#mistrust tw

But none of this compared to the damage to your psyche. Bucky might have carried you to freedom but sometimes you felt like you had left a part of you behind. At every tiny noise, every slight movement that anyone else made, you would jerk and cower into a ball on the floor. The memories of what the HYDRA agents did to you, the physical pain, the mental anguish, the endless torture, it was all too much. And anytime one of your friends would attempt to help you, to remind you that you were safe, you would shy away from their attention, their support. You knew they wouldn’t hurt you, but something inside you still made you unable to be near anyone. Anyone except for Bucky.

Your boyfriend was the only person you would allow to get within five feet of you, let alone touch you. You weren’t sure if it was because your relationship had been stronger with him than anyone else before you were captured, or the fact he was the one who had finally rescued you, but he was the only person you still trusted completely.

A soft knock from behind you stirred you from your dark musings. Bucky knocked softly again at the open door before coming in. As much as you wanted your privacy, you couldn’t bear having the door closed. It made you feel trapped.

“Hey. I-uh-I made some hot cocoa if you want some.” Bucky held out a steaming mug, his smile encouragingly sweet.

But you eyed the cup for a moment. Food and drink that you didn’t prepare still terrified you. Most of the time, HYDRA would starve you for days at a time, only to finally toss you a few crumbs that had been laced with their latest batch of drugs. Some nights, you had ended up curled into a ball, vomiting blood while others you would be unconscious for hours. You tried to ignore the food, but eventually your starving stomach always made you cave.

But this wasn’t HYDRA. This was Bucky. The man you loved, the only person in the entire world you felt like you could still trust. But still….

Bucky’s smile wavered slightly as you eyed the drink suspiciously. He started to set it down on the table. “It’s okay, doll. You don’t have to drink it.”

“No…no, I want to, I just….” You took a big sigh as you took the mug from him. You studied it warily once more, before bringing it to your lips. This is Bucky. He is the one who saved you. He is the one who loves you and you love him in return. He wouldn’t hurt you….

But the second the first drops pass your lips, you can tell something is off. Hidden beneath the chocolaty flavor is another sickly-sweet twist. Just like the ones-

You hurled the mug as hard as you could against the far wall where it shattered into a hundred tiny shards. The brown liquid splashed messily across the white walls, dripping down slowly to the floor. You back away from the man you thought you could trust, chest heaving and mind racing. He was one of them.

Bucky seemed confused at your behavior, but you had seen this trick before. Play it off like they were innocent in the plot, try to maintain your trust so they could continue to abuse you later. But Bucky wasn’t supposed to be like them. He was supposed to be the one person you could believe in, trust to keep you safe not lead you into danger.

He took a step towards your quivering frame, but you had to make a move before whatever was in the drink started to kick in. Hurling yourself at him, you pulled the knife you secretly kept tucked in your boot. Bucky’s eyes widened and he managed to deflect the blow with his vibranium arm just in time. Unfortunately for you, it was deflected right across your thigh. You hissed in pain but kept going, kept fighting.

Swipe after swipe of the knife was blocked by the soldier. As you drove him back across the room, he darted forward and grabbed both of your wrists in his inhumanly strong grasp. Swinging you around, he threw you against the wall, his artificial grip pinning your hands above your head, the knife still clutched in your right. He pressed his solid frame flush against yours as you frantically flailed about.

“Doll! Doll, stop. It’s okay. It’s me! No one is going to hurt you.”

“You tried to poison me!” you hissed, then you spat in his face.

Bucky made no move to wipe away the saliva that was slowly dripping down his face. Instead, he ignored it as his expression dropped. “I swear, there was nothing wrong with that drink. I would have never done that to you.”

“I could taste it! Just like back at the lab! That sweetness you tried to hide beneath the chocolate!”

Bucky hung his head for a moment. When he looked back at you, tears dampened his eyelashes. “Doll… It was caramel. Just how you like it. Hot cocoa with just a hint of caramel and two marshmallows, which probably melted before you drank it. I swear, there was nothing else in that mug.”

You froze. Caramel. As soon as he said it, you knew that’s what that taste was. You had just been so afraid the drink would be laced with drugs, you didn’t even notice that Bucky had gone the extra mile to make it especially how you liked it. Instead…

You sagged in Bucky’s grasp as all the fight left your body, the knife clattering to the floor. The only thing still holding you upright was his hand around your wrists. You felt that last little bit of resistance you had built up while captured, the part that refused to let anyone see your vulnerable side, shatter inside you.

Tears began to flood down your face as you wailed, “Buck, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I-I should have trusted you! I knew you wouldn’t hurt me but I still…. How could I have ever thought…”

He slowly let your wrists go as he pulled you into a tight embrace. Your newly freed hands frantically grasped on to him for dear life. Digging your cheek into his shoulder, you faintly whispered, “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…”

He ran a soothing hand over your back, “It’s okay, doll. It’s all going to be okay. I’ve got you and I swear, I’m not going to let anything else happen to you ever again.”