#lostlover

It doesn’t matter how severe the burn.

It doesn’t matter how deep the wound.

I’d experience as many heartaches it’d take,

In as many lifetimes I must live

To find true love.

To fall in love.

To grow in love.

To live in love.

‘Til I die in Love.

I’d rather grieve than fear.

Sorrow, never pity.

Hope, never despair.

I adore love.

I admire lovers.

I’ll always find beauty in the pain.

Beauty in the depth of darkness..

Whether mine or yours.

I’ll always search for a sense of home

Whether near or far.

I’ll always hold onto hope

Whether shattered or scattered.

I’ll always choose chance over fear.

If given the choice..

(another letter I’ll never send)

I need to say this — not to you, but to the ache inside of me.

I love you.

Not because you asked for it.

Not because I meant to.

But because somewhere in the spaces between your laughter and your quiet understanding,

my heart decided

you were home.

You’ve never held me in your arms.

But you’ve held me in other ways —

with your voice,

your presence,

the way you make the world feel softer just by being in it.

And I’ve kept this love quiet,

wrapped in soft cloth,

hidden behind smiles and small talk and “I’ll be fine.”

Because I know I can’t hand it to you.

I know the shape of your life leaves no room for mine.

And I would never ask you to choose —

not ever.

So I carry it.

I carry the way your eyes calm the chaos in my mind.

I carry the warmth of your nearness.

The joy of your voice saying my name.

The heartbreak of knowing you will never be mine —

and the deep, sacred gratitude that I got to know you at all.

You’ve become my favorite almost.

And the truth is,

I will always love you —

softly,

secretly,

and without expectation.

This isn’t a goodbye.

It’s a keeping.

You’ll live in the quiet corners of my soul

for as long as my heart remembers

what it feels like to be

seen.

I’m thinking about you.

Are you thinking about me?

I’m always thinking about you.

Sometimes I wonder if you can hear me.

My thoughts.

My inner mind reaching.

Reaching for you.

To see you.

To hear you.

For a text from you.

Can you see me?

Can you feel me?

Can you hear me?

I’m always calling for you.

I’m always reaching for you.

I can’t text you.

I can’t snap you.

What if you aren’t alone.

So in my mind I call for you.

I reach for you.

Do you reach for me too?