#luddy

and if i dare say this might be a defining quote for cuddy? not that lucas is actually making a truthful point or well-thought argument, much more on the actual words — "We could date, get married, have two kids, a dog, retire to Florida."

it's all so... cookie cutter, isn't it? white picket fence, american dream. a life in which cuddy falls into the role of Wife oh-so perfectly. that's the thing about lucas, right? that he's the Good Guy, the Good Choice; he's the pathway to a life in the shape she so desperately wishes she had it in her to conform to.

but that's just it — wishing, hoping, to conform is much different to actually wanting something. if the questions surrounding cuddy's relationship with lucas are all, to an extent, "does she actually love him?" & "is this really what she wants?" i think this alone answers it.

cuddy is not a "raise two kids & a dog and retire to florida" kind of woman. she doesn't want that. but she wants to be the kind of woman who does. in reality, cuddy's job is her life — she really does love medicine and feels passionate about what she does — the chaos is a part of what keeps her going. through the show she voices no tangible desire of the life lucas proposes. woman who has (or, rather, could) see the world retiring in florida. self-proclaimed [used-to-be] urban woman retiring in florida. my ass.

WILSON: What do you see in Lucas anyway? CUDDY: I don't see that it's any of your business. - Teamwork

so, what does cuddy see? i think the answer becomes "an opportunity." an opportunity to Be the Wife, to Be the Woman — the one i've posed above. lucas is yet another means to an end, rather than a true pursuit of love. pursuing lucas feels out of character for cuddy because it is, and it is purposeful on her part.

season 6 is a season which cuddy spends almost its entirety trying to crawl out of her own skin. trying to be someone she is not. built up from many things. she's a mother now, she has to clean her act up—has to be a Suitable Mother, a Suitable Woman, fall into this role. she's trying to avoid her love for house more than ever, both because she views herself as his problem as well as, fitting into the previous point, not seeing how house could fit into her life now.

in this way, lucas is less the problem, and more the most visible symptom of cuddy's (albeit primarily off-screen) arc this season, and, really, in the show as a whole in some aspects.

CUDDY: I'm stuck, House. I keep wanting to move forward. I keep wanting to move on, and I can't. I mean, my new house, with my new fiancé, and all I can think about is you. - Help Me

it's no wonder that the season ends with her admitting exactly this; that she has been trying, wanting, to move on from house (and therefor, who she is, because the two are so tied together) — that these big life changes (moving in with and getting engaged to lucas) have all been attempts at trying to change.

but cuddy herself has not changed, these things are out of character because she was trying to change herself. but i think the thing is, ultimately, there was nothing wrong with who she was (is). these changes were never going to actually fulfill her, make her happy, because they aren't what she wants.