#milestonesms

“If that’s what helps you sleep at night.” Michael replied, flipping his middle finger up at Luke before turning back to Calum. “She can nap with me if she wants, I don’t mind.”

When Michael said he didn’t mind, what he really meant was that he wanted her to fall asleep with him; he’d never say no to spending time with her, even if she was asleep.

“I wanted her to get used to sleeping in the bunk.” Calum replied, bouncing her in his arms. “But since we don’t have time for tantrums today, she can nap with you.”

She reached out for Michael once more and he happily took her, kissing her cheek and resting her in his arms. She still wasn’t happy though, searching around the room and whining when she couldn’t find what she was looking for.

“Why are you so fussy today? What do you want, sweetheart?” Calum furrowed his eyebrows, handing her bottle to Michael, wondering if that’s what she wanted.

“Moose!”

Calum gasped as he heard what she said.

Moose’s head lifted at the sound of her name, her tail wagging as she jumped up onto Michael’s lap.

“Did she... did she just say moose?” Calum asked, pulling his phone out to record in case she said it again. “Babe, come here!”

You had just showered, but as soon as Calum called you in a panicked tone you rushed straight to the front of the bus. “What, Cal? What’s wrong?”

“Who’s this, Mara?” Michael asked her, stroking Moose’s fur to get her attention.

“Moose!”

“Oh my god, baby!” You cooed, tears filling in your eyes at the fact that she finally said her first word. “I can’t believe she said Moose.”

“I can’t believe she didn’t say either of our names first!” Calum feigned sadness as you slapped his arm playfully, knowing he was joking but also knowing he had wanted ‘dad’ to be her first word.

“I’m taking that as a victory for me.” Michael cuddled Mara and Moose, making sure she was comfortable to nap even with the commotion going on in the room. He started to feed her, watching as she grew more tired in his arms. She clung to the neck of his hoodie, not taking her eyes off of Moose as she fell asleep. “Now let us take a nap.”

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Calum moved tentatively, sliding off the sofa to sit a small distance away from her on the floor.

“Mara,” He got her attention softly. “Shall we read your book? Why don’t you bring it to me?”

She turned her head to look at him, a smile landing on her lips as he reached out for her. It soon faded as he didn’t pick her up; she looked between the book in her hands and her dad as she worked out how she was going to get there.

“Go on baby, you can walk to daddy.” You encouraged her, reaching out to push her curls away from her face as she looked at you. “He’s just there.”

She whined softly, arms reaching up to the closest uncle to her, which happened to be Luke. None of Calum’s band members had any kind of willpower when it came to Mara. All she had to do was look at any one of them, and they’d give her anything she wanted.

Trying to get her into a routine on tour had been difficult when all three of her uncles wanted to spend time with her constantly. You wanted her to get used to sleeping in the bunk so she felt at home, but more often that not she’d take naps cuddled up with whoever had her at nap time. Michael seemed to be her favourite to nap with; especially if Moose was nearby.

“Can I help her?” Luke asked, knowing that you and Calum wanted her to take her first steps, but his heart aching at her wanting him. “Mara, don’t look at me like that. You know what it does to me.”

“Just turn her around, so she’s facing me. She’ll probably let go of your hands when she gets her balance.” Calum told him, shuffling further back so she’d have more space.

“C’mere, angel.” Luke lifted her into his arms and kissed her forehead, before standing her in between his legs and taking her hands in his. It made his heart melt as she wrapped her hands around one of his fingers, trying to hold herself up. “There you go.”

“Here, Cal.” Ashton grabbed Mara’s book from the seat and passed it to him, so he could convince her to walk to him with it.

“Come on, come and see me, baby. You can do it.” Calum held his arms out to her, coaxing her to move towards him. She looked down at her feet and back up around the room, noticing everyone was watching her. Michael picked his phone up, setting it to record the special moment. “We can read your book.”

He waved it in his hand, knowing she wanted it and that it would help him to get her to walk. It felt as though everyone in the room was holding their breath as she took one wobbly step forward, making her way to Calum.

“Let go, Luke.” Calum watched carefully as Luke moved his hands away, waiting for a moment to make sure she didn’t fall before sitting back. Mara stayed standing, looking up at Luke and then realising she was balancing herself without him. “She’s so close.”

She took another small step forward and everyone gasped excitedly, trying not to startle her but not being able to contain their happiness.

“That’s my girl! Keep going.” Calum grinned at her, holding his arms out for her to fall into. He felt so many emotions. Mainly he couldn’t believe that the tiny newborn, barely the length of his arm, was now growing into a whole little person. He was happy that his brothers had been there to experience the moment with you and him.

She kept going until she reached Calum. As soon as he got her the whole room erupted; standing up and cheering as they revelled in the special milestone. Mara didn’t seem to understand why everyone was so happy, but she took advantage of the attention and accepted the happy cuddles from Calum.

“You did it, Mara!” He cooed, kissing her cheek and settling her in his lap. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Book?” Mara hadn’t forgotten why she wanted to sit with him in the first place. Calum chuckled as he picked it up, sitting Mara on top of his crossed legs. She yawned and leaned back against his chest as he started flicking through the colourful pages; doing the usual silly voices that he did for each of the characters. It wasn’t long before she fell asleep in his arms and he managed to stand without waking her. He settled her in his bunk, staying for a moment and watching her sleep.

“She’s really growing up, isn’t she?” You appeared behind Calum, wrapping your arms around his waist and resting your head on his shoulder. The two of you stood for a moment, admiring her. She was laid on her stomach, hands clinging to the duvet with her pacifier pressed to her lips. He could watch her forever. He wanted to soak in these moments and commit them to memory; times he never wanted to forget.

“She really is.”

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“Uh huh.” She nodded and cuddled her giraffe closer to her chest, settling down against the pillows. He looked at her for a moment, noticing her lip tucked between her teeth and how she wasn’t looking at him.

“It’s okay if you’re nervous,” He told her, sitting on the edge of her bed. She still didn’t reply. She sniffled softly, and it only took him a few second to notice the tears lining her big brown eyes. “Come here, sweetheart. You’re okay.”

She climbed into his lap and his heart broke as she clung to his neck. He could feel her tears wetting his t-shirt as her anxieties broke free; it made him wonder if he should have had this conversation with her before now. She had visited the school and met the teachers, they had spoke about why she would be going there. Calum just had no idea that she was this nervous about it.

“Shh,” He murmured into her hair, first trying to calm her down before trying to talk to her. He hated seeing her cry, but being open about her emotions, even at such a young age, was something he thought was really important to teach her. “You’re okay, Mara.”

Calum sat back against the wall, decorated with the moon and stars he had painted on there, per Mara’s request when she grew out of her nursery. He let her cry it out; he didn’t push her. Just sat and held her, and rubbed her back until her cries slowed to whimpers and she lifted her head from his shoulder. 

“I don’t want to go to school,” She admitted, rubbing her damp cheeks against the worn material of the stuffed giraffe in her hands. He ran his hand up and down her pyjama covered arm, giving her further reassurance which slowed her cries even more. “Can you come with me?” 

Calum shook his head, where it was resting on top of hers gently. “No, i’m sorry baby. I’ll take you though, right into your classroom, and come back to pick you up at the end of the day. You’re going to have so much fun though, I promise.”

“It might not be fun,” She sniffled, still not believing his words. He chuckled at her stubbornness, expecting nothing less from his daughter. “What if no one wants to be my friend?”

“They will, trust me. Why would anyone not want to be your friend? You’re so smart, kind,” He bopped her nose to make her laugh, her giggles soon filling his ears; a much better sound than her tears moments before. “And you’re funny. You’re going to make lots of friends. I don’t want you to be scared, baby. Okay?”

“Okay.” She mumbled into his t-shirt, wiping her eyes once more. He knew he hadn’t solved all of her worries, and that she was still apprehensive, but there  was nothing else he could say until she experienced school for herself. “Cuddle?”

“Of course.” Calum re-positioned himself in her bed, trying to fit his large frame in the small space as she got comfortable against him. Her life up until that moment flashed before his eyes as he held her, and began reading the book she placed in his hands. He laid in same the room where he had held her as a newborn, and rocked her to sleep as a baby, and now here she was; about to start her next journey at school. 

***

Mara’s hand felt tiny in Calum’s as he lead her through the playground.

There was so many children. All full of the same nerves and excitement as Mara was. She had been quiet on the drive to school, not letting her stuffed giraffe out of her hands after Calum said it could come in the car with them. She wasn’t allowed to take him into school, but he’d be under the best care with Calum, as she had made him promise. 

The morning had gone with no more tears - mainly excitement as she put on her uniform for the first time, and Calum plaited her hair whilst eating her favourite breakfast. 

“Here we are,” Calum headed towards the door of the classroom, recognising the friendly teacher stood greeting the students. “Okay, baby? I’ll stay with you until you’re inside.” 

“Hi, Mara! Welcome to school!” The teacher knelt down to greet her, offering her reassurance for her nerves. “I love your lunch box. Put it under your name peg, okay? I’ll see you inside.” 

Calum thanked her and headed inside, making their way to the cloakroom, her hand not leaving his as she took in the bright displays on the walls and sounds of her fellow classmates entering the school too. He vaguely remembered the corridors from when you had all visited together, several months before applying. It was small but friendly, and he had no doubt that Mara would be happy there. 

“Can you see your name, little moon?” He asked her, coaxing her into the cloakroom and quickly scanning around the colourful name tags to find hers.

“There!”

She pulled Calum towards the tag with her name, placing the lunch box where the teacher had told her to, and letting Calum unzip her coat. He helped her hang it up, and suddenly felt very emotional about leaving her there for the day. She looked so much more grown up in her uniform and it made him realise that she truly wasn’t a baby anymore.

“Okay baby,” Calum knelt down in front of her and took her hands in his. He felt more nervous than she did now, he was sure. “I’m going to go home now, but i’ll be right back here in a couple of hours.” 

 “Okay daddy.” She smiled at him, and he wanted to burst out crying. He wanted to take her back home with him, and shield her from the world forever. 

“Love you, baby. Have fun, okay?” He kissed her forehead and watched as she went into the classroom, joining another group of children in the corner filled with reading books. He was so proud of how she overcame her nerves.  He was grateful she didn’t cry before he left; he wouldn’t have been able to leave her there crying.

She really was growing up. 

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