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Wellā¦the countdown is on. Today I start me least week at my current job. Iām learning change is good, sometimes a little scary, but itās necessary. Whether itās a job, a relationship, a friendship. Learning to let go of what no longer grows me. And I threw in my amazing pumpkins because itās Halloween!!! Anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful Monday. May your coffee be strong and your coworkers be in a good mood!!!
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why the fuck cant everyone just get the fuck along?
I found myself spiralling way out of control trying to find a way to keep my family together. My parents and my Siblings!! I find myself in the position where I have a decent understanding of both sides. Iāve been a rebellious child and i am also a parent myself. And family, rather the idea of it, has been deep rooted in me like it almost feels like one of those essential organs without which, it means certain death. But I live countries away from the four of them and them being locked in there, thanks to the pandemic have resulted in every problem over the years resurfacing and exaggerating itself like a million folds. no one in the house can stand the other. Thereās mom on one side, brother and sister on the other and then thereās dad trying to do what i do - keeping peace - and failing miserably.Ā
Mom with her signature defence mech. -Ā āoh so all of you have a problem with me so iāll leaveā - LEAVE IN THE MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC - abandoning as always. Sister with herĀ āIām not going to sit down and let her make me feel like shit all the time and Iām going to make her own upā - also none of them actually ever own up (biggest part of the problem). - also mom and sis (epicentre of the quake) are basically the same - wallowing in the past and constantly blaming and refusing to let go and move on. Brother with hisĀ āIām all chill but just donāt make noise outside my door and let me beā which I guess is okay until he gets involved in and gets carried away too. And finally,Ā dad with theĀ āyes we have shitty kidsā +Ā āyes your mum is nutsā
And all I want is for them to grow the fuck up, and stop wasting fucks on things that donāt matter and learn to stand and face each other and fix things and take responsibility for their own doings and learn to manage themselves better and treat each other with respect. To sum it up - I JUST WANT THEM TO GET THE FUCK ALONG.
But this has consumed me whole. I feel so at loss of peace because i find myself helpless trying to talk to them and persuade them and understand them and get to understand each other. I realised that talking to them is only making me worse but I feel like Iāll explode if i donāt let this all out somewhere. And thus this. writing this out and posting it randomly feels better.
At the end of this, I realised a few things -Ā
I cant control a bunch of adults like puppets and get them to stick it out and be a family because thats what I want.
I can still have the family but it doesnāt mean under the same roof and it could certainly mean tragedy.
Iāve learnt to accept things I canāt change, Iām trying to the best with the things that I can, and I hope I can differentiate better.
If there is one thing that is helping me stay sane, it would be a book -Ā āThe subtle art of not giving a fuckā - Mark Manson!! so Thank you Mark!!!
Easier to run away than to deal with the reality of the situation.
Inner thoughts of a lost girl
#HelpWith #Customers #LearningToGrow #InternalProcess #Finances https://www.instagram.com/p/BvupJGAltaB/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ay8n6j5opx7v
Change is inevitable
I believe people can change.
However, if you have to āworkā at it constantly, are you really changed? Or are you still just trying to change yourself?
I believe people do change.
People change subconsciously. It doesnāt happen right away. It takes timeā years usually. You are changed by the people you surround yourself with. If you think about who you were before you met the people around you, you can start to see how youāve changed.
You are morphed by them. Shaped into parts of what they are. A hybrid of multiple peopleās personalities.
You have likely shaped them as well.
We all change. Think about who youāve changed into. Do you like that person? If not, maybe it says more about the people around you than it does yourself.
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The Ever Changing Me Last couple of years plenty has changed. Thatās what life does, it changes. We grow, and change. This was my kidās assignment for school over the last few weeks. About how he has grown and changed over time. How he started from being a baby; not being able to talk, walk, feed himself to today where heās fairly independent, and has emotions that he can express. He can express them better than most kids his age, I would say. I would say that because Iām his mom and most of his emotions are directed towards me. I would also say this because I'm his mom, and my child is smarter than yours. Always. The purpose of telling you about Dawudās homework was that the line about āgrowing and changingā was straight up plagiarism from a very competent kindergarten teacher. Sorry Sir! Next time I will give you full credit with name, and credentials. Growing and changing has so so many different meanings to different people. To a 5 year old it simply means being able to grab things with one hand. Sounds simple and innocent. To me change and growth means being a 100 pounds lighter than 3 years ago. That kind of change is not just physical, it comes from the inside before it starts showing on the outside. I don't much care about what people get to look at on the outside. I know everyone cares a little, I'm sure I do too but I'm not worried about peopleās opinions. When peopleās opinion counted I didn't care about the weight. Of course, they wanted me to be prettier, who wants to look at something that's not aesthetically pleasing? I started losing the weight when I decided it was the right thing for me. My health. I wanted to take charge before it was too late. I am my best friend, my best ally, gotta watch my back, right? We weigh peopleās worth by the pound. Every time I meet someone I havenāt seen in a while I realize how ādifferentā I look. Iām forced to admit that I āfeelā different too. Because, of course, weight loss comes with so many positive changes in oneās life. (link in bio for rest) #growingandchanging #movingon #changeisinevitable #learningtogrow #strongerthantime #strongerthanmystruggels #towhomitmayconcern #lifelessons https://www.instagram.com/p/BpEhyO2hdQd/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=2b4f4i5h9xo8
Happy Friday!! Shout out to my favorite tutor for this motivational picture/quote. "Weekends Are Overrated" is my #Goals #Motivation #LearningToGrow #GrowingToLearn #EducatingFamilies #BuildingCommunities #Passioneering #Destiny #Love #WhatMatters #AllAboutYou https://www.instagram.com/p/Bn_M8O9AxyZYB5MUW8Dg4OKdHkMLg5xEGYXTeM0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ewl7zz8gw7al
First night as a Napoleon Hill and I'm learning. #LearningToGrow #GrowingToLearn #AllThingsOneLove #MelaninRhino
