Sometimes I wonder if you're out there thinking about me, too.

If you pause when the breeze hits just right,

and feel something missing—something soft, unfamiliar.

I haven’t met you yet,

but I talk to you in my head when the nights get quiet.

I wonder what your laugh sounds like,

if your hands would feel safe,

if your eyes would linger the way I dream they would.

Till today you have only been known to me and to those who are close to me. You were only met by one of my dearest friends and I’ve been debating whether to let you be known. Not going to lie I liked the fact that you were mine and no one out of importance to me knew who you were. But I feel this will help me in some type of way to let you go.

It’s been a year now since the last we spoke. I know for a fact that my message never reached you and maybe thats the reason why I still have lingering feelings for you, or maybe I just was never honest with myself about my true feelings for you.

I hate the fact that I fell so hard for someone whom I knew was just temporary. Yet here I am a whole year later still missing and crying over you... So don’t mind me as I write this letter to you and if by chance you somehow find this in some odd way then maybe it was meant to be seen by you... 

Tony, 

Thank you for the memories you created with me. Thank you for the time we spent together. If i’m being honest with myself I had fallen hard for you. i loved you and still love you. I’m still baffled on how it all ended. Im pissed off about how it even went down. I thought our “friendship/connection” was stronger or at least better than that. You were and still are someone I would love to have in my life whether it be platonically or romantically. We both can’t deny that we have some weird ass connection that makes us strongly connected to one another.  But maybe it was just not our time to come together. You still linger in my thoughts and there are times were I just know you are missing me too. I know how stubborn you are so you aren’t gonna go and unblock me. It does hurt me that I happen to be one of those people you won’t unblock but hey it is what it is. I am truly sorry for not respecting the boundary you set when you wanted to walk away from the “argument/disagreement” I should have just said ok and let it go. I want you to know that I didn’t mean for it to come across that way I wanted you to know why I felt at times you were pushing me away especially when I decide to allow myself to get closer to you. I am so sorry.

I want you to always remember... No matter what happens and no matter who hurts you. DO NOT change how you love. You love deep and hard. Don’t ever change that. That type of love is unique. That type of love is what makes you you and what makes you different from the rest. The moment you decide to change that is the moment you let that person or situation win. And we both know you hate losing. Baby boy don’t let anyone dim you for brain dumping on a subject that you have knowledge on. The way you light up when you do is a thing to see, and someone who truly cares and loves you would love to see that not try to dim it. You have a lot of issues I know you still are trying to fix and a lot of obstacles within yourself and just life in general you are trying to get through. I hope that one day we may cross paths again and I can see what future who have made for yourself even though I know you will be just fine. But I want to see the man you become to be once healed and loved properly. 

Thank you for giving me the memories I have because honestly you have been the one thing that made me truly happy.

I love you,

always hoped you´d stay sighted while i was struggling in the dark

always hoped we´d get through it

get through everything

but we do not

in the end

i had to find out

it is easier to fight by myself

because you didnt understand the way i loved

the way i loved you.

you didnt understand my love for you

and then i figured

you were blind all the time

blind for me