#luhan angst

Whenever the weather took a turn toward winter, and you had to pull your coat out of the back of your closet, and you noticed the couples outside huddling against each other for warmth while you shivered and shoved your gloved hands into your pockets, you remembered Luhan.

It was silly how you could spend hours mulling over your handful of memories. You were embarrassed by how you could recall him in perfect detail despite the years that should have blurred your memory, ashamed by how you could miss somebody you barely knew.

By now you accepted the fact that he likely didn't remember you, and if he did, those brief (likely one-sided) romantic encounters probably meant much more to you than they ever did to him. As you packed for your annual trip home for the holidays, you realized there was something beautiful about keeping Luhan safe in your memories, even if you never got to see him again.

You never considered how you would react if your paths ever crossed; so when you noticed him at the baggage claim in the airport near your hometown, you were paralyzed by the deafening throbbing of your heart. Although he was several years older than the boy in your memories, there was no mistaking him-- but would he recognize you so easily?

When you found your suitcase and saw that you would have to pass Luhan to claim it, you could have said something to express how you thought of him. But if he didn't remember you, would you ever again be able to recall him fondly? In the end, you decided that you couldn't bear that possibility, so you merely muttered a polite, "Excuse me," as you brushed by him, grabbed your suitcase, and raced out of the airport before you could do anything you would regret.

All the while, you were agonizingly aware that you would definitely later hate yourself for letting him slip away without so much as stealing one final glance, but you couldn't gather your courage until you heard his voice calling behind you, "Excuse me-- please wait!"

You stilled to allow him to catch up and ask, "Is your name Y/N?" When you only nodded, using all of your strength to avoid his magnetic gaze to instead stare down at your feet, Luhan wondered aloud, "Do you not remember me? Or do you just happen to look like a girl I used to know?"

Without hesitation, you replied, "I remember you." And after swallowing a deep breath, you willed yourself to look at his face, which was somehow more beautiful than you remembered. Breathless because of the swelling of your heart, you explained, "I just can't believe I'm actually seeing you." "It's been a long time," Luhan nodded. Then, perhaps feeling the same urge to apologize for the passage of time, he sighed. "I could have been better about getting your phone number before I moved, but you seemed too young for me at the time."

Just as you would have all those years ago, you rolled your eyes at his remark about your age difference and pointed out, "You're barely older than me, Luhan." "Ah, so you do remember my name!" Luhan beamed and leaned forward against his suitcase. Before you could respond, he pulled his ringing phone out of his pocket. He pouted apologetically and said, "I'm sorry-- I have to go. But could I get your number?"

"I dunno." You stiffened, frightened by the idea of a present-tense relationship with someone you spent so many years idealizing. But when his frown yanked at your heart, you played your reluctance off as a joke. "I'm still younger than you, ya know, and I always will be."

Luhan laughed. "I never thought I would have to beg for you to like me, Y/N. When did you stop being the bold one? It's hard to believe you're the same girl who kissed me on that school field trip--"

"Hey!" Your jaw dropped as you swiped at his arm. "I never kissed you!"

"Oh yeah, you're right," Luhan teased as a playful smile etched tiny dimples on either side of his mouth. "Sorry, sometimes the daydreams and memories kinda blend together."

"Ah," you whined, chuckling airily as your cheeks glowed scarlet. "I liked it better when you were the shy one."

"You didn't scold me for wanting to kiss you, so I guess you're single." Luhan pulled his suitcase along as he started walking toward the doors and motioned for you to follow.

Your only response was, "You're perceptive. Especially considering how once upon a time, you didn't even realize I liked you." "Hey, that's not fair," Luhan frowned at your remark. "Nobody ever liked me before, so I didn't know why you followed me around so much."

You didn't believe for a moment that you were the first girl who ever liked Luhan, but that didn't seem like an observation to share at the moment. "Well," you said as you joined him outside of the airport, "now you know it's because I was hopelessly in love with you."

"Oh, is that it?" Luhan bit back a smile as he raised his eyebrows at you. A car horn blared just a few feet away, and Luhan said, "Ah, Y/N, I really have to go now. Time's up again."

You could only frown at Luhan's farewell and the sudden gust of wind that brought tears to your eyes. His hand brushed against yours before he brought it up to his lips.

You decided, "Maybe there's something romantic about saying goodbye."

Luhan narrowed his eyes at you, tilted his head, and challenged, "Maybe we've had enough romance, then."

And you didn't want to argue anymore, you didn't want to be afraid of losing your connection to the past you briefly shared with Luhan, and you didn't want to regret anything just in case you went another several years without seeing him, so you finally met him for a kiss. The warmth of his lips contrasted greatly against the sharp winter breeze; and when he pulled away too soon, the distance between you left you shivering.

And he headed over there, knowing it was a bad idea. He got in the car and headed to your apartment; he knew the way by now as this was a once-a-week thing. Sometimes it was more or less often, depending on your mood. Either way, he didn’t complain. He was just happy to be able to see you.

He knocked on your door and you answered in your sheer black robe. You wore a black bra and a black underwear. As he closed the door behind him and locked it, you wrapped your arms around him. He could smell the scent of your perfume as you stood on the tips of your toes to kiss him.

You said, “I missed you…”

“I missed you, too…”

You pulled him into your bedroom, pushing him onto the bed. You removed your robe and straddled his lap. He kissed you, proceeding to kiss on your neck how you liked. He heard a low moan leaving your lips. His lips never leaving yours, he unbuttoned his shirt and you helped him get it off, tossing it on the floor.

You weren’t too into foreplay like some girls were. He’d go down on you or finger you for a moment or two and, even though you seemed to love it, you’d request that he stop. You’d say, “I’m wet enough now.”

He wanted more but he did what you wanted. Tonight was no different. After he got your panties off and fingered you while rubbing your clit, you were nice and wet.

He bit his lip in anticipation. Your body was so perfect. “Are you ready for me?”

You nodded. And he pulled his pants down while you scooted backwards on the bed. He got on his knees, lining himself up with your entrance. He pushed into you, causing your lips to part with a moan. As he thrusted into you deeply, you wrapped your legs around him and placed your hands around his neck.

Soon enough, he put both of your legs over his left shoulder. He continued to thrust into you. And seeing the sight of you moaning and biting your lips before him turned him on more than anything. You were arching your back and he could feel your toes curling on his shoulders.

“Yes,” you moaned. “Harder…”

So he fucked you harder, sending you into a frenzy of loud moans that drove him crazy. You clenched around his cock and he knew that you’d be done for soon enough. He took his free hand and pressed his thumb against your clit.

You swore under your breath. “Yes...just like that baby.”

So he did what you asked of him, rubbing your clit with his thumb while he fucked you hard. This time he opened your legs up, pushing your inner thighs into the bed while he thrust into you. He knew that you loved when he had you in this position. He could feel you tensing up around him and as loud as you were almost finished.

He could feel you trembling from underneath him. While you were having your orgasm, he kissed you, his tongue finding yours as you hummed into his mouth. He pulled away as your body began to still. You smiled and pressed your lips to his one more time, him still inside you, thrusting slowly into you. A moment later he found his own orgasm, letting out a low groan as he pulled out of you. You opened up your mouth, taking his warm load on your tongue. For some reason, you loved this and always asked for him to come in your mouth when you were finished. Some landed on your chin and he wiped it off with his finger, holding it out. You didn’t hesitate to suck it off and swallow the rest of his load.

He collapsed next to you, breathing heavily. The sex with you was good; it always was. He had sex with you often but he wanted more than that. You always rejected the idea of a relationship. Any other guy probably would’ve stopped sleeping with you but he didn’t. It wasn’t because he was using you, though. It was because not sleeping with you meant that he wouldn’t see you. Not seeing you meant that he wouldn’t kiss you or touch you.

And he didn’t want that. If all you wanted was sex, h’d rather that than nothing at all.

He rubbed your back, planting a kiss on your shoulder. “Why don’t you want more?”

You sighed from in front of him. “You know why. Relationships are pointless. Why get together only to break up?”

“Is that what you think?”

You turned on your side to face him, running your fingers across your chin. “Why can’t we just keep things like they are? Why complicate things?”

You’re already complicating things…

“Are you seeing someone else? Is that it?”

“I’m not seeing anyone else, Luhan.”

“So why?”

“It’s just pointless…”

“So you’d rather just have sex pointlessly?”

“We’re just having fun, aren’t we?”

You said that but what did that even mean? Did it mean that you would ever want a relationship? It had been three months since he started having sex with you, about two months since he realized that he had feelings for you. He never bothered to tell you outright because he already knew that you knew. Why else would he ask you about having a relationship?

Tonight was no different than the other nights. He should’ve known that nothing would change. What’s sad is that he still liked you even though all you did was have sex and cuddle for a while after it was over. You hardly even talked to him. To be honest, he hardly knew you. He wanted to but you wouldn’t let him.

Whenever he asked you on a date, you’d decline, making some excuse. Any time that he spent with you was in your apartment. There was one time, a couple weeks ago, when he came over and you asked him to have a drink with you.

He knew what he was getting into each time. He was setting himself up for failure and he knew it. He knew that you wouldn’t accept him. He knew that you wouldn’t be with him. He knew that you wouldn’t just change your ways for him.

He knew that you were using him. At the end of the day, he could only blame himself because he let you use him every single time.

“Oh, you’ll find out.” The other had a mischievous smile on his face, opening the door to a large room with open windows. Warm arm was streaming in, accompanied by a cool breeze. It was a living room, large old couches and a fireplace. Another boy was sitting on the couch, or more so, laying on the couch. His arm was slung over his eyes, and he seemed asleep, but his body was strangely tense. His legs were outstretched over one of three couches, feet laying in Minseok’s lap. “Hey there, I see you’ve returned from war.” “Huh?” “Joking.” He said. Baekhyun pushed him along. “This is our main living room, we tend to just hang out here when we have nothing to do. Or sometimes in the garden but it’s way too warm. The lazy one snoozing on the couch is Jongdae, the last one you have to meet I assume?” The one on the couch raised his arm, looking up at Luhan. His hair was black, messily strewn back now. He had a lean frame but his arms showed training. “Luhan right?” he asked. “Yeah, nice to meet you.” He got up, stretching his body, revealing his sigil on the side of his ribcage which could be seen through the deep cuts in his shirt. “Hmm, same.” “Did you get butchered again?” Baekhyun asked, flopping down on the other couch, motioning Luhan along. “Or are you just being petty.” “Both.” Minseok said. “He’s lucky it was me today.” Luhan frowned a little, “what are you talking about?” Jongdae flopped back down, groaning loudly, but obviously not in the mood to talk much. Baekhyun toed of his shoes and put them on the glass table. “Training, you’ll have to sit through the first week of hell too. We will all have fun watching you.” There was something so easy and calm about the way they were together. Like brothers, and they’d obviously known each other for a long time now. Jongdae seemed a little groggy, but that might just be the time, and Minseok lived up to his ancestor. Baekhyun was more lively than those two, smiling a lot and joking lightly here and there. “I…I still haven’t agreed to staying.” Luhan spoke. Baekhyun looked at him, puppy eyes momentarily shrouded by his light bangs until he brushed them away. “It’s too dangerous to let you go at this point. If they found you so quickly, they are on your trail and might be scouting the perimeter for you. Staying is your best option at survival.” “Immortality or death, what a joke.” “It’s not a joke, really.” A shorter man walked into the room, he seemed to be the older one in the lot. “If you leave you will most likely die, and if you stay immortality is your only option.” His voice was lithe, but his frown was deep. Black hair and a sharp jawline, pale skin. Luhan flightily saw him when he left this morning, but his name was unknown to him. The man stepped over, holding out his hand. “Junmyeon, nephilim of Charity, son of Michael.” “Uhmm…Luhan, language graduate.” Whatever he said wrong make Minseok and Baekhyun break out in laughter. “I like him, he can definitely stay.” He said behind his hand that was keeping away his laugh. Jongdae got up suddenly. “I’m going to my room.” His voice was sneering. “Jeez what’s wrong with you?” Junmeyon asked, looking down on him. He received a hard glare, and the slam of a door. “Lux came home this morning.” Minseok explained, dusting off his jeans where Jongdae’s feet had been. Two seconds later, even before Junmyeon could say anything, the door opened again, got slammed closed, as Jongdae reentered. “Aborted your mission?” Baekhyun asked. “My way was blocked.” He grumbled, laying back down in his original position, with his dirty shoes in Minseok’s lap. There was something odd about his behaviour, like something happened between him and Lux that caused him to be so off purely by her presence. He just hoped he didn’t walk right into the middle of some wrongly ended relationship. Luhan watched Minseok sigh, and patiently untie Jongdae’s laces so he could take his dirty shoes off and place them on the floor. He wrinkled his nose, probably at the small, but sat back again. None of them really seemed to question the other’s behaviour after that. “I have some questions, about what just happened?” Luhan said hesitantly. Junmyeon sat down in a chair across from him, crossing his legs. He was wearing shorts, like Minseok and Jongdae. Baekhyun was wearing loose jeans, with holes in them, still covered in blood splatters. “Baekhyun, why don’t you go wash your clothes before you get blood stains all over the couch?” Junmyeon stated. Baekhyun didn’t answer immediately, and Luhan watched the two look at each other. Something was definitely going on there as well, what, he wasn’t sure. But anyhow, Baekhyun got up and left through the door, without another word. “Ask away Luhan.” Minseok said. “We’ll try to answer what we can.” “Demons are real obviously, I caught on so far. But what do they look like? I mean the people who kidnapped me today seemed perfectly human.” He said. Minseok rubbed a hand under his nose before answering. “I assume since you saw the Venati, that you saw half demons and not normal ones. Half demons aren’t easily recognised, but it will get easier once your mark has been enkindled. There is a slight sense that comes with it, they faintly smell off sulphur somtimes, and their eyes can flash black.” “You’re right.” Junmyeon added. “I’ve been into close quarters with quite a few of them when we saved Kyungsoo and Jongdae. You will know when you’re with them. It’s a feeling. They didn’t hurt you, did they? They can have quite some nasty equipment on them that might seem harmless but is not.” Luhan shook his head, brushing away his hair from his eyes. “They tied me up, and yanked my hair, but that’s about it. What…equipment do you mean?” There was a sound from Minseok, who looked at Jongdae, and then to Junmyeon. The latter spoke first. “We will cross that bridge when we get to it. For now only the basics are essential. Through your training period you will learn everything you need to know.” “Okay, but there was a guy there.” Luhan scratched under his lip, it was strangely itchy there, it felt like a mosquito bite. “He had an eyepatch, and he just disappeared into thin air. Like, I know Lux mentioned something about disintegrating, but he didn’t die or anything. Not like the others.” “You say he disappeared?” Minseok asked, frowning deeply all of a sudden. Junmyeon has a surprised look on his face. “Are you sure Luhan?” “Yes, he was literally 10 centimeters from my face. Why?” “Well.” Junmyeon started. “I only know of two species that can actually disappear like you said. It’s like teleporting, but we call it flashing. Flashhounds can do it, obviously where they got their name, and Cambia. But I highly doubt you got that close to an Cambion and survived it.” That made things a little more surreal. That guy, that was in front of him, was a Cambion? One of those demons Yixing had mentioned they had to kill. The guy with the eyepatch? “He’s right though.” Yixing said walking into the room with his hands behind his back. He calmly strolled around the room, which seemed natural on him. “It was one of the Cambia, Avaritia to be precise. Better known these days as Greed.” “That sounds more like a girl though?” Luhan mumbled. Yixing obviously, heard him. “It’s Latin, Luhan, you should know that.” “Don’t they have names?” “Not that I know of, so we refer to them by their sin.” “Which means we all have opposites?” Luhan asks. Yixing nodded, seemingly surprised. “You’re catching on, good. When you are near your, as you say ‘opposite’, which for you is Sloth, or Acedia, you will know. You might feel unwell or angered, it’s a much more powerful feeling than you will have with regular demons and half demons. And it’s specific to each of you.” “That means I’m Diligence, a descendant from?” “Gabriel.” The itch under his lip wouldn’t go away, so he scratched it again, and hissed when he broke skin. He pulled his finger away, finding small traces of blood. “Let me see that.” Minseok said, reaching over the couches and gripping his chin. “It’s just a bug bite.” Luhan said, trying to swat his hand away, but Minseok beat him too it. “Yixing, take a look at this.” Minseok squinted his eyes. “This is definitely not a bug bite.” The other’s fingers were small, but Luhan felt a strength in his grip. Yixing came over, kneeling by the couch and replacing Minseok’s hand with his own. The angel pushed his glasses further up his nose, and traced his fingers over Luhan’s skin, applying pressure. Luhan felt as if suddenly someone had stabbed him with a needle, and he winced. He had a scar there, for most of his life, but it’d never hurt before. “This better not be what I think it is.” He mumbled. “LUX?!” he called, voice suddenly loud and booming. It startled Luhan, not expecting something like that to be coming from someone so calm. There was no sound to her arrival, but she suddenly jogged through the door. “What?” “Take a look at this will you?” Yixing said, letting go of Luhan and wiping his fingers on a handkerchief he retrieved from his pocket. Lux moved closer to him, curious look in her eyes. They seemed the same colour a before, a light, almost golden brown. Her lips were perfectly full, he noted, as she leant in close to his face. She placed a firm hand on his jaw and tipped his head back a little. Her touch was strong but gentle, the pads of her fingertips slightly rough. “What is it?” he asked. She shushed him. “Yixing, give me that.” Lux held out her hand to Yixing without adverting her gaze from Luhan’s skin. He handed her the handkerchief, and she used it to wipe away a trace of blood. Luhan noticed Junmyeon peering over from his place on the other couch, but Jongdae was fairly disinterested. “Luhan, how are you feeling?” “What?” “You heard me.” She said, voice firm. He thought, felt a little, but he didn’t feel weird or anything. “Normal?” “Did someone cut you, with a knife perhaps, or touch you with a gun, or prick  you with a needle?” “No.” He frowned, trying not to move from her grasp, but he also kind of felt he couldn’t. There was an air around her, that he’d briefly felt in the abandoned house, that seemed powerful. Like she had some sort of authority, but he also felt drawn to her. Drawn in a way that he couldn’t put his fingers on. Something sprang to mind suddenly. “The guy, with the patch, he had a knife though. He touched me with it but I don’t think he cut me.” Lux pressed his skin with the tip of her nail, and he wasn’t sure what she did, but he had to grind his teeth together not to wail out in pain. It was only itching a few seconds ago, and now he felt like got stabbed. “You said a knife, what did it look like?” “Uhmm, it was strangely curved, gold hilt, some black pattern on it.” Suddenly, Minseok spoke up. “Did it smell?” “Yeah, like…what’s that called.” “Sulphur.” Jongdae said, his voice cutting though the silence like a knife. Something about it sent a shiver down Luhan’s spine. “He has sulphur poisoning.” Lux let go of him, adverting her gaze to Minseok. “Take him out of here, find Kyungsoo for me.” Minseok didn’t say anything, he just got up, taking Jongdae by the wrist and dragging him up. The younger one follower him silently, and looked back at Luhan before he disappeared behind the door. The look he gave him was wide eyed and had matched his voice from earlier. “What’s wrong with me?” Luhan asked, suddenly afraid. “What’s sulphur poisoning?” Lux sat down next to him, seemingly calm. “Angels are lets say, severely allergic to sulphur. It’s like a poison to them, and enough of it can be deadly. The true workings of it are complicated, but it can either be a drug or a poison. When receiving regular controlled doses of it, it can turn to an addiction. The symptoms of the poisoning depend on how you came into contact with the substance.” She explained. Yixing meanwhile sat down on the armrest of the couch. “What do you mean?” “She means.” Yixing said with a soft sigh. “That injection for example can lead to rashes, but direct skin contact can turn into burns and blisters. When inhaled it can lead to breathing problems, and it may induce hallucinogenic symptoms. Long term exposure is known to lead to frequent nightmares, and insomnia, loss of eyesight, and long term respiratory problems. When directly entering the blood through an injection, it’s most fatal and  causes the most sudden symptoms, but it’s death is definitely not quick. It’ll lead to fevers, hallucinations, nausea, headaches, pain, it’s not a pleasant thing to go through.” “And I have that?” Luhan said, fear creeping over his skin like spiders. “You don’t.” Lux said. “I mean, you do, but your case is really mild. You might experience some nausea or maybe a headache. Simply because it was close to your mouth, but it didn’t enter the bloodstream. The little infection on your skin should heal with some light treatment.” She slapped his hand away when he reached out to touch it. “If you stop scratching.” He nodded, sighing deeply. This was all very weird, and still made his mind kind of swirl. “I guess this confirms me being an angel.” “Nephilim.” “Tangerines, Oranges, Yixing, both citrus, nobody cares.” Lux chuckled. “It does though, I mean if you still doubt it I can show you some proof that requires neither of us to strip. Nor mister over there.” She made a small nod in Yixing’s direction. Right now though, until this infection heals it’ll be better to not enkindle you. It might only make it worse.” The way she spoke to the Archangel seemed so casual and easy, while the other had a slight air of submission to him, like students. Lux seemed to be more levelled to him. She nudged him with a smile. “Being an angel is not that bad, you’ll find your place here I’m sure. You might loose a lot of things, but you’ll gain a family, a cause.” “What if I don’t want to?” She pursed her lips, golden eyes shining in the sunlight streaming through the open windows. “Then we’re at an impasse.” “Is there no way out?” Yixing shook his head. “We have to go to your family as soon as possible, to remove their memory. Each and every moment right now they are in danger.” “But there’s so many people who know me.” “Of course.” Lux said. “But the source is your mom, it’s where you originate. Removing the memory from the first person will let Yixing access like a…database of sorts, and wipe everything.” The thought of them going to his mother wasn’t a calming one. He loved his mom, and he just wanted to see her one more time, to say goodbye. Or his father, who’d still play football with him every time he asked. Luhan was an only child, and somehow every trace of him had to be removed. “What about photo’s? School records?” “Do you doubt my powers Luhan?” Yixing asked. “I am an Archangel, created by God’s own hand. Don’t fear that I will be thorough in my job.” Lux put a hand on his thigh, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I’m tired from my trip, so I’m going to lay down for a bit, but I’ll be back for dinner if you need to ask some questions to someone a little less…” She looked at Yixing, smiling lightly. “Old.” “Lux.” Yixing said sternly. “Bye grandpa.” She chuckled, getting up, and ruffling Junmyeon’s hair on the way out, who grumbled in dismay. “Lux!” Yixing called, “Just see if they found Kyungsoo yet!” “No need.” Kyungsoo sad as he walked through the door with a few things in his hands. “Sorry, I had to get the stuff from the room.” Luhan noticed he was as short in stature as Junmyeon, who’d seemed broader as well. His hair was black as well, like Minseok’s and Jongdae’s. For now the only ones with lighter hair were Baekhyun and Luhan himself. “Let me see.” Kyungsoo sat down next to him and touched his chin most gently out of all of them. “Where’d you learn this?” Luhan asked, as he got something out of a clear glass jar onto a Q-tip. Kyungsoo was frowning a little as he applied it to the infected area. “I used to be a medical student, before I came here. Yixing helped me with most what I know now.” The cream was a clear colour green, and felt a little warm on his skin. It smelled faintly of eucalyptus. “I think the reason why it’s so irritated is because scar tissue can sometimes be more sensitive. Plus the skin on the lips is thinner than regular skin. It should be fine in a day or two. Just apply this twice a day, not too much, it should alleviate the itch and pain.” “Wait, so this doesn’t cure it?” “There’s sadly no cure for Sulphur poisoning.” Yixing sighed, sorrow crossing his face. “Time is the only remedy, time and strength.” Luhan wondered if Yixing has seen those more severe cases, because it seems like he does. There was a sudden bang from the upper floor, and everyone’s attention went to it. It sounded like something fell, and broke into pieces. Shattering glass on a tile floor. “I’m going to check what’s going on there.” Yixing go up from his place and walked out of the room. “Don’t worry.” Junmyeon said. “It’ll be okay. Let’s go get something to eat, it’s past one already.”

Yixing’s pov

He didn’t need to listen to know the source of the noise. It was Jongdae’s room, it always was. Minseok would be there, and the room would be in a severe state of disarray. Yixing paused in front of the door, hand on the doorknob. The older one’s voice sounded calmly from the other side, trying to talk sense into the other. “Jongdae, listen to me. Jongdae, stop. Stop it, hey. Come on, you’re stronger than this.” “It’s that taste, in my mouth, it’s like an itch, everywhere.” Jongdae growled, his voice sounding wrecked, like his heavy pants. After a moment of silence Yixing head a door close and a lock fall into place. Yixing carefully opened the door, feet stepping into shattered pieces of mirror. “Minseok.” He breathed. “I have no idea what happened.” He answered, looking at him with wide eyes. “He’s in the bathroom.” Jongdae had his own bathroom, he was the only one out of them. He got the room that had a small attached bathroom, and sometimes he shared it with Minseok. “Jongdae.” Yixing said, knocking on the door. “Get out.” He growled. Yixing looked around the room, in search for the glass jar. It was right there, on the dresser, the yellow powder stored inside. “Did he just burst?” Minseok shrugged. “I took him to his room, and he was silent, and then he punched the mirror and went all crazy. I haven’t seen him like this in 3 years.” “Do you think it’s her?” “No, this is about something else. I know she pushes some nerves with him, but she’s never been really a part of his outbursts. It might have something to do with Luhan, I don’t know. We went training this morning, and he just seemed a little exhausted. I thought he was just trying to get an easy way out, so I pushed on. Maybe I shouldn’t have?” Yixing shook his head, putting a hand on Minseok’s shoulder. “It’s not your fault.” He moved back to the door and knocked again. “Jongdae, let me in.” There was a sound like splashing water on the other end of the door, wet footsteps, and then the door unlocked. Before Yixing could even enter, he heard Jongdae slipping back into what was probably the bathtub. His suspicion was confirmed when he closed the door behind him and found Jongdae in a full bath. The room was hot, steam coming from the water. The Nephilim was still wearing his top, but his shorts were discarded in the corner. For a moment, only his eyes were above the water, his hair floating on the surface. He dipped under and came back up, just his head. “I can smell them.” He whispers, “by the edge of the perimeter, near the training ground. They’re scouting us.” It clicked then for Yixing what had happened. “And Baekhyun and Luhan came back, and they smelled of them. I don’t understand how you stand it.” Yixing sat down on the edge of the bath. “Do you need anything?” “I want to be alone, please tell Minseok I’ll be okay.” He grumbled, sinking back under the water. Yixing sighed, touching the water with his hand. It was scorching hot, not that he felt it like that, but he knew it would be for Jongdae. “Jongdae, you’ll burn yourself if you keep doing this.” He got no answer, and Jongdae made no move of getting out anytime soon. It was then that he noticed there was a slight colour to the water, orange, from blood. He’d probably cut his hands on the mirror, but it was best to just leave it. Healing was fast for them. He exited the bathroom and closed the door behind him. “He’s in the tub, he’ll be alright. I think he’s going to come out on his own, just let him be for now.” Minseok nodded, looking sad at the trouble of his close friend. The moment they’d found Jongdae, he’d immediately taken a liking to Minseok. They had been inseparable ever since. “I’ll just clean the glass and clutter, and then I’ll go. Thank you Yixing.” “No need, I’m going to tell Baekhyun and Junmyeon to take care of the source.” “Source?” Minseok said surprised, picking up large pieces of china, from a vase that had fallen. Yixing knelt down next to him and helped him pick up the pieces. “He mentioned something about scouts by the border near the training area.” “You mean where Tao is?” “Yes, I think so. I mean Tao would usually take care of it, but he might be busy chasing something else. We all know his attention span can lack. So I’ll just send them off to take care of the job.” Yixing put the pieces on the dresser. “I’ll come back to check on him tonight if he hasn’t shown improvement.” Minseok nodded, but didn’t move away from his task of cleaning the floor. Yixing went down the stairs, where Baekhyun had joined Junmyeon in the living room again. Jongin, Luhan and Kyungsoo were there too. “Baekhyun, Junmyeon, would you please go check on Tao, apparently there’s something going on near the border there. When you’re done there, can you do a general route along the border, to see if anything else seems off.” “We can do a border walk?” Kyungsoo said, meaning him and Jongin. “I’d rather you stay with Luhan. Minseok is a bit shaken up after Jongdae had another outburst, and Lux is tired from her trip.” To his surprise Luhan was the first one to object. “I don’t need a babysitter.” Yixing didn’t think so. “You ran away this morning, that’s enough reason to have someone babysit you. If that’s what you want to call it.” Luhan huffed. “I mean after getting kidnapped, and infected with some deadly chemical, I don’t think I’ll run away any time soon.” “Not taking the chances.” Yixing said firmly. “You guys go, I’ll be in my office if anybody needs anything. Kyungsoo, Jongin, you can show Luhan around can’t you? Oh and Baekhyun, next time you come home from a fight, you change your clothes and wash them immediately. We’ve discussed that. Luhan, the same will go for you from now on.” His friend looked at his feet, realising the mistake, and mumbled out a sorry. Yixing felt the weight of Luhan’s gaze on him, judging and confused, but he left the room anyway.

Luhan’s pov

“Is something wrong with Jongdae?” was the first thing that slipped past his lips when Yixing left the room. Baekhyun and Junmyeon stood up to leave, but there was a visible tension between the two. Kyungsoo was the one who answered him. “Jongdae has his…issues, if he wants you to know he’ll come clean about them to you when he’s comfortable. It’s not in my place to say anything about it.” Kyungsoo stood up, and Jongin followed him. “Let’s show you around, while the weather is still nice.”

They’d shown him around the house first, where his room was, and who he’d be sharing a bathroom with. Luhan would be sharing with Minseok and Baekhyun, while Junmyeon shared with Kyungsoo and Jongin. He learned that Lux lived ont he 3rd floor, with Yixing. Jongin just refused to call it the attic because it wasn’t really like an attic. They didn’t live in the same room though, they had their own rooms and a bathroom. The main hall was huge, like an old fashioned foyer, with curved stairs on either side, and then a stairs in the centre on the 2nd floor leading up again. There was the living room, the kitchen, dining room, and game room. The latter basically had a pool table, darts board and some other small things. Kyungsoo mentioned that they don’t really drink, or are allowed to go out, but they like to have fun every now and then. “Wait.” Luhan said, when Jongin was about the close the door to the armour shed. “Is that a dog leash? And a tennis ball throwing thing?” Jongin’s gaze moved to where his was fixed. “Oh, yeah. We have a dog, or well Yixing does, it’s his dog. She’ll probably be out tonight when he takes her for a walk.” “That’s nice though, that you guys have a dog.” Luhan said, eyeing the equipment again. The weapons were glimmering and looked deadly sharp. Bows, spears, swords, lances, dagger. There were 9 fully equipped armour, made out of similar material the vests were made out. He reached out to touch one, and it was rough and seemed firm. “You guys fight in these all the time?” “No, not really.” Kyungsoo said. “I mean, if we were to really go into a fight yes, but we don’t train in them. You’ll have to practise with them, we do so twice a month. The material in the inside is softer than the outside, and it’s sewn together to give the best movement. But it’s heavy and you’ll sweat a ton.” Luhan’s eyes fell on a long sword in the corner, the hilt was a striking blue, like crystal. The blade sprouted from two silver wings, and was almost clear like glass. It was straight, narrowing down into a sharp point. There was something classical and almost, angelical about it. He reached out for it just as Jongin spoke up. “That’s a good choice.” “Huh?” Luhan sad, withdrawing his hand. Jongin smiled and leant past him to grab a bow from the wall.  “This is mine.” The bow itself was made out of wood, light, like oak. It ended in narrowly curved tips decorated with pristine white feathers. The grip fit naturally into his hand, and had a black ribbon wrapped around it. A quiver was hanging next to it, a dozen of arrows neatly stacked in there, ends decorated with similar colour white feathers. Jongin took one out, twisting it to show the tip. “It didn’t take me long to pick this one, it just felt right.” The tip wasn’t a narrow point like the ones Luhan had used when he’d gone to camp as a kid. It was a wide triangle with little holes at the end. “You’re not making sense.” Kyungsoo stepped inside the room, pulling a string to turn on the light and fully illuminate the shed. “We all choose our weapon when we come here. Some of us have to wield it to know, others, like Jongin knew immediately. I wield two short swords, these.” He pointed at two curved blades next to the sword that had caught his eyes. The hilts were decorated and gold, pattern seeping into the silver of the blade. “None of us have reached for the blue hilted one yet, so if you want it, it’s yours.” “Did you guys want to same weapon at some point?” “No, not really. But hey, you’ll be able to really choose once your training starts, probably the day after tomorrow.” “Training.” Luhan sighed, he wasn’t rlly excited about it. But his hands seemed to itch to get onto that sword. When he turned around to leave he saw a bow, it was big, seemingly made out of ivory. It was bulkier than Jongin’s, with more angles. Almost like a professional bow he’d seem once. But these ends seemed to be sharp, like you could use them as blades. It was one scary weapon. “Whose is that?” “Oh the white bow? That’s Lux her bow.” Kyungsoo said. He frowned. “She was carrying a smaller one this morning.” Jongin nodded. “Yeah, she doesn’t take the big one on small missions like that, especially when they have to be quick. But you should see her use it once, she’s so natural with it.” “You sound like you admire her?” “I do, I hope I can be as good as she is one day.” There was a light smile playing on Jongin’s lips and in the setting sun Luhan could see his hair was actually a chocolate brown and not black. “Let’s go, we’ll do a walk around the building and come back for dinner.” Kyungsoo locked the shed behind them. “Who’s cooking?” Jongin shrugged. “Not me, probably Minseok or Jongdae, I hope not Jongdae because we’d have to get takeout then I guess.” It seemed that they had their own chores in the house, and Luhan would probably be implemented into the schedule. Even though he wasn’t okay with the whole Nephilim and angel and demon idea, there was a homey feeling with the others. They’d taken him in like a lost brother of sorts. The property itself was huge, large fields of grass and apparently the forest as well. Right when they were about to enter the living room through the garden doors, there was a loud growl from behind them. Kyungsoo immediately stilled, and so did Jongin. Luhan’s breath stopped, and he held them like the others did. “Luhan.” Kyungsoo whispered. “Do not, move.” Jongin was closest to him, and Luhan could see his fear. He was trembling, holding his breath all the same. There was another growl, and Luhan almost jumped, a warm breath caressed his hand. The smell was disgusting and it made it hard to breathe. Sulphur. A high pitched whistle sounded to their left, and the breath against his hand was gone in a second. Kyungsoo turned around, and Luhan took that as a go to turn as well. But he didn’t see anything, the field was empty. Something moved int he corner of his eyes, and he turned to face it. But it was gone in an instant, there was suddenly a hand on his stomach, pushing him back. It was Yixing, holding a short blade in one hand, and wearing a black facemask. “All three of you, go back inside, calmly, do not turn your back to the field.” He said, voice flat and controller. There was something there, definitely, but Luhan couldn’t see it. Kyungsoo pulled him back when he didn’t move, through the double doors and into the house. He closed the doors, and locked them. “You’re leaving him outside?!” Luhan said. “He’ll handle it, trust me. Unarmed none of us, even with three, can take out a flash hound. They’re dangerous, deadly, and shouldn’t have been able to get into the property. We have to go check on Baek and Junmyeon as soon as possible to see if they’re okay.” Jongin was silent, watching what happened outside. Yixing was standing still eyes on the forest edge closest to the mansion. “Lux is with him.” He spoke. Luhan frowned, but he couldn’t see her anywhere. Until suddenly the largest dog Luhan had probably ever seen appeared in front of Yixing. It’s head about reached his chest, it’s fur was pitch black and it was skinny, like a greyhound. Teeth protruding from it’s mouth, as it growled so loud it could be heard inside. “They are essentially blind, as long as you’re not moving.” Jongin said, more fascinated by the scene now, than scared. “Each little bit of movement, as small as a breath, they will see and charge. If they feel endangered they flash, or it seems like they do. But they actually turn invisible, and are really fast.” The long tail of the hound whipped up, and clapped back like a whip. Luhan couldn’t imagine getting hit by that thing. Yixing was lightning fast, whipping the hand with the blade to the side. Lodging it in the wood of the little backyard porch. The dog was fast, and it charged for it. It’s teeth snapped around the wood, and before it could retract someone jumped down from the porch and landed on it’s back. The hound collapsed first, and Luhan immediately recognised the person as Lux, black hair whipping to the side as the hound tried to shake her off. She had a blade stuck behind it’s front leg, and it could barely move. Somehow she managed to wrestle it to the ground like that, with a hand on it’s ear, and one in the back of it’s mouth. Yixing ran over, pulling the blade from the wood and plunging it into the beast’s chest. It sagged, dead, and Lux climbed off, dusting of her jeans like it was nothing, taking off her face mask. One leg was heavily stained with blood, and she had a cut on her arm where she’d had her hand inside it’s mouth. She actually smiled, and waved them over. Kyungsoo unlocked the door, stepping outside, Jongin had to push Luhan forward. “It’s dead, if you want a first hand lesson on how to kill these things you have about 5 minutes left before it disappears.” Luhan swallowed hard and stepped outside. Yixing’s hands were covered in blood now, and he was standing close to Lux who was examine the carcass, face mask hanging off one ear. “Come here Luhan.” She said. Again, Jongin pushed him a little, and he stepped over. The thing was huge, and he wondered how she used just her body strength to wrestle it down. “Give me your hand.” She said, but he wasn’t budging. So she reached out for his hand with her bloody one, smearing it around his skin. “Here.” She pressed his hand over the hound’s intact shoulder. Luhan felt bone shift underneath his hand and he had to swallow back down his lunch from earlier. Then he felt something like muscle, but thin, like a tendon. “That’s it’s shoulder tendon. If you cut this, it’ll loose use of it’s leg. It’ll go down easily. And this.” She let him go and moved her hand to it’s mouth, pulling it’s lips away and revealing rows, of rows, of razor sharp teeth. “Because of it’s whip like tail, and it’s teeth it’s hard to approach these demons. So an attack from above usually works best. Now here, in the back, it doesn’t have any teeth, and you can generally fit your hand in there. It’s a bit of a disgusting job, but if you reach inside and press against it’s mouth on the inside and pull back you can control it’s head movement. It’s almost like a reel for a horse. It’s ears are like a normal dogs, but extremely sensitive, pulling that and the mouth will give you control. Meanwhile you got to be sure not to get kicked off it’s back. And never take one down on your own, ever, you won’t make it. A distraction is always needed.” Luhan nodded silently, looking at the blood dripping from his wrist now. The stench was filling his lungs and his breath felt laboured for a second. His little wound under his lips burned a little with it. Suddenly, when he was still watching the thing, it disappeared into thin air. A dark smoke floated up, and it just…wasn’t there anymore. Leaving behind grey, almost steel like bones.

“Don’t touch me! Let me go!”, you screamed.

“Oh my, oh my. Suddenly you are so shy. Let me play a little with you.”

This was the worst. How you wished Luhan would be here.

Not a spare second later you someone pulling you on your arm out of the grip of the other ones. You looked up to his face and a relieved smile played around your lips.

But then your eyes wandered further upwards. Your eyes widened to an incredible extent. Well considering what you were just seeing it was a miracle that you were still standing on your two feet and not yet had lost your conscious.

The guy you dated for already six months had his arms wrapped around you tightly. Up until now there is nothing wrong with that picture. A boyfriend who is protecting his girlfriend from some other creep who harassed you. But the guy you thought who was a normal guy, he had told you he was born in the neighbour city and moved over here to study, apparently had fooled you in a way beyond your beliefs.

“W-w-what is that?”, you stammered. You eyes unwillingly flashed over to the feathered wings that were reaching from his back way over his head . They were at least half of his height.

He opened his mouth to say something but then a loud blast was heard and Luhan sucked in some air. He turned around with a worried expression to see the creep with a gun in his hands. The bullet had brushed his left arm. You gasped as you saw the place where his shirt was ripped off.

“Hey, I saw her first. I don’t like other people stealing what is mine”, the creep stated.

Luhan ignored him and his eyes found yours again.

“I will explain it later, Y/N! First we need to get you out of here!”

Before you could protest any further he had picked you up in a swift move and pushed himself away from the ground. To your surprise you actually lifted off and were now rising higher each second. He stopped at a height of around ten meters and started flying forward. By now you were clinging onto his shirt hoping that those muscles could do their job properly to hold you up since this was the only thing stopping you from falling down to a safe death.

The first thing you did was exhaling noisily as you finally felt the solid ground in front of your house under your feet. The second thing was turning towards Luhan who still had his arms loosely around you and pushed him away with all force. As he stumbled back you could see that his wings had vanished. Luhan eyed you with his big puppy eyes. Normally you would immediately compose any dispute you had and forgive him but this time he had some great explanation to make.

It was like he had read you mind as he opened his arms in a calming manner and said: “Y/N I know you must be confused but let us go in first.”

You hesitated a little before stomping inside.

An angel. That is what he is suppose to be. You were angry. He had explained you his so said “state”. You walked from side to side in the living room not finding any rest. It was not the fact that he was an angel that made you so mad. Maybe because you could not really grasp that. Moreover that he did not had the courage to tell you anything. For half a year he had kept that as a secret.

You turned towards the window. Just starring into the dark. A heavy silence hang between you.

“Listen, Y/N. I am no moster like you may think now. Did I made a mistake to fall in love with a human? Yes. It is not even allowed for me to be so close to any human let alone be in a relationship with one.”

His words felt like a slap to the face. The growing lump in your throat was making it harder for you to hold back your tears. You bit into your lower lip. Out of the corner of your eye you saw him coming up behind you. A second later you felt his warm hands on your shoulder pressing down gently.

“If someone would ever ask me if I regret it, I could tell them with all certainty: “No”. You don’t know how risky it was to reveal myself in public but if that meant I can protect the most precious person in my life I would never hesitate to do it again! You have become so important to me. You need to believe me that. I never thought I could find love outside the kingdom of heaven but you proved me wrong. Clearly.” He nuzzled his head into your shoulder and trailed a few kisses from your collarbone to your neck. “You are driving me crazy.”

Tears streamed down your face onto your hands. This was all too much for one day. You turned around to bury your face into his chest.

“I was so scared”, you admitted, “If you would not been there-” You needed to break off since you sobbed so hard.

“Everything is going to be okay, Y/N. I am here by your side and there will I stay. I love you so much. You cannot imagine how great my love is. Heavenly you could say.”

The both of you were lying in the bed. Legs and arms entangled tightly. You studied his features.

Pure angelic. It could have come to my mind way earlier that he is out of this world.

You started giggling. A little confused he eyed you.

“What is there to laugh about?”

“Nothing. I just wondered: Are wings heavy?”

I hope this is okay...I am sorry if it got too angsty and not enough fluff. I am really bad at fluff. >.< Hope you still could enjoy it!

“Mhmm” You grumble as you wake up. It's way too warm. You roommate probably forgot to turn off the heating. You open your eyes and see dark smoke creeping under your door. Your roommate is still sound asleep and you hurry over to her, waking her up. “Y/N. Go back to bed. . ” She grumbles and turns. “There is smoke! ” you scream and shake her until she sits up. You can already hear the sirens. Why do you have to live at the end of the corridor on the 3rd floor? You now regret your choice, but it seems like that's too late. The smoke is making you cough and you have trouble saying something „We’ll die” you whisper, looking at your friend and she shakes her head. She runs over to the window, trying to open it. “DON'T” you yell, explaining to her why she has to leave the window closed. You both look outside and it seems like everyone could save themselves. Except the two of you. Hot tears are streaming down you face as you see fire-fighters and police arrive. They immediately start putting out the fire. People start pointing towards your window and you see that they are preparing the ladder to get you and your friend. After a few seconds a face appears in front of your window and asks you to open it. You quickly do, the smoke entering the room even quicker, making you choke. “Take her first!” You tell the officer and point at your protesting roommate. You cover your mouth with your shirt and cough. He nods and looks at you for a second before he helps her into the basket attached to the ladder. The fire comes closer and closer. You see your door disappear and now it quickly eats your carpet. “That's it” You whisper, preparing yourself for the heat. But before it can reach you, you feel two strong hands around your waist and they pull you into the basket and against their chest. You look up, meeting the officer’s eyes. Tears are filling yours and he holds you helplessly. “Shht.” He whispers, picking you up and placing you on the floor. “Everything is alright. You're safe” He brings you to the ambulance and looks after you while they take care of you. Fortunately, nothing bad happened to you. “See. Everything's fine” The officer tells you. He looks like he's your age. Maybe a few years older. You nod and he leaves you alone. You already miss him. His presence was really calming, and now that he's gone you can feel the panic rising and taking you over. You hands are shaking, you get light-headed and the tears don't stop streaming. The doctors try to calm you down, but none of their words reach you. The officer returns with a glass of water in his hand, a smile on his face that fades as soon as he sees you. He runs over, handing the water to someone else. “Suho what's wrong with her?” You hear the officer ask one of the doctors. “I don't know Luhan. She panicked as soon as you left.” The officer – Luhan – nods and picks you up, placing you onto his lap. “Shhhht.” He brushes your hair soothingly and waits until you calmed down enough that your breathing is nearly normal. “No freaking out, okay?” He mumbles and looks at you. “I'm sorry. You probably have other things to do” but you don't move one bit. “It's fine. The fire is under control and the others are talking to the other people that were in the house.” He says, calming you down.”I am Luhan by the way.” he says and looks at you. “I'm Y/N” you whisper back and after that day you two became inseparable. Luhan looked after you and you held onto him. He was your hero and you two first thought it was because of that. But after a while your feelings changed. It took you another year until you told him about it and he said that he also like you more than a friend.

 3 years later he just left the house to go to work. You're thankful that he has that job because without it you would have never met him, but it still makes you uneasy. You look out of the window as he drives away, looking handsome in his uniform, as always. You sigh and start cleaning the house. You feel itchy the entire time. Something just feels wrong and a few hours later you receive a call that explains everything. It's Suho, the doctor who took care of you and later turned out as Luhan's best friend. “Y/N? I need you to stay calm, okay?” That doesn't calm you down at all. “Luhan and his teams were called to a case and they all came back wounded. . . Well. Except Luhan.” He says, sighing. Your hopes rise. Maybe he's fine. “They couldn't find him yet but that doesn't have to mean anything!” He immediately adds, but your heart already stopped beating. “Suho. Please tell me you're lying.” You whisper. “I'll pick you up from home now, okay?” You say nothing as he hands up on you and arrives at your house about 20 minutes later. “Hey. Open the door. It's me!” He calls and you walk towards the door. You're not even crying. You're just empty. Everything feels so unreal. Suho hugs you when you open the door. “Everything will be alright. My co-workers will call me as soon as he should arrive at the hospital.” He takes you to the kitchen and start preparing some food for you. You just sit there in silence as you listen to him explaining what he knows. “What if he's dead” You whisper suddenly and Suho looks at you “Don't even think about that. That's no possibility.” He says. When the food is ready you both start eating. You don't really taste the food and as soon as you are done you walk up the stairs, take a shower and go to bed. You just want this terrible day to end. When you lay in bed you can finally cry. Smelling him on the pillow and remembering how he woke you up this morning, showering you with kisses. Thinking that this probably will never happen again is killing you. You fall asleep after a while, dreaming of brown eyes.

While I pushed him towards my room I feel that he was really heavy -what was weird because he looked really skinny and tall- but it was probably because he was walking really slowly.

“Did you heard them?” He said while pointing to the back when we got inside my room.

“What?” I never pay attention to what my parents or anyone older say to each other. When they talk to each other is like they got inside their own world’s and I am an outsider.

“They said that our soulmate something’s is already acting up so soon.” He said happy but he didn’t seem to really understand what he was talking about.

“What thing?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t hear.” I shrugged and put a bunny on his hands. 

 “You shouldn’t listen to anything adults talk to each other.” He looked confused and I interrupted him before he asked why. “This is Pun. He is a boy-bunny and he needs to see the doctor.” I explained the blue stuffed bunny on his hands, that looked purple because it was dirty. Pun had his better days. 

He put his finger on the eye spot in the left side of the bunny, were should have a pink button. Already guessing why it need to see a doctor. “Why is it a boy? It was a flower on its ear.” He said while I was searching for the doctor, also known as my pink bear with lipstick. 

“What one thing has to do with the other?” I sat with my legs crossed and taking all my toys out of the box and he sat next to me. 

 “Flowers are for girls, duh.” I glared at him for this “duh” he didn’t seem to know that if was offensive. 

“Why so??” I didn’t agree with him, but maybe it was something from here and my mom said I shouldn’t be rude to the different things they do in this country to ours. 

He frowned like if I just said something stupid and he kept squirming his lips like if he was going to say something but didn’t know what 

“You’re weird.” I made an exaggerated sigh with his answer, he clearly was the stupid one here, not me. 

 He jumped a bit when I suddenly got closer to him and grabbed a bunch of his hair. I held his wicks to the front. It looked kind of cute. 

“See? I made a flower right here and you still are a boy!” He just exclaimed an annoyed “Yah” while brushing my hand out of his hair, but he didn’t have anything to say in his defense. He got angry because I won. 

We played for hours. But we argue all the time. He didn’t let me put make up on him, he said I was too ugly to be a princess when I wore my special dress and he even made fun of my height when I told him I was his age but he was a lot taller.

“Luhan, let’s go home. ” His mom said from the door interrupting us as we fight. 

We looked at her and when we looked at each other again we didn’t look angry anymore. I didn’t like him but we were playing right now, he could go a little bit later. 

 But I didn’t say that, I felt like he was waiting me to ask his mother if he could stay because he kept looking at me as he got up. 

“Say goodbye to Y/N, Luhan.” She said. Oh, his name was Luhan. We didn’t ask all this time. 

“Goodbye, Y/N.” He said shyly and he also noticed he only found out my name now. He bowed and I only waved slowly at him, remembering later that I should have bowed too.

“Mom, that was the most annoying kid I ever met! He said-” I was complaining while sitting in my bed while my mom was bringing my blankets.

“You say that about everyone, Y/N” She said while smiling and putting my legs back in the bed so I could lay down.

“But this one is seriously the worst. He say an lot a of dumb things.”

“But he is really handsome isn’t him?” My mom jokingly wiggled her eyebrows and I stopped talking to think about it.

“He kinda… Looks like a princess.” I said with a much softer voice and my mom jerked her head to the back from laughter.

“Yeah, I guess he does looks a bit like a girl. Don’t tell anybody​ I said that.” My mom said putting a finger in front of her lips and blinking.

My first day at school a lot of people surrounded me to ask a bunch of questions. My mom said that it would happen because it was really common but it still scared me.

Everyone asked about where I was from, how was the place where I was from and also, if it’s true that I already found out my soulmate. Even the teacher asked about the soulmate thing and it was super weird. All of them always made sure to tell when they meet their soulmate, even when I did not ask.

“Woooow! I meet mine when I was 21!”, “I meet mine when I was 16”, “I meet mine when I was 13.” I meet mine when I was still a baby.

My mom said that she was meeting a friend of hers that also had a baby so we both could have a play date.

She put me at his side when suddenly me and Luhan started crying a lot, and when they looked we had tattoos on our wrists that wasn’t there before.

The tattoos should be the first thing we said to each other. And the tattoos were “Aaaaaa” because we were crying.

Luhan was from my class, what was even worse! They pushed us together, screamed “Kiss! Kiss!” and teased us saying that we were dating, but we weren’t even friends yet. And some of them didn’t like that I was from other country and they picked on me.

I cried in my mom’s lap when I got in home while telling her about it. Then her cellphone rang and I heard Luhan’s mom asking if I was okay, because Luhan was crying a lot and he didn’t knew why. I didn’t understand.

After a while I started to get a lot of scars and bruises that I didn’t knew how I get them, and my mom told me that whenever Luhan got hurt, I would get hurt too.

“Whaaat?? Why??” I asked indignant, that sounded so unfair. My mom laughed at my face and I felt even more angry.

“Because you two are soulmates! If you get hurt, he get’s hurt. If he get’s hurt, you get hurt. You two are made for each other.”

“I don’t want to have a soulmate then! If he dies i will die too?” I whined and my mom’s smile faded.

“No, but you will be alone.”

“My dad was your soulmate too, mom?”

“Yes, it was. Of course.”

Luhan always told me everything he found out about the soulmate thing, but he always knew about it after I did already. Even when I told him “I already know” he kept talking as if he was super smart.

“They probably told you first because you are a girl. It’s more difficult for them to talk to a boy about it.” He said and I rolled my eyes. Why do I even talk to him?

“Why do you think that?” He shrugged as always.

“Y/N, why are you so angry?” This is something I heard a lot. I always frown in confusion by their question and they always jump in surprise thinking is an angry frown.

“I am not angry!” I sounded angry while saying that.

I remembered my mom telling me about how I should smile.

“Luhan, do you think I should smile more?” The only friend I have is my mom, and I am sure she would say yes, obviously. So the only person left to me to ask is him.

He kept silent while playing with Pun and I waited while he thought about it. 

“I don’t know.” He cocked his head to the side. “You look uglier when you don’t smile, but is kinda of funny when people are trying to make you laugh and you don’t.” 

I threw one of my big bear plushie - remember myself to apologize to him (my plushie) later- at him and felt my eyes tear up with rage. 

He is always telling me I am ugly, if he is my soulmate means someday he will be my husband. He should think I am the prettiest girl in the world. 

He looked at me and I hide my face so he wouldn’t see me cry, but he already knew because when I cry he cries too, so he ran to my direction and tried to hold my face but I didn’t let him. 

“Are you crying?” He kept asking while trying to hold me but I kept brushing him away. “You know I am!! Don’t be stupid!” He holds my face with his two hands and I tried not to look at him, but I saw his tears on his cheeks, that it was kind of my tears. 

His face also looked like if he was sad, but he didn’t know why I was crying and I didn’t want to tell him. “A boy can’t let a girl cry.” He is only worried about his boyish things again. 

“But you are the one who is making me cry.” I pushed him and he let me go, this time I could feel the way he felt hurt. 

“My dad is going to feel so disappointed on me.” He said looking down and I felt guilty. When my mom is disappointed with me I feel terrible, so I know how he feels. 

I dried my own tears with the back of my right hand and patted his head with my left hand. He probably felt happy when I did that, because I felt a better sensation on my heart and then he laid his head on my lap. But I was different of happiness, it was better. 

“I’m sorry.” He sounded robotic while saying and I felt guilty. “You don’t need to smile more. If you don’t want to… ” I sighed feeling relief, and then he was sleeping. 

When his mom came searching for him it was embarrassing, she put her hand on her mouth and called my mom, and both of them screamed-whispered that it was really cute. 

“Smile, Y/N! Smile!!” My mom said while holding a camera to take a picture.

Luhan always complained a lot about everything, but today he was even more grumpy. He was literally pouting to me.

“What?” I screamed out of nowhere at his face when he was staring at me, my intention was scare him but it didn’t work out.

“You, were smiling to other guys. You don’t smile with me and he is not even funny.” He said and I frowned. He is annoyed at me because I was smiling​?? My mom love it when I smile.

“So what?? He is funny, didn’t you see what he did?” I was talking about a boy younger than us called Chanyeol, he was always screaming and jumping around and everyone agreed that he is funny.

“But they say a girl looks prettier when she smiles, why are you trying to look pretty to other guys when you are dating me?”

“Why do- uh?” I was going to start a discussion about why would a girl be trying to look pretty by just smiling but I got shocked. Since when am I dating you??? Why and who said that???

He kept waiting me say something but I just stay there with my mouth open and eyes wide and he started to feel embarrassed.

“Stop that you look ugly with that face.” He said looking at the ground and I fixed my face for an annoyed one but still surprised.

“We are soulmates so this means we will marry, so we should date. My dad said that. So you should smile just to me.” He said pouting and walked away from me.

I stayed there and again my mouth slowly was opening in an “O” and I tried to hold my smile. My mom will be so happy. All day I smiled while remembering it, but I tried to hold in the smile every time a boy was near so he wouldn’t complain.

“Luhan, shouldn’t you propose to me like the princes do?” I asked him when he were in my room.

“What princes?” He said from my bed.

“The ones from the movies.” I was in my closet searching for my princess dress.

“Because I am not a prince.” He said smiling and I rolled my eyes, he is always trying to be the cool one.

“If you will marry me you will be one day” I said putting my dress over my normal clothes.

“You are not a princess.”

“That’s because you didn’t propose me yet! I’m waiting. ” I said laughing and stomping my feet on the ground and he laughed too, and it was not a mean laugh!

“Okay, I will be real man and propose you! Huh… Which one of them… Should I, do you want me to do?” He said and I could see he didn’t know what to do, but he didn’t wanted to show.

I ran to my DVD sections while humming and brought all of them to the bed.

“What is your favorite one?” Luhan asked and I love when people asked it.

“Is Cinderella!” I said jumping and showing him Cinderella’s DVD.

“Then I could put a shoe on you and that’s it!” He said excited as well.

“…No. After that they would dance too…” I said and blushed imagining. I don’t want to dance with him, it would be too embarrassing. Our faces would be too close.

I looked down while passing the DVD’s. My face was blushing just from seeing Snow White and Aurora, because they would involve kiss…

“WOW! YOU LOOK SO MUCH LIKE AURORA!” I screamed when I saw her face in the DVD.

He is so beautiful and he is always laying on my bed. No wonder why I always thought he looked like a princess.

He made an angry face. “But she is a girl!!” He said taking the DVD in his hands.

“Ah, well, but she is pretty right? You should take that as a compliment because I like princess so much.” I said taking the DVD out of his hands, I don’t want to fight right now. Not when he decided to propose me and I can finally be a princess.

“You look like Peter Pan too! Woow! You look like everybody!” I said when I spot the DVD and this time he seemed happy.

“Peter Pan is nice.” He smiled taking the DVD out of my hands and I kept looking through the others DVD’s.

“Wow, lucky you to be so pretty. I wish I looked like someone too.” I said to myself hoping he wouldn’t listen.

“You are pretty. You could be Wendy.” He said and I smiled.

“But she is not a princess.”

In the end he kept saying that if Cinderella was my favorite then I should be Cinderella.

He took one of my shoes, knelt down and we both pretended to be surprised when it fit. We chose to let the dance to the day of our marriage. And every time someone asked how we started dating we told the Cinderella story.

We never kissed each other, we never hugged. We already held hands but it was uncomfortable, he held my hands because he said that he needed to do that because he was manly. And then he broke up with me.

He said “I found out that you don’t need exactly to date your soulmate, I heard about some people who married other people’s, so we don’t need to be dating!”

We were only dating because we felt like it was our obligation. But I didn’t knew he dated me because of it, I just realized now that he said that while smiling. And then run to other girl.

I told my mom that and she was so angry she almost called his mom, but I said I would be sad if she did so.

I wasn’t sad, I was angry. Or a mix of that, I don’t know.

I remember that he looked at other girls and always said things like “why don’t you do that to your hair? Why don’t you put make up? Why don’t you light your skin? Why don’t you wear that?” And all those things.

I don’t want somebody who cares about looks to be my prince. Princes are always super kind and only think that the princess is pretty if she is pretty on the inside too.

Everyone started to look down on him on school and he was super romantic saying he didn’t care about what everyone said because he liked her.

But it’s okay. There is princess with no princes, they are just strong princess.

Even if we both hate to admit, we are friends. I really hate everything he says, he says a lot of stupid things but for some reason we are alway talking to each other. We are not close friends, we are not best friends with love/hate relationship. We are just two people who knows each other and talk to each other to complain about things.

I was laying in the floor of my room and he was laying on my bed.

I was thinking about all the stories about my mom and my dad. All the nice soulmate stories. She said she was confused in if she should tell me or not. She said I was too young to talk about soulmate but I was already feeling everything.

She said that when she was 13 her tattoo showed up on her wrist, her tattoo is “Are you going to eat this?” And she said she was already in love with him just with the thought of him being the kind of person who would ask a stranger for its food.

She met him when she was 23 at the subway and she was holding a sandwich while waiting for the train. She was looking through her purse searching for her cellphone when somebody stopped in front of her and said the magic words -as she describes- while pointing at her sandwich.

 She said that if it wasn’t her soulmate she would abruptly say “of course I will”, but when she realized it was her soulmate and saw how super handsome he was she opened a big smile, put her sandwich inside her purse and said “Yes, i will. But if you are hungry you can eat me out for dinner. Or eat a dinner with me, you choose.”

After that she said that my disgusted and surprised face was exactly my father’s one, and that we looked a lot a like. My mom even told me my father felt the same pain as her when he took her virginity and that he cried, that was when I screamed at her to stop telling me.

So my mom is super flirty and nasty and my dad was innocent and a goofy who loved to eat. It sounded like a cute combination to me.

But me and Luhan.

Well, one day I just woke up and I already knew Luhan for years.

Everybody laugh when they see “Aaaaaa” on our wrists.

It would be nice if it had romance, but we don’t like each other.

“Luhan, you think that if we didn’t meet when we were babies, if we meet when we were grown up…” I felt he looking at me curious “we would have fallen in love?”

He laughed. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Why not?” I frowned confused about why would he be so sure.

“You’re not my type.” He sounded so disgusted while saying that it actually hurt me. I don’t like him, of course, but it was still rude.

“Well, when you like someone things like ideal types don’t matter. If we are soulmate this means we would fall in love anyways.” I said scared to sound cheesy.

“How do you know that?” He asked in his usual annoyed tone.

“Because I’ve fallen in love for someone who isn’t my type before.”

“You shouldn’t even have a type.” I rolled my eyes. If he even thought about things.

It annoyed me to see how Luhan was desperate to find a girlfriend other than me.

He was good-looking, it was not hard even for girls who had soulmate to give their soulmate up for him.

But it never worked. Or they got back to their soulmate or they just didn’t work out with him.

And every time you felt him looking at you and considering you two together he looked away, and you wondered what was wrong with you for him to deny you so much.

His despair was no joke, to the point that when after dating a lot of girls, and I mean a lot, when he got frustrated over so many break-ups he decided to marry.

I was on their marriage and i was fucking mad. It was not news the fact that i was always serious and looked angry all the time, but this is a really good reason.

This is a joke.

I watched her walking down the aisle in his direction, his face did not look happy. It was not the look of a man who knew he was going to have a good life full of love. It was not only because you loved romance and cute stories.

That should be me.

We are soulmates, that means that we were born to die with each other​, we are perfect to each other and we have the same soul.

But he never wanted to try. There was those moments when he randomly was looking at me with caring eyes, felt jealous over my male friends, smiled just after seeing me smiling, complimented my looks. So why not?

I always thought​ that i should be patient. If we are soulmates the destiny will make whatever it need to do so we can be together, I don’t need to try.

But then, I just blinked and they kissed each other already. Now she is Mrs. Lu.

“Y/N, smile. Don’t be like that, that’s rude.” My mom whispered at my side.

My lips trembled as I tried to force a smile, but the more I tried to smile more my lips hurt to force down and I felt pathetic. It makes me almost cry.

“I can’t take the risk to ruin the broom’s make up.” I whispered back. My mom made a sad face and patted my head, but I brushed her hand away so no one would notice me.

It's been years since I last saw him. But I still felt his sadness and pain and he felt mine, so we kept contact. I always was asking him what was wrong because I felt his pain very frequently. We all can guess why.

We meet again and it was Christmas, I meet his two kids, a boy and a girl and I didn’t have kids to show him. I didn’t wanted him to think I never had no one so I said I only dated but never married because it didn’t work out.

I never moved out of my house, he was the one who moved out.

My mom passed away and I kept everything in the same way it was always.

He was surprised and amused when he got back, I didn’t even remember seeing him looking this purely happy from a long time.

We sat on the balcony while his wife and children’s were inside the house.

Me and him still fight so much, but this time doesn’t sound sincere like it was always. Now is just those funny forced fights because… We missed it.

We look just like an old couple of married grandpas and we know.

“Look at our mother’s face!” We both laughed while I pointed at the picture in the album. Both our mom’s holding us next to each other when we were babies. Showing the recent marked small wrists with “Aaaaaa” and our mother’s happy faces while we cried.

“And this one is because my mom was super happy that it was the first time a bruise you had showed up in me!” I explained the photo. It was me sitting on the ground with my knees purple and my angry frown while I pouted. I didn’t understand why my mom was taking a photo that time but now I am grateful.

“Your classic angry face! I missed it” He laughed pointing too and I ignored the “I missed it” part.

“This one is my favorite!” I jumped in my seat with this next pay photo. My face was pout and confused, all red and full of tears while Luhan slept on my lap and my hand on his hair.

“That day was so cute.” I smiled passing my hands in the photo, suddenly feeling aware about how old we are.

“Yes, I remember. You consoled me after I made you cry. ” He half smiled while shaking his head in denial.

“That was when I first had a crush on you. I just didn’t admit to myself. ” He said and I wided my eyes in surprise. But did not said anything and put the next photo, I could feel him frustrated as I ignored his confessions.

After that it was a photo of me with my princess dress and him at my side with our arms linked. I was smiling in that photo and I was the one who asked my mom to take it. I said it was a “Prom photo” I don’t remember why,. It was the day Luhan and I started dating, with the Cinderella proposal and everything.

We didn’t say anything anymore as we looked at all the photos, we just enjoyed them. But it was only photos of our childhood.

When the album ended we kept looking straight to the front in an awkward silence. I started to feel angry again. I wanted him to apologize. I could have been happy if he had given me a chance, I never asked for a chance either. I am just angry things are like this.

“Dad, dad, she doesn’t want to give me back my car!!” His kids ran next to us. The little boy was pointing at his sister who was playing with the little car the boy won for Christmas.

“If you don’t learn how to share Santa will not give you presents next year!” He said with a caring voice and the boy whined.

“You uglie! Cars are not toys for girls.”

“Why not?” The sister screamed and Luhan looked at me with wide eyes, open mouth and a hand of his heart as who said “Are you seeing this??” And I jerked my head to the back from laughing.

“Girls can do everything boys do.” Luhan said and I shaked my head positively. All those years talking to him worked.

“Boys can do the same things girls do too, right?” He asked and sighed in relief when his dad confirmed.

 I looked at Luhan with caring eyes happy that he couldn’t see me.

“Did you see that? She was just like you back there!” Luhan said when they ran back to inside the house.

“I saw it! I was so proud.” I said and he smiled.

“Soulmates, that’s why.” He whispered probably to himself.

“I should… ” He started talking and didn’t end his sentence, and I asked him again worried because I felt a pain I’m my chest. “I should have stayed with you. I really belonged to you. What was I thinking?” He whispered and rubbed his face feeling tense.

I blinked and layed back on my chair. “Yeah, you should. ” I hesitated but pated his head. I felt my eyes tear up, with his tears. But he hold them back.

“I love you, okay? I always did. I should have said sooner.” He said with a bitter smile without looking at me. I felt like crying from frustration.

His wife and two kids were in my house, in my empty house that i spent alone missing him all my life, and now he says he loves me. I felt like hitting and cursing at him, then hugging him and asking for everything to start again.

“I always loved you too. I still do.” I tried to smile but I couldn’t.