#lerue

I just felt the urge to write down some stuff about all the emotions of this amazing show. It is very hard to write in English since it is not my native language. Feel free to correct all the mistakes I am about to make. The title is from this awesome band known as The War on drugs which is kind of ironic.

THE WAR ON DRUGS

It has always been about love, and friendship but mostly about love. It will burn everything down until nothing else remains. It is incandescent.

When you are seventeen and you are going through a heartbreak, things can get a little complicated. You just feel too much, everything is illuminated with pain. Well, when you are seventeen and you are a bipolar obsessive-compulsive disorder addict, things are just overwhelming and you can’t even shake the pain without breaking. She can feel it in her bones. It was 2 in the morning and there she was, completely lost in the middle of the streets, bumping into every single street lights, as if they had just been put there to remind her of how numb her body is compared to how she felt inside. Her whole body was shivering but she didn’t notice it, her fists were clenched in her pockets, she couldn’t feel the soft fabric of them because her mind drifted somewhere else. She couldn’t help herself from thinking about Jules. She was not even mad at her, because well, technically Jules didn’t really leave her. She was the coward in all of this. Rue could feel her jaw tighten up at the thought of it. Everything was so clear and vivid in her mind. She could still feel Jules’ hand in hers. Her grip was firm and somehow desperate but she couldn’t move. Rue couldn’t pluck up the courage to move her feet. She was paralyzed by fear and even the endearing words Jules was saying couldn’t soothe Rue. Her chest was about to explode. And then it shattered her. She felt Jules’ grip loosen up a little bit. She met her eyes and couldn’t breathe. She knew she was about to relapse. She knew she was about to lose her.

The heavy and stifling air of the night was too much to bear. There was no order in this chaos. Rue felt the urge to find shelter somewhere or she knows she could collapse right here right now to the hostile and cold ground. Somehow, she managed to find her way back home. No one was back yet, her shoulders sagged in relief. She glided to the cold kitchen floor and then she allowed herself to cry. Her head was throbbing, it was a nightmare, she was a fucking nightmare. She lit up a cigarette to calm her sobbing. It worked for a moment but it wasn’t enough, her throat was sore, she swallowed and rose up to her feet. She knew what she needed and she was aiming right at it.

A few hours later, Gia found her sister in the backyard. Gia has always managed to find her, no matter what. She would recognize the emptiness in Rue’s red eyes. Gia is used to. She tried her best to wipe away her tears, it’s been some fucking hard days since Rue got back home. She kneeled down and gently touched her hair. Her sister was beautiful, even if her face was devastated by pain. Gia idolized Rue so much. Sometimes, she pictured her as a shooting star, incandescent, and stuff. Gia was too young and too emotional to put words on her thoughts about her sister yet. She heard Lexi once saying that about Rue, and it has been stuck in her head until now. Gia tried to catch her attention:

‘R- Rue, It’s me, how are you feeling?’

Rue turned her head and saw her sister who was down on her knees next to her. She hasn’t even heard her coming, she was too high for that. Rue swallowed and tried to smile, but she was numb and all she could manage to do was a sad face because she knew Gia knew she wasn’t sober anymore. Gia hugged her sister as hard as she could.

‘It’s okay– you will be okay Rue’

And Rue wanted to believe in her sister’s words.

It has always been about love, and friendship but mostly about love. It will burn everything down until nothing else remains.