For Lotor Week 2017 @voltronweeks
Day 3: Hiding
AO3 link
Shipfic, Keith/Lotor, Keitor
Features Blade of Marmora Keith and Blade of Marmora Lotor, Trans Keith
Rated for general audiences
Warning: discussion of periods, discussion of systemic transphobia and the fears associated with coming out as trans
Lotor was on break. He enjoyed his rest time as a way to unwind from the stressful work in the Blade of Marmora, but that did not mean that he was planning to simply lie down. Unfortunately, that left him without many other options. He aimlessly made his way into the barracks and over to the bunk he shared with Keith (only because Keith was the only person who was willing to sleep directly below the former prince), idly wondering what he was going to do, when a small sound, a groan, caught his attention. Lotor looked down to see Keith on his side, clutching his abdomen.
Keith did not seem to be aware of Lotor’s presence at first, so Lotor spoke softly, hoping not to startle him. “Are you alright?”
Violet eyes shot wide open and met Lotor’s with an intense gaze for a moment, but Keith’s entire expression quickly scrunched up in pain for a long moment before he managed to relax again somewhat. “I’m fine,” Keith muttered.
Lotor was unconvinced. “If you are ill, you should see a healer,” he prompted.
Keith shook his head before Lotor was even done speaking. “No, no, I’m fine,” he insisted with forced casualness. “They wouldn’t be able to do anything about this. It’s just a normal human thing. I’ll be fine in a couple days.”
Leaning a little closer to investigate, Lotor caught a scent that was familiar to him – blood mixed with something almost sweet yet very repulsive – and he quickly realized what ‘normal human thing’ Keith was talking about. “Ah, I see,” he said gently. “I was… unaware that human males also went through menstruation.”
The human male in question looked utterly shocked and horrified at Lotor’s statement. “H-how… how did you know?!” he asked in an accusatory tone.
Hesitating, afraid he had crossed some kind of unstated boundary, Lotor ventured, “As I told you before, Acxa is half-human, and she underwent this process 10-15 times per decapheobe. She told me that, as far as she was aware, it was something that only happened to females, and it occurs in very few species other than humans.”
Keith looked… resigned. “Well, I’m not just a normal human male, so… yeah, I also go through this.”
“Do any of the others know?” Lotor asked, trying to be as tactful as possible.
“No.” Keith’s voice held a note of near-panic at the mere suggestion. “Don’t mention this to anyone else, especially any of the oth—of the paladins.”
Lotor pondered this for a moment, trying to piece everything together. Acxa had said that this had to do with the female reproductive system in humans, yet Keith was male. Additionally, Keith wanted to make sure that no one knew about this, and Lotor suspected that this was for reasons a lot deeper than simply not wanting to admit to some bleeding and pain. The only conclusion was…
“On Altea, they called your kind the Soul-Shifted,” Lotor stated, watching for Keith’s reaction.
Keith looked up with confusion and suspicion. “What do you mean, ‘my kind’? Acxa and I are the only human-Galra hybrids in the history of the universe as far as anyone knows.”
Lotor offered a gentle hint of a smile. “Alteans could shift their physical forms, of course, but they believed that the soul remained the same. The soul did not shift even when the body changed.”
“Okay…?”
“I do not know how much you have seen of Altean shapeshifting, but it can be taken to an extent that would make one… appear to be of the opposite sex.” Again, Lotor watched for a reaction.
Now Keith looked wary and defensive. “And your point is?”
“Shifts were seen to be skin-deep only, but some would maintain a shift almost indefinitely to attempt to integrate into society as a member of the opposite sex. They insisted that the shift went down to the level of their soul, hence the name Soul-Shifted.”
Keith’s eyes unfocused as he realized what Lotor was saying. “Oh,” he finally murmured. “On earth we just call it…” He hesitated, swallowing hard, before coming out with it, “We call it transgender. I’m… trans-male.”
Lotor offered Keith a supportive smile. “Thank you for trusting me with this.”
With a wry chuckle, Keith said, “You were the one who figured it out. I just confirmed what you already knew.”
“You could have tried to lie to me,” Lotor pointed out with a casual gesture of indifference.
“I doubt that would have worked,” Keith scoffed. His eyes still held some vulnerability and many questions. “So, this… doesn’t bother you?” he ventured.
Lotor shook his head without hesitation. “It does not bother me at all,” he answered without hesitation. “I do not necessarily believe that the Alteans were better than the Galra on all accounts, but I certainly find their view, and especially the policies friendly towards the Soul-Shifted that King Alfor’s father put into place, to be a much better take on the situation than the Galra way.”
Keith froze for a moment. “What’s the… Galra way?”
Lotor grimaced and looked away from Keith, unable to meet the latter’s eyes as he explained, “For those insistent on going through with the transition, there is a… procedure, but few survive, and even those who do are banned from many rights and privileges. Their lives afterwards are unpleasant and often short. Most are too afraid to express their feelings in the first place. For those who will not suppress their identity but do not want to attempt the procedure, the only other option is death, unless the druids take them for experimentation.”
“Oh.”
“‘Oh’ indeed. I attempted to change the policies, but change was too slow, and I was rather preoccupied with trying to manage the colonies without the fear tactics they had been conditioned to respond to. I simply could not do everything at once. And now…”
“Now Zarkon is back in power.”
“Exactly.”
Silence hung between the two of them for a few moments, the only change in it being the shifting cadence of Keith’s breathing as he suffered through a few waves of cramps, before he spoke up, “On earth, it varies from country to country. In mine, there is a procedure, and most do survive it, but it’s really difficult to sort through all of the legal stuff and have the change be recognized by the government, and even then…” He trailed off. “Well, I’ll never really be ‘done’ transitioning. The laws have gotten better than, say, just over a hundred years ago back when I wouldn’t have been able to even use the correct bathroom, but they still aren’t perfect.”
Lotor nodded sympathetically. “I see… does anyone else know about this?”
“Shiro does,” Keith admitted as he fidgeted with the edge of his blanket, “but I haven’t told the others. I don’t know how they’d react. I mean, they were fine with Pidge, but she still somewhat identifies as a girl. Her situation is a little different from mine.”
Humming thoughtfully, Lotor considered his next words before asking, “What is the worst reaction you could reasonably expect? Pushing aside the irrational scenarios, what are you afraid of?”
Keith was silent for a moment – partly because he had to brace himself to endure another wave of cramps – before he answered, “I think they might find it bizarre. I’m already weird enough as an alien hybrid and a loner type. I also don’t know if they might have cultural or moral objections to it. I doubt they’d try to hurt me or do anything to me on purpose, but I’m afraid that they’ll pull away and become more distant, maybe even encourage me to spend more time with the Blade of Marmora.”
“I think the Blade of Marmora might be your more pressing concern,” Lotor advised. It was harsh, he knew, but Keith needed to know. “As I said, Galra society is… less than accepting of this. Does Kolivan know, at least?”
Keith made a non-committal sound and gesture, only clarifying with, “I had to tell him about the periods, but I passed it off as just a normal human thing. He might suspect, but he hasn’t said anything.”
“I see,” Lotor sympathized. “I imagine that the Blade of Marmora will likely be accepting, since they already go against the laws and traditions of the empire, but perhaps I could subtly ask them to be sure? I would certainly not mention you.”
“Hmm…” Keith considered this for a moment. “I suppose that’d be good to know. Thanks.”
Lotor smiled. “Not a problem.”
“If only you could do the same with the paladins…” Keith half-joked.
“It would not be hard to bring it up to Allura, at least.” Lotor watched for Keith’s reaction, which displayed some interest, before continuing, “I could simply mention it in the context of politics and what laws she intends to enforce on the planets in the Coalition. If I bring it up in front of everyone and explain the concept of the Soul-Shifted to the humans, I could read their reactions and determine how they might feel about the matter.”
Keith was silent for a short while before he answered, “I guess that would be good, but I don’t want to risk them finding out.”
“You deserve to know whether or not you even need to hide,” Lotor insisted.
“True,” Keith admitted. “Alright, go ahead.”
“Thank you for allowing me to help. I’ll be careful.” Then, without even properly thinking about it, Lotor bent down and kissed Keith’s forehead in a comforting and affectionate gesture. As soon as he realized what he’d just done, Lotor pulled away and began to apologize. “I’m so sorry! I-I overstepped. I simply… I forgot what was proper. I am so sorry…”
Keith actually began to laugh, which caused Lotor to freeze mid-sentence. “That was pretty weird, but… not bad? Just, you know, give me some warning next time, okay?”
“…next time?” Lotor looked at Keith, trying to read in Keith’s eyes what was left unsaid.
Shrugging, Keith replied, “Yeah, I mean, I usually don’t really like being touched, but… I guess that just kind of… felt okay?”
Lotor sank to his knees beside the bed, coming a little closer to Keith. “Then… perhaps I could stay with you? Until I need to go back on duty, that is?”
Violet eyes met Lotor’s, sparkling with amusement and softened by… affection? Keith smiled a little as he answered, “Sure, sounds good to me.”
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Warning: canon-typical endangerment of minors, mentions of past abuse including child abuse, implications of “rape culture”
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Fires raged. Smoke rose up from the ruins of the city – another rebellious colony now destroyed. Of course, Lotor did not care. Why should he be concerned about the state of the empire or the welfare of a few colonies that were more trouble than they were worth? He was only here because he needed supplies, and the battle’s aftermath would leave plenty of scraps and useful objects lying around until the salvage crews arrived to clean up the mess.
As he carefully waded into the remnants of the chaos, now as still as a ghost town except for the fires, he watched his small crew out of the corner of his eye. Acxa, naturally, was unaffected by the flames and chaos. She had been through worse, and she, oddly enough, seemed to rather like fire. Of course, the sight of the burning town gave her no joy, but it did not seem to strike the same kind of instinctual fear in her that most Galra had around fire.
Zethrid displayed a snarl that was likely hiding a wince of pain as she examined the wreckage around her. Almost nothing fazed her in all of their fights and travels, but a sight like this, a colony in ruins, always brought back bitter memories for her. Lotor would likely have to give her some extra training time later to help her channel her rage so that it would not affect her performance.
Narti was, as always, reactionless. The only indication of how she may have been feeling came from Kova, who hissed at and crouched away from the flames surrounding them. Narti simply picked her way through the rubble, avoiding the fires as well as she could.
Their little band was complete, in Lotor’s opinion. He led them, Acxa backed him up and strategized, Zethrid was a pure force of power, and Narti was an excellent rogue and lookout. Why would Lotor need anyone else?
A small whimper of pain drew Lotor’s attention. He made his way over and found someone still alive among the wreckage. The person seemed to be female, possibly a young adult, though Lotor suspected from her gangly appearance that she was still an adolescent. She looked native; however, her purple markings were unusual, and, when she looked up at Lotor with wide, fear-filled eyes, her yellow sclera demonstrated her Galra heritage, even though her blue irises were a native feature. Half-breeds were not unheard of, but this planet’s people had taken a special disliking to the Galra, so Lotor was mildly surprised that any of the natives had cross-bred with Galra. Unless, of course, it had not been by choice… such a thing was unusual, but not unheard of. It disgusted Lotor that the perpetrators of such acts usually got away with it, and that the children of such unholy unions were usually abandoned to a fate of disgrace or torment if not death.
As Lotor looked at the girl more closely, he determined that she was most likely only one-quarter Galra, which was even more unusual. He wondered who her parents were and how their society had received them. Judging from the old scars mixed with the new wounds on this girl, the answer was most likely not one that Lotor would enjoy hearing. Additionally, her wounds were far from fatal, which suggested that she had been abandoned on purpose, not simply left for dead.
Lotor did not often feel pity, but this strange girl elicited that very reaction from him. Still, the prince would not act on pity alone. Perhaps he could get Zethrid to carry this girl out of the wreckage, but that would be where his assistance ended. Before he could give the order, however, the girl spoke first.
“Sir, please,” she began as she struggled to get up, “allow me to become a soldier. I can serve the empire. I can… I’m strong, I know how to fight, and I’m stealthy. Please, please…” She trailed off, beginning to lose her composure, though she’d managed to stand. In her eyes, Lotor could see desperation, but also determination and some confusion with a small glimmer of hope as she looked from him to his generals. After all, they were all clearly not fully Galra.
Lotor considered the situation. It was obvious that she thought that she would be better off as a soldier than as a captive, which was correct, however… “The empire rarely accepts any soldiers who are not of full Galra blood,” Lotor answered honestly enough, “and never anyone with less than half.”
“I’m half-Galra,” the girl answered firmly and without hesitation.
Lotor raised an eyebrow at her, and he was impressed that she managed to hold his gaze until he said, “I am certain that you are not. Even if you are, you do not look nearly Galra enough to join the ranks of soldiers. Your best chance is to hide and hope that the main fleet does not find you and throw you in the arena or a work camp.”
Her expression became more intense, her eyes shining with determination as she challenged him. She forced herself to straighten to her full height and to stand firm as she declared, “Sir, I can be a valuable asset to you. Let me prove myself. Give me a chance.”
Lotor gave her his best ‘really now?’ expression, and he watched as she backed down somewhat, though she did not look away. “Why do you want to join?”
“To serve the—”
“Why do you really want to join?”
The girl paused, considering. Finally, her façade of resolve visibly crumbled, and she admitted, “I know it’s my best chance. My mother was abused and eventually killed by the people here for being half-Galra. My father met the same fate for defending her and me. They’ve abused me ever since then. I’ve barely managed to survive here by acting cute and making myself useful, but when the rebellion failed, they left me, saying that I should join the invaders like the ‘Galra scum’ I am.”
“Were you part of the rebellion?” Lotor asked, keeping his expression neutral. “Do not lie.”
She had the nerve to scoff at him, further suggesting that she was still quite young. “Do you honestly think they would have accepted me?” she retorted.
“No.”
“There’s your answer.”
Well, she definitely had spunk. Lotor could appreciate that. This attitude suited her much better than the ones she had displayed earlier. He could see bits of his younger self in her, and he knew he could train her and help her reach her full potential. “Well then… I think I may indeed have a bit of an offer for you,” he drawled with forced casualness.
Her eyes widened with surprise and hope laced only with a bit of suspicion. “Yes?”
“You see, my crew and I operate on… the outskirts of the law.” Lotor paused, waiting for her reaction, and was pleased to see her expression shift to interest. He continued, “I am still, for the time being, technically a person of high rank in the empire, but I have rather fallen out of the emperor’s graces. I use this to my advantage, staying just on the periphery of the emperor’s view. One day, I may be completely exiled—”
“Again,” Zethrid cut in.
Lotor shot her a glare. “Yes, again, but the point is that my unique position offers my followers certain freedoms that are not afforded to regular soldiers. To a certain extent we… subvert expectations. I am sure that you noticed that none of us are fully Galra?”
“Yes,” the girl agreed, looking increasingly hopeful and even a bit excited.
“While we are all half-Galra, I personally see no need to discriminate. As long as you can operate Galra technology, it makes no difference to me.”
“I can!”
“Excellent. I should warn you, however, that our operations often put us in very difficult situations. We cannot have someone holding us back because of inability. Can you keep up?”
“I’m fast,” the girl insisted, “I’m great with hand-to-hand combat, and I can be really stealthy. I’m also a quick learner.”
Lotor nodded approvingly, though he was actually most impressed at how unfazed she was by everything he had said so far. “To join us, then, is to pledge your loyalty to me, not to the empire. If you make mistakes, or if you need to leave, know that I will strand you where you cannot tell the empire anything about me or my plans.”
She looked a little nervous, but she nodded all the same.
“If you betray me or any of my crew, you will die immediately.”
Again, she nodded, swallowing harshly but still maintaining eye contact.
“Excellent. Do you know who I am?”
She froze, looking incredibly nervous as she slowly shook her head.
“That is alright,” Lotor reassured her with a small smile. “I do keep a low profile on purpose. I am not surprised that you do not recognize me, though I imagine you have probably heard of me. I am Prince Lotor.”
She inhaled sharply before saluting and bowing. “Your majesty, vrepit sa.”
Lotor could not quite hold back a wince. “Please, don’t,” he said, dropping the formal language and tone for a moment. “The salute is fine, but the rest of it… that is how people address my father, not me. Refer to me as ‘Prince’ or ‘Sir’ if you must, but drop this ‘your majesty’ business, and do not say that pledge to me.”
The girl’s expression was the clearest visual representation of ‘I’ve quiznacked this up already’ Lotor had ever seen as she quickly stood up straight and nodded, maintaining the salute.
“It’s alright,” Lotor reassured her, “at ease.”
She dropped the salute.
“Now, do you still wish to join my crew?” He locked eyes with her, watching her expression carefully for any emotions it might betray that she would rather keep hidden.
The girl paused for a moment, considering, before she nodded and confidently declared, “Yes.”
Lotor looked back at his team, gauging their reactions. Acxa’s expression was unreadable, but she gave a slight nod. Zethrid gave a half-shrug that indicated ‘eh, why not?’. Narti, of course, had no reaction, but Kova did not show any aggression toward the girl, so that was answer enough in Lotor’s opinion. He turned back to the girl. “Then, on your life, swear your loyalty to me,” he commanded.
She put her arm across her chest in a standard salute and declared, “I, Ezor, swear on my life to be loyal to Prince Lotor and to follow his commands.” Her expression faltered as she realized that she had just talked about him like he wasn’t standing right in front of her. “I mean, loyal to you…?”
Lotor did not hold back his amusement at her fumble, instead allowing himself a small chuckle and warm smile to reassure her. “Thank you, Ezor. Welcome to the team,” he replied gently. Ezor. That was actually a Galra name. Lotor wondered why her parents had given her a name that emphasized the part of her most likely to be hated by the locals.
Ezor gave him a smile of her own in return, full of hope and gratitude. Lotor felt a pang in his chest – she was certainly a bit younger than his other three generals, and she seemed to trust him so easily. He hoped that he could protect her.
“Come along,” Lotor told her. He turned to lead the way out of the ruins, but he could, thankfully, still see Ezor out of his peripheral vision as she took one step and immediately stumbled. Lotor quickly caught her and tried to help her stand, but she winced in pain. “Is something broken?” he asked gently as he shifted to better support her weight.
Her face was scrunched up from the pain, and she barely managed to grunt out, “Doubt it, but probably sprained.”
“Zethrid,” Lotor called, “can you gently carry her?”
“Yeah, of course I can, sir,” Zethrid answered casually, strolling right over and easily lifting Ezor up into her arms, carrying the smaller girl bridal-style. “This good?” Zethrid asked her.
Ezor nodded. “Go easy on the ribs – I probably dislocated a few – but yeah, this is okay.”
Lotor sighed, glad to have resolved that minor crisis. He checked the time, then scanned the horizon for any signs of Galra ships. “Zethrid, take Ezor to the ship,” he commanded. “Acxa, Narti, let’s finish up quickly.”
Later on, after everyone was aboard the ship and flying away, the questions began. Ezor was curious about everything, but especially about how the team got together.
They answered her questions. They were hesitant at first, of course, to reveal any particularly sensitive information, but as the conversation flowed more easily, they all found themselves telling her nearly everything.
They told her about Acxa first. They started off with explaining the many interesting quirks she had gained from other side of her heritage, especially for dealing with danger, but that led to explaining where the other half of her genetics had come from and why. Acxa’s mother had been a criminal, a traitor to the empire, and had fled to an uncharted, primitive planet, thinking she could hide from the empire. There, she had procreated with one of the natives. Of course, no one can hide from the Galra empire forever. The empire had found both Acxa and her mother, and both had paid the price for her mother’s crimes. Lotor counted himself and Acxa alike lucky that he had found her – she had gained a chance to be something more than an experiment, and he had gained his most loyal soldier.
They then recounted Zethrid’s story, which was particularly interesting to Ezor. Zethrid’s home colony had participated in a similar rebellion, and her father had been one of the leaders of it. Zethrid herself had been arrested by the empire and forced to fight in the Arena. Lotor had wound up there – partly against his will, as punishment, but also partly by his own choice, to prove a point – and had noticed Zethrid’s fierce, unbreakable spirit. He had more or less befriended her by the time Acxa carried out the pre-arranged plan to break Lotor out of there, so he had invited Zethrid to come with. Since then, she had proved to be to loyal and trustworthy as well as brave and powerful.
Lotor had discovered Narti entirely by accident when looking into the druids’ experiments. She had been locked away in the deepest experimentation chambers the druids had – Lotor suspected that she had been Haggar’s personal project, at least at some point – for stars-know-how-long. Lotor told Ezor that he had noticed a spark of ability in Narti, decided to take chance on her, and had never regretted it since. This was mostly true, but something about Narti still kept Lotor on edge, though she had been unwaveringly loyal and incredibly useful so far, so Lotor kept her on the team. He wished it was a little easier to communicate with her, since she was entirely mute, but her actions spoke loud enough, and Lotor knew that she was a highly capable soldier.
And now, they had Ezor. Lotor was not entirely sure where she would fit into their little dynamic, but he had no doubt that she would find her place. All of his generals had been lost when he found them, and Ezor was no different. All of them owed him their lives, and Lotor knew that he could trust them with his. It would take the impossible to break them apart.
If anyone asked Lotor why he had taken in his generals, he would have answered that he was the type of person who could see potential, which was true. Perhaps a more honest answer, however, would instead be that Lotor had been lost and abandoned once, in the chaos of a war and the debris of a planet that had been the key to half of his heritage, in the fallout afterwards as the people he had once loved as his parents revealed themselves to be monsters, and now he was stronger for it. He could see potential where no one else could – the forgotten, the lost, the broken, the unwanted, the abandoned – and he knew how to make that spark of potential into a flame of ability. Lotor found broken scraps and fashioned them into deadly weapons. Lotor found abandoned people and made them into warriors.
