#malady579

After Ball & Chain I looked at Nick’s appearances in D&C and A&D and read through them with he idea that Nick had been harboring these feelings of anger and betrayal towards Ty that came to a head in B&C for awhile. It made a lot of lines more angsty and painful and I loved it. 

But now, if most of what Nick said in B&C was because of him trying to keep Ty from seeing other things, I need to re-examine all that again.

On the other hand, if Nick was faking most of his anger at Ty in B&C then Ty’s words to him on the cliff must have really thrown Nick for a loop, here he is fighting with his best friend to distract him from a lie and Ty is apologizing and telling Nick he needs to try to be a better friend.  

Although Nick admits in Crash & Burn that the things he said to Ty were said knowing they would break Ty’s heart and so that he couldn’t look him in the eye, I still don’t think that makes most of them a lie. 

Ty’s worried by Nick’s behavior throughout Ball & Chain. At first it appears that is because Nick’s angry with Ty for lying to him, but now we know it’s more that that. Nick’s gotten the orders to kill Burns and he knows what that will do to Ty and it’s tearing him up inside. This isn’t just about lying to Kelly, it’s about lying to his best friend too. 

The fact that it’s Burns also brings up all sorts of old, and very real, feelings of betrayal for Nick. It is the one thing he and Ty have fought about that they never really got over. It is a very real sore sport for Nick. Nick knows Ty will not listen to him and that stings. 

But the thing is Nick does like to rock the boat, he’ll suffer quietly about it would have just kept pushing it down and not examined the fact that he and Ty never did get right after Ty joined the FBI and gone on pretending for even longer if he could.

Which is why even Ty notes that Nick’s behavior is strange when they start fighting: 

Nick had always put the good of the collective above his own desires and needs. He would let an issue tear him to shreds inside before he caused a ripple amongst a team. The only reason he was saying it now was because Ty had pushed him to. -Ball & Chain

Ty blames himself. When really a lot of it is Nick doing in on purpose because he knows it will distract Ty. Knowing Nick is purposely trying to distract and misdirect Ty because he’s just murdered Burns means this scene plays out totally differently. I think Nick is also very much struggling with the fact that he knows Ty will never forgive him for what he has done. 

I don’t care about being right,” Nick snapped. “I care about looking at my best friend and knowing he’s telling me the truth. And I can’t do that anymore!” -Ball & Chain

Ty thinks this is about him but it’s also about the fact that Nick can’t look at him, because Ty will see right through him, and Nick hates having to lie to his best friend. He says in C&B he never wanted to be right about Burns. 

“I wish I’d been wrong.” “I know what he was to you. I know what ... a father... I would have given anything if it could have saved you from what this feels like. I would have been the bad guy.” -Crash & Burn 

Again, Nick’s torn apart in Ball & Chain because of what he has to do, and what it will do to Ty and their friendship. 

Ty couldn’t swallow. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t make a sound. He couldn’t do anything but stare at Nick and search desperately for a reason for Nick to trust him again. “I was following orders, Irish,” he finally managed to whisper. “If anyone will understand that, it’s you.” “Oh, I understand.” Nick tapped a finger at his forehead. “I understand if you were given the order to put one between my eyes, you’d feel bad at my funeral.”

This is the line referred to in Crash & Burn, the one that Ty said broke his heart. Where Ty calls him a hypocrite. Nick’s not just mad at Ty for following orders. He’s mad at himself, he’s mad at the orders he’s been given, having to lie to them all, at every single person that’s used their team, at Burns using Ty as a pawn for his own dirty deeds, the entire thing. This is all pretty clear in Nick and Zane’s following conversation. Meanwhile, Ty’s trying desperately to get Nick to trust him, but Nick can’t trust him because he knows Ty’s is like a brick wall when it comes to Burns and no matter what Ty won’t listen to him. So Nick lashes out with the one thing he knows will hurt Ty.

It works to: 

“I mean why does O’Flaherty look like he wants to deck you? And why’s it all coming out now?” Ty shrugged, glancing up the steps. “Stress, I guess.” -Ball & Chain 

Ty doesn’t realize what else is going on, he thinks Nick is just breaking down a bit. The reason Nick’s misdirection works is because it’s believable, Nick and Ty do have issues they never fixed and Ty knows that. Ty believes Nick could be this upset with him and that he deserves it. Ty doesn’t stop and think Nick could be lying, or see that he’s covering something up because he’s too worried about his best friend. Nick’s anger has to come from a real place because if Ty knows him well enough to see that he’s lying by looking in his eyes, Ty would know him well enough to know he was faking a fight to cover something up. 

Nick is mad. He’s hurt and betrayed by Ty not believing him about Burns but that doesn’t stop him from doing what needs to be done to save Ty. After all:

He and Ty had been through many fires together. They’d had a few fights. After the year they’d spent not communicating at all, Ty had been the one to reach out to Nick, first saying that he missed him and then adding that he needed help from someone he could trust. Nick hadn’t hesitated. He never did. Ty was his best friend, and no matter what they did to each other, they would always be brothers. His loyalty was reciprocated too, with Ty jumping to his side whenever Nick needed him. -Ball & Chain

Nick knows Ty is loyal to him, he doesn’t actually believe Ty would put a bullet in his head (thought when he tells Ty about killing Burns in C&B and Ty wants to turn him in...that’s kinda similar) I also think it’s notable that the first thing Ty asked of Nick was that he needed someone he could trust, yet Nick feels Ty did not trust him about Burns and that’s the main reason they had not talked. 

Then there is the whole bit with the cliff and Nick trying to make Ty let him go because he doesn’t want to pull Ty over. Ty refuses to let go. Ty punches Nick out for thinking he would. Then Ty finds out Nick is torturing Fraser and he tries to get in there and stop it, knowing what having to do that would do to Nick. 

But then they discover evidence Burns knew about what was coming. And Ty still refuses to even consider Burns could be responsible. He still won’t trust Nick. 

“Something bigger’s going on here, Ty, something it sure as hell looks like Dick Burns knew was coming. If he didn’t plan it all to begin with!” Nick hissed. He pointed toward the staircase. “Now either you go up there, find him, and find out what the hell it is, or I will!” Instead of bellowing back at him, Ty put his hands up in appeasement. “Don’t,” Nick snarled. Ty closed his eyes and nodded. “Okay, just calm down.” “I’m tired of being calm,” Nick said, his voice dropping to a measured murmur. “I’m tired of being used. This ends tonight, whether by your hand or mine.”

“Burns may still have you like a puppy on a leash, Ty, but I’m not his fucking golden retriever. National security or not, family or not, we have to get answers from him. We fucking deserve answers from him, everyone on the island does.” Ty’s nostrils flared and he pointed a finger in Nick’s face. “Don’t even pretend this is about closure for these people, that this isn’t about your beef with Burns,” he snapped. -Ball & Chain

The interesting thing about this is that if you believe, as I do, that Nick has already killed Burns at this point  means all his talk of them going to Burns for answers is just for show. He’s already ended it by his own hand. I’m not sure if he’s doing this as a way to cause even more of a rift between the two of them, knowing Ty will concentrate on their fight instead of looking for Burns maybe? Perhaps he knows Ty will follow him out to the cliff when he storms off instead of going to look for Burns. 

Perhaps he is just truly pissed off that after everything Ty still won’t listen to him about Burns especially because if Ty will never believe Burns is bad then Ty will never forgive Nick for what he has done. Even though it was to save Ty’s life. 

“Eli was loyal!” Ty shouted. “If you hadn’t left us, if you’d stuck with us instead of crawling home with your tail between your legs, maybe he’d have had someone watching his back and he’d still be here!”  [...]Nick grabbed Ty’s jacket and pulled until they were almost nose to nose. “Did you ever stop and think, Ty, if you had listened to what I was saying then, listened to what I was trying to tell you about Burns and his fucking job offers, none of it would have gone down the way it did?” Ty’s jaw tightened. He began to shake his head, and Nick let him go, shoving him away. “Of course you didn’t,” Nick snarled. “It’s never on you, Ty.” Ty still looked furious, but Zane could see something else creeping into his expression: the realization that Nick might be right. “Eli was loyal. He could have taught you a thing or two about it,” Nick said tiredly. “Fuck you, O’Flaherty!” Ty shouted. “I know what loyalty is, and that man is like a father to me! If you had a father you gave a shit about, you’d be doing the same thing!” -Ball & Chain

From Ty’s refusals to even consider Burns at fault in B&C Nick knows he’ll need more evidence to convince him and it hurts Nick that after everything they’ve been through Ty is still more loyal to Burns that he is to Nick. He knows he might not ever have enough evidence. (I just realized maybe this is why Nick was so gung-ho about wanting to find de la vega at the end of B&C before his surgery. He probably knows or suspects it links to Burns and might be the proof he needs) 

“I couldn’t let you, you’d have seen right through me. You’d have known I killed him, and I needed more evidence for you before I told you.” Ty’s hazel eyes had gone flat, like Nick’s words had snuffed out something inside him, like Nick was a stranger who didn’t deserve to see that light. Nick knew he deserved it. He’d known this was going to come down on his head the moment the NIA had tagged him for the hit. He’d known as soon as he’d taken his chance in Scotland, amid so much death. He’d known, even as he’d said the words, that Ty might never forgive him. But it had been a choice between killing an evil man or losing his best friend, and he’d chosen hope. Hope that his best friend could one day forgive him. -Crash & Burn

Even as Nick and Ty are flinging words at each other, Nick’s banking on the fact that the very loyalty that keeps Ty from being willing to see Burns as a villain will be enough for Ty to believe him too in the future. 

The scene with the two of them on the cliff at the end, Ty’s trying so hard in the scene, and he’s saying all the right things, the problem is he doesn’t really know the heart of the problem because Nick can’t tell him. Because even as Ty says “I was wrong ... know what you’ve done. I know what you are." He doesn’t even know the half of it really. And Nick knows that. 

Nick also mentions his Dad again and I wonder now, as I did when he did the same with Kelly, if Nick’s using that as a bit of a distraction. Trying to give Ty something but not able to  give him the full truth. 

We’re in Ty’s POV which tells us that Ty thinks he’s not worthy of the loyalty Nick’s given him and that he’ll never be worthy (but Nick's always given it to him anyway.) Ty tells Nick’s he’s a good man, and promises to be there for him. Nick remains pretty  I have to imagine Nick is thinking he doesn’t deserve that after what he’s done and what he’s lying to Ty about. Ty is so important to Nick, it’s gotta be eating Nick up that he could lose him.