#making conversation

On being a butterfly, and what I have been playing with lately.

One of the discussions we had at art school was about the question "When do artists settle into a style of work?" There were a number of answers but the cynical one, and therefore the one that I remember was, "When it starts to sell!"

I am fortunate in that I do not have to sell work to live, and if it pleases me I can live to make art in any such style that I choose. It follows that to some extent I am a butterfly, and flit from project to project and style to style as I please and have not yet settled to attempt mastery in any one of them.

So to what I have been doing recently, at last month's Making Conversation meeting we were looking at the gallery's costume exhibition and I recalled as a child I had borrowed a loom from school for a while.

What I borrowed was a Rigid Heddle loom and it occurred to me that I should be able to laser cut a heddle and spool from plywood quite easily. See the first image, you can find these on eBay very cheaply, if you want to try and don't have a laser cutter in your kitchen.

Rigid Heddle and spools

Set on a frame

Woollen yarn and string, charity shops and gardening supplies

Backstrap woven wool, (see below)

Backstrap woven string

Woven fabric demonstrating my enthusiasm and lack of skill

Backstrap weaving, in many countries and for centuries the only thing that was needed to weave long thin strips of fabric that would be pieced together was a backstrap loom. At its most simple all that is needed is a heddle a spool and yarn, the heddle is laced up with warp thread and the warp is held in tension between a fixed point and a strap around the weaver's back or waist. See Mini Back-Strap Weaving

From one socially anxious person to another, my favorite thing to do is ask people about their interests! People love to talk about things they like. Ask about hobbies– what do they like to do out of work and school? Ask them to “tell you more” about whatever it is, and chime in to ask more questions or express your interest by saying something like “that’s so cool!”

Then, you can share your own interests! You may even find that you have interests in common. Don’t feel compelled to talk so much about your problems, unless it’s a close friend you trust, try to keep the conversation light.

Here are a few topic ideas:

food– what you like to eat or cook, restaurants, different dietary preferences

fitness/working out/sports

video games/TV/movies/books

current events (try to keep it light and avoid controversial religion/politics unless you have a good relationship already)

random stuff that’s happening at your workplace or school that day or week

pets/animals

travel

how their work is going (if they’re frustrated or upset about anything, I’m sure they’ll be glad to talk to you about it!)

funny or interesting things that have happened recently to you  or something that you saw or read about

significant others (if you or they have one and you’re comfortable talking about it)

If you do want to talk about problems or issues, it’s not a bad idea to check in with them first, by saying something like “Hey, I’ve been going through some stuff, is it okay if I talk to you and vent about it?” Most likely they’ll say “sure!” but this gives them an option to say they’d rather not or they don’t feel comfortable. In that case, just stick to the topics above!

Hello Anon,

I know what you mean. I often had the same problem in the past, and I still enjoy going out with two or more friends more than with just one.

One thing that always helped me was to make them talk, essentially. Asking almost right off the bat about something that I knew they were passionate about, and let them elaborate on that while I listened. That way, we got the conversation going, and I could relax and chime in when I had something to say, rather than being faced with awkward silences or babbling early in the meeting. I would engage and ask questions and partecipate actively, but they led the conversation, and I had time to get as comfortable as I could with the situation. 

So basically, my suggestion is to verge on a topic you find interesting, and that you know they absolutely love to talk about, and leave the ball in their court for as long as you need to.

I found some links that you may find useful:

8 Steps to Making Smalltalk 

Communication Tips for Speakers and Listeners

Effective Communication - Improving your Social Skills

An Introvert's Guide To Small Talk: Eight Painless Tips

9 Magic Phrases That Can Save Awkward Conversations

~

Would you feel comfortable with opening up with your close friends and explain that you find one-on-one conversations difficult? It could be beneficial to let them know, as they might find ways to make it easier for you.

Followers, if you have any tip, do say! 

Take care and send an ask if you need anything else,

Being a black woman, my support for blackness is felt wholeheartedly through my being. February is my favorite month and events like last night ring through me jovially. I identify as black before I identify as a woman. Blackness and the black people are everything to me and I’ll hold them up before anything/anyone else. Now being a biracial woman, where do you see yourself on that spectrum (some would say I’m a bit extreme)? How do you, personally, define being biracial? Is it a case of identifying with both black and white? Is it almost like limbo where you don’t know where you stand? Or is it like biracialness IS the race you identify with? And how do events affect you that are very divided on black and white issues?