#lustnotlove

showing me what i wanted to see, telling me what i wanted to hear

and stopping once you had what you wanted

it was you

where i went wrong

When you start a new chapter you change some things. You take into consideration what worked for you last year and what didn't work for you as well. I’m changing ways I study (in the way i actually study and do my work in a timely matter) and when things come up from the past its like well I want that again because its something I know and don't have to think about and thats what I like about it. Like an ex for example he started talking to me again and my first thought is there is a reason it never works for us I don't need to go back to him. But what do I do? Go back to him. I’m stupid i know but its hard. I am really going to try to shut him out but he is sort of the reason I want to get a better bod because i can be like see this is what you’re missing and yes i know you're only supposed to do it for yourself but sometimes its better to think of it this way. He has messed me up how I think. I think that he is too good for me but when I really think about it he doesn't embody many of the things I want in a guy. I want to feel secure, stable, and loved are just a few. He is honestly just using me for one thing and thats not something I like but how he keeps me is he pretends and says he really cares about me, which yes might be true but like really???? So basically what i’m trying to say is that I’ve started the weight loss journey.

GETTING TO THE POINT:

I met you in the month of June I knew that you were leaving soon Your arms, they wrapped around my waist My heartbeat, it began race And suddenly my body met your pace And we began to interlace We were tied up And it was too late to tug on our bow of lust…

The next morning… The pounding of rain against my window sil I’m laying in bed restless engulfed by my comforter Far from at ease in a lucid dream listening to the pounding of the rain Trying to deter my mind from comparing Who I am from from who I used to be The struggle to erase resurrecting memories A past Ive manifested continually rupturing The lining of my fragile heart

I met a girl last night She looked just like me Except she was frivolous in her sexuality Running barefoot and topless through the ocean waves She was free. She felt free. She was far from feeling guilty. Free from insecurity The outline of her hour glass figure nestled snugly beneath the arms of a kiwi he brushed his lips against her lips And they kissed..and kissed…and kissed And they touched.. And it felt so right At least that night It felt so right

I met you in the month of June I knew that you were leaving soon Your arms, they wrapped around my waist My heartbeat, it began race And suddenly my body met your pace And we began to interlace We were tied up And it was too late to tug on our bow of lust