#learning to communicate

A big thank you to @anabielvriskamars for beta reading! Set post-canon. "Emma," the girl beside him on the park bench, said aloud. "Emma," she repeated.

He stilled, thumb and index finger fretting over a page before he gave her a quizzical look.

"It's still a little strange being called Emma after having a different name define me for so long." She answered, feeling his gaze upon her. She still wasn't looking at him, her eyes glued to the ever-changing clouds.

Ray shrugged at her. "Do you want us to stop calling you 'Emma'?"

She shook her orange mane. "It's nice to know so many people used to care for me. I used to feel so alone, even with Gramps caring for me, he was in mourning for his own family. But now it's like I've always had a place where I belong. And calling me Emma makes everyone else happy!"

She smiled at him widely, a glimpse of her pearly white teeth showing through.

Ray nodded at her before looking away. They sat together in silence. He idly turned a page of his book while Emma swung her legs back and forth.

"You're angry," she commented quietly. He side-eyed her before scoffing.

"I'm not angry," he refuted immediately. "There's nothing to be angry about."

Emma simply hummed. "Nope, you're definitely mad at me. Or at who I used to be, anyways," she said quietly, making him look up at her sharply. His eyes narrowed even as Emma stared at him with sad contentment.

Finally, he sighed. "You're wrong. I'm not angry with you or the you in my memories." He held up a hand to prevent her from speaking as he struggled to get the words out. "Honestly? The only person I'm angry at is myself."

That made even Emma blink at him in surprise and confusion as she tilted her head, boring her gaze into him. "Yourself?" she echoed. "Why?"

Wednesday, May 19, 2021

My husband went on his first date with another woman tonight and I did not expect to handle it so poorly.

In the book, “More Than Two” by Eve Rickert and Franklin Veaux, there was a part where they talk about how nothing in the world will ever prepare you for the first time you see your spouse holding hands with another person. You can do all the suggested work to manage your own insecurities and jealousy and still not react very well to that first time.

I think that reading this before pursuing dates with other people has been very helpful. When I went on my date yesterday, my husband told me that he was mostly okay with it, but later in the evening, his stomach was up in knots from being nervous about me going on a date with another person.

What I’m really grateful for with both of these experiences is that both of us are learning more about ourselves and each other with regard to how we feel and communicate. 

I think my biggest mistake was making assumptions and creating expectations out of them. For some reason, I made up this story in my head that my husband left work early to go on this date with the other girl and when I hadn’t heard from him at 9:30pm, I thought he had basically spend 4-5 hours with this other woman and that he wasn’t planning to come home tonight.

I was wrong on so many of those points hahaha...

It turns out this date wasn’t really a date because this girl wasn’t interested in “sharing her man with another woman.” They were only meeting up to see if they were compatible hiking buddies. My husband also didn’t meet up with her until 7:30pm and he had not plans of staying overnight.

I don’t know why, but knowing these details made me feel a lot better about the situation. I also think I was probably having a hard time because I wanted to talk to people, but I felt like everyone was busy, so I felt very alone. I ended up spending most of my night organizing some collections and decorating my office. After I was able to keep myself busy, I was okay. 

It turns out that the girl my husband was going to hang out with also felt like my husband communicated poorly. He showed up to the place at the time they had agreed on, but she didn’t know he was already there because my husband didn’t say anything. 

My husband learned that he needs to be more clear and work on his communication skills.

My favourite part of any story is ALWAYS Eisuke’s POV but what I love even more is how much he ACTUALLY expresses those feelings/thoughts now~ 💜

The Tapes - Learning to Communicate

Self-released

who’s so damn happy this early in the morning. What do you want from me?

also who’s so damn horny right now and why is it only in my mind and not in my body?

frustrating.

we feel safe. So we are happy. 🙇🏾‍♀️

I feel safe enough to come out, but not BE out Chris that is why our body doesn’t get aroused. I know you’re in a place where you can’t express ourselves so I’m not gonna put that on you. Idk how long I can be anxious about it or keep it on lock. But I’m going to try because I love you. You’ve been working so hard for us. We want to do something for you until we can be in a space we feel completely secure in unloading.