#livempowered

Up to 20% of people in the US experience some sort of anxiety disorder each year. Anxiety can impact anyone of any age, gender, or background. There are plenty of misconceptions about anxiety that can prevent people from getting the help and support they need. We’d like to cast some light on some of the more common confusions:

Anxiety isn’t an illness.

Anxiety is an emotion that we are all familiar with on some level. It is normal and can even help us perform better in some situations. But for the 20% struggling with anxiety disorders, it is an overriding sensation that can cause huge disruptions to life. It can be frustrating, scary and often isolates, but it can be diagnosed and it can be treated. The Journal of the American Medical Association reported a study of 134 adults that showed that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) had a positive impact on all participants with reduced symptoms and improvements lasting at least a year. CBT and other talking therapies can provide tools for life for coping with anxiety disorders.

If I just wait it out, I’ll get better.

This won’t happen. The anxiety might lessen for a time, but it won’t go away and it may even get worse. It is very difficult to get past anxiety disorders without help. It is common for people with anxiety to experience depression as well, which makes getting help even more important. When we don’t get the help and support we need, we often try to solve things ourselves - medicating with alcohol or other substances, likely making things worse.

I just need to avoid the situations that make me anxious.

While in the short term, this may seem like a great solution, the reality is that the longer we wait to face a situation, the more anxious we become. The trouble with anxiety is that when we see ourselves as weak or impaired, it can spread to more and more situations in life which can leave us isolated. The best bet, is to move toward the situation with the support of others to work out the best way of approaching it. You can experience anxiety and still achieve what you need to if you equip yourself with the right tools.

What do you think of when you hear the word addiction? For most of us an images of a homeless alcoholic or someone with a syringe in their arm. All very bleak images influenced by media stereotypes. And while that is the reality for some people - addiction has many different faces. For some addiction looks like gambling all night, every night, while their family sleeps, getting deeper and deeper into debt. For others, it’s the lure of pornography. Maybe they compulsively shop or cannot put down the gaming controller and go to sleep.

More and more professionals agree that these sort of compulsive behaviors can be classified as addictions and meet many of the same criteria. Underlying them all, whether a substance or behavioral addiction, is something that the individual is trying to cope with, hide from or control. That root cause can be anything - low self esteem, mental illness and trauma are just some of many things that can lead to someone struggling with addiction.

Behavioral addictions often start because the person experiences a “high” of some sort when engaging in that behavior which releases dopamine - telling the brain that whatever they have just done is worth doing again. For some people, this is intoxicating - they keep repeating the behavior until it is a compulsive behavior. They will carry on doing it despite any negative consequences for themselves or others.

It’s easy to let someone carry on with these sort of behaviors because they don’t seem instantly harmful but someone with a behavioral addiction needs treatment and support to deal with what is going on underneath. So, how can we help?

Talk to them - don’t ignore the issue! Let them know you understand and are there to support them. They may not be receptive at first but just remain open and available - they will know you are there when they are ready.

Treatment - help them research and get the support they need. Recovery will come when they get to the root issue and they will very likely need a professional to help them work through this and change their behavior.

Support group - many people dealing with addiction find being part of a group of people also in recovery can help keep them going and manage relapses. Help them find the right group for them, locally and at a time that won’t conflict with other obligations.

Look after yourself - we are no use to any one if we aren’t functioning. So establish good boundaries with the person you are supporting and find someone that you can talk to.

You can’t go back and make a new start, but you can start right now and make a brand new ending.

Have you ever given yourself a word for the year? A word that is meaningful for you - something you want to achieve, define or challenge you for the year. For some, this comes out of a time of reflection or prayer, for others, it is just something that makes sense or sets an intention for the year ahead.

It can be a pretty helpful tool to keep you on track and motivated. We often mess up pretty quickly when we set ourselves resolutions but this takes failure out of the question while still giving us a focus.

For example, you may choose the word discipline - rather than giving yourself a list of must dos for January, it simply gives you a way in which you choose to approach anything you turn your hand to in 2019. Or perhaps your word is adventure - no need to spend lots of money or plan something big - it might just mean saying yes to opportunities as the come and seeing where they lead.

For LIVEmpowered, our word for 2019 is EQUIP. This comes out of our value - empowered. We believe that everyone is empowered to make positive choices and we exist to empower others to support those around them. Our focus this year is to EQUIP communities to meet the needs of their young people. Many people have told us that they see the struggles of young people around them but don’t know how to help them. Our Community Empowerment Training is designed to EQUIP anyone with the knowledge and tools they need and in 2019 we want to roll out our training in as many communities as we can.

So, if you haven’t, take some time in the coming days to reflect on what you want your 2019 to look like - maybe a year of giving, discovery or growth - whatever it is, find your word and let it fill your thoughts, decisions and actions this year. 

To be described as someone who has integrity has always been something to aspire to - we would all like to be known as someone who walks their talk, who can be trusted to do the right thing, and is consistent no matter the circumstances.

However, with social media and so many different audiences and crowds to present ourselves to, is true integrity really possible?

Some of us feel under pressure to only present the perfect version of ourselves. Others fear that they will lose friends or a job if they stand up for themselves or are open about their values. Some fear conflict; it is much easier to go along with the strongest voice than to fight to be heard. Perhaps for some it is social insecurity, thinking that if they change themselves so they can fit in, people will like them better that way.

We edit ourselves, stay silent, walk away. We give in.

Most dictionaries talk about integrity first as having a strong moral code that you stick to, but the second or third line down, you will see integrity defined as a state of being whole, complete, or undivided. This feels like true integrity - not always doing or saying the right thing, but to be all of ourselves, all of the time.

Is this really possible?

Yes, but it will take work and courage.

We need to get down to the core of who we are. The foundation of our integrity is our values. When we understand the things we believe underpin life, we can start to act with true integrity. Thinking about how we would want to be remembered or what we would do anything we could to fight for might shed some light on what is most important to us. For some, this will be a broad spectrum of things and for others, a couple of core principles.

Once we know what those values and beliefs are, then we know when we will be prepared to compromise and when it’s time to stand firm. We have a foundation for our decisions, how we behave, and how we express ourselves.

Then we can be fully present in any situation, understanding what is fundamental to who we are. This is integrity.

Integrity comes into play in everything we do. In fact, it’s more than everything we do, it’s everything we are.

Are you happiest wrapped in a big coat or do you prefer shorts? Winter is fast-approaching and the thought of hot chocolate, big boots, and blankets makes some of us whoop with joy! Others, however, are left longing for the summer sun and dread the cold, short days ahead.

However we feel about winter, it is important that we make sure that we are looking after ourselves well during the colder months. We’ve put together our top tips for winter self care:

Get outside

This may be the last thing you feel like doing, but spending time outside each day has a host of benefits for us, including: helping to regulate sleep (especially if you go outside in the morning), improving our mood, supporting our immune system, as well as topping up our vitamin D levels. Most of us don’t have enough vitamin D in our bodies, which can contribute to depression, muscle weakness and even increased blood pressure. Taking some time outside in the fresh air is a self-care must!

Skin care

All of us get more dry skin as it gets colder. Make sure to stay hydrated; we feel less thirsty during the winter, but that doesn’t mean our body doesn’t need just as much water. This will help our skin as we won’t be dehydrated. Also, moisturizing with a lotion that contains natural moisturizers like jojoba oil, coconut oil, or vitamin E oil will help reduce dryness.

Slow down and do what you love

We naturally slow down in the winter we may need to sleep more and not have the same get-up-and-go we do the rest of the year. This is ok and we don’t have to fight it, but it is important to keep doing the things we love and keep being part of family and community life. So make time for friends and family - curl up and watch a movie, have a bonfire, make a meal together - it doesn’t have to be fast-paced or outside, just don’t hibernate! Keep your heart and head healthy by spending time with those you love, doing what you love.

I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.

We are excited to introduce you to Ashley Woodcock! Ashley has been working with us since June as our Administration Assistant. Ashley is married to Kyle and they have a beautiful pup, Molly. Ashley has a gift for letting people know they are loved and valued and so is the perfect fit for the LIVEmpowered Team. We asked her a few questions to get to know her a little better...

What are the top three things we need to know about you?

I am an Enneagram type 4, gratefully married to an extraordinary type 9.

Coffee shops are my favorite places.

I am an advocate for kindness, believing it changes everything.

Why did you get involved with LIVEmpowered?

My beautiful friend suggested it, thankfully, knowing I would feel so connected to the LIVEmpowered mission. Making people feel loved & valued is my heart’s desire!

If you had one piece of advice for yourself as a young person, what would it be?

Your value is not in the ones who don’t see you, but in your Creator, who sees you as supremely valuable & will never leave you.

Who or what inspires you?

I am always inspired by kindness. My husband is extravagantly kind & keeps me inspired to be better & to give more freely!

What did you want to be when you were a child?

The first thing I remember is wanting to be a mermaid, and then a marine biologist. I wanted to save the manatees! I’ve always loved animals. I still want to save them all!

What makes you feel loved?

Feeling noticed, seen, understood - genuine care feels like open communication & consistency, coffee dates, vulnerability, quality time.

Describe your perfect day.

Sleeping in, waking up with my husband in our home in East Nashville, taking our dog with us to Ugly Mugs for coffee & paleo doughnuts at Five Daughters Bakery, then going for a hike/picnic at a Nashville park. Coming home & hosting loved ones for a game night, featuring some sort of super chocolate-y dessert.

How would you change the world?

Wow. That’s a big question! I would change the way people think of & understand adoption, so that every child would have a loving home.

Quick questions:

City or countryside? City! Or snowy mountainside. We love both.

Board games or video games? Board games.

Dress up or dress down? Dress up!

Breakfast for dinner or dinner for breakfast? Both!

Between 1 in 4 and 1 in 3 students in the US say they have been bullied in school. That is a staggering number of our young people who are either the bully or the bullied. Most bullying happens in middle school and is done face-to-face but we are hearing more and more of instances of cyberbullying, meaning that the bullying can be relentless for some.

One of the things we hear from our young people often is that adults don’t understand how different it is to be a teenager today. Which is true! Young people face so many more diverse pressures and, as adults, we often don’t feel equipped to support them. Only 20% to 30% of those bullied ever share their experience with an adult; we need to equip ourselves so that we feel able to be available, so that young people feel safe to share their experiences.

So how should we respond when a young person comes to us with an experience of bullying? While there are many things we can do, here are three of the most important:

Listen. Really Listen.

It can be tempting to assume, to want to share your experience, or to start giving solutions. By taking time to really hear the person’s story, to let them share it several times if they need to, will help them to feel like you are a safe space: someone they can trust and who understands. It will not only make the young person feel secure, but it will give you much more insight into their experience and what your response needs to be.

Make sure they feel safe.

As far as is your responsibility, do whatever it takes to make sure the young person feels safe. Make sure they know that you are there to support them, come what may, and that you will help them work through this - whatever that might look like. Can you help them shut down an app or speak with the school? What steps can you help them take so that they no longer feel threatened?

Take them seriously.

It can be tempting to dismiss a young person’s story as part of growing up, or maybe over-exaggerated, but they need to know that you believe them and that you will help them get the support they need. This may mean helping them record evidence of cyberbullying or to get their story straight before they speak to their school about a situation.