sweetheart,” He greets her, moving out of the way so she can step inside.

“Thanks for watching her today,” You tell him, lightly brushing your hand over Delilah’s hair in a silent greeting, careful not to wake her. “You’re brave taking on another child with a newborn in the house.”

“I told you, anytime. I’m an expert now anyway,” He jokes, rocking Delilah in his arms as he speaks to keep her settled. “Where are you headed to?”

Calum answers before you have the chance to. “We just have an appointment to go to.”

It wasn’t that you didn’t want Luke to know — more just that you were determined to keep it between the two of you for a little longer. The doctor’s appointment would provide the reassurance you were looking for, but you wanted Mara to be the next to know.

“Okay, we’ll be back to pick you up in a few hours, Mara.” You lean down to kiss her cheeks, saying goodbye before standing up again. “Be good.”

“I will.” She replies, hugging Calum before the two of you head back to the car. “Bye bye.”

***

“So, you’re around 8 weeks?”

You nod at the doctor’s question, a trembling hand held tightly in Calum’s as you lay on the bed. His thumb rubs soothing circles over the back of your hand, trying to ground you.

“I think so, yeah. If we worked it out right.” You reply, biting your lip from nerves as the doctor nods in response. The anxiety of the first few weeks of a pregnancy would never go away; it was difficult to keep a secret but would be even more difficult to tell them devastating news if it came. It was safer this way, and you enjoyed being in the happy little baby bubble with Calum for a while.

“Okay, we’ll be able to tell in a moment.” She informs you, before asking you to lift your jumper so she can get to your stomach. “Sorry, this will be cold. Is this your first baby?”

You shake your head, a smile on your lips as you think of Mara. “No, it’s our second. We have a three-year-old daughter.”

“Aww, how lovely. Is she excited to be a big sister?”

“We haven’t told her yet,” Calum replies. “But we’re hoping she will be.”    

Calum lifts your intwined fingers to his lips, brushing a soft kiss over your knuckles to distract you as the nurse squeezed the gel over your lower stomach. You shivered at the sensation, laying your head back on the bed as you tried to relax. It felt like a lifetime as the nurse ran the doppler over your barely there bump, waiting to hear the sound that every parent loves so much.

“So, there’s not too much to see since you’re so early on, but there…” She points to the screen, a small flicker in the centre of the screen, the first sight you and Calum got of your baby. “There’s the baby. And if you hold on a second...”

Tears spring to your eyes as you gaze at the screen. It’s not much, but they’re there, and it’s a relief that everything seems to be okay.

“Look at that,” Calum murmurs, chuckling as his other hand wipes the tears from your cheeks. “There they are.”

The nurse flicks a switch on her machine and suddenly, the room is filled with the whooshing sound of your baby’s heartbeat.

“There we go,” The nurse smiles at the healthy sounding heartbeat, confirming that everything is okay. It’s the sound you’d never get tired of – making everything suddenly feel very real, like there’s definitely another baby growing inside of you. “Everything looks and sounds great. Would you like some photos printing?”

“Yes please.” You reply, unable to focus on anything other than the tiny dot on the screen that would soon grow into your baby that you would raise and love. Calum couldn’t help but get emotional too – it doesn’t feel like anytime at all since you were here to have your scan with Mara, and now she’s almost four. It makes him realise how much she’s grown, and how nervous he is to tell her about the new baby in case she got upset. He couldn’t bear the thought of her being sad, especially since it would be such a huge change to her life.

***

“Uncle Luke, can we do some drawing please?”

Mara looks up from her plate at her place at the dinner table, where she had been eating her lunch, made by Luke’s partner.

“Sure, sweetheart. Let me just put Delilah down and then I’ll get the pens out, okay?” Luke answers, moving Delilah’s moses basket into the kitchen with his free hand, so he could watch her. He stands and rocks Delilah for a moment, making sure she was sound asleep before setting her down in the crib.

“Delilah is little,” Mara comments, watching as Luke tucks Delilah in, stroking over her light tufts of hair to soothe her as she settles.

“She is, honey.” Luke chuckles at her comment. “You used to be as little as Delilah too. You used to fall asleep on me like she does.”

“Really?” She exclaims, and Luke smiles at the wonder on her face. He loves watching Mara grow up and learn about the world, and answer as many of her endless questions as he can. She had been inquisitive ever since she could talk – “why?” being one of the first words that she learned. He sees so much of Calum in her. He’d always catch her just sitting quietly, taking in her surroundings – always observing without saying much. He sometimes wonders what she thinks so deeply about in her three-year-old mind, and he usually finds out when she asks her questions. “Did I cry as much as she does?”

Luke laughs again at her question.

“Sometimes,” He replies, having just settled Delilah from crying for a good ten minutes. Mara had seemed unbothered, distracted by his partner making her lunch, but she clearly had paid attention to it. “All babies cry a lot because they can’t talk and tell you what’s wrong. Once you were on the tour bus with us, and you cried all night because you didn’t want to go to sleep.”

Now it’s Mara’s turn to laugh at him. She clasps her hand over her mouth and giggles, clearly finding the story very entertaining as Luke gets out the pens and paper he has stored for her visits.

“What do you want to make?” He asks her, hoping it’s not anything too creative – he once tried to do origami with her, but in his new-dad sleep deprived state, he’s not sure how well it will go.

“I wanna make a card for mum,” She says, a concerned furrow of her eyebrows as she speaks. Luke notices how she wrings her hands together as she talks, a sign that she’s usually nervous about something. “Her tummy has been poorly.”

Luke pauses for a moment, wondering if that has anything to do with the appointment you had gone to, his mind filled with questions.

“Oh, has it? How?” He asks, and he’s not sure how much she knows, yet he’s worried that something is wrong.

“She gets sick when she wakes up.” Mara responds, and it tells Luke everything he needs to know.

Morning sickness?

Suddenly Luke feels as though he knows what’s going on, but he can’t be certain, and it doesn’t seem like Mara knows anything more. “I think that’ll be nice, honey. I’m sure your mum will love that.”

She’s quiet as she colours, needing Luke’s help to draw out the letters to spell ‘Mum.’ He notices she’s getting better at staying in the lines, considering her age. Luke thinks back to the day you, Calum and Mara met Delilah, how Calum’s eyes lit up when his partner asked about a second baby. He hadn’t thought anything of it at the time, but now from what Mara had said, it makes sense.

It’s not too long before there’s a knock at the door, and you and Calum are back to pick her up.

Mara is too focused on her drawing to pay attention to you speaking to Luke’s partner, her tongue sticking out in concentration. Calum sneaks up behind her, but doesn’t want to scare her, especially if it could ruin her drawing.

“Hey, you.” Calum taps her shoulder gently and her head snaps up, turning around at the sound of his voice. “What are you up to?”

“Hi, daddy!” She squeals as he picks her up, hugging her against his body as she wraps her legs around his waist. “I made this card for mum.”

“That’s so sweet, baby, do you want to give it to her?” He replies, knowing you’ll be joining them in a moment. He’s not sure of how much she’s told Luke, or if he knows anything at all.

You exaggerate a gasp as you spot the card in her hand. “Is that for me, baby?”

“Yes, for you!” She exclaims, handing the card to you from her spot on Calum’s hip.

Luke decides to pry as much as he can without overstepping.

“Oh yeah, Mara mentioned you’ve been sick in the mornings, are you okay?” He asks, a smirk on his lips as if he knows that you’re both going to understand his prods.

His question catches you off guard, knowing Mara had told him so innocently – yet it’s given Luke a huge hint as to what’s going on. Calum looks down at his docs and clears his throat, avoiding eye contact with Luke. “Oh, I’m fine, I’ve just had a stomach bug recently.”

Luke nods but narrows his eyes at you, and you change the topic of conversation before it can go any further.

“I think it’s about time we get you home, hey?”

***

“What if she gets upset?”

Calum sighs at your words and presses a kiss to your hairline, watching as you rub your thumb over the scan photo in your hand. The day had come to finally tell Mara about the new addition to your family, and you were nervous. You couldn’t bear the thought of your sweet daughter getting upset about such a big change to her life.

“We have lots of time for her to get used to it, honey.” Calum reassures you, his fingers grazing over the small, slightly raised bump under his palm. It wasn’t much, nothing that anyone outside of you and him would notice, if you looked close enough. It was small enough that Mara wouldn’t know any different, but you didn’t know how long it would stay that way. “The sooner we tell her, the more time she has to adjust. I don’t think she’s capable of being angry at you.”

You relax into him for a second, your head pressed against his chest as he holds you in the soft comfort of your bed. Mara is still asleep as far as you’re aware – there had been no sign of her calling for you from down the hall or joining you in your bed for a morning cuddle. You thought that a good time to tell her would be after breakfast, so she’d had time to wake up properly.

“I’ll go get breakfast started,” Calum murmurs, brushing his lips over the spot behind your ear. “Meet you downstairs. Stop worrying, okay? It’s going to be fine.”

You lay in the bed for a moment, taking a deep breath, before heading down the hall to get Mara up.

“Mara, honey, can we talk to you?”

Mara looks up from her toys, still comfortable in her pyjamas as she plays for a little while after breakfast. You’re cosy on the sofa, a throw strewn over your legs, as Calum sits next to you. His hand slips into yours, squeezing gently to ground you. Mara hops onto the sofa, snuggling in between the two of you, so you can talk to her.

“So, you know how Uncle Luke and your auntie have Delilah now?” Calum starts and she nods, waiting until you continue. “Well, how would you feel if we have another baby, to live here with us? And you got to be a big sister?”

She furrows her eyebrows in confusion, like she didn’t quite understand what was going on.

“I have a baby in my tummy, Mara.” You smile, giving her a minute to take in what you were telling her, as Calum runs his hand up and down her back, in a comforting gesture. “Do you want to see?”

You pull out the scan photo and set it in front of her, so she can see for herself. “They’re very small for now, but look, that’s the baby,” you tell her, pointing to the small blob in the middle of the photo.

“A baby?” She asks, her big, brown eyes gazing up at you. You nod, brushing her curls out of her face.

“Yeah, sweetheart. How do you feel about that? Are you happy?” You ask her, unable to tell how she was feeling.

“Yeah,” She replies, a small smile on her lips, but it doesn’t reach her eyes like her usual happy smile does. She sits quietly for a moment, her feet swinging against the edge of the sofa. “When will the baby be here?”

“Not for quite a while, honey. So, we have lots of time to get ready, okay?” Calum reassures her, leaning down to kiss her forehead. “It’s okay if you’re not excited right now, we know it’s a big change for you, but you’ll be able to help us with the baby as much as you want. They’re going to love you so much, little moon.”

She nods, her eyes not leaving the scan photo in your hand as she observes it. You notice her eyes are lined with tears, and you’re unsure whether it’s from being sad or just overwhelmed by the information. Your heart aches at her not being as excited as you had hoped for her to be.

“They’ll be just like Delilah, baby, but they’ll live here with us so you can cuddle them whenever you like.” You tell her, hoping it’ll help her to warm up to the idea. “You’ll be such a good sister, bub.”

Calum thinks about his relationship with Mali, his own sister – how he loves to have an older sibling to look up to, and he knows Mara will be that for the new baby. He had always wanted a big family, so Mara always has someone around, like he did with Mali. Even if she doesn’t seem to be excited now, he knows she’ll warm up to the idea eventually.

“So the baby is in your tummy?” She asks, looking at your hoodie covered middle, as if she was trying to see. “Is that why your tummy has been funny?”

You sit up, lifting your hoodie so she can look at your stomach, even though there’s not much of a bump to see yet.

“Yeah, honey, right in there,” You point to the middle of your stomach. “And they’ll keep growing until they’re ready to be born. My bump will look like your aunties did, with Delilah. And yeah, the baby made me sick, that’s why it was funny, but it’s okay.”

“That’s not very nice of the baby.” She frowns, concern in her eyes as she looks up at you.

Calum chuckles at her words. “It’s not the baby’s fault, honey. They’re just trying to grow, and that’s what makes mum sick.”

She reluctantly cuddles into your side and places her hand over the middle of your stomach, patting the spot tentatively. “Aww, you’re so sweet Mara. Are you okay?

Calum’s gaze catches yours and you share a look, both reassured that the fear of telling her was over – yet you can’t help but feel anxious about her reaction. You know she isn’t yet truly happy, since you know how she is when she’s happy, and it’s not as quiet as she’s being right now.

“Can I go back and play now?” She asks, and you nod, kissing her cheek and holding her for just a moment longer.

“Of course, Mara. Love you so much, okay? Having another baby doesn’t change that, I promise. You’ll always be our first baby.” You brush your pointer finger over her cheek as she looks at you, waiting for you to finish talking before she nods, sliding off the sofa with a “love you, mumma” before she goes back to her games.

Calum shifts closer to you, knowing she didn’t react how you had hoped. You hide your face in his neck, trying to hide your own eyes filling with tears as his fingertips smooth up and down your back.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” He murmurs quietly, so only you can hear. “She’ll come around, I promise.”

You just hope that he’s right.

***

Google form to suggest ideas for this series 

Ask-box - feedback is always appreciated!

Masterlist