Dec 5, 2024
Is there a word for not really being in a bad mood but being generally dissatisfied with things you can't change and you know are no one's fault? That's me right now.
#cloud speaks#mom was sick and couldn't work. and has fraud charges. I have to pay all of rent. so I can't order Christmas presents like I was going to.#because I'm going away to Minnesota this weekend. so I need that money.#she's helping w/my trip by borrowing from grandma but I'll just have to give it back because the old bitch is just about out of money.#horrible woman literally outliving all her goddamn savings.#because she just! won't! die!#I'm fucking - stuck here#until she dies. and I overall LIKE it here. that's the kicker. it's not like I'm miserable#life could be way worse. but I'm still stuck here as sure as the morning. because I can't leave my mom right now.#not until grandma dies. not until we figure out how she's going to live with me gone.#I am just. in a holding pattern. not a horrible one certainly#but a holding pattern I can do nothing about. until it breaks. until one glorious day it finally breaks and I can think about what /I/ want#long-term.#o gloria when that happens. o what a day it will be.
