#learningselflove

For so long I told myself that I was practicing self love when in reality I was still dependent on others love to be happy with myself and to give myself love. I told myself if others didn't love me why should I? What i didn’t realize is that I was the reason others didn’t love me how I deserved because, damn it, I didn’t love myself how I deserved. I was setting up others for failure, just as much as myself. Recently I entered a relationship with someone who at first was above and beyond what I wanted (and turns out he was exactly what I needed but I just now figured that out). I quickly drained him of all he had to give, and found myself hurt that he to failed to love me continuously. So then I started to fail at loving myself, again, and he noticed. He told me I was dependent and wow did that hurt to hear. He was right. I needed him to teach me how to love myself but that was so wrong. I should have been the one teaching him how to love me and give me what I deserve. This is why if the relationship fails and he decides to leave me I won’t be mad at him. IT IS ON ME. I didn’t teach him to value me the way I NOW value myself. I didn’t teach him to love me the correct way that I NOW know myself. It all comes back to  me. Same as my happiness. It’s all on me.

If you don’t teach people how to treat you, then they will treat you as they see fit, which isn’t okay because the more you let them do this the more they will disrespect your worth or devalue you and can cause you to do the same to yourself.

Stand up tall, love yourself fully and without others “hot-spotting” you love, believe in yourself and what you can do, be there for yourself! Do not depend on others because in the end its just you! You were born into this world to find yourself not others. So stop searching in others for the things you need for yourself!!!

I have been reading Rachel Hollis lately, “Girl, wash your face.” and I will suggest everyone read it! Truly this book will be your best friend and call your ass out for your bullshit. I know because it did it to me. Yes at first it kind of hurt but then after rereading it and fully letting the words sink in, it was exactly what I needed. It gave me the tunnel vision I needed to FOCUS ON MYSELF!

You may think you are doing good enough at trying to practice positivity or self love, or bettering yourself and your life, but if are saying I’m doing good enough then you are lying to yourself and everyone else. You should be able to say I’m doing great, and your actions prove it.

It is hard work. It is worth it though.

I truly believe that so many people stand in the way of themselves getting the exact things they are praying or begging for. I know because I was that person, I stood in my own way and that is why I hated myself. At first I thought I hated myself because of the lies others told me (which could be like 10% true), or because of my flaws I knew about myself, now I wonder if all along I hated myself because subconsciously I knew that I was the one holding myself back from getting everything I wanted so badly... I kept myself from actually knowing self love, I kept myself from pure positivity, I kept myself from happiness. I have learned that.

I hold peace in my heart and my life now, knowing that everything leads back to me in some way or another. This allows me to be more accepting of myself and the things that happen to me. It also makes it easier for me to accept things and move on without ill emotions going into my heart.