Day 3
January 15, 2020
Well, we are three days into the spring semester. The beginning of every school year is always intimidating and overwhelming. Every class seems like a ton of work, you donât have your schedule memorized yet, you donât know when you will have time to do homework. So I have been pretty stressed. Then I was trying to reconnect with friends from last semester who I am no longer in classes with because I donât want to lose those friendships. But it is a lot. Which all makes it even more ridiculous that I got upset earlier when a girl in my class who I have known and been friends with for over a year now was inviting a lot of other girls over for a âgirls nightâ but I wasnât invited. I shouldnât care, I mean I wouldnât even go if I was invited. I donât do those kinds of things, right? I mean if I wouldnât have overheard any of this I wouldnât think I was missing anything. Itâs the knowing about missing that hurts. I didnât have any particular desire to spend time outside of class with her. I also finally talked to my friend about coming to the reading group I was going to join but I donât know, he did seem somewhat interested but I really donât think he is going to come because it doesnât seem like the kind of thing he would do. I donât even know why I brought it up. I feel like I learned a lot in high school about relationships with people but for some reason I seem to have forgotten. It just hurts to talk to these people and I think we are friends but then I get excluded. It seems childish, I should know better than this at this point in my life. I just want to go back to being closed off. It didnât hurt when I didnât let anyone into my life. Iâve said it before, I would rather pass on the highs if I can pass on the lows as well. I can adjust to normal, mediums and be satisfied. I know most of this thinking is just a result of my anxiety and OCD due to the heightened stress this week. Iâm sure everything will be fine again soon...it just is kind of difficult right now.Â
