#lies tw

But Jake pulled back with a huff. “I knew you’d be like this. So clingy and needy, just like always. This is why I was just gonna ghost you. But no. Everyone told me it would be too cruel, even for me. So here I am trying to give you the courtesy of telling you to your face and you’re gonna make this a big deal.”

“A big deal?” Rooster’s voice rose and Jake could see he was beginning to get angry. “You come over and tell me you’re leaving and never coming back and you don’t think that’s a big deal? What the fuck, Jake?”

“No. It’s Hangman. We’re nothing more than colleges now so you don’t get to call me Jake anymore,” Jake sneered. “Not that it really matters since I doubt we’ll be seeing each other again for a while… if at all. I got my dream job. The kind you could only ever dream about. So I don’t see us traveling in the same circles anymore.”

Rooster looked as if Jake had just punched him in the face. He stumbled back a few steps until he was leaning against the side of the house. Then, his voice thick with emotion, he asked, “What, you got a new job so you’re suddenly ready to throw this all away? Everything we talked about? Everything we were building together?”

Jake could see that this was it. This was the moment that he either sold it or this whole thing fell apart. Which meant he needed to bring out the big guns.

They both had taken training classes on interrogation tactics and knew how to spot when someone was lying. The small tells and subconscious ticks that the lier usually didn’t even realize they were doing. The one that always stuck with Jake and the one he often pointed out on a nearly weekly basis when talking with people was “if you look down, they know you’re lying.” And right now, he had to do his best to convince Rooster why he was saying was the truth, no matter how painful it was. 

So, he squared his shoulders and looking Rooster dead in the eye, he slowly said, “Get this through that thick, mustachioed skull of yours. You were never anything more to me than something to pass the time. You were fun, but I would’ve settled for anyone to keep me company while I figured out my next move. And the fact you bought into the act just made me look even more pathetic than I thought you were.”

Jake watched Rooster’s heart shatter right before his eyes. He knew how hard it was for Rooster to open himself up to someone after all the loss and betrayal he had endured since he was a kid, but this was still the best option. Rather Rooster lose him now than after Jake’s assignment. At least this way he hopefully wouldn’t care about Jake’s death whereas Jake knew Rooster would have found a way to blame himself if they were still together when he died. Roo would obsess over what he could have said to get Jake to stay or how he should have taken the assignment instead and Jake didn’t want that for the man he loved. 

So, he just stood there stiffly, coldy, as Rooster’s face shifted through a hundred different emotions as he tried to grasp the reality of the situation. Finally, with his face twisted in pain, Rooster hissed, “I hate you.”

But as he said it, his eyes shifted down to the ground. 

For some reason, that was the moment that almost broke Jake’s resolve. He wanted to run to him, to gather Roo into his arms, tell him everything, and beg for his forgiveness. He wanted to drop to his knee and propose with the ring he had been carrying around in his pocket for the last month. He wanted to take Rooster upstairs and show him how much he actually meant to him. 

However, he managed to stay strong. He nodded once and jammed his hands in his pockets. He pulled out his key to the house and placed it on the railing of the porch. “Yeah, well, then I guess we’re done here.”

He turned and started walking down the driveway. It hurt but it was done. And at least now Rooster was safe. Yes, it was true Jake was throwing their relationship away over a job, but Rooster never had to learn the whole truth. He never had to know that the only two active Navy pilots qualified for this assignment were the two of them. He never had to know that Jake would rather die than live without him. However, there was one last thing Rooster had to know before Jake could leave.

When he reached the gate, Jake hesitated. Turning back, he said, “Hey, Roo.” 

Rooster looked up at him, his eyes full of tears and his jaw set tightly as he tried to keep his composure. Already the pain on his face when he looked at Jake had turned to rage. Good. Then his plan was working.

Jake took one last look at the man and the life he was leaving behind as he smiled. “I hate you too.” 

And he looked down.

There was a loud knock on the door as he walked out of the bathroom in just his low riding sweatpants, his hair still damp from his shower. Since he had moved into his new apartment, he hadn’t told anyone where he lived. Cautiously, he drew one of his guns from its hiding spot in his end table and approached the door. Cracking it slightly, he blinked in surprise as he saw who it was.

You smiled widely at him as if you had been expected. “Howdy, Colonel. How ya’ doing?”

He quickly tucked his gun behind some books on the table next to him as he stuttered, “Wh-what are you doin’ here?”

“The hospital sends all the agencies a list of people who might need physical therapy after they leave. I know it’s been a few months since you checked out, but you never signed off on a therapist.” He groaned softly. Of course! He had been forced to update his address at the hospital so they could send him his pain medication and follow-up care for his injuries.

“When I saw your name on the list, I jumped at the chance to work with you again. It’s not every day I get to help a real American hero get back on his feet!” You winked before your eyes drifted down to the jagged, red scar that ran down his bare chest. “Yikes. That looks like that hurts.”

Without an invitation, you stepped into his apartment and began running your hand gently over the scar, tenderly probing the muscles around it. He froze, still in shock with your arrival and now this. Since he had left the hospital no one had seen his scar, let alone touched it. And yet here you were, fingers dancing over it like you were strumming a harp. Finally, he came to his senses and growled, “What the hell do you think you are doin’?”

You looked up and noticed his tense expression. Immediately dropping your hand and stumbling back a few steps, you stammered out an apology. “I’m so sorry! I wasn’t thinking. I totally should have asked first. I just saw the injury and went straight into recovery mode and tried to assess the damage. But I’m sure you’re still trying to adjust. I’m just so sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He mumbled, unable to maintain his gruff attitude as he took in your flustered expression.

“No, I mean, just because I’ve worked with you on some of your injuries before it doesn’t give me the right to just barge in here and start putting my hands all over you like that. It was really unprofessional of me. It’s just…we’ve had such an easy rapport in the past, I sort of forgot myself there for a moment. Let’s start over.” You thrust out your hand. “Hi! Good to see you again.”

“It’s… good to see you too.” He chuckled softly as he shook your hand. “And really, it’s okay. You just surprised me, that’s all.”

“I guess that’s to be expected, I didn’t even ask if you were already seeing someone about physical therapy.”

“No…I didn’t really give it much thought. I’ve had a lot going on lately.” He glanced at the stack of books by the door and could just see the top of the gun peeking out from behind it.

But you didn’t seem to notice. Instead, you just nodded. “Oh, I get it. Your file said you were hurt down in Corto Maltese? I saw what happened on the news. It looked so horrifying. But I’m glad you made it back in one piece….even if it looks like they had to stitch two pieces back into one.” You nodded again to his chest.

He shifted uncomfortably, angling away slightly as his sharp tone returned. “Yeah… you could say that.”

You noticed his shift in demeanor and hit yourself in the forehead with your palm. “There I go, opening my big mouth again. I’m sure you don’t want to talk about what happened. Or maybe you can’t. I remember you said there was a lot of security around what you did.”

He didn’t say anything. He just clenched his jaw and tried to ignore the wave of regret that hit him at the thought of his old life.

You must have assumed his tension was still about his scar because you put a hand gently on his elbow, just below his tattoo, and said, “Hey, it’s okay. You’re still as handsome as ever.” This earned you a shy smirk to which you responded with a dazzling smile. “But how are you doing? Any tightness? Lack of mobility? Unmanageable pain? Anything I can help with?”

He shook his head slightly. “Nah, I’m dealin’ with it. I’ve been keepin’ active so that’s been helpin’.”

“That’s great! I always say that’s the best way to speed up the healing process!”

“Yeah, I remember. I remember everythin’ you said last time.”

You bit your lip and ducked your head shyly. “Well, I’m glad to hear you’re taking your recovery seriously. I guess you don’t really need my services then, but it was really great to see you again, Rick.”

He smiled at you. “Yeah, you too.”

You gave his arm a small squeeze then turned and left the apartment. You started to walk away, but just before he closed the door, you called out. “Listen. I might be completely out of line or misinterpreting things, but the last few times I was here, I sort of felt like there might be something between us. I didn’t think it was a good idea to ask you out when I was still your physical therapist and we had to cut your last sessions off so abruptly, I never got to ask you once you were discharged from my care. So, I guess what I’m saying is…. Do you want to grab a drink sometime? With..with me?”

He knew he should say no. This new life he was creating for himself didn’t have any room for the distraction of romance. However…. you were right.

When you had first been assigned to help Rick recover from a shoulder injury sustained on a mission with Task Force X, he had been instantly smitten with you. Your bubbly personality, your intelligence, and your beauty all entranced him. And when you had left after your final appointment, Rick had kicked himself for letting you go.

A few months later, when he had damaged his knee, you had shown back up in his life. And once again, Rick had been captivated by you, if not even more so. He had planned a really romantic dinner for you after your final session, but Waller had called Rick in at the last minute for a mission and he hadn’t seen you again. Until now.

So, even though everything in him said it was a bad idea, when he opened his mouth, “Yes” tumbled out. Your face lit up like a Christmas tree and you handed him a piece of paper with your number. As he took it from you, you darted up and placed a soft kiss on his cheek before hurrying away down the hall. He watched you disappear around the corner, a stunned smile spread across his lips. And as he shook his head and closed the door, he realized that for the first time in months, he felt like Rick Flag again.

The next six months passed in a blur. Ryker began getting more jobs than ever as his reputation grew and grew. He was soon traveling all over the world, kidnapping, torturing, and killing anyone who was placed in his sights. He never asked questions, he never tried to figure out why, he just did the job and went home. To you.

Ever since your first date a few days after you had shown back up at his door, your relationship had grown exponentially every day. You were just as amazing as he had remembered, and you soon became the only shining light in the growing darkness of his life. To everyone else, he was Ryker, deadly assassin and ruthless killer. But with you, he was still Rick. You only saw the man he had been before, the man he so desperately still wanted to be. And when he was with you, he could feel a small part of that person creeping back in. Like a ghost or a shade. When he held you in his arms, he felt like himself again. He felt like Rick Flag. And soon, he began to crave that feeling more and more. While Ryker still left on jobs full of blood and death, Rick was the one who would return to your side as soon as possible.

The current assignment had gone terribly. He was distracted thinking about getting home to you, and he had missed the original window to take out the target. After a few more hours of trailing the man, he finally got his shot. Now, as he stalked through the hall of his apartment building, a cigarette lit in his mouth and blood splattered on his shoes, he couldn’t help but silently curse himself for the situation he had put himself in. You were the most important thing in his life, yet you were causing him to become sloppy. And in his business, sloppiness was not an option. But he also knew that he couldn’t let you go. Which meant, eventually, something had to give.

He unlocked his door and walked into his apartment. As he flipped on the light, a voice cried out, “Welcome home, Rick!”

He jumped, hand immediately reaching for the gun tucked in his waistband. But luckily, he recognized the voice before it was too late. Relaxing his stance, he smiled at where you were seated on his couch.

You stood and walked over to him, frowning slightly. “Since when do you smoke?” you asked, taking the cigarette from between his lips and grounding it out on the counter.

“Since I didn’t know you would be here.” He placed a small kiss on your cheek. “Sorry, darlin’. It was a really rough mission. Helps take the edge off.”

Your face softened slightly. “Oh, Rick. I’m sorry. Um…but do you think you could maybe wait until I leave? I don’t want to be a pain, but it can really trigger my asthma.”

“Anything for you. Besides, nothin’ helps me unwind better than havin’ you in my arms.” He wrapped his arms around you as he kicked off his boots, careful to toss them somewhere that you wouldn’t notice the red stains scattered across them. Still holding you tightly, he led you back to the couch and he pulled you down on top of him.

For the next hour or so, the two of you simply lay there wrapped around each other as you told him about how you had been while he was gone. You knew by now that he never talked about where he went or what he did. As far as you were concerned, he wasn’t allowed to divulge government secrets regarding his job so you didn’t ask.

When you finally glanced at your watch, you groaned as you wiggled out of his grasp and stood up. “I wish I could stay later, but I have an early client in the morning, and I still have to go home and take a shower.”

“We could take a shower here.” He grinned as he reached out for your waist. “You have a spare set of clothes in my room.”

You squeezed his outstretched hand but didn’t let him get purchase on his intended target. “I really wish that was it, but I need my files and equipment too. And my apartment’s so far away from here. So, I need to go.”

He stood up and walked over to you. Placing his hands on your shoulder, he began running them up and down your arms. “Actually, I’ve been tryin’ to find the right time to bring this up, and now seems as good as any. Seein’ how we do live so far away from each other and I want as much of you in my life as I can get, I was hopin’ that you might want to move in with me,” he said nervously.

But he had no reason to worry because you immediately threw yourself into his arms and trailed kisses across his neck and face. “Oh, Rick! I’ve been waiting for you to ask me for like a month now! Of course, I’ll move in with you!” He chuckled happily and spun you around, twirling faster as you let out a joyful squeal. You wrapped your legs around his waist as you said, “Oh! Just wait until my sister finds out! She’s always been so jealous I’m dating a soldier, let alone a colonel! And now that we’re moving in together? She’ll be just green with envy!”

He stopped spinning abruptly, causing you to lose your hold on him and sending you tumbling to the floor. Looking up at him in confusion, you asked, “What happened? Was it something I said?”

He had been dreading this moment from the day you walked back into his life. Yet, he also knew he couldn’t lie to you forever and if he wanted to take this next step, he needed to come clean. About everything.

So, as he gently took your hand and helped you back to your feet, he said, “Darlin’, I have to tell you somethin’. And it’s not going to be easy to hear, but I know you love me and that should be enough.”

“What do you mean? About what?”

“About me. About the things I’ve done. About the person I really am.”

You pulled your hand from his grasp. “Rick, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?”

“The man I told you I am, the one you fell in love with….I was that man once. But things happened, I learned the truth, and I’m not that man anymore.”

“What do you mean? You’re Colonel Rick Flag, yo-you lead missions for the government to stop bad people from doing bad things. You’re a hero.”

He shook his head. “I haven’t been that man for a long time. Not since before you came back into my life. Nowadays, I go by Ryker on the job. And Ryker’s not…. he’s not a hero. He’s not a good man.”

“No…but you leave for your task force missions….you’re gone for days at a time and come back banged up from your assignments…” you shook your head, unable to comprehend what he was trying to tell you.

“Not exactly. I do go on missions, but they’re not for the government anymore.” He took a deep breath as he avoided your eye. “I work contracts for anyone willing to hire me. I-I do whatever they hire me to do.”

“Do whatever they hi-” He watched the realization pass over your face like a shadow. “You’re a- I mean you….No, that can’t be true! You can’t be a-” You couldn’t even say it, but he could tell you understood now, that you knew what he really was. A hitman, a contract killer, a hired gun, an assassin. A cold-blooded murderer.

He hung his head. “I’m not proud of the person I’ve become, but after the shitshow in Corto Maltese, they took everything away and didn’t give me any other choice. Becoming Ryker was the only option I had left.” He gazed lovingly at your face as he cupped it between his hands. “But you… you are the one thing that has kept Rick alive this whole time. You are the one thing that still lets me keep a hold of that part of myself. You’re the tether that keeps me from fading away. And I need you, darlin’.”

“What do you mean ‘keeping Rick alive’? I don’t understand!”

“I thought Rick Flag had died that day. That I had been forced to bury him in the rubble of that cursed building and that Ryker was all that was left. But when you knocked on my door….the way you looked at me, treated me, respected me. You brought a part of Rick back to life. And you’re what’s keeping him alive.” He began caressing your cheek with his thumb.

You pulled your face from his hands as you backed away slowly. “I don’t even know who you are right now! Talking about Rick and Ryker like they’re two separate people! They’re not! You did those horrible things! It doesn’t matter what you call yourself, you’re the one who did them! And that’s not the man I fell in love with! That’s not the man I wanted to spend my life with!”

“Baby girl…It’s still me.”

“No, it’s not! You’re a cold-blooded killer! How can I be with someone like that?” You suddenly turned and grabbed your purse off the table. “I-I have to go. I have to get out of here.”

“Darlin’, don’t do this. Please, let’s talk.” He grabbed for your hand, but you yanked it from his grasp.

You hurried to the door but just as you began to open it, his large hand slammed it shut. You tried pulling on the handle again, but he continued to lean on it, holding it firmly closed. Without turning to face him, you whispered in a voice quaking with fear, “Rick. Let me go.”

“I can’t do that. Haven’t you been listenin’ to anythin’ I’ve been sayin’? I can’t lose you!” His voice was taking on a hysteric edge that neither one of you had ever heard before.

You swallowed anxiously. “Rick. Please, we can talk about this later but right now, I just need to clear my head, think things over. Then I can come back tomorrow, and we can discuss all of this.”

He shook his head. “We both know if I let you out that door, I’ll never see you again. Or, worse, you’ll show back up here with the police.”

“No, I would never do that! I j-just need to go think about things then we ca-”

He smashed his fist into the wall, leaving a large dent. “Stop lyin’ to me!”

Slowly, you turned to face him, your back pressed tightly against the door. He could see tears forming in the corner of your eyes and just for a moment, he hesitated.

You must have seen the shift in his face because you took a step closer and wrapped your arms around his hips. “You know what? You’re right, baby. It would be better if I just stayed here and we talked things out. But I’m really tired so why don’t we go to bed, and we can talk in the morning.”

He stared at you in disbelief. “Do you think I’m an idiot? The second I fall asleep, you’d be out this door. No, you’re not going anywhere.”

For one moment, you looked deeply into his face, searching for a hint of the man you loved. But when all you found was a stranger, you began screaming for help at the top of your lungs. His left hand immediately covered your mouth and nose while his right gripped your throat. He pressed his knee in-between your legs as he pinned you to the door, his face just inches away from yours. You continued to scream, but his large hand muffled all sounds trying to escape your lips. Slowly, he began to tighten his fingers around your throat, cutting off your air.

Your eyes grew wide as you realized what was happening. Frantically, you tried to struggle out of Rick’s grasp, but you were no match for his hulking frame holding you in place. As your air supply began to dwindle, you began to buck and jerk, chest heaving as it burned for oxygen. Tears streamed down your cheeks and pooled at the top of his hand before sliding off his fingertips.

Leaning over, he placed his forehead against yours and he whispered, “Please know that Rick Flag loved you. He loved you with every piece of him that remained. You were the only thing holding him in the light. But now….now, it’s time to say goodbye to both of you. The man I once was, and the woman that he loved.”

And as he stared into your eyes, he felt the last few spasms run through your body before it stilled. Then, ever so slowly, he watched the light fade from your eyes. Even once they had gone dark, and he was left staring into the empty void of what once was, he continued to hold you there thinking about everything that he had lost tonight. Until finally, he let both his arms drop to his side. You crumpled in a heap on the floor, your lifeless eyes staring blankly up at the ceiling.

Ryker didn’t even give you a second glance as he went into his bedroom and pulled out the go-bag he kept in his closet. Then, grabbing a few guns from his gun safe, he pulled on his jacket and marched out the door. But before he closed it, he took out a cigarette from his pocket and lit it with his lighter. He took one long drag before flicking it into the apartment where it landed on his stack of mail. Soon, flames began to grow and spread throughout the room. And just as the first flames began licking at your motionless body, Ryker closed the door, walked down the hall, and out of the building.

But none of this compared to the damage to your psyche. Bucky might have carried you to freedom but sometimes you felt like you had left a part of you behind. At every tiny noise, every slight movement that anyone else made, you would jerk and cower into a ball on the floor. The memories of what the HYDRA agents did to you, the physical pain, the mental anguish, the endless torture, it was all too much. And anytime one of your friends would attempt to help you, to remind you that you were safe, you would shy away from their attention, their support. You knew they wouldn’t hurt you, but something inside you still made you unable to be near anyone. Anyone except for Bucky.

Your boyfriend was the only person you would allow to get within five feet of you, let alone touch you. You weren’t sure if it was because your relationship had been stronger with him than anyone else before you were captured, or the fact he was the one who had finally rescued you, but he was the only person you still trusted completely.

A soft knock from behind you stirred you from your dark musings. Bucky knocked softly again at the open door before coming in. As much as you wanted your privacy, you couldn’t bear having the door closed. It made you feel trapped.

“Hey. I-uh-I made some hot cocoa if you want some.” Bucky held out a steaming mug, his smile encouragingly sweet.

But you eyed the cup for a moment. Food and drink that you didn’t prepare still terrified you. Most of the time, HYDRA would starve you for days at a time, only to finally toss you a few crumbs that had been laced with their latest batch of drugs. Some nights, you had ended up curled into a ball, vomiting blood while others you would be unconscious for hours. You tried to ignore the food, but eventually your starving stomach always made you cave.

But this wasn’t HYDRA. This was Bucky. The man you loved, the only person in the entire world you felt like you could still trust. But still….

Bucky’s smile wavered slightly as you eyed the drink suspiciously. He started to set it down on the table. “It’s okay, doll. You don’t have to drink it.”

“No…no, I want to, I just….” You took a big sigh as you took the mug from him. You studied it warily once more, before bringing it to your lips. This is Bucky. He is the one who saved you. He is the one who loves you and you love him in return. He wouldn’t hurt you….

But the second the first drops pass your lips, you can tell something is off. Hidden beneath the chocolaty flavor is another sickly-sweet twist. Just like the ones-

You hurled the mug as hard as you could against the far wall where it shattered into a hundred tiny shards. The brown liquid splashed messily across the white walls, dripping down slowly to the floor. You back away from the man you thought you could trust, chest heaving and mind racing. He was one of them.

Bucky seemed confused at your behavior, but you had seen this trick before. Play it off like they were innocent in the plot, try to maintain your trust so they could continue to abuse you later. But Bucky wasn’t supposed to be like them. He was supposed to be the one person you could believe in, trust to keep you safe not lead you into danger.

He took a step towards your quivering frame, but you had to make a move before whatever was in the drink started to kick in. Hurling yourself at him, you pulled the knife you secretly kept tucked in your boot. Bucky’s eyes widened and he managed to deflect the blow with his vibranium arm just in time. Unfortunately for you, it was deflected right across your thigh. You hissed in pain but kept going, kept fighting.

Swipe after swipe of the knife was blocked by the soldier. As you drove him back across the room, he darted forward and grabbed both of your wrists in his inhumanly strong grasp. Swinging you around, he threw you against the wall, his artificial grip pinning your hands above your head, the knife still clutched in your right. He pressed his solid frame flush against yours as you frantically flailed about.

“Doll! Doll, stop. It’s okay. It’s me! No one is going to hurt you.”

“You tried to poison me!” you hissed, then you spat in his face.

Bucky made no move to wipe away the saliva that was slowly dripping down his face. Instead, he ignored it as his expression dropped. “I swear, there was nothing wrong with that drink. I would have never done that to you.”

“I could taste it! Just like back at the lab! That sweetness you tried to hide beneath the chocolate!”

Bucky hung his head for a moment. When he looked back at you, tears dampened his eyelashes. “Doll… It was caramel. Just how you like it. Hot cocoa with just a hint of caramel and two marshmallows, which probably melted before you drank it. I swear, there was nothing else in that mug.”

You froze. Caramel. As soon as he said it, you knew that’s what that taste was. You had just been so afraid the drink would be laced with drugs, you didn’t even notice that Bucky had gone the extra mile to make it especially how you liked it. Instead…

You sagged in Bucky’s grasp as all the fight left your body, the knife clattering to the floor. The only thing still holding you upright was his hand around your wrists. You felt that last little bit of resistance you had built up while captured, the part that refused to let anyone see your vulnerable side, shatter inside you.

Tears began to flood down your face as you wailed, “Buck, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I-I should have trusted you! I knew you wouldn’t hurt me but I still…. How could I have ever thought…”

He slowly let your wrists go as he pulled you into a tight embrace. Your newly freed hands frantically grasped on to him for dear life. Digging your cheek into his shoulder, you faintly whispered, “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…”

He ran a soothing hand over your back, “It’s okay, doll. It’s all going to be okay. I’ve got you and I swear, I’m not going to let anything else happen to you ever again.”