#lowkey emo

Hello loves! I got this done in quite the hurry, so apologies for any errors!

Warnings: angst, mentions of death, depressed Loki

Summary: You explain to Loki why you’ve returned to the living.

Please do not copy or plagiarize my work. You may repost, but with everything in tact, please!

Part 1

You feel Loki stiffen immediately and before you can glance up at him, he shoves you away, a blend of horror and confusion flashing upon his face. With tears dripping from his eyes like snow slowly melting from a tree branch, his hands shake as he looks down to them and back to you, his mind in torturous turmoil. “What… what have I done?” he whispers, now slowly stepping back from you. “Have I gone so mad I’ve created an illusion that is… tangible?” He asks himself, his voice wavering. You smile sadly at him, though your heart burns to see him in such a pained state. “No, Loki. You haven’t gone mad. Though you have been driving me crazy.” You say with a wry glint in your eyes. “My darling… my dove… what do you mean?” He asks in a cracking voice. “How are you here? Were you not in Valhalla?! Surely you were not in Hel, (Y/N), right?” He questions as he slowly approaches you, as if you were going to disappear if he came to you too fast. “Loki, dear, you worry too much” you state calmly, reaching your hands to his. “No, I am not in Hel. I now try to rest in Valhalla, but I have to admit hearing your cries for me about four times an hour is quite distracting.” He looks up to you in worry, and before he can verbally express his apologies, you continue to explain, “When I first arrived to Valhalla, I was told that if need be, going through the Door of Light would bring me to where I need to go, for any unfinished business. So here I am, and until my business is finished, I am stuck here. The Door will only come to me when my soul is ready to finally rest.” He holds your hands in his, with a solid grip, as if letting go would cause you to disintegrate before his eyes. “My dear,” He croaks, his glassy eyes drinking you in, “I still don’t… I still don’t quite understand. The others also cry for you.” He stops and sniffs, and looks down in pure embarrassment, “And I don’t cry for you four times an hour… I cry for you four times a day.” He says softly, ashamed in his grief, and how it has caused you such unrest. 

“Four times a day?” You echo, looking away from him briefly. “Yes, (Y/N). You haunt me all the time. When I wake up and turn to see your usual spot cold and empty, it reminds me of how I will never be able to wake you again with kisses on your shoulder, or be able to hold you until you wake in my arms. You haunt me when I shower, when I remember how you would jump in impulsively, and kiss me under the cascading water. I miss you during dinner, when you would serve everyone before you, and bicker with Steve and Tony and even Thor…” He trails off, smiling to himself as he relives the beautiful memories. But his smile quickly fades, and with closed eyes, he murmurs, “But most of all, I miss you most as I go to bed. I turn to face your empty bedside, I lack the feeling of your head on my chest, the sound of your heart beating against mine is fading from my mind, and I crave the feeling of holding you in my arms, and kissing you goodnight.” At this he chokes back another sob, which only makes you more mournful. “No…” you start, shaking your head. “There’s no concept of time in Valhalla, but I tried counting… tracking the seconds. How long have I been dead?” You whisper in disbelief, a fleeting feeling of shock starting to fester within your soul. Loki looks up to you, fresh tears brimming in his eyes, and without taking his eyes off yours, he simply says, “Two years.”

TWO YEARS?! It’s been two years and you are just NOW coming down? Your mind races, trying to piece together the missing timeline. “Oh” You breathe, letting your mind scramble. “My Queen, please tell me how I can fix this. The thought of you suffering because of me makes my heart ache, and my soul bleed.” Loki confesses, one hand now lightly on your waist, the other delicately cupping your cheek. You hold his hand to your cheek and lean into his hand, sighing in the feeling you’ve missed the most; him. You gesture to his your bed, and he escorts you to it, and you both sit at the foot. “I don’t know everything myself. All I know is that I was told to go through the Door to find my final rest.” you explain, Loki now lifting you onto his lap, holding you like a precious child, as if you were going to fall. “I am here now to seek my peace, Loki. Though the others still grieve for me, they are nowhere as near as loud as you. I hear Steve and Natasha’s cries like whimpers, and I hear Tony’s as a mere mutter. The others are a faint buzz. But you… you cry and shriek and yell and I all I can do is brace my soul and listen.” You breathe and look at him, his lips in a thin line, his face contorted, regret and guilt clearly displayed. “I do not know how long I will be here, but I also know that manifesting into a form the living can see takes a lot of energy, and I know while I am here, I will be floating in and out of the Planes. I may disappear in front of your eyes, but I will still be here. I think… I think we will all know when it is my time to go.” You exhale slowly.

Loki just holds you tighter, and whispers his love and condolences, rubbing your shoulder with his thumb, you holding his face lightly. You press your forehead to his, and lightly kiss him- another quality from life you’ve missed- and when you two finally pull away, you smile in blissful content and nod your head towards his door. “Loki, I love you so much. But I still do have to tell the others.” You can feel your energy draining, a feeling almost identical to being lulled to sleep after an exhausting mission. He lets you get up, but at the last second he changes his mind, and grabs your wrist tightly, not letting you leave. “My dear, you look more translucent. Why don’t you rest?” He suggests, tugging your wrist gingerly. You turn to him and, seeing his eyes sparkle and his tear-stained face crinkle in adoration, you join him once again on his bed, now resting in his safe arms.

Lovely Tags: 

Hello Loves!

I am back from a bit of writer’s block! Please enjoy my tangled thoughts, and please do not plagiarize my work! (You may repost and share, but with everything in tact, please!)

Part 1  Part 2

Some parts of this chapter are based off of the song “Growing Pains” by Maria Mena.

You are woken (or perhaps, you regain consciousness? Since you have no body to awaken) to Loki rustling and searching the sheets for you. “No, no no no no please, please let it be real” He whispers to himself, sorrow lacing his words. “She felt so real. Oh, Odin in Valhalla, let her have been real. Please.” He continues, rummaging through the blankets and sheets as if you were a lost coin. You murmur in sad understanding, and will yourself to materialize onto his bed. You feel the air thicken around you, and the sheets under your rested soul feel soft and more tangible, and at this Loki simply stops, and sits back on his bed in astonishment. “____, I thought…. You really are…” He rambles, blinking at you slowly. “Yeah, I’m still here.” You joke lightly, moving closer to him. “I’m sorry for scaring you. I guess my new form of “rest” is disappearing from the living’s sight.” You sigh, giving him an air-light kiss on his cheek. “It’s alright darling. I hope your soul did rest well.” Loki says, his shoulders loosening up, and a smile dancing on his lips. “I did, thank you. But you do know I have to talk to the others as well.” You say, concern dripping into your sentences. You don’t know how the others will react to you. Like you had felt before, Steve, Tony, even Thor and Nat have seemed to move on, only occasionally remembering your existence. “That reminds me,” Loki hums, moving his arms to encompass you, pulling you closer, “It is Stark’s birthday today. He’s going to be ecstatic.” You frown in confusion, and pull away lightly to face him. “Loki, what do you mean? Tony barely makes a sound to me now.” You say, closing your eyes. The thought of him forgetting you stung. Though you wanted all your friends to end their grief, you still wanted to be cherished, or at least remembered. It may be selfish, but if you were going to see them again in the afterlife, a two-way street of remembrance would make the reunion less awkward. You’re pulled from your thoughts when Loki wraps his arms around you a little tighter, squeezing you the way he used to, and simply says, “___, every year, Wanda reads his mind when he makes a wish. Ever since you’ve passed, he’s only ever wished for you.”

This makes your soul ache. You feel crushed, and you can only lower your head into your arms, and lean into your living lover. “Oh, God almighty.” You whimper, feeling now as if a bus had hit you. “I had no idea, Loki. I don’t want him to freak out. Maybe I should wait.” You share, uncomfortable at the thought of your favorite playboy genius mourning you on his birthday. Loki shakes his head gently and gives you his opinion. “No, ____. I think today, after he blows out the candles, you should reveal yourself to him and the rest of the team. I think that’ll be the best entrance for you, and that way, Stark will have already celebrated his birthday a bit, and they can focus on helping you.” You press your lips into a thin line, and give him a face you can only describe as the “:/ expression”. “What?” He continues, shrugging his shoulders. “As one of the best entrance-creating gods, that’s my opinion.” His lips curl into a haughty and sarcastic smile, and you roll your eyes at the familiar antic. “I just don’t know. I don’t want to take away from his day, you know?” You say, now moving to stand up. Loki lets you leave his arms, also preparing to get up from his bed. “Believe me Darling. You won’t take away from his day, no; You’ll make his day.”

Tony’s POV (I’ve never actually seen an Iron Man movie (yikes) so I am really sorry if he’s ooc!)

Today is the day. Every time now, when I get older, I feel like she seemed younger, smaller, and more fragile; and more my fault. If only I had been able to reach ___. If only I could just apologize, or just say goodbye. After she died, I went through all the liquor I had already stashed, then restocked, and then drained the bottles once more. The thought of her dying, consciously reaching for me while my back was turned to fight the puny and stupid and distracting little minions around me; that burned more than alcohol ever could.

Now I am better, sure. But today reminds me of how I will outlive her. How I will grow old, and she will remain in the ground, her body just left to decay. But, knowing Steve and Thor will try and make me a small party, and Nat or Wanda will order a nice cake, I throw a small smile on my face as I walk throughout the compound. The mask isn’t nearly as impenetrable as my iron mask, but it will do for the next 24 hours.

As I smile and thank my team for the collective “happy birthday” wishes and presents handed to me, a single lyric runs in my head. ____ showed me this emo song I thought only she and Loki would ever like; a song about grief and moving on and being strong and Kumbaya. But now that song rings in my head like a broken record. As the anniversary of the third year of missing and mourning her ticks by, the line seems to grow louder in my mind. “No one will tell you about the limit. They put on how long you can grieve.” knocks around my brain, and the following lyric echoes its melancholy tone. “No one will warn you when you're winning. How heavy a lost love can be.” My birthday blurs around me, and before I know it, soon I will have to face the candles, and through their taunting gleam, still make the same wish for the third year in a row.

I wish I could just say goodbye.

Your POV

While Loki preps to look like his usual “I don’t care about anything” self for the party, you can’t help but snort. “While you’re at it, make sure to put on your best “my girlfriend totally didn’t come back to me from the dead” expression, okay?” You say with a wide smile, twirling around his room. He smirks to himself as he puts on his favorite pair of pants, and simply retorts, “Of course, my dear. But what do I do when you come popping out and shout, ‘BOO’, hmm?” He straightens up and takes my hands, spinning you softly, then pulls you into a classic ballroom dance position. His hand on your back, the other hand laced with yours, it all flushes nostalgia and love throughout your body, and you can’t help but have a rather naughty creative thought. “Are you not the God of Mischief?” You taunt, letting him guide you through a classic waltz. “You must have really gone mundane when I died,” you continue with a laugh, and with a wicked smile, you voice your thought of misbehavior; “Who said I would just “pop out”? I was thinking about being a little more like a poltergeist.”

Lovely Tags:

eye-

So far the playlist consists of, for example, Pentatonix, The Offspring, Panic! at the Disco, Three Days Grace, Hayley Kiyoko, and Billie Joel.

There are also two different versions of The Chain on it because my friend who likes Pentatonix hated Three Days Grace's cover so much that she removed it and replaced it with the original and I had to put it back in.