Jan 21, 2020
Sometimes if I have to touch something I don’t want to touch, especially something I perceive as being gross or disgusting, I have an emotional reaction that I can only associate with csa memories.
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Sometimes if I have to touch something I don’t want to touch, especially something I perceive as being gross or disgusting, I have an emotional reaction that I can only associate with csa memories.
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Everything is going to be okay because it has to be. It will be okay because there is no other option. I will make it all okay.
I just came out of the men’s bathroom and the guy going in turned around to check the sign.
I hate people I want to not exist or be perceived ever.
As a kid the adults in my life always referred to when I would go from energetic and outgoing to suddenly shy and introverted as me being “in a mood again” and then when I was in either senior high school or freshman college for christmas my aunt and uncle got me socks that said “I have mood swings”
That hurt so fucking much but it was like a double blow bc it’s also associated specifically with like women and periods (as shitty as that is) and this was like a solid 3+ years after I’d come out as a trans man to them and even then they still didn’t get my name or pronouns consistently.
I don’t want to be trans anymore. I would like to be a cis man now, thanks.
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There are a lot of things that have surprised me over the last several months about working in a mall. The one thing, I think, that is most surprising? Most disturbing... the one thing I could really never have prepared for?
I now know all the words to Africa by Toto completely by heart. I could sing it in my sleep. Sometimes when I dream, I hear the song playing in the background.
This song plays 6+ times a day every day in the mall I work at. They have been using the same playlist of about 12 songs for at least as many months as I have worked here, which is definitely too long to be playing the same short playlist on loops.
I also know all the words to Like A Prayer by Madonna, which is another song that for one reason or another I really wish I hadn’t been put in the circumstance that made it possible for me to accidentally memorize the entire song.
I have to FUCKING pee
Me @ my system mates rn lol