#live.

thinking about how he's a fucked up little science experiment. how he was quite literally manufactured and created for a specific purpose, how his entire life has revolved around being poked and prodded and tested on and torn apart and put back together and reprogrammed and

how he doesn't really KNOW who he is, outside of all of that. he doesn't have "hobbies"- the only sort of hobby he has is his love for violence. which was. just programmed into him. so can you even say that that's really HIM?

i like to imagine as he learns to figure himself out, he discovers that he has a bit of a passion for music, and he kinda gets into acting and script-writing with Puzzles as they get more familiar and closer with each other! Puzzles offers him a little taste of that more grounded, "domestic" lifestyle that he'd been running away from with Karen and the kids

but Puzzles also encourages and enjoys his batshit behavior, so their dynamic really DOES help and heal something in WPNZ. he can still be HIMSELF, while still having a family. so WPNZ is gradually able to explore himself and figure out who he IS beyond just being a living weapon and assassin.

"my life is yours" is in japanese "この命はLに捧げました" which is "this life has been dedicated to L"; she made a promise to herself

but fucks the point of dressing the part if you won't be it. fucks the point if you ain't got multiple names and pronoun sets? fucks the point if you're not designing flags for you're ultra-specific xenogender?

what the fucks the point if you're not actually exploring yourself and the boundaries of your very existence?

get into that niche ass hobby you've been thinking about since forever, do it in public (if appropriate or even applicable). experience ego death. ignore the strange looks and cringe remarks and for fucks sake ignore the maga boys barking, or actually bark back who gives a fuck.

So many people on the DID subreddit react sooo negatively towards systems who have easy communication and positive interactions between their alters. "Um! Actually! Did you know! It's suuuper unhealthy for you to, like, get along. Yeah. You should be miserable 24/7, and if you aren't, you're making yourself sick. You should have terrible communication with your alters, and be fearful of each other, avoid interacting with each other or being on good terms, hate your brain and your reality."

Like it really just comes off as jealousy. Which I get! I feel jealous of systems with easy communication and vibrant headspaces and a positive, supportive internal atmosphere. But I'm happy for them! I'm like wow, good for them! And I honestly try to take inspiration from seeing them, use it as proof to ourselves that we can have a good internal dynamic, too.

Enough Kpop for today, I was NOT ready for this

Like HELLO? SORRY IF WE’RE INTERRUPTING MR BOYKISSER3000 AND #1MINGIENTHUSIAST WTF WERE YOU ON?

Actually, nevermind. These boys would do anything to win a game, let alone break a record. I’m scared of them. Can’t wait for it to become common lore in a few months like « remember that time when Yunho and Wooyoung literally kissed each others TEETH to break a record? Funny times amiright? »