#linkster

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23, male and as gay as the day was long. Out of the closet since he was 15.

Gabriel’s first and only relationship ended 4 months ago, with a lifespan of the same. 1 month of therapy and his therapist had informed Gabe that a fear of physical intimacy was holding him back. He never was a hugger or hand holder. Infact, he avoided most situations that would put him in a position to be close to anyone. 

The exact parting words of his ex were, “You’re cold, afraid and uncaring. Come back when you start to actually feel.” 

Gabriel knew why he seemed cold. A rough, tough, angry father had raised him to be hard, probably to compensate for his small stature. 

After Gabe came out, father punched him in the chest, threw him against the wall and disowned him. Maybe if father hadn’t done the same on a daily basis, it would have hurt more.

 Now he was waiting in the brightly lit room of the Cuddle Sanctuary waiting to meet the cuddle partner that his therapist had suggested. 

Jean, the CEO, a small warm pixie like woman had greeted him, and had escorted him to a cuddle room where he saw his cuddle partner; Link Neal.

 Jean smiled, "Gabe, this is Link." 

Link, a tall man with lightly graying hair, offered his hand, "Hello, Gabe. Nice to meet you." 

Unwittingly Gabe shook the mans hand once an stepped back behind Jean. 

With his glasses and light gray stubble, Link looked like someones father, or a youth leader at some prestigious church, god forbid.  His voice had a light twang in it, a love-child accent between Larry the Cable guy and Johnny Carson. Link somewhat reminded Gabe of his own, but less rugged like the Midwestern men he remembered all too well.  

Jean placed a hand on Gabes shoulder gently guiding him towards Link, "Link is one of the best, unprejudiced, warm and  kind. You're in good hands." 

 Link pushed his glasses up on the ridge of his nose, "Awe, Jean you're making me blush." 

Jean squared Gabe up with Link by the shoulders, "Its true, you're in good hands, Gabe. Before I leave, I want to remind you, Gabe that you're in a safe space. Everything that will happen in here will be by your permission. You're consent is what will create a path to healing. Okay? Alright, I'll get out of here." 

Jean closed the door behind her. 

What Gabe's face registered, he didn't know, but he wasn't looking at Link, just staring at the broad chest with a candied red t-shirt on it.

 Link bent his knees while tipping his head, "Gabe? Would you like to sit on the bed?" 

Gabe's eyes drifted over the bed and a light pain went thru his chest as he shook his head, "No, sir." 

Link nodded, "Alright, how about the shag rug?" 

Sitting on the floor. He could do that. "Okay." 

Gabe sat cross-legged on the soft shaggy light blue rug, trying to keep the wave of panicked emotions inside him still. 

Link sat beside him, "There we go, comfy?" 

Gabe nodded as he kept his eyes on the door, "Yep." 

Link leaned forward, "Tell me a bit about yourself, Gabe. You're not originally from California, I can hear it." 

Gabe looked down at his hands that were tightly folded across his lap, "I'm from Ohio, s-sir."

 Link's voice softened, "Sir? Just call me Link. Ohio, not a bad place to live. Got family still out there?" 

Gabe cleared his throat, "I'd rather not talk about my family if that's okay with you." 

Link tipped his head, “Sore subject?”

Gabe nodded, “Yeah, not the kindest people, you know.”

Link scooted a bit closer to Gabe to where his knee was touching his knee, "They didn't accept you when you came out did they?”

Gabe bit the inside of his cheeks, “No.” 

Link exhaled, “Gosh, that's rough. Must hurt a lot." 

Gabe looked up at Link, "It does. But I'm okay. I’m far away from them, in a better place and just doin’ my own thing. I’m very okay.”

Links eyes were warm and empathetic, "Pardon my presumption, but you're not okay, Gabe." 

Gabe frowned his voice louder than he intended, "Yes, I am. Dad didn't want a gay son, he wanted a straight son. I don't need him to want me. I'm doing fine and I'm better off withou-." 

Link placed a hand on Gabes shoulder. Gabe flinched at the contact, his eyes squeezed shut and he froze, his heart thundering in his ears.

Link dipped his head to Gabes level, "Easy there, Gabe. It's okay. You're safe." 

Gabe hated that he was shaking, whether from the anger he felt or the old buried fears from long ago. It was hard to tell. He swallowed the rock in his throat and exhaled, grounding himself. 

 Light pressure from Links fingers squeezed Gabes shoulder, "Gabe, buddy. Relax, you're alright." 

Gabes eyes flickered open, "I'm sorry, si-I mean, Link." 

Link held up his free hand, "You don't have to apologies, Gabe. I was expecting a little jumpiness. Can I ask you a personal question?" 

Gabe nodded, "Yeah."

 Link moved his hand to the back of the young mans neck softening his voice,  "Did your father swing at you a lot? I mean, did he hit you?" 

Gabe felt his lip quiver, "All the time, but I guess I deserved it." 

Link shook his head as he made direct eye contact with Gabe, "No you didn't. No parent should ever reject or willfully hurt their child." 

Link’s eyes were shining with empathy as he spoke, “No one deserves abuse. You’re all closed up, because its the only way you know how to protect yourself. But, you can’t live your whole life and experience it if you’re closed up.”

Gabe stared at this mans eyes. Was that a tear he saw in the corner of Link’s eyes?

Gabes voice shook, "But I'm not good enough." 

Links eyes searched Gabes features, "I don't believe that. You are good enough. Whether you believe it or not.”

 Gabe sniffed and cautiously wrapped his arms around Links narrow waist as a sob broke from his chest. 

Link pulled Gabe in close and held him tightly with his head tucked into his shoulder, “Come here, son.”

 Gabe felt himself relax into Links warm lean body that was holding him closely. 

No judgement, no harsh words, just a fatherly figure holding him close whispering assurance into his bleeding soul. 

Gabe couldn’t remember the last time he cried, but it felt as though with every tear and sob he was coming to life.

 Links chin rested on top of Gabes head, his voice light and his hands unwavering in the tight gentle embrace around Gabes shoulders, "Today, is the first step in the right direction for you, buddyroll. It will get better from here on out. You're gonna make it, Gabe. I promise."

Gabe exhaled a shaky breath. Warmth, safety and a kind soul nearby. Things were going to change, and things were going to be better. 

Instead I spent my time rewatching all of Buddy System, season 1 AND 2.

There are so many places where I feel like R&L use their characters as an excuse to get really close to each other -

“... the Linkster,... I don’t call you that. I’m not going to start calling you that.”