we met in the fifth grade, although we went to different schools we met when we both joined orchestra due to a shared love of music. we became friends, not close but acquaintances. we didn’t talk to each other much till the seventh grade. we were best friends then. she was the first girl i ever had feelings for and she was beautiful in every way. i kept telling myself i’m not gay i’m not gay, well i later accepted the fact that i am very much gay. you were always there for me you always stuck by my side. you were so nervous to ask me out because you thought i was straight and i thought you were straight too. i said yes despite still not grasping my mind around what had just happened. we dated for a while but when you asked me to kiss you i panicked. i broke up with you because i was not ready for a relationship and had never had a real one before. you told me you’d always wait for me. i soon forgot about the feelings i had felt before and you remained my closest friend for so long. i later got a boyfriend who i loved with all my heart but he cheated on me . you were so supportive and were the best shoulder to cry on. a few days after my heart break i spent the night at your house. we got drunk, confessed secrets, told each other how hot we thought each other was . you (drunk) asked me to kiss you for the second time, nearly a year later but this time i ( also drunk) obliged. we made out for a while. you were the best kisser I've ever met.you comforted me when i cried about my bf, you even held my hair back while i threw up. you were too wasted to remember this but the memory always stayed in the back of my mind. after that night we had become drinking buddies always getting shitfaced on the weekends. we didn’t talk about the incident for months, i had just awkwardly avoided the subject whereas you didn’t remember any of it. i got back with my cheating boyfriend (stupid i know) and the summer was good until he cheated again. except this time was different. he cheated on me with you, my best friend. i cut you off for months. i was angry for so long i had been betrayed by the both of you. once i got over the feeling of betrayal and anger we were friends again. i realized i still loved you, and you had indeed waited for me, we dated for a while again maybe a month or so. it ended because i thought you were cheating on me with another girl. i confronted you about it and you said nothing. i took the silence as a conformation of my suspicions. i cut you off because i felt lied to and hurt. i said these terrible things about you calling you a whore or a slut and for that i’m so so so sorry i was just so hurt and angry. it wasn’t for about six months that we talked again. by then i had started to forgive you. i still hadn’t gotten over the thought of you cheating on me though. we talked things out, you hadn’t been cheating on me after all, we both apologized. we started talking again, you told me that you had never lost feelings for me and had waited, just like you promised. we were “talking” and i had planned on asking you to be my girlfriend on 4/20 (i know classic right) but then the day before i could we got into a minor disagreement. you said you couldn’t handle an argument right now and blocked me. that was the last full conversation we ever had. i was angry and hurt all over again wondering where i went wrong. we have barley talked since other then the occasional “can i borrow a pencil”. i think you just stopped loving me that day which is okay . i just wish you had told me the truth and i wish we had said goodbye. i never lost feelings for you. it sometimes still hurts to think about you but i do feel better now I've made my peace with things. i have found happiness without you, i don’t need you, but god i want you so bad. i wouldn’t say i’m over you just because not a day goes by that i don’t think of you. occasionally ill be drunk and send you messages that you’ll never read telling you i miss you and would like to talk. but i never had the balls to ask you in person “where did i go wrong?” and yes i will admit to sometimes stalking your instagram just because i missed you too much and wanted to see your face. i still read old texts from when we were together and they just make me miss you more. i’d be lying if i said i didn’t love you still.i fall in love with you again every time i see you. i’m sorry i was too late, you waited for me just like you promised until you were done waiting. i’m sorry i was blinded by anger for so long, i’m sorry i took too long to come around, i’m sorry for not truly appreciating you and your love, i’m sorry for everything, i never deserved you, you were always too good for me. the only thing about us i regret is not treating you right when i had the chance. i hope you’re doing well and making the most out of this life, but i will never forget your smile and laugh.
