#malbolge

already starting off strong, but it gets worse

Wow! Sounds easy and intuitive to use! What’s the “crazy operation” you ask? We’ll get to that later. For now let’s see what a program in this language looks like :)

Thanks! I hate it!

it’s so difficult to work with that the first program was written by another brute force search program

mmmmm delicious base-3 arithmetic, what could go wrong? (For reference, that means this program forgoes the usual “0/1″ values of binary code in favor of a much more fun “0/1/2″ set of values)

ah.

Here’s how the language actually figures out what to do. It’s got 8 “simple” commands that can be executed easily by *checks notes* running the code itself through the modulo operation and taking the result.

As a bonus, on top of all that every single character in your code will now alter what every single other character does. So I hope you’re alright with cracking a cipher every time you add a new letter to your program!

oh god oh fuck.

behold, Malbolge’s primary arithmetic operation and what you’ll be using for most of your math while programming with it :)

This looks specifically designed to be the least logical math operation you could make, and knowing what the rest of Malbolge is I’d wager that’s precisely what happened. I never want to ever use this and it’s my favorite thing I’ve ever seen.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malbolge

Been looking into esoteric programming languages, or programming languages whose purpose is NOT to make a programmer's life easier, but rather to be weird and often confusing. Here are my reviews:

<>< (Fish): This language revolves around the moving a pointer around the program itself, which is read as a 2 dimensional grid of characters. The pointer moves to the right by default, but you can change its direction with the arrow-looking characters (<,>,^,v). You can also reflect the instruction pointer with the mirror-looking characters (|,_,/,\\), which reflect the arrow the direction that makes sense based on what way it is going and the geometry of the characters. On top of this, the language is stack-based. For those who don't recall the first few pages of Homestuck, a stack is a data structure that stores a list of values like an array, except the only accessible datum in the stack is the most recently entered one. Programmers have no business using stacks in the year 2023. Other neat details include the trampoline instruction (!) which jumps over a spot in the grid, and because you need to use a stack, to print a value from code, you need to write it in the code backwards. Also when you get an error, the compiler says "Something smells fishy..." Difficulty 3/10

Brainfuck: Brainfuck was made by a man trying to make the smallest programming language compiler he could. The program instructions rely on an arbitrarily large 1 dimensional array of numbers. Brainfuck has 8 single-character commands, and all other characters are treated as comments. This is a brainfuck program to write "Hello World":

+[-->-[>>+>-----<<]<--<---]>-.>>>+.>>..+++[.>]<<<<.+++.------.<<-.>>>>+.[<->-]<-.>

Difficulty 9/10

Hexagony: Like <><, Hexagony works by sending a pointer along the program, treating it like a grid of characters. The difference is that Hexagony programs are on a hexagonal grid. This is Hello World in Hexagony:

Difficulty 8/10 (I cannot wrap my head around this one)

INTERCAL: Compiler Language With No Pronounceable Acronym, or INTERCAL, was one of the first esoteric programming languages, created in 1972. The language was designed to make common operations needlessly difficult, while adding keywords for other operations to make the whole thing unpleasant to look at. There is a keyword “PLEASE” that doesn’t do anything, although if you don’t include enough “PLEASE” commands, the compiler will give an error stating your program is not polite enough. Unlike most of the programming languages on this list, INTERCAL is too slow when compiled to be used practically. In 1992 a journalist tested the speed of Intercal against C. In C, it took less than a second to compute all the prime numbers up to 65536. In INTERCAL, it took over 17 hours. Difficulty: 8/10 LOLCODE: The syntax of LOLCODE is inspired by “lolspeak,” the English dialect of lolcat captions. Every LOLCODE program begins with “HAI” and ends with “KTHXBYE”. To import library STDIO, use the command “CAN HAZ STDIO?” The underlying structure of LOLCODE is actually fairly standard, which makes this esolang pretty accessible.

Difficulty: 1/10

Malbolge: How do you print “Hello, World” in Malbolge?

(=<`#9]~6ZY327Uv4-QsqpMn&+Ij"'E%e{Ab~w=_:]Kw%o44Uqp0/Q?xNvL:`H%c#DD2^WV>gY;dts76qKJImZkj

Malbolge was designed to be the most difficult programming language in existence. The language determines which of the eight available instructions to execute by adding the current instruction to the current instruction’s index in memory, modulo 94. There are no arithmetic operators except for the *crazy operator*, a Malbolge original that takes two numbers in their ternary form and determines the result digit by digit using an unintuitive table. The crazy operator is not commutative, and is your only arithmetic operation. Whenever an instruction is executed, it is encrypted so that it will not do the same thing next time. Due to the complexity of Malbolge, a turing complete version does not currently exist, limited by the size of programs allowable.

I honestly think he may have customized his own scripting language to avoid having anyone just hack into it. At least once he got enough practice with existing programming languages and got enough impulse control to not keysmash every other line.

It'd be more suitable to his programming needs and more secure against anyone trying to hack into his systems

"I was once cursed by a warlock," says Col. Harlan Sanders, in not even the most unhinged moment of this ill-conceived piece of product placement on General Hospital.

Sanders is visiting character Maxie Jones to request she secure his secret recipe (all 11 herbs and spices), which had been threatened by a bomb Sanders himself defused using the classic esolang Malbolge. Unfortunately, this all happens offscreen.

Damian Spinelli, mentioned by Sanders, is a private investigator / hacker who General Hospital's casting describes as a mix between Seth Green and Sean Penn's Spicoli (as if we couldn't get that from the name). Spinelli is unable to defuse the bomb, not knowing Malbolge, but Sanders had picked up a little of the Turing Tarpit as one randomly does (without learning how to pronounce it) and saves the recipe from being incinerated.

Sanders apparently feels no reservations about then asking Jones to then hide this recipe which has attracted this violence, which she does without question.

Malbolge - The Sixth Layer (Sloth)

Themes of the Layer: The Hell of Sloth, where petitioners are punished for laziness in their past lives, and baatezu who are caught breaking rules are imprisoned. Malbolge has been submerged under the gory remains of its former Lord, now splattered across the layer in rotting, semi-alive, and fully ravenous, chunks. Themes of body horror, constant struggle to avoid being consumed, and perpetual vigilance to avoid being crushed.

Based on this and this post.