#lost postman

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday ... another topsy-turvy Tuesday in Tuesdayville.

The grass here really is as high as an elephant’s eye … (rolls eyes, scrunches face, smiles) … well, OK, but only because the elephant is a pygmy elephant. ;-)

Yes folks, you heard it here first, the Lost Postman has decided to become an elephant keeper. Not sure when this decision was taken and I only discovered this yesterday when I fell over her trunk. At first I thought it was merely some kind of weird native garden wildlife that I simply hadn’t discovered yet (not surprising considering just how wild and woolly it is out there) … but then, when the rest of small Nelly came into view, I began to think otherwise.

So … the Lost Postman’s bag is now stuffed to the max with peanuts, buns and fruit. All the (rather dessicated) post that he’s been carrying around for all this time has finally been flung hither and thither in favour of Nelly’s noms. Naturally, whilst they were otherwise occupied cavorting through the various grasses, I made off with what was left of the envelopes and their contents and shut myself in the old charabanc to see what was what.

Not much to be seen really. Old pizza coupons that I can probably use as colourful snowflake decorations this Christmas (the slugs and snails have really lent their artistic bent to these) … neighbourhood letters regarding events long since past (hmmmm … I wonder if I would have enjoyed an evening’s re-enactment of the The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, with enough real potato peel pie available for everyone?) … all manner of offers for replacement windows, tree surgery and psychic assistance regarding unidentified items at the back of your fridge that may (or may not) have gained sentience and intelligence.

However … the most interesting item was a partially eaten letter (the teeth marks look suspiciously human) declaring my castle to finally be ready. Really??? My castle is ready??? I … am … so … excited!!! Just aswell I’d automatically put the seat belt on whilst I was sat inside the car … the amount of enthusiasm on my part upon reading this could have resulted in all manner of contusions and concussions such was my limb flailing and whooping! Ah bliss, I thought to myself, finally the long lost, much misplaced, several times removed and very little known rich (and highly generous) relative has actually come good and the palatial des res I have long since thought I was deserving of will soon be mine.

Now then … hmmmmmmm … where’s the address? (flips letter back and forth) … (scans every inch of it) … (look of horror comes upon my face) … aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!! The missing piece!!! (throws furious glance in the general direction of the leaping Lost Postman and his pachyderm pal) … the buggers eaten it!?! But when? Hmmmmmm … (eyes flick back and forth) … would it be worth giving him a few doses of syrup of figs? And, having done so, who can I employ to sift through the ensuing ‘soup’? ………….. The castle must be mine!

And now, tis time for breakfast (hope I haven’t put you off yours) and I’ll keep you posted as to developments … of all kinds.

Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday ...

I just want to reassure you that Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday did indeed happen and all was suitably topsy-turvy in Tuesdayville. In fact, so topsy-turvy that I ended up not managing to get near my keyboard. You see, over the past few days, a strange entity decided to set up residence inside my nose ... and this uninvited 'being' had to be invited to depart its new residence ... and the stuff I had to take in order to give it its marching orders meant that my one and only marble retreated so far into his hammock with his cocktail umbrellas and the dancing pink elephants, that I felt their oversized feet might just mash my keyboard and leave something even more unintelligible than usual.

So ... there you have it ... that was Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday. :-)

Today being Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday means that the shiny metropolis is calling. Although, yours truly will have to wait for the postman to arrive (sincerely hoping the lost postman doesn't spot him or there'll be trouble!) before there can be a departure as a few more books are coming to be added to the bedside pile. Tsundoku, as ever, is alive and well! ;-) Tis a well known fact that I have enough books to be buried beneath pyramid style ... but, I just couldn't help myself ... or (ponders) maybe I just helped myself too much and in the entirely wrong direction. However, the deed is done, and there's very little repentance.

Biggest Dog has had a wee groom this morning, so is definitely looking suitably swishy for the trip to town and will definitely ensure I stay away from any bookshops (they tend not to welcome such hairy critters.) All I really need to get her to learn to do is step in front of my laptop at the first sign of online book perusal ... this would definitely help immeasurably with my literary lack of restraint.

As to the piccies ... well ... me and Biggest Dog were taking a turn around the garden (always good to go with her or she forgets why she's out there) and, as ever, she kept turning round to ensure I was still in sight. I waved and waved and made encouraging noises and then spotted the sunlight on the house. It was too good to miss. So, I made like Arnie and shouted "I'll be back!" and ran and got my phone. There was a slightly hurt look from Biggest Dog on my return, but she was soon back to rummaging and foraging and I was able to capture the evening sunshine 'flames.'

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday ...

As to Friday, Friday, Friday and Saturday, Saturday, Saturday ... please be assured that they did indeed happen ... albeit seemingly upside down, sideways and with the 'this way up - fragile' label missing from them. ;-)

As you can see ...the ... car ... is ... back!!! 🥳🥳🥳

I've had Willie Nelson's 'On The Road Again' flootling through my brain ever since I went and picked the old gal up from my friend's driveway!! :-) That and a pretty constant shagadelic "Yeah baby!!" as I drove up the road yesterday, fully cognito, to go get my Groundhog Day TV Guide.

The Rooks are also thrilled to see the 'old charabanc' back in perfect position for their fecally loaded flybys. Bless their little arses and hearts! ;-D I did buy a car cover (once upon a time) ... but, somehow, that entered the house, disappeared through an "I'll put this here for now" portal, and has yet to be rediscovered so it can be used.

Still ... today the sun is shining ... I've a nice hot drink to hand ... and I'm fondly watching the shepherds, who have attached their kites to one of the neighbours as he tootles around on his ride on lawn mower. Somehow I don't think he can pick up enough speed to get them airborne no matter how many sandals the shepherds lob at him as a form of encouragement.

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday ... yet another day in Tuesdayville ...

The radio is playing "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" ... the sun is shining ... and the temperatures will drop to -1 tonight. Brrrrr and Eek! Looks like the Emerald Isle had it's weirdly placed summer in the past couple of weeks ... now it's time:

To bury the bikini

Stow away the sun lotion (not that I'm a sun worshipper ... drop me on a beach in a bathing suit and a dog would probably mistake me for driftwood and run up and down with me in its mouth) ;-)

And ... get natty with the knitting needles for a bit of late winter woolly underwear.

The Shepherds are all about the thermal socks and sandals ... the Lost Postman is insulating his oversized postal bag ... and yours truly is slathering herself with goose grease and black pepper.

Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday ...

And Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday and another day in Tuesdayville have seemingly merged into one as the continuing saga of my attempts to regain my elderly bit of transport continue.

As a heavily disguised (I coulda fooled Columbo) yours truly headed to the local petrol station for a bit of fuel before heading to the garage, couldn't help but think of the character from The Fast Show who's catchphrase was "You ain't seen me, right!?" ;-D

You see ... without the necessary bit of paper, me and the old gal should not be on the road at all. No siree! According to the powers that be, a tow truck should be employed if your 'charabanc' has been declared less than roadworthy. I did briefly ponder this course of action but, chocolate buttons being in short supply, incognito (or a wishful thinking of an invisibility cloak) won out.

So ... repairs have once more been carried out ... the old gal has been picked up by a co-conspirator and placed in their driveway ... and all will be revealed (smiles for a yay, or sobbing for a nay) on Thursday, Thursday, Thursday. Fingers crossed!🤞

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday ... another Tuesday in Tuesdayville ...

Ah the aroma and bovine ambience as the farmer next door empties his slurry tank. Nobody strike any matches!

Gone are the days of his cows hanging their heads over my fence (I miss them) ... but he still lets other farmers store their poopage in his tank. It's obviously spreading time so I think I'll forgo any idea of al fresco dining today.

Just standing here with a hot drink, gazing out of the kitchen window admiring both the moss that's busy growing on the wheels of my ever inert wheelie bin, and the dead heads from my Hydrangea.

In my mind's eye, I can picture the Lost Postman and the shady shepherds as they reenact Cinderella ... he with the dead flowers clasped in his hands sat atop the wheelie bin ... they attempting to move the bin in the direction of the 'ballroom.'

Not so much Prince Charming awaiting as the alarming sight of a full to the brim slurry truck bearing down on them, with a raring to go hopped up on Red Bull farmer at the helm.

Monday, Monday, Monday ...

Every day is a grey day, the weather is the same, the same, the same. Either the weather Gods have run out of ideas or the Lost Postman is out there with his old style filters and is filming his latest countryside film noir.

The premise rarely changes and you'd definitely need a cushion to hide behind as the tension builds when the new postman comes into view, plus a box of tissues for the weepy moments. But, be assured, the girl gets her letter in the end ... albeit 6 months after the Lost Postman's last sighting. So emotional.

I particularly like his use of battling Blackbirds to signify the torment the love interest goes through. The worm pulling scenes are quite harrowing.

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday ... yet another Tuesday in Tuesdayville ...

There's a hint of a breeze, the smallest amount of blue in the sky and the lost postman briefly resurfaced. I watched in blinking amazement as he scaled the back wall, drew out a can of starch and heavily sprayed what was left of his post bag, before proceeding to clamber onto the side wall of the large water butt. I took a sip of espresso, gave him a thumbs up and a smile and raised an eyebrow as he attempted to use his now starched bag to surf on the very still surface. Each to their own. ;-D

But I digress ...

A friend of mine sent me the above picture. He said his wife had presented this strangely coloured fruit to him. "She says it's an orange" said my friend ... "Laced with what?" I asked ... "Well now, that is the question" replied my friend. Can't help but think of Snow White ... ;-)