Finding The Vein
Happy Birthday Lucy! I wanted to give you something special for your birthday so I thought I would bring one of your Auâs to life. I hope you like it.
Based on @lovelyluce au. All credit goes to her for the idea. I merely pieced parts together and wrote it
Disclaimer: SUBSTANCE ABUSE TW. I do not condone taking drugs. All of this is from research alone and based on that research so it is not entirely accurate. Iâve done the best I could with sources available to me. If you are struggling with substance abuse then please contact the necessary support around you.
Nalu. Angst. one-shot
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Lucy brought her fist down on the door. It was two raps until she forced herself to pull her arm away. She didnât mean for them to come down as harshly as they sounded, loud and impatient as they echoed around the dingy apartment, but she was ansty. The nervousness made her rise on the balls of her feet as her stomach twisted and pulled whilst she waited for Natsu to respond.
But, he didnât.
âNatsu? Everything okay in there?â She tried to keep her voice soft, yet she couldnât hide the strain in her throat as she kept her hand clenched by her side. It had been too long - he had been in there too long. The clock was ticking by and more minutes were passing that the silence echoed around their apartment. Lucy didnât want to overreact. If she overreacted then she didnât trust him, which she did. If she hadnât then she wouldnât have moved in with him - She wouldnât have believed in him to start their small family when they were just seventeen.
They had Nashi and they were working on being better - he was working on being better. He had promised that he had come off the drugs. Lucy didnât want to doubt him. Though, the sense of dread beginning to hollow out her chest as she stood outside the door made her feel uneasy - namely the silence that followed after her calls.
âNatsu?â
He stared at the roof, eyes glazed. The needles were laid at his side as he let the coolness of the tiles press against his flushed skin. He closed his eyes, the warmth spreading through his veins and making his heartbeat slow to a soothing pace. There was a muffled noise reaching out to him, but there was something in him that told him to ignore it. It wasnât important at the moment. All that mattered was the mould that made shapes on the ceiling - beautiful and mesmerising as he picked out every single one, breathing a name into it as he let his mind rest in his imagination.
Natsu was in heaven.
âHey.â Lucy jiggled the doorknob again. âCan you open up?â She bit her lip as her mind circled through the thoughts in her head, heart beating faster as the minutes ticked by. âI uh.. I need some help with Nashi.â It was a lie, spat through clenched teeth, but she needed him to come out. Lucy needed to know that he was okay.
Yet, he didnât hear her from where he sat in the bathroom. Natsu was too far gone. The dose had been bigger than before, injecting a hundred dollars straight into the protruding vein in his forearm. The skin there showed the signs of being previously prodded, pink holes that told the story of how he had tried - that he had done his best to be clean for a few months. Now, the red dot spoke of how the pressure had got to him, adding to the tale that was etched permanently on his skin.
Relapse was always something that he was afraid of, but now it didnât matter. None of it mattered as he saw further, past the anxiety and the depression that weighed heavily on his shoulders, and into the light of the world. How soft it was around him, even the pads of his fingers feeling the small electricity buzzing around him as he rested his palms against the bathroom floor.
Lucy brought her hand down on the wood again. âNatsu! Open this door. Now!â This time she didnât control how hard she hit, or how many times she brought her knuckles against the wood. She knocked harder and harder as she started struggling to breathe. The longer he stayed silent the more images flashed into her head - the glazed over eyes, the used and dirty needles, how she was banging on a different door when he overdosed at his friends house before they were meant to go on a date.
On that night⌠she had thought she was going to lose him.
âIâm begging you, please!â She was shouting as she pounded on the door with two fists. âAnswer me.â Her shoulders were heaving. The air not being able to be taken in fast enough as the panic rippled through her chest, her throat constricting as her eyes watered. âPlease, please, please. Natsu! Speak to me- anything!â
He had missed this, his head bobbing as he smiled to himself. Every tension in his body had melted away, the muscles in his shoulders finally able to relax as his neck swayed slightly from side to side. Green eyes were rolling back as the euphoria took over, penetrating every cell in his body as he tingled with pleasure. It was a warm embrace. This was home, and Natsu had been so entirely home sick.
Nashi had woken up now, screaming from her cot beside their bed as Lucy kicked at the door knob. It hurt her foot, bruising the sole as she repeatedly used all her strength to bash it down. She would have to explain to the landlord after, she would have to pay for the damages with money she didnât have - that they didnât have because Natsu had probably used his last pay check to get another hit.
Yet, she kept trying, the tears bubbling over and sliding down her cheeks as she kept shouting. âNatsu! Donât do this to us.â She pressed her face against the bathroom door, swallowing down a sob as she pleaded to someone that was already over the edge - too gone to hear the cries spilling from the only people left who cared about him. âThink of Nashi. Remember what you said! You said this would be different - t-that we would be against all of this. Donât you remember what you promised? Natsu!â
He let his body slide across the tiles as he slumped. Natsu didnât feel anything - everything around him fading as he lost himself to the drug coursing through him. No matter how far he strayed, it would always find him one way or another. Thatâs what addiction was. A dependency on what would always take him back no matter how he failed, how many times he stumbled and let them down. It was always ready to take him back to bliss.
The handle broke off as Lucy swung down the mallet. They had used it when they were setting up their furniture, a cheap flat pack that they shuffled into place to start the small space that they called home. Now, it was used to bust open the locked bathroom, denting the flimsy metal a few too many times before it finally got the doorknob to come loose. With everything she had in her, she pushed into their dingy bathroom that was adjacent to their bedroom.
Her breathing was heavy, shoulders shaking as she finally reached Natsu. Yet, the sight of her boyfriend on the floor sent tremors rattling through her entire being before she was desperately trying to get to his side. He wasnât responsive, all his body weight crushing her as she pulled him onto her. The tears wouldnât stop, the screams tearing through her throat as she called for help, but it was unlikely that anyone would come - not in the neighbourhood where she lived.
This wasnât a life that Lucy had wanted. When she had pictured her dream life it was a white picket fence in the suburbs and married to a fine young man who had a good job. It wasnât supposed to be scraping by as they dropped out of their final year of highschool, a pregnancy at sixteen that made her father cut her off. She wasnât meant to be holding the person she loved most so tight in the fear that maybe, this time, they wouldnât come down from their high.
Yet, that was the beauty of the needle - its sharp edge dug into more than just yourself. Heroin was selfish and spread the pain deep. Deeper than Natsu had ever thought his drug addiction could run as the life they had both hoped for spiralled.
