#man.......

Devastated and then some

1 layer qifrey

it's kinda messed up to look back at my childhood and see how hard my maternal/fully white side tried to keep me away from my paternal side. like, they did NOT ever want me to go with my ojibwe grandpa and when they finally had an excuse to do so (my parents' divorce), they went even harder on keeping me away.

like, that was a whole part of my identity that they did their best to deny and crush. i remember dying my hair black as a kid in secret and being forced to go get a hair cut and have it bleached back. and then i think about how they didn't do half as much to keep my brother away and it's like. oh. because he didn't look white. they were racist and thought i was fixable because i looked like them and not my dad or grandpa.

that's so fucked up, man. i only reconnected with my family like ten or so years ago. i used to not call myself ojibwe because i thought i shouldn't because of how i was raised. then i got my tribal registry and started learning the language and i'm STILL sometimes fucked up about the disconnect i faced as a kid.