why the fuck cant everyone just get the fuck along?
I found myself spiralling way out of control trying to find a way to keep my family together. My parents and my Siblings!! I find myself in the position where I have a decent understanding of both sides. Iāve been a rebellious child and i am also a parent myself. And family, rather the idea of it, has been deep rooted in me like it almost feels like one of those essential organs without which, it means certain death. But I live countries away from the four of them and them being locked in there, thanks to the pandemic have resulted in every problem over the years resurfacing and exaggerating itself like a million folds. no one in the house can stand the other. Thereās mom on one side, brother and sister on the other and then thereās dad trying to do what i do - keeping peace - and failing miserably.Ā
Mom with her signature defence mech. -Ā āoh so all of you have a problem with me so iāll leaveā - LEAVE IN THE MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC - abandoning as always. Sister with herĀ āIām not going to sit down and let her make me feel like shit all the time and Iām going to make her own upā - also none of them actually ever own up (biggest part of the problem). - also mom and sis (epicentre of the quake) are basically the same - wallowing in the past and constantly blaming and refusing to let go and move on. Brother with hisĀ āIām all chill but just donāt make noise outside my door and let me beā which I guess is okay until he gets involved in and gets carried away too. And finally,Ā dad with theĀ āyes we have shitty kidsā +Ā āyes your mum is nutsā
And all I want is for them to grow the fuck up, and stop wasting fucks on things that donāt matter and learn to stand and face each other and fix things and take responsibility for their own doings and learn to manage themselves better and treat each other with respect. To sum it up - I JUST WANT THEM TO GET THE FUCK ALONG.
But this has consumed me whole. I feel so at loss of peace because i find myself helpless trying to talk to them and persuade them and understand them and get to understand each other. I realised that talking to them is only making me worse but I feel like Iāll explode if i donāt let this all out somewhere. And thus this. writing this out and posting it randomly feels better.
At the end of this, I realised a few things -Ā
I cant control a bunch of adults like puppets and get them to stick it out and be a family because thats what I want.
I can still have the family but it doesnāt mean under the same roof and it could certainly mean tragedy.
Iāve learnt to accept things I canāt change, Iām trying to the best with the things that I can, and I hope I can differentiate better.
If there is one thing that is helping me stay sane, it would be a book -Ā āThe subtle art of not giving a fuckā - Mark Manson!! so Thank you Mark!!!